The document presents 'Flow,' a satirical take on software development methodologies, claiming it as the 'worst modern software development methodology in history.' It critiques existing practices such as Agile and Scrum, highlighting issues like unnecessary complexity and certifications, while promoting a more autonomous and less structured approach to team dynamics. The authors argue for a focus on communication, trust, and personal safety in development, while dismissing cumbersome frameworks and emphasizing the importance of fun in the workplace.

1. Flow
The official worst software development methodology in history
Sander Hoogendoorn | Quby | ditisagile.nl | @aahoogendoorn
Kim van Wilgen | Schuberg Philis | @kimvanwilgen
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD
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2. Sander Hoogendoorn
Freelance new-agile coach, trainer,
programmer, speaker, author, traveler, dad
Currently
Chief Architect Quby
Before
CTO ANVA, CTO Klaverblad Insurances
Global agile thoughtleader Capgemini
sanderhoogendoorn.com
aahoogendoorn
aahoogendoorn
sander@ditisagile.nl
Next
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

3. Kim van Wilgen
@kimvanwilgen
Customer
director
Schuberg
Philis
20
18
Head of
development
ANVA
20
17
Head of IT
Klaverblad
Insurances
20
14
Hello
world19
80
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

4. A short history of methodologies
From waterfall to sociocracy
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

5. Waterfail
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

6. Click here
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

7. Click here
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

8. Click here
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

9. Click here
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

10. Fragile agile
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

11. Click here
Agile == Scrum?

12. Click here
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

13. Click here
Agile beyond building software?

14. Click here
Is agile dead?

15. Click here
Quotes from agile conferences
“Make sure you don’t miss the agile elephant versus the
waterfall elephant in the lobby.”
“During this session we are going to discuss the Happiness
Index of projects.”
“Add Ready for Celebration before the Done column on
your Kanban board”

16. Click here
More and more, I’m coming to see
the term “Agile” as both unnecessary
and self defeating. Agile has come to
mean “do part of Scrum badly and
use Jira.” Let’s just drop it.Allan Holub
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

17. Introducing Flow
The official worst modern software development methodology in history
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

18. Click here
Why yet another
methodology?
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

19. Click here
Agile beyond the hype

20. Click here
Naming our methodology
We need Japanese words
Kaizen, Kanban, Obeya, Origami
It needs to end with cracy
Holacracy, Sociocracy, Idiocracy
And it needs to be Continuous with a D
Discovery? Disappointment? Disagreement?

21. Click here
More #No
and Less Yes?
#NoOps
#NoProjects
#NoEstimates
#NoSQL
#NoTesting
#NoCode
Serverless
Pointless?
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

22. Click here
As a service?
SaaS
IaaS
PaaS
TaaS
XaaS
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

23. Click here
Methodoloy
as a Service
We propose
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

24. Click here
Flow
Because it
nicely fits
laptop stickers
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

25. We’ll keep sprints
We are all Usain Bolt right?
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

26. Click here
The red sprint anti-pattern

27. Click here
We need good estimates!
So let’s elaborate…
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

28. We need gamification
So people from outside our industry will understand too
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

29. Read more …
Autonomy on a leish
Our teams can be autonomous,
but…
• They don’t get to hire people
• They don’t get to fire people
• They don’t do appraisals
• They don’t decide what they
work on (it has to be on the
backlog)
• They don’t get to spend
money

30. Read more …
Autonomy on a leish
Our teams can be
autonomous, so …
• We decide what’s on the
backlog
• We decide who’s on which
team
• We decide what tools
they’re using
• When they have meetings

31. But.. they get to decorate their workplace!
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

32. Just like at home?

33. Mandatory fun• Maybe we’re overdoing it a little?

34. Click here
We play games
20% of our working days
Bring your own controller
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

35. Teams and roles … and resources
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

36. Small teams?• Do we mean 7 plus or minus 2?

37. Click here
Roles in Disciplined Agile 2.0 (outside of the team)
Chief architecture owner
Chief product owner
Community of practice
lead
Database administrator
Enterprise architect
Functional manager
Human resource manager Governor
Operations engineers
Process engineers Release engineers
Reuse engineers
Operations manager Process manager
Release managerPortfolio manager
Product manager
Support manager
Support engineers

38. Click here
Our annual SAFe Quiz
Where’s the customer?

39. Click here
Resources
Managers are used
to calling people
resources anyway,
so why bother
trying to change that
If you want to become
a real resource,
you need to grow a beard
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

40. Click here
Agile coaching?
Agile coach camps
Agile retreats
Agile leadership
weekends
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD
Where’s
the code?

41. Click here
DevOps?
DevOps!
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

42. Read more …
OpsDev
OpsDev means front-loading
Ops considerations – relating
to applications’ operability,
security, scale etc. early on in
the process.

43. Read more …
SecDevSecOpsSec
But where are the analysts?
Testers?
Project managers?

44. Click here
“I picked ‘DevOpsDays’ as Dev and
Ops working together because ‘Agile
System Administration’ was too long,”
he said. “There never was a grand
plan for DevOps as a word.”
Patrick Debois
Founder of Devops
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

45. Click here
Flow’s collaboration mindset
Community – Development – Operations – Analysts – Security
ComDevOpsAnalSecs
Resources
Res

46. Meetings
Meetings break flow, so they’re good
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

47. Read more …
Stand-ups
The good
They are boring
Everybody loves them?
They break developer flow!

48. Read more …
Stand-ups
The bad
Absolutely useful meetings
But… far too often
We don’t want people to
know what other people are
doing

49. Read more …
Stand-ups
So
Yes, but once a week
About one hour
Every Tuesday from 9PM to
1AM

50. Read more …
Retrospectives
The good
They’re only once a month
We can loose lots of time
trying to prepare demo’s that
will fail anyway

51. Read more …
Retrospectives
And then
Tedious discuss for at least
two hours with the whole
team why we could have
gone faster
So, we keep them, but …
Every two weeks!
We don’t follow up on
improvements so we can
repeat endlessly
And, yes we definitively
needed a LEGO reference

52. In flow

53. Read more …
Breaking flow
So
In Flow we organize random
meetings throughout the week
With random topics, such
design sessions, UI meetings
with the customer, stakeholder
meetings
About an hour and with the
whole team
We call these flow meetings
(as they break flow)

54. Flow in the enterprise
This is where the real money is ☺
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

55. Agile == Scrum?

56. Read more …
Scrum Guide Quiz
Manager
Autonomous
Project manager
Project
Stakeholder
Product owner
User story
Planning poker
Tester
Manager
Autonomous
Project manager
Project
Stakeholder
Product owner
User story
Planning poker
Tester

57. Click here
Does agile scale?

58. Click here
Or does large scale agile require a large scale process?

59. Click here
Sociocracy?

60. Click here
Let’s all copy Spotify!

61. Read more …
Big Flow Framework (BFF) 3.0
BFF will feature
3.0, similar to Management 3.0
and Sociocracy 3
Release planes
Role based pattern matrix
Similar to SAFe we add more
complexity with each new
release
And … of course we copy
Spotify

62. Tooling
We need boards – lots of overly complicated boards of-course
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

63. Read more …
Flow boards
We need boards!
We’ll have so many boards that our
clients will not even try to
understand what our progress
really is
Boards are required
to have at least 20 columns
In Enterprise Flow you are required
to have a special room for your
boards called the board room

64. Read more …
Boards
Jira
Jira == agile
So Jira is mandatory
You will both have a Scrum
board and a Kanban board
You will use epics, stories
and tasks randomly

65. Read more …
Boards
Progress? What progress?
A chart showing your
progress is generated for you
by Jira
We call it a burn chart as
they usually do not go down
anyway and you burn money
in the project

66. More …
Burn chart
There really isn’t any progress, but we burn money anyway
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

67. Read more …
Obeya rooms
At its core, obeya (Japanese
for “big room” or “great
room”) is a dedicated room
for employees to meet and
make decisions about
specific topics
A room to put your pitiful
burn charts on a wall
A room to keep agile coaches
busy, when no-one wants to
be coached any more

68. Click here
Communication
Resources
need to stay in flow
at all times
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

69. Click here
Open Floor Plans
Or how we’ve become the
company’s brochure
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

70. Click here
In Flow
Resources
are required to wear
noise cancelling
headphones
If you want to become
a real resource,
you need to get a tattoo
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

71. Click here
In Flow 2.0
We are experimenting
with augmented reality
glasses too
… but it appears that
they find it hard
to see the code
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

72. Read more …
Slack
Resources need to stay in flow
So, resources do not directly
communicate with each other
Communication between resources
only takes place via Slack
Occasionally resources are allowed
to do pair slacking
There is one Slack channel per
release so we can track bugs directly
to Slack conversations between
resources
Agile coaches may act as thread
police

73. On manifestos
Continue
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

74. Click here
Manifesto
A published
verbal declaration
of the intentions, motives
or views of the issuer.
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

75. Click here
A brief history of technical manifestos
Rugged
manifesto TBA
Agile HR
manifesto
2017
Software
craftsmanship
manifesto
2009
Agile
manifesto
2001
Hacker 1986
GNU 1985

76. Click here

77. @aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

78. Click here
Flow manifesto
Extensive certification over hands-on experience
Copying methodologies over thinking for yourself
Tool-driven confusion over building working software
Endless meetings over individual flow
Mandatory gamification over authentic autonomy
That is, while we ignore the things on the right, we do the things on the left
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

79. Click here
Flow microfesto
Extensive certification over hands-on experience
Copying methodologies over thinking for yourself
Tool-driven confusion over building working software
Endless meetings over individual flow
Mandatory gamification over authentic autonomy
That is, while we ignore the things on the right, we do the things on the left
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

80. Certification
How to make money from creating a methodology
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

81. Read more …
Certification
Why?
To make sure that we have real
professionals in our teams
Well, we need to make money too
In Scrum
CSM, PSM and CPO are two-day
courses
You take a multiple choice exam
And you are ready to go and coach
teams

82. Read more …
Flow certification
Yes, you can become a Certified
Flow Resource (CFR) too!
In our courses
Learn how to rip-off post-it notes
Learn how to move items on a Jira
board
Learn how to decorate your
workplace
Two day courses? Why not one
day?
Why not a one-hour presentation?

83. Read more …
Flow certification
Exams
Exams are made easier. We don’t
want people to fail them
So everyone from outside the
industry can come in too
3 multiple choice questions are
sufficient
Project managers?
We will have certification for project
managers!
We don’t want to leave them out in
the cold just as these agile folks did

84. Certification
Are you ready to take the Certified Flow Resource (CFR) exam?
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

85. Click here
1. What roles do we have in Flow?
A. Manager, project managers, product owners
B. We are all one team!
C. Lots and lots - except for testers of course
D. Resources

86. Click here
2. What’s the goal of retrospectives in Flow?
A. To interrupt the daily flow of our resources
B. To endlessly discuss why the resources in our
project should work harder
C. To make sure we spend two days preparing demo’s
D. To watch demo’s fail together with our clients

87. Click here
3. We have certification in Flow because?
A. We want well-trained resources in our projects
B. It makes our methodology look important
C. Flow is so complicated you need lots of training to
become an expert
D. We want to make money

88. Click here
Congratulations!
You all passed!
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

89. Certified Flow Resource
May 21th, 2019
Participating in the exam
During SDD London 2019

90. Click here
By the way
There is an annual
continuation fee of
200 euro
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

91. Click here
In retrospective
Here’s what we
really believe
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

92. Click here
We believe
Software is built by people
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

93. Click here
We believe
Every organization or team
will create and evolve the
approach that fits them best
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

94. Click here
We believe
Personal communication
is still key
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

95. Click here
We believe
Trust and personal safety
rule
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

96. Click here
We believe
Creating software
requires
focus and flow
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

97. Click here
We believe
Continuous learning
is essential
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

98. Click here
We believe
Teams need to be(come)
truly self-organizing
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

99. Click here
We believe
Organizations need to be
flat with as little hierarchy
as possible
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

100. Click here
We believe
Experience
is more important
than certification
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD

101. And never forget to have fun
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD
Next

102. Click here
References
and questions
ww.sanderhoogendoorn.com
www.kimvanwilgen.com
aahoogendoorn
kimvanwilgen
@aahoogendoorn | @kimvanwilgen | Flow | SDD
sanderhoogendoorn.com/decks-and-handouts