This document discusses how fathers often disappoint their children in various ways. Some fathers are absent or abusive, break promises to their children, struggle with alcoholism, are too busy pursuing wealth and neglect their families, or make poor decisions that negatively impact their children. Repeated disappointment from fathers can deeply hurt children and cause them to lose trust in commitments. The document urges fathers to take responsibility for their failures, apologize to their children, and take steps to improve their relationships and avoid continually disappointing them.

1. Fathers have Disappointed
Ephesians 6:4
‘And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the
training and admonition of the Lord’. (NKJV)
Everyone knows disappointment sooner or later. Friends break their word, marriages
end in divorce, our children move away and never call us, colleagues betray us, the
company lays us off, doctors can’t cure us, our investments disappear, our dreams are
shattered, the best-laid plans go astray, other Christians disappoint us, and very often,
we disappoint ourselves. We live in a world of disappointment, and if we do not come to
grips with this truth, we are doomed to be unhappier tomorrow than we are today.
It is now so common in our country to find many children been brought up by their
mothers only. Though some others may have fathers around them, the same fathers
have brought deep pains in the lives of their children. Some have been absent fathers
and children are growing up with much association with their fathers. I'm writing about
an issue that we all face at one time or another and many of us need to deal with these
issues because in one way or the other, this has affected our lives.
Some fathers have abused their own children and they keep quiet as if nothing
happened in the past. Their sons and even daughters are holding a lot of bitterness
from their past. Others promised to do certain things to their children of family and they
never accomplished these things. The young men in the society have then wondered
much about fatherhood. The children have always been told by their fathers when they
perform not as expected that their fathers were always number one. We wonder which
fathers were no. 10 or even last.
One of the most dangerous promises we fathers can make our children is not to keep
our promises to our children. Ensure that when you promise, you must fulfill the
promise. If you don’t, your child will be deeply disappointed.
I've seen so many fathers whose failure to follow through on their promises turns their
trusting child into an adult who doubts commitments or even relationships.
Many fathers have become alcoholics. This has made their children to become
alcoholics. Unable to control their addiction, they continually make and break promises.
If your father was an alcoholic, you know what I mean. You probably knew that he loved
you, but his actions continually betrayed his good intentions. Deep disappointment is
just one of many complicated emotions that you have about your father.
Even life-giving, affirming words can backfire on a father if his actions don't back them
up. The words, "I believe in you, you have great value," are words that every child wants
to hear their parents speak. These kind of words raise your child's expectations. They

2. can't help thinking the thought, "If I'm worth something, then my father will show up in
my life." The young adults have a huge cry: "What went wrong? Why should we be
suffering? Was it our mistake that we were born? Whose mistake is it? Who can we turn
to?"
We fathers don't even have to say words to disappoint our children. Children somehow
know that it's a father’s job to provide for and protect them. They look at other fathers
and compare. We get set up for failure by doing too much or too little relative to others
in our neighborhood.
We have become too busy looking for money and wealth at the expense of our families.
What is the purpose of wealth and you lose the children?
And when you get busy and don't show up in your child's life, then deep disappointment
is inevitable. Your child may do things that will really disappoint you but he will put all
the blame on you as you never modeled him.
We all get disappointed when our hopes are not realized. It's the repeated,
unaddressed disappointment that turns into provocation. We children all get provoked
from time to time with our parents. The issue of poor character, life circumstances, and
bad decisions get in the way.
Fathers who have poor character - A father who lacks discipline may have the best of
intentions but lack the follow thru to make good on them. If your father is impulsive, then
following his impulse may mean that he forgets your many things in your life, even thing
that matter most to you.
Fathers who face life circumstances - More and more men are losing their jobs due
to economic downturn in our country. It's a terrible place to be in. You start feeling
poorly about yourself and may even find yourself depressed. Circumstances weigh you
down. I lost two jobs in the past and those times were the most difficult in my life. I had
my four children in school, a wife to take care of and no or very little income. It was very
hard. I sat down with my children and wife and gave them hope that God will still come
our way.
Fathers who make bad decisions - To err is human. But some of errors have a more
profound impact than others. A bad financial decision can end up hurting the whole
family. A bad decision has consequences on the person and the dependants. We have
to be very careful in any decisions we make. It is said: ‘Choices have consequences.’
We are disappointed when things don’t go the way we thought they were going to go.
Wrong expectations lead to disappointment, and disappointment leads to despair and
finally giving up.
We have to apologize to our children for failing them and then make the necessary
amends to improve our relationship with them.