Going ape over strong drink
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1) Chimpanzees in Guinea have learned to ferment palm sap into an alcoholic drink by chewing leaves to create sponges to soak up and drink the sap. The alcohol content ranges from 3.1% to 6.9%, enough to have observable effects on the chimps. 2) Researchers observed drinking sessions starting as early as 7am, with males and females partaking equally. About half the chimps observed did not drink at all, while others drank heavily, with one male observed swinging agitatedly from tree to tree for an hour after a session. 3) On average, drinking chimpanzees consume about 85ml of palm sap alcohol in a session, equivalent to three
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Lisa Gensheimer is a documentary producer and writer. Her career spans more than 30 years in newspap...
The curious case of joan rivers by Mellini Kantayya
The document discusses Joan Rivers' career trajectory from edgy comedian to mainstream celebrity. It notes that Rivers was a pioneering female comedian but is not viewed as a comedy trailblazer like Lenny Bruce because she never turned down work and wanted mainstream success. The document argues that Rivers' willingness to do any job for money, including endorsements where she would wear dentures or diapers, undermined her desire to be taken seriously as an artist later in her career. However, the document also admires Rivers' perseverance and willingness to continue performing and honing her craft despite criticism and career setbacks.
Introductions
The document is from the perspective of Alexander T. Wolf, who claims that the story of the Big Bad Wolf is wrong and that he wants to share his side of the story. He explains that wolves need to eat cute little animals like pigs and bunnies, so if those animals were as big as humans they would probably think humans were big and bad too for eating cheeseburgers. However, the real story between him and the three little pigs is not about him being big and bad, but rather about a sneeze and a cup of sugar.
Hair of the Dog by ZephyrHawk.pdf
The Doctor wakes up hungover and vomits in the bathroom. Rose finds him and cares for him by giving him water and painkillers. He is overwhelmed by her kindness after his poor choices led to this situation. The cold cloth on his forehead provides relief from his pounding headache.
Capecod
This document summarizes the author's difficult childhood growing up in Mashpee, Cape Cod. It describes the area as having high rates of sex offenders, welfare families, drugs, violence, and crime. The author recalls specific traumatic memories, such as having their jaw broken by their step-father at age 8, and discovering their step-father's dead body after he hanged himself when the author was 10 years old. The author presents their upbringing and experience of Cape Cod as being much harder than the popular tourist image of the area might suggest.
V+03 Che+ Tueen+ Qf+ Ohe+ Tamned
The document introduces the vampire Lestat and summarizes his backstory of becoming a famous rock star and writing an autobiography revealing secrets about vampires. It describes Lestat having a successful concert but facing unexpected consequences from other vampires who take issue with his new public profile. The narrative teases an upcoming story detailing the full events and perspectives of other involved figures that Lestat must reconstruct.
1 P e b La H e T e Ne S ea R e By La
1
P e b La H e
T e Ne S ea R e
By Langston Hughes (1921)
I e kno n i e :
I e kno n i e ancien a he o ld and olde han he flo of h man blood in h man ein .
My soul has grown deep like the rivers.
I bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young.
I built my hut near the Congo and it lulled me to sleep.
I looked upon the Nile and raised the pyramids above it.
I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln en do n o Ne O lean , and I e een
its muddy bosom turn all golden in the sunset.
I e kno n i e :
Ancient, dusky rivers.
My soul has grown deep like the rivers.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/langston-hughes
2
M e S
By Langston Hughes (1922)
Well, on, I ll ell o :
Life fo me ain been no c al ai .
I had ack in i ,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor
Bare.
But all the time
I e been a-climbin on,
And eachin landin ,
And nin co ne ,
And ome ime goin in he da k
Whe e he e ain been no ligh .
So bo , don o n back.
Don o e do n on he e
Ca e o find i kinde ha d.
Don o fall no
Fo I e ill goin , hone ,
I e ill climbin ,
And life fo me ain been no c al ai .
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/langston-hughes
3
I, T
By Langston Hughes (1925)
I, too, sing America.
I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.
Tomorrow,
I ll be a he able
When company comes.
Nobod ll da e
Say to me,
Ea in he ki chen,
Then.
Besides,
The ll ee ho bea if l I am
And be ashamed
I, too, am America.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/langston-hughes
4
T e Wea B e
By Langston Hughes (1925)
Droning a drowsy syncopated tune,
Rocking back and forth to a mellow croon,
I heard a Negro play.
Down on Lenox Avenue the other night
By the pale dull pallor of an old gas light
He did a lazy sway. . . .
He did a lazy sway. . . .
To he ne o ho e Wea Bl e .
With his ebony hands on each ivory key
He made that poor piano moan with melody.
O Blues!
Swaying to and fro on his rickety stool
He played that sad raggy tune like a musical fool.
Sweet Blues!
Coming f om a black man o l.
O Blues!
In a deep song voice with a melancholy tone
I heard that Negro sing, that old piano moan
Ain go nobod in all hi o ld,
Ain go nobod b ma elf.
I g ine o i ma f o nin
And ma o ble on he helf.
Thump, thump, thump, went his foot on the floor.
He played a few chords then he sang some more
I go he Wea Bl es
And I can be a i fied.
Got the Weary Blues
And can be a i fied
I ain ha no mo
And I i h ha I had died.
And far into the night he crooned that tune.
The stars went out and so did the moon.
The singer stopped playing and went to bed
While the Weary Blues echoed through his head.
He le like a ock o a man ha dead.
https://www.poetryfoundat ...
1 P e b La H e T e Ne S ea R e By La
1
P e b La H e
T e Ne S ea R e
By Langston Hughes (1921)
I e kno n i e :
I e kno n i e ancien a he o ld and olde han he flo of h man blood in h man ein .
My soul has grown deep like the rivers.
I bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young.
I built my hut near the Congo and it lulled me to sleep.
I looked upon the Nile and raised the pyramids above it.
I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln en do n o Ne O lean , and I e een
its muddy bosom turn all golden in the sunset.
I e kno n i e :
Ancient, dusky rivers.
My soul has grown deep like the rivers.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/langston-hughes
2
M e S
By Langston Hughes (1922)
Well, on, I ll ell o :
Life fo me ain been no c al ai .
I had ack in i ,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor
Bare.
But all the time
I e been a-climbin on,
And eachin landin ,
And nin co ne ,
And ome ime goin in he da k
Whe e he e ain been no ligh .
So bo , don o n back.
Don o e do n on he e
Ca e o find i kinde ha d.
Don o fall no
Fo I e ill goin , hone ,
I e ill climbin ,
And life fo me ain been no c al ai .
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/langston-hughes
3
I, T
By Langston Hughes (1925)
I, too, sing America.
I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.
Tomorrow,
I ll be a he able
When company comes.
Nobod ll da e
Say to me,
Ea in he ki chen,
Then.
Besides,
The ll ee ho bea if l I am
And be ashamed
I, too, am America.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/langston-hughes
4
T e Wea B e
By Langston Hughes (1925)
Droning a drowsy syncopated tune,
Rocking back and forth to a mellow croon,
I heard a Negro play.
Down on Lenox Avenue the other night
By the pale dull pallor of an old gas light
He did a lazy sway. . . .
He did a lazy sway. . . .
To he ne o ho e Wea Bl e .
With his ebony hands on each ivory key
He made that poor piano moan with melody.
O Blues!
Swaying to and fro on his rickety stool
He played that sad raggy tune like a musical fool.
Sweet Blues!
Coming f om a black man o l.
O Blues!
In a deep song voice with a melancholy tone
I heard that Negro sing, that old piano moan
Ain go nobod in all hi o ld,
Ain go nobod b ma elf.
I g ine o i ma f o nin
And ma o ble on he helf.
Thump, thump, thump, went his foot on the floor.
He played a few chords then he sang some more
I go he Wea Bl es
And I can be a i fied.
Got the Weary Blues
And can be a i fied
I ain ha no mo
And I i h ha I had died.
And far into the night he crooned that tune.
The stars went out and so did the moon.
The singer stopped playing and went to bed
While the Weary Blues echoed through his head.
He le like a ock o a man ha dead.
https://www.poetryfoundat ...
Thinking about the tele
The document discusses the author's consideration of getting cable television as a senior citizen. It summarizes that the author is often lonely during the day while their partner is at work, and cable TV could help fill time. However, the author believes in thorough research before making decisions and discusses some research they read about TV habits of older age groups. The author muses about joining the "younger old" demographic in increasingly watching daytime TV to conform with research findings. In the end, the author says they need to do more research on cable TV options before deciding, but it is now time for a comedy show and sherry.
Dubliners
Dubliners is a collection of fifteen short stories by James Joyce, first published in 1914.[1] They form a naturalistic depiction of Irish middle class life in and around Dublin in the early years of the 20th century.
The stories were written when Irish nationalism was at its peak, and a search for a national identity and purpose was raging; at a crossroads of history and culture, Ireland was jolted by various converging ideas and influences. They centre on Joyce's idea of an epiphany: a moment where a character experiences a life-changing self-understanding or illumination. Many of the characters in Dubliners later appear in minor roles in Joyce's novel Ulysses.[2] The initial stories in the collection are narrated by child protagonists, and as the stories continue, they deal with the lives and concerns of progressively older people. This is in line with Joyce's tripartite division of the collection into childhood, adolescence and maturity.
Similar to Going ape over strong drink (20)
The curious case of joan rivers by Mellini Kantayya
The curious case of joan rivers by Mellini Kantayya
More from Russell Grenning
Why do people swear
- Swearing is common in modern society, with studies finding that over 75% of people swear regularly for no reason. However, swearing was once thought to physically injure Jesus Christ in medieval times.
- There are different types of swearers, from those who swear excessively in everyday speech, to those who only swear occasionally in moments of strong emotion or pain.
- While some swear words like "hell" and "damn" have lost impact over time, other words like racial slurs have become increasingly unacceptable as language evolves.
Yet another worry
1) Toilet disinfectants and other cleaning products often claim to kill 99.9% of germs, but their effectiveness in the real world may be less than advertised.
2) Studies have found that hand sanitizers only kill between 46-60% of microbes on children's hands despite 99.99% claims, and their effectiveness relies on optimal laboratory conditions rather than real-world use.
3) While product regulations only require effectiveness against a range of microbes, manufacturers are not required to disclose which specific bacteria or viruses their products can or cannot kill.
You get your friends where and when you can
1) The document criticizes the Australian Broadcasting Corporation (ABC) and its Managing Director Mark Scott. It argues that the ABC receives government funding yet promotes a left-wing bias in its reporting.
2) It points to comments made by the Russian ambassador supporting the idea that the ABC's unfavorable coverage of the Australian government's asylum policies contributed to funding cuts. However, the ABC failed to report on these comments.
3) The document sarcastically argues that the ABC, under Mark Scott's leadership, has failed to live up to its claims of being balanced, principled, and providing value for taxpayers' money given its low ratings and perceived left-wing bias.
Writing memoirs
This document provides tips for writing political memoirs. It suggests ex-politicians get started early to capitalize on interest while memories are fresh. Memoirs by high-profile figures like ex-PMs will likely find larger audiences. However, the document cautions against self-justification and attempts to rewrite history. Instead, it advises including revealing anecdotes and stories that show unsparing honesty and transparency rather than trying to appear central to all successes. Boring genealogical details or policy submissions should be avoided in favor of more sensational revelations.
Wood you do it to me
Emma has found love with a poplar tree named Tim. She cares for him and claims they have a genuine emotional and sexual connection, saying he fulfills her needs better than any human partner. While unconventional, their relationship is described in some detail, including Emma's acts of intimacy with Tim's bark. The article also briefly discusses the condition of dendrophilia and past cases of sexual acts with trees.
Valentine
1) The document discusses Valentine's Day and the author's mixed views on it as both a single and partnered person.
2) It provides background on Saint Valentine who was martyred for secretly marrying Christian couples against the Roman emperor's orders.
3) The author mocks the holiday when single but also takes advantage of it to appear busy with romantic plans when in fact staying home alone.
With love from Lagos
Russell received an email from a woman in Nigeria claiming to be a widow who selected him to receive $30 million Australian dollars from her late husband's estate. All he needs to do is provide his bank account details. Russell believes the money will soon be transferred and is excited to pay off his fiancée's medical bills. However, he is worried because the Australian Taxation Office is threatening fines or jail time for those who do not declare offshore money. Russell insists he has done nothing wrong as a sincere, honest Christian.
What to buy for Christmas gifts
1) The document discusses potential unusual Christmas gift ideas by referencing past winners of the Diagram Prize for the oddest book title from the Frankfurt Book Fair.
2) It mentions several past winners, including books about nude mice, avoiding large ships, the history of concrete, and toilet etiquette for dates.
3) The author suggests buying multiple copies of past winners to give as gifts, addressing the risk that recipients may already own the books.
What really happened at Waterloo
The article discusses a planned reenactment of the Battle of Waterloo where French lawyers intend to rewrite history by having Napoleon emerge as the victor. They claim Napoleon actually won at Waterloo based on his historical importance, despite clear evidence that the Duke of Wellington commanded the allied army to defeat Napoleon. The article goes on to sarcastically suggest other historical battles the French could pretend to have won, noting France's few actual military victories. It concludes by questioning whether "lost" may have a different meaning when translated from French.
Unwanted gifts
Unwanted gifts present a dilemma of what to do with them. Some options include hiding them in an "unwanted presents cupboard" until the givers visit, as the author's mother did, then displaying them prominently. Over time, these unwanted gifts from past decades have become nostalgic curiosities. Another option is re-gifting, selling unwanted gifts online, donating to charity, or throwing away. The author sometimes gives inappropriate gifts when in a mood, such as alcohol to a recovering alcoholic, and cites examples of humorously inappropriate gifts from comedians. A post-Christmas survey found many Australians receive unwanted gifts each year, and over half have re-gifted or stored unwanted gifts away
Trying to save our beer
Climate change is threatening beer production, as rising temperatures and weather extremes could negatively impact barley crops and lower the quality of malt. The "Save the Ales" campaign, which is running as part of Earth Hour, aims to raise awareness of this issue and encourage Australians to celebrate Earth Hour by drinking local beer. However, the author notes that claims about climate change's effects on crops use uncertain language like "could affect". The author also jokes that their nightly drinking helps the campaign's goals.
Toilet talk
Dr. Kathleen Smith and her team studied biosolids, or treated sewage sludge, and found that it contains valuable metals like gold, silver, and platinum. These metals end up in biosolids after passing through people and entering wastewater treatment plants. Dr. Smith's ultimate goal is to recover these metals from biosolids to both generate revenue and allow for more biosolids to be used as fertilizer. Her research found gold levels equivalent to minimal mineral deposits, showing there is potential for commercial mining from biosolids.
Timely warnings about climate change
This document summarizes articles from Newsweek and Time magazines from the 1970s that warned of imminent global cooling and the onset of a new ice age. The articles cited scientific consensus at the time that the Earth's climate was cooling, which would lead to catastrophic famines, droughts, and other extreme weather events. National science boards in the US issued similar warnings in the 1970s. However, the document notes that in 2006, Newsweek issued a correction saying their 1975 article on global cooling had been "spectacularly wrong." The document suggests the theory of global cooling may be making a comeback, and questions whether current warnings of global warming are also misguided.
This won
1) The document discusses the author's fear of dentists (odontophobia) from childhood experiences with sadistic dentists.
2) One dentist the author saw as a child was a former prisoner of war who seemed to take out his frustrations from the war on his patients through unnecessary treatments.
3) Another dentist the author discusses had an unsettling sense of humor and importance, quoting bible verses about opening one's mouth on his waiting room wall.
There is nothing like a dame
Dame Vivienne Westwood, a British fashion designer and entrepreneur, faced criticism from the British media for comments suggesting poor people should "eat less" if they cannot afford organic food. When interviewed about genetically modified crops, she stated poor people should eat less in response to being told not everyone can afford organic food. Later, she said she was upset anyone would think she does not care about starving people, though her lavish lifestyle and public comments often contradict her stances. Westwood lives in an expensive home in London and believes food and clothes should cost more, despite her own products being priced well above what most could afford.
There are birds
This document discusses two unusual bird-related incidents: Vietnamese police arresting 16 pigeons suspected of being Chinese spies, and researchers getting finches drunk to study the effects on their songs. The pigeons were cleared after an investigation found they were racing birds that had landed in Vietnam by accident. The researchers found that drunk finches sang quieter and less organized songs, with some syllables being slurred more than others.
The third sex
1. The document discusses transgender issues in Australia and India, focusing on prominent transgender individuals who have achieved success despite facing discrimination.
2. It profiles Group Captain Catherine McGregor, formerly known as Malcolm McGregor, who came out as transgender while serving in the Australian military and was supported in her career transition.
3. It also mentions Madhu Kinnar, a transgender woman in India who was elected mayor, making history as the first transgender person to win such a political position despite coming from a marginalized Dalit background.
The Second Coming
The document discusses a man named Brian Leonard Golightly Marshall from Toogoom, Queensland, Australia who claims to be the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. It provides evidence for this claim, such as that he looks like the image on the Shroud of Turin and that a letter from the former Pope Benedict praised him and called him the Messiah. It also notes that Brian established "Miracle Water" that can provide cures, and that the author plans to visit Toogoom to obtain some after confirming they can get a Medicare rebate for it.
The rising cost of living
1) The document discusses the rising cost of living and financial struggles, even for those considered well-off such as a Supreme Court judge in Queensland, Justice John Byrne.
2) Justice Byrne is challenging his late mother's will that left most of her $17 million estate to a veterinary hospital rather than him and his brother.
3) Though Justice Byrne earns $381,691 annually as a judge, he claims his expenses are at least $118,200 per year, leaving him with little savings and motivating him to seek more from his mother's estate for a comfortable retirement.
The Press Conference
1) The document discusses several notable press conferences that went awry, including a Polish government prosecutor who shot himself in the head during a press conference and an American treasurer who committed suicide on camera.
2) It also discusses the unintended consequences of a press secretary's comments that led to the fall of the Berlin Wall.
3) Throughout, it comments on the often fraught relationship between politicians, press secretaries, and journalists.
More from Russell Grenning (20)
Going ape over strong drink
- 1. Goingape over strong drink Russell Grenning I’ve neverbeenable tolookanape,monkeyorchimpanzee inthe face since Isaw thatmemorable 1968 film, “Planetof the Apes”.Ithoughtthat if CharltonHestoncouldn’tcompletelydefeatthe apesafterhe haddone so well asMosesin “The Ten Commandments”withGodonhisside,then whathope had I if confrontedbya simian,albeitdistant,cousin? The fact is that the evidence ismounting thatthose whomwe have carelesslydismissedasthe lower primatesinthe past are evolvingfasterthanwe mightimagine. I’ve alwaysconsideredthe enjoymentof arefreshingdrinktobe a hallmarkof a sophisticated civilisationsoIhad pause forworry whenIread thata tribe of chimpsinthe westAfricancountryof Guineanotonlylike toget stuckintothe booze but,by and large, doso ina rathermore orderlyand sociable waythanmanyhumans. Local people harvestsugarysapfromraffiapalmsbycuttinga wedge intothe tree andsuspendinga containerbeneath.Leavesare laidoverthe toptokeepbugsoutand, ina few weeks,asingle tree can yield50 litresof sap whichfermentsintoquiteapotentbrew. Nowsome of us will doalmostanythingtoenjoyadrinkand the resourceful chimpshave worked out that bychewinga large leaf – oftenthe one coveringthe container –intoan absorbentsponge and plungingthisimprovisedsponge intothe fermentedsapandthenwithdrawingit,theyhave got themselvesmoonshine. Notfor a momentwouldIthinkof thisliquoras a fine vintage butitdoespack a punchwithan alcohol contentof between3.1%and6.9% whichis quite enoughforaparty to swing.Indeed,some of the more dedicateddrinkerswentquite ape. Accordingto one researcher, “Individualseitherco-drank,with drinkersalternating dipsof theirleaf- spongesinto thefermented palm,or oneindividualmonopolised thecontainer,whereasothers waited their turn.” Commendably,there isnoroughhouse behaviourwhichismore thanI can say aboutsome functionsIattendedinmyyouthwhenthe drop thatdoesyou goodwas onoffer. The researchersfoundthatdrinkingsessionsbeganasearlyas7am – nothingwrongwiththat I hear manysay – and thatmalesand femaleswereequallykeentoimbibe,notthatshouldsurprise anybody. Andtheyall had theirlimits –indeed,half of the 26 chimpsobservedwere apparentlyteetotal – while otherswere more sociable tothe pointof beingassociable asa newt. KimberleyHockings,one of the authorsof the study,saidtheycouldn’tbe sure if the chimpsgot drunk – no,reallytheycouldn’t –althoughshe didadmitthat one adultmale insteadof justgoingto bedspentan hourafter a drinkingsessionswingingfromtree totree “in an agitated manner”. It wouldn’tsurprise me if he wassinging, “Showmetheway to go home,I’mtired and I wantto go to bed,I had a little drink aboutan hourago and its gonerightto my head.”
- 2. Since youraverage male chimpweighsrather lessthanyouraverage male humananda good deal lessthanyour average middle-agedmale drinker,the observablefactthattheywill soakup,on average,85 millilitresof the demondrinkinasingle session –the equivalentof three pintsof Stella Artois– showsthat those withthe taste are dedicatedandcommitted. That’s mykindof crowd – well,usedtobe. Itsyearssince I didany swingingandevenwhenIdidit wasn’tfromtree to tree. Andthese cleverchimpshave evenworkedoutthe righttime toimbibe.Anotherresearcherwho reallyimmersedherself inherworksaidthe challenge withpalmsap hooch wasdrinkingitbefore it fermentedtoomuchandturnedintovinegar. “It’svery nice when it’s fresh.It tasteslike cider,” she said. Thisfuncrowd inGuineamust be veryenviousof theircousins,the greenmonkeys,livingonthe Caribbeanislandof StKitts.These dissolute freeloadersare notoriousforstealingtourists’drinkiesat everyavailableopportunityandcanget quite aggroif the taste doesn’tplease the palate.Hissyfits, snarlingandthrowingthe glassaroundindisgustare common behaviours andIbettheydon’teven leave atip forthe waiter. It seemsthataboutten millionyearsago,ourancestors – andthose of the apes – gainedagenetic mutationthatimproved40-foldourabilitytobreakdownethanol (alcohol) whichisreallypositive evolution. I have reasonto believethatmyfather’sfamilygainedthisgeneticmutationaboutelevenmillion yearsago – mostof the malesinhisfamilyhave alwaysbeenatthe cuttingedge of appreciation whenitcomesto the demondrinkevenif ithas made monkeysof some of them.