It would be easier if we all spoke english

IT WOULD BE EASIER IF WE
ALL SPOKE ENGLISH
BRIAN TEEMAN
J AND BEYOND 2016

J AND BEYOND 2016 - IT WOULD BE EASIER IF WE ALL SPOKE ENGLISH
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Please agree that you have read and 
understood the terms and condition  
of this presentation.
J AND BEYOND 2016 - IT WOULD BE EASIER IF WE ALL SPOKE ENGLISH

NOAH WEBSTER
‣ BORN IN THE USA
‣ WROTE TEXT
BOOKS
‣ COULD NOT SPELL
‣ WROTE A NEW
DICTIONARY
‣ SO THAT HE WAS
ALWAYS CORRECT

WEBSTER’S
DICTIONARY
‣ SIMPLIFY DIFFICULT
WORDS
‣ SPELLED AS IT
SOUNDS
‣ EASIER TO
UNDERSTAND
‣ EASIER TO LEARN
‣ USES LESS INK

ADULTS IN THE USA
WHO CAN’T READ
U.S. Department of Education, 2015
LITERACY RATES IN THE US
14% = 32,000,000 PEOPLE

HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATES IN
THE USA WHO CAN’T READ
U.S. Department of Education, 2015
LITERACY RATES
19%

“SOME PEOPLE IN
THE USA DON’T
UNDERSTAND BASIC
ENGLISH AND NEED
TO HAVE IT ALL
EXPLAINED”

FRENCH
DANISH
DUTCH
GREEK
HINDI
HEBREW
NORWEGIAN
ICELANDIC
PORTUGUESE
HUNGARIAN
TURKISH
FINNISH
GERMAN
POLISH
RUSSIAN
ITALIAN
SWEDISH
ARABIC
LATIN SPANISH

ANANAS
ANANAS
ANANAS
अनानास
‫ָס‬‫נ‬ָ‫נ‬ֲ‫א‬
ANANAS
ANANAS
ANANAS
ANANASZ
ANANAS
ANANAS
ANANAS
ANANAS
ананас
ANANAS
ANANAS
‫أناناس‬
ANANAS PINA OR 
ANANASανανάς

THE WORD “PINEAPPLE” WAS
FIRST RECORDED IN 1398,
Oxford English Dictionary
PINEAPPLE IS OLDEST

THE WORD “ANANAS” WAS
FIRST RECORDED AS THE
SCIENTIFIC NAME IN 1555.
André Thévet
PINEAPPLE IS OLDEST

ENGLISH IS CORRECT
AND ALL THE OTHER
LANGUAGES IN THE WORLD
ARE WRONG!
ENGLISH IS CORRECT

THE WEB IS ENGLISH
ENGLISH
RUSSIAN
GERMAN
JAPANESE
SPANISH
FRENCH
PORTUGUESE
ITALIAN
CHINESE 1.9%
2.1%
2.5%
4%
4.9%
5.2%
5.6%
6.4%
53.5%
W3Techs.com, 18 May 2016

IS JOOMLA ENGLISH?
JOOMLA! PHP CSS
??? ??? ???

IS JOOMLA ENGLISH?
JOHAN (BELGIUM)ANDREW (AUSTRALIA) LOUIS (USA)
MARK (USA)JEAN-MARIE (FRANCE) MICHAEL (USA)

IS PHP ENGLISH?
RASMUS ZE’EV ANDI
(GREENLAND) (ISRAEL) (ISRAEL)

SYNTAX ERROR, UNEXPECTED
T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM
php < 5.5
PHP ERROR MESSAGE IN HEBREW

IS CSS ENGLISH?
‣ HÅKON WIUM LIE
‣ NORWEGIAN
‣ CTO - OPERA

CSS CODE IN AMERICAN
body {
background-color: gray !important;
text-align: center;
text-transform: capitalize;
}

CSS ERRORS IN AMERICAN
body {
text-align: center;
}

AMERICAN IS
FASTER
‣ REDUCED WORD
LENGTH
‣ REDUCED
VOCABULARY
‣ FASTER TEXT-TO-
SPEECH
‣ Z USES LESS
PIXELS THAN S

CAN WE MAKE IT ENGLISH?
JOOMLA! PHP CSS
??? ??? ???

WARNING
WARNING!
MIND BLOWINGLY
BETTER CSS
CODE AHEAD

BEFORE
/* American CSS */
body {
opacity: 0.5;
text-align: center;
font-weight: bold;
}
.frame {
background-image: url('/president.png') !important;
}

BEFORE
/* American CSS */
body {
background-colour: grey !important;
opacity: 0.5;
text-align: centre;
font-weight: bold;
text-transform: capitalise;
}
.frame {
background-image: url('/president.png') !important;
}

BEFORE
/* American CSS */
body {
background-colour: grey !please;
opacity: 0.5;
text-align: centre;
font-weight: bold;
}
.frame {
background-image: url('/president.png') !please;
}

BEFORE
/* American CSS */
body {
opacity: 0.5;
text-align: centre;
font-weight: plump;
}
.frame {
background-image: url('/president.png') !please;
}

BEFORE
/* American CSS */
body {
opacity: 0.5;
text-align: centre;
font-weight: plump;
}
.frame {
background-photo: url('/president.png') !please;
}

BEFORE
/* American CSS */
body {
opacity: 0.5;
text-align: centre;
font-weight: plump;
}
.frame {
background-photo: url(‘/thequeen.png’) !please;
}

RESOURCES
/MUAN/SPIFFING
/HASHANP/POSTCSS-SPIFFING

WARNING
WARNING!
MIND BLOWINGLY
BETTER PHP
CODE AHEAD

EXAMPLE ONE
<?php
// if else
if (is_numeric($published))
{
$query->where($db->quoteName('a.state') . ' =
' . (int) $published);
}
elseif ($published === '')
{
$query->where($db->quoteName('a.state') . ' IN
(0, 1)');
}
?>

EXAMPLE ONE
<?Our coding shall begin at once!
// if else
if (is_numeric($published))
{
}
elseif ($published === '')
{
(0, 1)');
}
And that was it my good fellas?>

EXAMPLE ONE
// if else
In case it is true that (is_numeric($published))
{
}
And on the possibility that ($published === '')
{
(0, 1)');
}

EXAMPLE TWO
// switch
switch ($task)
{
case 'save2new':
$app->setState('com_modules.ext_id');
break;
default:
$app->setState('com_modules.ext_id', null);
break;
}

EXAMPLE TWO
// switch
what_about ($task)
{
perhaps 'save2new':
$app->setState('com_modules.ext_id');
break;
on_the_off_chance:
$app->setState('com_modules.ext_id', null);
break;
}

EXAMPLE TWO
// switch
what_about (£task)
{
perhaps 'save2new':
£app->setState('com_modules.ext_id');
break;
on_the_off_chance:
£app->setState('com_modules.ext_id', null);
break;
}

EXAMPLE THREE
// try catch
try
{
$rows = $db->loadObjectList();
}
catch (RuntimeException $e)
{
JError::raiseWarning(500, $e->getMessage());
die ('Message');
}

EXAMPLE THREE
// try catch
would_you_mind
{
}
actually_i_do_mind (RuntimeException $e)
{
die ('Message');
}

EXAMPLE THREE
// try catch
would_you_mind
{
}
actually_i_do_mind (RuntimeException $e)
{
// polite message
cheerio ('Message');
}

RESOURCES
/DZAUTNER/BRITISH-PHP

BRITISH PHP (CORRECT ENGLISH)
HTTP://LINKS.PARASANE.NET/1Z0W
DOWNLOAD RECOMPILED PHP

WARNING
WARNING!
MIND BLOWINGLY
BETTER JOOMLA
CODE AHEAD

BRITISH JOOMLA (CORRECT ENGLISH)

KEY FEATURES OF
JOOMLA 4!
‣ ONLY ENGLISH
‣ REDUCED DISKSPACE
‣ LESS LINES OF CODE
‣ NEW ADMIN
TEMPLATE
‣ NO BUGS
‣ ONLY
UNDOCUMENTED
FEATURES

JOOMLA CAN BE WHATEVER
WE WANT IT TO BE.
Brian Teeman 2016
J AND BEYOND 2016

It would be easier if we all spoke english

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