The document discusses statistics on violence against women in the US, noting that every 2 minutes someone is sexually assaulted and women over 18 are more likely to be sexually assaulted than smoke cigarettes. It then shifts to arguing that the focus needs to change from preventing victimization to talking to men and boys about consent and changing male behavior, as rape will not stop until this occurs. It provides tips for having conversations with sons about consent from a young age and emphasizes that consent means an enthusiastic yes, not intoxication, being asleep, or other factors that reduce clear thinking. It also encourages becoming an active bystander.

1. The statistics regarding violence against women
in the US are staggering.
Every 2 minutes, in the United States, someone is sexually assaulted.
(rainn.org)
Women over the age of 18 are more likely to be sexually assaulted than
to smoke cigarettes. (American Statistical Association Significance
Magazine)
And according to a study launched by the Center for
Disease Control and Prevention (cdc.gov) in 2010:
 nearly 1 in 5 women have been the victims of rape
 in 91% of all rapes, the victims are female, identify as female and/
or are identified by the rapist as female (approximately 9% of
victims are male)
 for men and women both, close to 99% of their rapists are male.
Real Men Don’t Rape
“
“
SHIFTING THE CONVERSATION
Until recently, the focus in reducing and
preventing rape has been targeted at
women and on how to not be a victim.
Some countries have even tried restricting
women’s freedom in an attempt to stop
rape. But these efforts haven’t reduced the
number of rapes.
We’ve reduced drunk driving in the US by
focusing on the driver, not preventing
someone from getting hit. In the same
vein, we need to shift the focus to talking
to men and boys about rape.
Because rape won’t stop until male
behavior changes.
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Yes i s Yes. No i s not yes . Ma ybe is not yes . GO T C O NSE NT?I d on ’t k n o w i s n ot ye s .
Guys,let’stalk...
Conversation starter from Institute on Women—instituteonwomen.org

2. Whatyoucandonow...Start the conversation when they’re young
If you haven’t had the inevitable birds and the bees talk with your son, emphasizing consent in
the very definition of sex is building a solid foundation. As boys get older, and you prepare to
talk to them about drugs and alcohol, that is another perfect scenario to open a discussion
regarding the temptations and dangers of sexuality combined with intoxication.
The news right now is rife with stories that can kick off a dialogue--the recent rape of a young
woman in Steubenville is a great place to start with anyone. Media also presents jumping off
points. Movies, TV shows, books, etc. all are filled with plenty of situations you can discuss.
There are obviously many more ways to begin this important, ongoing conversation with the
males in your life. Regardless of where you start, here are some key points to hit in your
discussion.
Knowledge is power--defining rape
The first step when talking to adolescents in particular about rape is to make sure they
understand what rape is. (That it is not just unwanted vaginal penetration) The US Justice
Department defines rape as "The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with
any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the
consent of the victim." While official rape definitions vary from state to state, it is alright to
explain it succinctly by saying, “Any unwanted sexual contact is wrong”.
Consent is sexy. And mandatory.
It is of the utmost importance to fully understand what consent means. A really accessible definition is this: “An active process of willingly and freely
choosing to participate in sex of any kind with someone else, and a shared responsibility for everyone engaging in, or who wants to engage in, any
kind of sexual interaction with someone. When there is a question or invitation about sex of any kind, when consent is mutually given or affirmed,
the answer on everyone’s part is an enthusiastic yes.” -Scarleteen
Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll probably shouldn’t mix.
In order to have informed consent, one must have a clear mind. Emphasize if their partner is incapacitated in any way--asleep, drunk or high (even
if it was their choice to drink or do drugs), engaging in any sexual behavior with them is rape. Similarly, if the attacker is in a position of power over
them--like a teacher, a member of law enforcement, or a rockstar and you are coercing them to have sex, that is also rape. If they are too young, it
is rape. If they have a mental illness that clouds their judgment, it is rape. Mutual informed consent is the key.
Make sure they understand how common it is.
Share the statistics at the beginning of the story with them, and connect it to their lives. If 1 out of every 5 women has been raped, that means they
probably know multiple victims without even being aware of it. There’s a good chance even that someone close to them--a mom, a sister, a friend,
a mentor has been or will be raped in their lifetime. Also, make sure they understand that most rape isn’t from strangers, it’s from those close to the
victims. If you have sex with your drunk girlfriend--just that one time, that is still rape.
We can all be an active bystander
The Department of Defense (2011) put together
this handy ABCs of being an active bystander:
“(A)Assessforsafety.When deciding to intervene,
your personal safety should be the #1 priority.
When in doubt, call for help.
(B)Bewithothers.If safe to intervene, you’re likely
to have a greater influence on the parties
involved when you work together with someone
or several people. Your safety is increased
when you stay with a group of friends who you
know well.
(C)Careforthevictim.Ask if the victim of the
unwanted sexual advance, attention, or behavior
is okay. Does he or she need medical care?
Does he or she want to talk to a counselor to
see about reporting the matter? Ask if someone
he or she trusts can help him or her get safely
home.”
Acknowledge that it doesn’t have to be as formal
as any of this. Stopping a drunk friend from
going home with someone, telling a bartender
that someone shouldn’t have anymore to drink,
or telling your friend to stop hitting on a girl
who is way too high are all really good
examples of being an active bystander.
Yesisyes. Noisnotyes. Maybeisnotyes. Idon’tknowisnotyes.
Thanks to Dylan Telerski, OSU student, for her
research and writing contributions to this report.
Design by Jennifer Tewell - jennifertewell.com
“Amarriagecertificateis
notpermissiontotake
sexwhenyouwantit.It
stillrequiresmutual
agreement.”-tinaitrmCampaign
For more information and resources:
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (rainn.org) / Department of Defense Active Bystander Info (http://www.myduty.mil/index.php/prevention/
active-bystander) / University of New Hampshire’s Bringing in the BystanderTM program (http://www.unh.edu/preventioninnovations) / Scarleteen:
Sex Education for the Real World (scarleteen.com) / Justice League of Ohio – List of rape crisis centers and resources (thejusticeleagueohio.org/
rape-crisis-centers) / American Statistical Association Significance Magazine (significancemagazine.org/) / The Violence STOPS here (photo
credit http://www.theviolencestopshere.ca/dbtg.php) / This is not an invitation to rape me (tinaitrm) Campaign (http://
www.thisisnotaninvitationtorapeme.co.uk/) / Institute on Women http://instituteonwomen.org
To all the ladies out there
It would be remiss to completely eliminate
talking to women. While avoiding victim
shaming, it is important to let girls fully
understand not only what consent is, but
that it is a rolling contract-- you can say
“stop” at anytime, and that is okay.
For men, women, boys and girls
Don’t be afraid to say…“Hey, what happening
here is messed up” With high school and college
boys in particular, it is important they understand
that just because THEY aren’t committing a rape,
if they see someone doing something wrong, they
can speak up and do something to stop it.