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Love, Sex, Dating


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part of a presentation I made for a psychology of women class.

Love, Sex, Dating

  1. 1. Love, Sex, Dating<br />
  2. 2. Stereotypes<br /> Gender stereotypes are networks or schemas of related beliefs that reflect the common wisdom about men and women.<br />
  3. 3. Schemas<br /> Schemas are the network of associations around a group that guides people as they experience the world around them<br />
  4. 4. Scripts<br /> Scripts are acts recognized by a particular group, the rules or guidelines for a expected behavior and the expected punishment for violating the norms<br />
  5. 5. How Do We Get These?<br />History<br />Social Class<br />Ethnic Group<br />Religion<br />Gender Rules<br />
  6. 6. Why?<br /> Decreased anxiety of appropriate behavior in pursuit of a positive social outcome<br /> Is there a social scenario that lends great pressure to be on your best behavior?<br />
  7. 7. Dating<br />
  8. 8. On the First Date Women…<br />Assume the subordinate role<br />Be alluring<br />Facilitate conversation<br />Limit sexual activity<br />
  9. 9. On the First Date Men…<br />Initiate the date<br />Plan the date<br />Pay for the date<br />Be the sexual aggressor<br />
  10. 10. A Double Bind<br />Token Resistance, says no but intends to have sex<br /> Males learn that no doesn’t really mean no<br /> If a woman acts other than expected role she is condemned<br />Lilith<br />
  11. 11. Romance Novels<br />
  12. 12. Romance Novels<br />According to publisher’s survey’s, romance novels are read by almost 40 million women in the U.S.<br />Romance novels aimed at adolescents have been sold in book clubs since the 80’s.<br />
  13. 13. A predictable script is the cold-hearted rogue who is patronizing and at times even brutal, who, through the transformative power of woman, is transformed into a sensitive, loving, caring person.<br />
  14. 14.
  15. 15.
  16. 16. What is Love?<br />
  17. 17. What is Stalking?<br />
  18. 18. Gender Differences in Stalking Related Behaviors<br />Some studies show gender differences in stalking behavior, some studies show that behaviors are equivocal. Where gender differences do exist, they are usually found in studies assessing specific types of stalking-related behaviors.<br />Females<br />Males<br /> Perform acts of surveillance or make indirect contact with the love interest by way of (seeming) serendipity<br /> Perform more approach or courtship behaviors and persist longer in their efforts<br />
  19. 19. Pre-Stalking Behaviors<br /> Western culture emphasizes hard work, determination, and reward for persistence.<br /> Dating Scripts involve approach behaviors, persistence, and romantic ideation. <br /> Individuals on receiving end may interpret behavior as flattering and return the affection.<br />
  20. 20. Violence<br />Minor acts of violence and threats may not be viewed as harmful or threatening in the beginning stages.<br />Acts of violence increases intimacy.<br />When threatened with the demise of a romantic relationship, men and women, seem to perform the behaviors that had demonstrated “success” during courtship in an attempt to reestablish the dating relationship.<br />
  21. 21. Domestic Violence Defined<br />“A pattern of coercive behavior used by one person to control and subordinate another in an intimate relationship. These behaviors include physical, sexual, psychological, and economic abuse. Tactics of coercion, terrorism, degradation, exploitation, and violence are used to engender fear in the victim in order to enforce compliance.”<br />
  22. 22. Domestic Violence<br />20-25% of adult women in the U.S. have been physically abused at least once by a male partner.<br />between 3-4 million women are physically abused in America every year, one women being abused every 8 to 10 ½ seconds.<br />Nearly three-quarters of the intimate violence committed by women is done in self-defense.<br />A third of women who are killed are murdered by their husband or boyfriend.<br />Men commit about 90% of all violent crimes against a spouse or ex-spouse.<br />
  23. 23. Some Controlling Behaviors<br />Insincere agreeing<br />Bringing up the past<br />Blowing up/going off the deep end<br />Repeated correcting/negating<br />Dismissive sounds (e.g. ‘tsk’, sighs)<br />Playing the expert<br />Hanging up on them<br />Inappropriate humor<br />Interrupting<br />Getting the last word<br />Micromanaging<br />Over protective (“for your own good”)<br />Manipulating<br />Rhetorical questions<br />Sarcasm<br />Silent treatment<br />Talking for someone<br />Whining<br />Withholding sex/affection<br />Interrupting<br />
  24. 24. Physical & Sexual Violence<br />Equality & Nonviolence<br />Using Intimidation – Making her afraid by using looks, actions & gestures<br />Using Emotional Abuse – Making her think she’s crazy, name calling, & feel bad about herself.<br />Using Isolation – Controlling what she does, who she sees, & who she talks to.<br />Minimizing, Denying, & Blaming – Making light of the abuse & not taking her concerns about it seriously.<br />Non-Threatening Behavior – Taking and acting so that she feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things.<br />Respect – Listening to her non-judgmentally, valuing her opinions & being emotionally affirming and understanding.<br />Trust & Support – Supporting her goals in life, and respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, activities, & opinions.<br />Honesty & Accountability – Accepting, responsibility for self, acknowledging past use of violence, admitting being wrong & communicating openly and truthfully.<br />
  25. 25. Physical & Sexual Violence<br />Equality & Nonviolence<br />Using Children – Making her feel guilty about the children & threatening to take away the children.<br />Using Male Privilege – Treating her as a servant, being the one to define men’s and women’s roles, & making the decisions.<br />Using Economic Abuse – Preventing her from getting or keeping a job & giving her an allowance.<br />Using Coercion & Threats – Making and/or carrying out threats to leave her, hurt her, to commit suicide, & do illegal things.<br />Responsible Parenting – Sharing parental responsibilities & being a positive, non-violent role model for the children.<br />Shared Responsibility – Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work & making family decisions together.<br />Economic Partnership – Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements & making money decisions together.<br />Negotiation & Fairness – Accepting change, willingness to compromise & seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict.<br />
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  27. 27. Why Some Men Batter<br />Psychopathology – Typically batters exhibit traits of personality disorders, specifically borderline and antisocial personality disorders.<br />Social Learning Theory – Through childhood experience batters learn violent behavior.<br />Biological – Battering behavior can be a result of head injuries, childhood trauma, or heredity factors.<br />Systems – The family systems model assesses the family has a whole, and some partially blame the victim.<br />Feminist Theory – Male power, female submission, and inequities supported in our patriarchal society can result in intimate partner violence.<br />
  28. 28. Koss and Oros (1982)<br />found that in their sample of college men<br />23% reported obtaining sexual intercourse by threatening to end the relationship<br />20% reported using some degree of physical force to obtain sex acts <br />3% reported having used physical force to obtain intercourse.”<br />
  29. 29. Women and Coercion<br />While the research on male aggressors in intimate relationships is fairly extensive, the research examining female aggressors is more limited. However, contrary to initial stereotypes of men as aggressors and women as victims, there is evidence suggesting that women are also coercive in intimate relationships<br />
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  31. 31. Empowerment<br />Portland Women&apos;s Crisis Line 503.235.5333<br />Women&apos;s Wellness 503.325.2400<br />Basic Rights Oregon503.222.6151<br />Raphael House 503.222.6222<br />Bradley-Angle House 503.281.2442<br />PSU Women&apos;s Resource Center 503.725.5672<br />
  32. 32. Signs of a Healthy Relationship<br />Equality<br />Openness<br />Trust<br />Freedom to be yourself<br />Fun together and apart<br />Sexuality<br />