This is the 2014 WACAC PRESENTATION SLIDES FOR-- Let the 17-Year-Old Voice Emerge: Strategies to Help Students Write Powerful College Application Essays. THE PRESENTATION WAS GIVEN BY JOE BELTRAN (USC), REBECCA JOSEPH (CSULA), SYLVIA JUAREZ (UC BERKELEY), AND LAUREN POPKOWSKI (OAKS CHRISTIAN)

1. Let the 17-Year-OldVoice Emerge:
Strategies to Help StudentsWrite
Powerful CollegeApplication Essays
Joe Beltran, University of Southern California
Rebecca Joseph, PhD, CSU Los Angeles
Sylvia Juarez-Magana, U.C. Berkeley
Lauren Popkowski, Oaks Christian School

2. Kameron’s Essay
The clang of heavy footsteps on the steel ramp leading to my
front porch pierces the warm, tranquil California air.The faded
red bricks that once chipped away with every new visitor are
now hidden beneath the shadow of the metal. As the front door
swings ajar, inquisitive eyes fix upon an elaborate chair lift
spiraling along the banister of the stairs. My world was not
always this way, but this world is now my home.
This new world began on the afternoon of May 13, 2009.
Following a routine day of football practice, I jumped in my
brother’s car, eager to get home to a mouthwatering plate of my
stepfather’s crispy homemade chicken wings. My brother’s
blank expression told me otherwise… the silence lingered, then:
“Gary is in a coma.”
JB

3. Kameron’s Essay
I choked on the numbness. Minutes later, I found myself standing
beside my mom at the foot of my stepfather’s hospital bed, gazing at
dozens of protruding tubes. Gary had suffered a cardiac arrest, leaving
him pulseless shortly after. His life was spared by the heroic instincts of
the paramedics who resuscitated him, but he had been robbed of his
short and long-term memory, and I of my role model.The catastrophe
left him in a wheelchair, requiring full-time dependent care and
demanding a complete change of lifestyle for my family.
A seventh grader at the time, I quickly learned the challenges of caring
for a handicapped adult. If I was not in school or at football practice, I
was in my home assisting with Gary’s care.As I helped him brush his
teeth and change his clothes, I understood that I was growing up fast.
“I will not become a victim.”

4. Kameron’s Essay
His brilliant mind no longer functioned at full capacity, and everything had
to be learned from scratch. For the first three months of his recovery, my
mother’s name was not “Mia,” but “Cheesecake.” Likewise, I was often
greeted as “Crumb” or even “Dumbs**t.”Alas, Gary had retained his sense
of humor. Unfortunately, his flattering introductions preceded
unpredictable mood swings, as peaceful days filled withYahtzee and old
Herbie Hancock records were often followed by fits of rage. Living n the
moment became my mantra; I savored the brief moments of nostalgia.
“I will not become a victim.”
During my junior year of high school, I became a part of a tutoring program
for underprivileged children, motivated to inspire others with my new
tenacity. Hearing my student, Gilber, laugh as we readThe Stinky Cheese
Man sparked the childish laugh I once shared with my stepfather watching
reruns of Saturday Night Live. Sharing moments of happiness and
celebrating accomplishments with Gilber reminded me of the positive
impact that translated from my hardships.
“I will not become a victim.”

5. Kameron’s Essay
More importantly, the moments I spent caring for my stepfather taught me
the value of spending time doing what I love. With an ambition for
entrepreneurship, I became the founder and C.E.O. of my own company,
and created a rewards program designed to re-energize student
engagement in the classroom and boost attendance at school events. I
carried my business to a national competition inWashington D.C. where we
presented in the Capitol. Dressed in a suit while shaking hands with
congressmen and women who believed in my idea… I knew Gary was proud.
“I am not a victim.”
As I make breakfast for Gary at the dawn of another morning, I am humbled
by my experiences and proud of the courage and ambition that has been
awakened. I look up above the dining table at the quote inscribed upon the
wall: “We don’t remember days, we remember moments.” How true and
strong it echoes in my mind, comparable to the perpetuating clashes of the
steel ramp, where underneath lie the cracked and worn bricks of my old
world, protected by the new world strong as steel.

6. Meet Our Case Study!
Kameron Resume
Top Grades AtVery Competitive
Public High School
Great ACT Scores
Great AP tests
Great activities
RJJ

7. Essays = Opportunity
Show unique stories that make applicants jump off the page
Master the highest ranked non-academic aspect of the application
Realize the package of essays counts…not just one
Share their unique voices
Express who they really are
Challenge stereotypes
Reflect on their growth and development, including
accomplishments and service
Seek to understand what the admission officers are looking for
RJJ

8. Successful AdmissionsWriting includes:
Introspection ~ Self reflection allows for depth in writing
ComplexThinking ~ Identify & showcase multi-
dimensions
Keep it Simple ~ Addressing the prompt; no tangents
Coherence ~ Arrangement of qualities with examples
Style andTone (personal) ~ Be true to oneself; “voice”
Syntax and Format (maturity) ~ Multiple drafts are a
must
JB/SJ

9. How Important Are the Essays?
Grades
Rigor of Coursework, School
Test Scores
Essays*
Recommendations-Teacher and/or Counselor
Activities-Sustained consistency, development,
leadership, and initiative
Special skills, talents, awards, community service and
passions
RJJ

10. Steps to Success
Understand the essays you will have to write
Create a master chart to highlight patterns, but
also track due dates – this should also include
scholarships for which the student plans to apply
Write a resume
Brainstorm core qualities and unique stories
Use effective organizational structures
Seek out application essay resources-i.e. boot
camps
L

11. Understand the Essays…
The Common Application:
 One mandatory long prompt—same as last year
 Writing Supplements—depend on each college
Prompt Choices:
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that
they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like
you, then please share your story.
Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you,
and what lessons did you learn?
Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act?
Would you make the same decision again?
Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do
or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your
transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
Private College Specific Applications
Other Systems (UniversalApplication, etc.)
JB

12. Understand the Essays…
University of California Prompts
• All applicants must respond to two essay prompts — the general prompt
and either the freshman or transfer prompt, depending on your status.
• Responses to your two prompts must be a maximum of 1,000 words total (allocate at
least 250 words for one response).
• Provide views from two different aspects of your life or background ~ illustrates how
well rounded you are.
The Prompts
• 1. Freshman applicant prompt
• Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school
— and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. (Influence)
• 2. Prompt for all applicants
• Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience
that is important to you.What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud
and how does it relate to the person you are? (The Facts with Examples)
SJ

13. Kameron – UC Essay 2
I have always sought to bring change to those around me and leave a significant
impression on the lives I come into contact with. Last year, did just that.What
would become my most valuable accomplishment began as a few ideas scribbled
on a whiteboard during the first Junior Achievement Business Program meeting of
my junior year.The problem statement at the time was determining how to fill the
empty seats at sporting events and performances at my high school while also
improving academic performance in the classroom for an all around improved high
school experience for my peers.
Shortly after that first meeting, I created an incentive rewards program, Swipe ID,
designed to re-energize student engagement in the classroom and boost
attendance at school events using a system that worked hand-in-hand with the
existing student ID cards. Students simply scan their ID cards after showing proof
of improvement in the classroom or upon entering any school sporting event or
performance, earning them points with each scan.These points are then
exchanged for various rewards designed to provide motivation for classroom
excellence and school event participation.

14. Kameron – UC Essay 2 (con’t)
The company Swipe ID was implemented into my high school and
became an immediate success, demonstrating increased ticket sales to
school events and improved overall classroom performance within its
first year of inception.As founder and CEO, I was introduced to a vast
world of business. I have presented Swipe ID at district chamber
meetings, in the office of congresswoman Julia Brownley, and I have
been selected to speak at my district's youthTed-x event regarding
entrepreneurship. Despite my company's success, commendation is
not what stirs my pride. Rather, it stems from having the ability to
share my story. It is not about what I have done, but what I inspire my
peers to do.
Many great minds seek out to create the revolutionary "next best", but
I believe brilliant minds seek to improve upon what already exists. My
ultimate pursuit is to reveal the pioneering ambition that already lies
within my peers by sharing how my ambitious journey has led to
success.

15. Helping Release IndividualVoices
• Verbal/Linguistic
• Logical/Mathematical
• Visual/Spatial
• Body/Kinesthetic
• Musical/Rhythmic
• Interpersonal
• Intrapersonal
• Naturalist
• Existentialist

16. Create a Master Chart: Organize!
Major Deadlines – think about creating a calendar
Core Essays ~ color code mode (similar/overlapping)
Supplemental Essays -- color code similar types i.e.
“Why are you a good match for us?” or “How will you
add to the diversity of our campus?”
Be careful to not use the same core essay topic
Avoid canned answers – do your research!
LP

17. Write a Resume
Academic: Current school, honors,AP courses, test scores (if strong:
SAT or ACT, AP, Subject exams), academic summer programs – to
start.These don’t need to stay on your resume.
Activities: Clubs, sports, volunteer work, employment, internships.
Describe the level of activity and any awards and honors received.
Include leadership positions held.
If the activity or award is something specific to your school, craft a
one-sentence explanation. i.e. “Lion’sVoice” or “Wolverine Award”
Resumes should also include an idea of time spent on each activity –
this will help when it comes to filling out the Common App, but can
also be easily removed when needing a formal resume.
L
P

18. Core Qualities & Unique Stories
Brainstorming Exercises:
Write a letter to future roommate
Write a “Where I’m From” poem modeled on
George Lyon’s original
Write three responses to the common application
optional short essay activities prompt
Share A Culture Bag
Instagram/Twitter
RJ

19. Organizational Structures
Into
• Lead the reader into the story
• Start with a hook
• Consider cutting first paragraph(s) from first draft
Through
• Use 1/3, 2/3 method: if starting with a life or family challenge, move quickly into who
student is now; if writing about someone who influenced, make sure 2/3 of essay is about
the student not the person of influence
• Use first person
• Show don’t tell
Beyond
• Connect to who student is now and who student wants to be
• Evoke core qualities, convey morals
RJJ

20. Essay Workshops
Create a boot camp for your students – even if just for a
day!
Work on writing one to two core essays
Drafts, drafts, and more drafts (the average essay takes
at least four drafts to have a clear message)
Free-writing
Brainstorming
Organization
Be willing to include unique stories and pivotal messages
or a unique take on student interests
LP

21. Final thoughts
Students need to remember that they:
Can create amazing essays and control this process
Cannot use essays to get into unrealistic college choices
Have just a few minutes to grab the attention of an essay
reader.
Need weeks, not days, to write effective college essays.
Cannot manufacture essays; essays convey truth, unique
stories, and writing skills.
Can tell their story like no one else.
JB

22. Contact Us
• The Powerpoint forToday Can Be Found at
http://www.slideshare.net/getmetocollege/
• Joe Beltran, University of Southern California,
jbeltran@usc.edu
• Rebecca Joseph, PhD, California State University, Los Angeles,
rjoseph@calstatela.edu
• Sylvia Juarez-Magana, UC Berkeley, sjuarez@berkeley.edu
• Lauren Popkowski, Oaks Christian School,
lpopkowski@oakschristian.org