This document is Lauren Mathias' e-portfolio containing several of her writing works from her semester-long class. It includes drafts and revisions of papers on various topics related to Asian American studies, as well as peer reviews, essays, and a reflection paper. Lauren discusses what she learned in the class, such as improving her ability to develop a clear thesis and argument. She also discusses gaining a greater interest in Asian American history and expanding her knowledge of important figures and events. The portfolio contains drafts of papers arguing both for and against the existence of a unified Pan-Asian identity.

1. Hi my name is Lauren Mathias.
I enjoy travel, running, and
watching good movies. I My
guilty pleasure/obsession is
the Twilight series/movie. I
have one older sister in
graduate school, Melissa, and
a younger sister in high
school. I have made an e-
portfolio which contains
several of my writing works
from throughout the
semester. Enjoy!
Contents
Cover Letter
Bruffee Paper 1 (with drafts)
Bruffee Paper 2 (with drafts)
In Class Essay Essay #1
Grammar Diagnostic
Diagnostic Essay
Peer Review of Kha Trinh’s Bruffee paper
Kha Trinh’s Bruffee Paper (Draft 1)
In Class Essay #2
Peer Review of ????? Paper
Cultural Analysis Paper
Reflection Paper
Ending Remarks

3. Sisters

4. Cover Letter
In this class, I learned how to write well and effectively. The Bruffee papers taught
me how to make a clear point within 500 words, and the Reflection papers made
me deeply analyze topics that are prevalent in Asian American society today. In
the beginning of this class, it took me a long time to think of a proposition and
paper topic. In contrast, by the end, I could come up with paper topics with
relative ease. This change in my writing skills can be seen through the timed in
class essays that I wrote. My second class essay is shorter, but more effective. By
the time of the second timed essay, I had learned how to make and defend a
proposition within a limited time frame.
Aside from mechanics, however, this course imbued in me a huge
interest in Asian American studies. Before this course, I had never names such as
Vincent Chin or Yuri Kochiyama. I was a follower of the model minority myth
without even knowing what it was. I had no idea about why there was still
underlying tensions between Black Americans and Asian Americans.
I hope to continue studying Asian American history at UPenn, and
expand upon the survey of knowledge this class has given me.
Lauren
Mathias

5. STRAWMAN Draft 1
Pan Asian American Identity?
Many Asian Americans want to forge a Pan Asian society, that is, a community that involves all types of
Asians–Koreans, Indians, Cambodians, etc. The question arises, however, is a Pan Asian Identity feasible? And What
similarities do different Asian cultures share? In Suchin Pak’s documentary, My Life Translated, Pak shows the similar
difficulties that Asian American teenagers face when they start dating. Pak interviews two Asian American female teenagers,
one Vietnamese and one Indian, and discovers that they both have trouble showing their American nature to their parents
when it comes to dating. Although Pak’s documentary finds similarities between two specific girls, it in no way begins to
define a pan Asian identity.
Proponents of the Pan Asian American myth state that Asian–Americans have “similar values”. After all,
doesn’t the media bombard us with Asian stereotypes that only focus on schoolwork and have absolutely no social life. In
1989, Asian–Americans had a high school grade point average of 3.25 compared to 3.08 for all other students, and it is a
reproducible statistic that Asian Americans spend about 40 percent more time doing homework than non–Asians. In My Life
Translated, Suchin Pak drew many similarities between the Vietnamese girl and the Indian girl. Both were constrained by
their conservative parents. The Vietnamese girl was not allowed to attend her high school prom, and the Indian girl could not
convince her parents to accept her boyfriend, even though she loved him greatly. In My Life Translated, Pak tries to show
that there is a Pan Asian dating regimen which Asian Americans are supposed to follow. Even though the two girls were of
different Asian origin, they were both subject to the strict dating expectations of all Asians.
The supporters of a Pan Asian identity are clearly wrong, however, because it is impossible to assign a set of
values to a culture. Society and morality are fluid, and it is a dangerous assumption to believe that all Asian–Americans fit a
stereotype marked by perseverance and conservative ideals. Personal experiences have shown me that there is a whole
spectrum of Asian American culture, ranging from conservative to extremely liberal. My dad’s Indian friend Roena raised
her daughters in the most liberal way possible. She never pushed them in school and allowed them to date whomever they
chose. She even allowed them to sexually active as teenagers; when Roena’s oldest daughter lost her virginity at the age of
eighteen, she felt completely comfortable telling her mother about it. On the other hand, I have white friends whose parents
are significantly stricter than any Asian parents that I have seen. My friend Allison is not supposed to date until college. She
is not allowed to watch television and does own a computer. These anecdotes show that race was a misleading variable in
Pak’s documentary. The Indian girl and Vietnamese girl went through similar experiences because they both had
conservative parents, not because they shared some underlying Pan Asian identity.

6. STRAWMAN Draft 1, cont’d
Descriptive Outline
PROPOSITION: A uniform Pan Asian identity is undefinable.
PLAN: Argue against the proposition, then refute the argument, then support the proposition.
PARAGRAPH 1 says: Suchin Pak’s documentary, My Life Translated, tries to define a Pan-
Asian identity by interviewing two Asian–American girls who live under
similar circumstances
does: Introduces the proposition and discusses a source referenced throughout
this paper.
PARAGAPH 2 says: A Pan Asian identity exists because all Asians hold uphold similar values.
does: Opposes the proposition with one argument, and backs up an assertion
with statistics and information from a documentary.
PARAGRAPH 3 says: A Pan Asian identity does not exist, and conservative values are the
same in any culture.
does: Refutes the opposition by providing examples that support the proposition.

7. STRAWMAN Draft 2
Pan Asian American Identity?
Many Asian Americans want to forge a Pan Asian society. The question arises, however, is a Pan Asian identity
feasible? In Suchin Pak’s documentary, My Life Translated, Pak highlights the similar difficulties that Asian American teenagers
face when they start dating. Pak interviews two Asian American female teenagers, one Vietnamese and one Indian, and discovers
that they both have trouble showing their American nature to their parents when it comes to dating. Although Pak’s documentary
finds similarities between two specific girls, it in no way begins to define a Pan Asian identity among young Asian Americans.
Asian culture is too broad for a uniform Pan Asian struggle between children and parents to exist.
Proponents of the Pan Asian American myth state that Asian Americans have “similar values”. And in fact, many
statistics support the notion that Asian Americans value education more than other races. For example, data shows that in 1989,
Asian Americans had a high school grade point average of 3.25, compared to 3.08 for all other students. Also, it is a reproducible
statistic that Asian American students spend about forty percent more time doing homework than their non–Asian counterparts.
In My Life Translated, Suchin Pak draws many similarities between the Vietnamese girl and the Indian girl. Both are restrained
by their conservative parents. The Vietnamese girl was not allowed to attend her high school prom, and the Indian girl could not
convince her parents to accept her boyfriend, even though she loved him greatly. In My Life Translated, Pak tries to show that
there is a Pan Asian dating regimen which Asian Americans are supposed to follow. Even though the two girls were of different
Asian origins, they were both subject to the strict dating expectations of all Asians. Pak implies that there is a homogeneous Pan
Asian parent/teenager struggle in America.
Pak’s message is clearly wrong, however, because it is impossible to assign a set of values to a culture. Society
and morality are fluid, and it is an incorrect assumption to believe that all Asian Americans meet certain stereotypes. Personal
experiences have shown me that there is a whole spectrum of Asian American culture, and that not all Asian parents treat their
daughters like the girls in My Life Translated. For example, my dad’s Indian friend Roena raised her daughters in the most
liberal way possible. She never pushed them in school and allowed them to date whomever they chose. She even allowed them
to be sexually active as teenagers; when Roena’s daughter lost her virginity at the age of eighteen, she felt completely
comfortable telling her mother about it. On the other hand, I have white friends whose parents are significantly stricter than any
Asian parents I have seen. My white friend Allison is not supposed to date until after college. She is not allowed to watch
television and does not even own a computer. These anecdotes show that race is a misleading variable in Pak’s documentary.
The Indian girl and Vietnamese girl went through similar experiences because they both had conservative parents, not because
they shared some underlying Pan Asian identity.

8. STRAWMAN Draft 2, cont’d
Descriptive Outline
PROPOSITION: A uniform Pan Asian struggle between parents and their children does not
exist.
PLAN: Argue against the proposition, then refute the argument, then support the proposition.
PARAGRAPH 1 says: Suchin Pak’s documentary, My Life Translated, tries to define a Pan-
Asian identity among young adults and their parents.
does: Introduces the proposition and discusses a source referenced
throughout this paper.
PARAGAPH 2 says: A Pan Asian identity exists based on similar values.
does: Opposes the proposition with one argument, backed up by statistics and
examples from a specific reference.
PARAGRAPH 3 says: A Pan Asian identity between parents and children does not exist, and
conservative values are the same in any culture.
does: Refutes the opposition by providing examples that support the
proposition

9. STRAWMAN Draft 3
Pan Asian American Identity?
Many Asian Americans want to forge a Pan-Asian society. In Suchin Pak’s documentary, My Life Translated, Pak
highlights the similar difficulties that Asian American teenagers face when they start dating. Pak interviews two Asian American
female teenagers, one Vietnamese and one Indian, and discovers that they both have trouble showing their American nature to their
parents when it comes to dating. Although Pak’s documentary finds similarities between two specific girls, it in no way begins to
define a Pan-Asian culture among young Asian Americans. Asian culture is too broad for a uniform Pan-Asian identity to exist.
The opposing view states that all Asian Americans value similar ideals, such as education and perseverance. And in
fact, many statistics support the notion that Asian Americans value these things more than other races. For example, data shows
that in 1989, Asian Americans had a high school grade point average of 3.25, compared to 3.08 for all other students. Also, it is a
reproducible statistic that Asian American students spend about forty percent more time doing homework than their non–Asian
counterparts. Aside from statistics, there are more specific examples of Pan-Asian experiences. In My Life Translated, Pak draws
many similarities between the Vietnamese girl and the Indian girl. For example, both are restrained by their conservative parents.
The Vietnamese girl was not allowed to attend her high school prom, and the Indian girl could not convince her parents to accept
her boyfriend, even though she loved him greatly. In My Life Translated, Pak tries to show that there is a Pan-Asian dating regimen
which Asian Americans are supposed to follow. Even though the two girls were of different Asian origins, they were both subject to
the strict dating expectations of all Asians. Pak implies that there is a homogeneous Pan-Asian parent/teenager struggle in America.
Pak’s message is clearly wrong, however, because it is impossible to assign a set of values to an entire culture.
Personal experiences have shown me that there is a whole spectrum of Asian American culture, and that not all Asian parents treat
their daughters like the girls in My Life Translated. For example, my dad’s Indian friend Roena raised her daughters in the most
liberal way possible. She never pushed them in school and allowed them to date whomever they chose. She even allowed them to
be sexually active as teenagers; when Roena’s daughter lost her virginity at the age of eighteen, she felt completely comfortable
telling her mother about it. On the other hand, I have white friends whose parents are significantly stricter than any Asian parents I
have seen. My white friend Allison is not supposed to date until after college. She is not allowed to watch television and does not
even own a computer. These anecdotes show that race is a misleading variable in Pak’s documentary. Some may argue that Roena
and Allison are the exception rather than the rule; however, an identity is not legitimate if it excludes “exceptions”. The Indian girl
and Vietnamese girl went through similar experiences because they both had conservative parents, not because they shared some
underlying Pan Asian identity.

10. STRAWMAN Draft 3, cont’d
Descriptive Outline
PROPOSITION Asian American culture is too broad for a uniform Pan-Asian identity to exist.
PLAN To oppose the proposition, and then refute the opposition, using the Straw Man format.
PARAGRAPH 1 says: Suchin Pak’s documentary, My Life Translated, tries to uncover a
uniform Pan-Asian identity among young adults and their parents.
does: Introduces the proposition by describing a documentary. Sentence 1
states a general goal. Sentences 2 through 4 lead up to the proposition by
describing a documentary. Sentence 5 states the proposition.
PARAGRAPH 2 says: There is a homogeneous Pan-Asian parent/teenager struggle in America.
does: Opposes the proposition by listing many similarities within one wide
group. Sentences 1 states two major similarities that apply to many constituents
within a group. Sentences 2 through 4 utilizes statistics to oppose the
proposition. Sentences 5 through 10 oppose the proposition by describing a
documentary.
PARAGRAPH 3 says: There is no underlying Pan-Asian identity among youth and their parents.
does: Refutes the opposition made in the previous paragraph. Sentence 1
reemphasizes the proposition. Sentences 2 through 10 use personal examples to
refute the opposition. Sentence 11 clears up a common confusion.

11. STRAWMAN Final Draft
Many Asian Americans want to forge a Pan-Asian society. In Suchin Pak’s documentary, My Life Translated, Pak highlights the
similar difficulties that Asian American teenagers face when they start dating. Pak interviews two Asian American female
teenagers, one Vietnamese and one Indian, and discovers that they both have trouble showing their American nature to their
parents when it comes to dating. Although Pak’s documentary finds similarities between two specific girls, it in no way begins to
define a Pan-Asian culture among young Asian Americans. Asian culture is too broad for a uniform Pan-Asian teenage identity to
exist.
The opposing view states that all Asian Americans hold similar ideals, such as education and perseverance. And in
fact, many statistics support the notion that Asian Americans value these things more than other races. For example, data shows
that in 1989, Asian Americans had a high school grade point average of 3.25, compared to 3.08 for all other students. Also, it is a
reproducible statistic that Asian American students spend about forty percent more time doing homework than their non–Asian
counterparts. (in class statistics) Aside from statistics, there are more specific examples of Pan-Asian experiences. In My Life
Translated, Pak draws many similarities between the Vietnamese girl and the Indian girl. For example, both are restrained by their
conservative parents. The Vietnamese girl was not allowed to attend her high school prom, and the Indian girl could not convince
her parents to accept her boyfriend, even though she loved him greatly. In My Life Translated, Pak tries to show that there is a
Pan-Asian dating regimen which Asian Americans are supposed to follow. Even though the two girls were of different Asian
origins, they were both subject to the strict dating expectations of all Asians. Pak implies that there is a homogeneous Pan-Asian
teenage experience in America.
Pak’s message is not completely true, however, because it is impossible to assign a set of monolithic values to an
entire culture. In the racial imagination of America, Asian Americans are a homogeneous culture, as evidenced by Pak’s
documentary. In reality, however, young Asian America is highly diverse and cannot be compartmentalized into two teenage girls’
experiences. Contrary to the model minority myth, which states that Asian Americans are a highly successful group of people, not
all Asian American groups excel economically. Laotians, Hmongs, Cambodians, and Vietnamese Americans often live in poverty,
with the poverty levels for some of these groups reaching as high as 67.2%. The alienation felt by these groups can be clearly
seen through the Southeast Asian youth, many of whom join gangs in a quest for acceptance and respect. These young Asian
Americans “feel alienated from their parents, family, and ethnic community” (Asian American nation), and so they fatalistically
accept that there are too many barriers preventing them from achieving the “American dream”. The “Southeast Asian gangster”
experience portrays that the Asian American teenager is not a monolithic figure in society that excels due to a value for academia
and hard work.

12. STRAWMAN Final Draft, cont’d
Descriptive Outline

13. In Class Essay
Two
#1
Reasons
The model minority myth states that Asian Americans have achieved success in America because of their hard work
and that other minorities should learn from them. Many statistics support this myth: in previous years, Asian
Americans had a high school grade point average of 3.25, as compared to 3.08 for all other students, and studies
have shown that Asian Americans spend 40 percent more time doing homework that non–Asians. Moreover, 44
percent of Asians in the U.S have a Bachelor’s degree or higher, about double the U.S national rate of 24.4 percent.
Even though many statistics support this stereotype however, the model minority myth remains completely untrue.
One reason that the model minority is false is that it implies an inherent superiority among Asian
Americans while failing to recognize why many Asian Americans outperform other minorities. The Immigration Act
of 1965 recruited educated Asian immigrants to bolster America’s economy. As a result, many doctors and nurses
moved to America. These Asian Americans came with an education that would guarantee them financial stability for
the future. Some Asian Americans were already wealthy when they immigrated here. For example, my father came
to America with an M.D. and an inheritance to his name. Clearly, my childhood cannot be considered analogous to
the experiences of a kid whose parents moved here and had to perform manual labor to keep food on the table.
Because Asian American kids like me came from educated families, we were pushed to carry on the tradition of a
college education and a stable job.
The model minority myth not only disregards Asian Americans’ past, it also isolates any Asians who
do not belong to the higher strata of society. Most Asian American immigrants prior to 1965 came to America
without a degree or even the ability to speak English; these immigrants had to undertake manual labor to make a
living. These are our restaurant workers, laundromat owners, and cabdrivers. Even today, 1.2 million Asian
Americans live in poverty; in fact, the poverty rate of Asian Americans is higher than of white families. The poverty
rate among Hmong Americans is 66%, 47% for Cambodian Americans, 67% for Laotian Americans, and 34% for
Vietnamese Americans. The model minority myth cruelly excludes these communities from the Asian American
culture.

14. TOPICS % CORRECT TOPICS % CORRECT
Lauren Mathias
D
Adjectives and 3/3 100% Sentence 5/5 100%
Adverbs Fragments
I
Case of 0/3 0% Shifts 3/3 100%
who/whom
A
Misplaced and 4/4 100% Subject-verb 6/6 100%
Dangling agreement
G
Modifiers
Mixed 3/3 100% The apostrophe 3/3 100%
N
Construction
Parallelism 3/3 100% The colon 1/1 100%
O
Pronoun Case 3/3 100% The comma 5/5 100%
S
Pronoun 1/1 100% The semicolon 1/1 100%
Reference
T
Pronoun- 2/4 50% Unnecessary 3/3 100%
antecedent commas
I
agreement
Run-on 5/5 100% Verb Forms 5/5 100%
C
Sentences
Verb Tense 0/1 0%

15. Diagnostic Essay
As America modernizes, more and more students are using digital means for education and communication. Many
students prefer reading online slides or textbooks for the sake of convenience. For example, instead of students lugging several
huge textbooks to the library, online readings allow them to just carry their laptop. Also, digitalization makes information
accessible. Regardless of where students are in the United States, it is usually possible to access the internet. On the other hand,
many students prefer old –fashioned studying materials –such as textbooks, articles, and papers –to online reading. Being
constantly connected to the internet comes with temptations such facebook, online blogs, and addictive games. Many make the
case that students who study online waste more time surfing the internet than actually working. Moreover, for many students,
highlighting textbooks and writing notes by hand helps imprint information into the students’ brain. While there are clearly
multiple studying styles (some may perform better with digital work while others might achieve better results with printed
matter), environmental issues can no longer afford to be disregarded on account of convenience.
Humankind is quickly and terrifyingly depleting its natural resources. The next generation will
suffer a global crisis if today’s world continues to butcher our environment. Already, President Obama plans to apportion a
great amount of funding towards developing alternative sources of fuel. While scientists work towards creating new
technology to preserve our environment, the common populace must make it their duty to conserve more. Personal
convenience must be put aside and programs must be instituted to expand digitalization. Producing one single sheet of paper
requires 2000 joules of energy, and one ton of paper consumes over 25 pounds of water. A pound of gives off 3 pounds of
carbon dioxide, making the paper industry the third largest industrial emitter of greenhouse gasses. Americans discard 13 ink
cartridges every second, and each cartridge requires a gallon of oil to produce. Just by making digitalization more widespread,
the American people can save fossil fuel, protect our atmosphere, and conserve water! Clearly, the choice between
digitalization versus printed matter should no longer be a choice of convenience; in many cases, such as communication,
newspapers, and papers, online matter should replace printed matter completely.
The only problem with digitalizing is that is polarizes the older sector of our population from the
younger generation. Many middle-aged citizens, and certainly most senior –citizens, are not even aware of how to use a
computer. The government should begin a program of free and accessible computer classes so that people of any age or
educational background, can join the youth of America in becoming “digital immigrants”.

16. PROPOSITION Asian Americans are more identified with the black race than the white race.
PLAN To support the proposition by summarizing two main positions on the issue.
PARAGRAPH 1 says: Although many theorists have argued that Asian Americans are similar to the white race due to common
socioeconomic backgrounds, Asian Americans are actually more associated with Black Americans becauseof the prejudice that both
minority groups felt in America.
does: Gives a history of the main subject’s role in the location discussed. Introduces the proposition. Sentences 1 and 2 set the
background for discussing the main topic. Sentence 3 defines the roles of the different subjects in this paper. Sentences 4 and 5
discusses the implications of the definitions in Sentence 3. Sentences 6 and 7 introduce the main subject of this paper. Sentence 8
offers the opposing argument to the proposition. Sentences 9 through 11 introduce the proposition, and Sentence 12 actually states the
proposition.
PARAGRAPH 2 says: Both Asian Americans and Black Americans have suffered similarly because of white prejudice and discrimination
against minorities.
does: Compares two similar groups to provide evidence in support of the proposition. Divides the paragraph into four parts; each part
notes and explains a similarity between the two main subjects explored in this paper. Sentence 1compares the two main subjects by
referencing a book. Sentence 2 lists the first similarity. Sentences 3 through 5 list an anecdote from the book. Sentence 6 lists the next
main similarity between the two subjects. Sentences 7 through 9 discuss the second similarity. Sentence 10 draws the next
parallel/similarity between the two main subjects. Sentences 11 through 14 discuss the similarity referenced in sentence 10.
Sentence 15 lists the last similarity (discussed in the paper) between the two groups. Sentences 16 and 17 elaborate on the statement
made in Sentence 15.

17. PARAGRAPH 3 says: Both Black Americans and Asian Americans unjustly had legal difficulties obtaining citizenship.
Does: Compares the two main subjects of this paper. Sentence 1 reinforces the proposition by listing a different type of similarity (unlike those
listed in paragraph 2) between the two subjects of this paper. Sentences 2 and 3 list specific examples that support the main point of the
paragraph. Sentence 4 lists an example that applies to one subject of the paper. Sentence 5 gives a historical background for Sentence 4.
Sentences 6 through 8 serve the same purpose asentences 4 and 5, except that they apply to the other main subject of the paper. In particular
Sentence 7 uses historical examples to support the proposition.
EVALUATION
Altogether, this essay was effective in conveying your proposition that Asian Americans are more black than white. Your essay constantly
defends your proposition, and your historical examples and references to Zia give your paper credibility. Your transitions between paragraphs
make sense, and the essay is well developed. The use of vocabulary is good; you use strong words and lack repetitiveness. Overall, I enjoyed
this read.
There are, however, a few changes that would make the essay more clear and effective.
1.Before I move on to my other suggestions, I need to point out that this essay should be about 500 words. I could be wrong, but it seems like
your paper is much longer–as such, you may have to shorten it significantly before you turn in the final draft.2
2.I understood the point of your proposition; however, your proposition is bifurcated. (Refer to page 91 of Ross to see an example.) Your
proposition should be concise and to the point; let the reader know that Asians are more black than white, and stop there.
Paragaphs 2 and 3 should introduce the actual reasons that support your proposition. 3.
3.In paragraph 2, Sentence 15 is a stretch in logic unless you analyze your assertion some more. You say that “attempts to control the population
and family dynamics of Asian Americans were to an extent congruent with the slave trade” Although you do say “to an extent”, I still think that
if you want to compare the Immigration Act of 1924 to the slave trade, you need to convince the reader more thoroughly that a connection
exists, because I cannot follow your logic there.
4.In paragraph 2, sentences 9 and 10 are awkward to read. Your points are good, but perhaps you rearrange the sentence structure to make the
words flow better. For example, you could say something to the extent of,
“Although the assertion that Asian Americans are associated with the white majority emphasizes the recent socioeconomic achievements of the
Asian American community, it fails to acknowledge the struggles of the first Asian American pioneers”
That, of course, is just a suggestion. Rearrange your sentences however you see fit.

18. 5. In sentence 10 of paragraph 1, you say that Asian Americans have an “ethical association” with the white majority. However, previously, you
only talk about Asian Americans success in “educational attainment, career representations, and household income”. These factors are not
related to ethics; therefore, it would make more sense to say that Asian Americans have a socioeconomic association with the white majority.
6. Sentence 7 of paragraph 1 is slightly ambiguous. Instead of saying “with the former”, perhaps you could say “with both black and white
Americans”.
7. Although the meaning of sentence 11 of paragraph 1 is very effective, the wording is a bit awkward. Instead of saying “unsung stories”, I
would recommend saying “untold stories”. The sentence on the whole, however, is difficult to read, so perhaps you can just rearrange the entire
sentence. For example, instead of saying,
“Oftentimes, these unsung stories of the first Asian pioneers are not as uneventful and immune to the American nature of prejudice as one had
previously expected”
you could maybe say something to the extent of,
“Despite widespread belief, the Asian pioneers were not immune to the American nature of prejudice.”
8. I would shorten sentence 2 of paragraph 2. This paper has to be about 500 words long; so its best to be concise when possible. You could get
rid of the “like”, “not only”, and “also”, so that your sentence would read
“Like Black Americans, Asian Americans were considered non–citizens and a threat to white gentile lifestyle”
Also, on sentence two, I would reconsider the word choice of “gentile”. Your paper does not address the issue of religion dividing Asian Americans
from white society, so it does not make sense to say that Asian Americans threatened a “gentile lifestyle”.
9.In sentence 3 of paragraph 2, I would reposition the word “poignantly” before the world “captures” to read, “Zia poignantly captures….”0
10.On sentence 7 of paragraph 2, instead of saying, “it also alienated…”, you should say “they also alienated” because the main subject, enclaves,
is plural.
11.In sentence 8 of paragraph 2, I would reconsider the word choice of “concedes”. Zia “states” of “notes” more than she “concedes”. Also in
sentence 8, change “replace” to its past tense form of “replaced”.
12.In Sentence 9 of paragraph 2, “Asian American shares” should be replaced with “Asian Americans share”
13.In Sentence 9 of paragraph 2, the sentence reads awkwardly after the hyphen. Some suggestions would be to replace “they” with “both groups”.
Get rid of the “and remained that way for a while”, and replace it with “from white society”. Lastly, change “properties” to “property”. These
specific changes are not necessary; just try to rearrange the sentence however you see fit to make it read more smoothly.
14. Sentence 10 of paragraph 2 has a misplaced modifier. You compare Asian Americans to Jim Crow rhetoric. Just tweak the sentence to get rid of
the misplaced modifier. Also, replace “Jim Crowe’s rhetoric” with “Jim Crowe rhetoric”.

19. 15.Join sentences 11 and 12 of paragraph 2 together because they ready choppy. Also, delete “Zia’s anecdote and her own father’s involvements”.
It is too vague, and you do not need it to convey your point.
16.In sentence 14 of paragraph 2, change “was clearly” to “clearly indicates”. When possible, it is best to replace “to be verbs” with action verbs.
17.Sentence 17 of paragraph 2 reads awkwardly and the subjects of your verbs are ambiguous. Perhaps you could change it to read something like,
population
“Even though Black Americans suffered greater injustice than Asian Americans, the racist idea of a dominant white society controlling a minority
population remains relevant for both races”
Even my suggestion isn’t the best; just try to make your point as clearly and concisely as possible, Also, I would use the word “minority population”
instead of “foreign population” because I am not sure if you can consider black Americans foreign.
18.Sentence 1 of paragraph 3 is not very clear. Try to make it more concise and to the point. When possible, try to write actively instead of
passively.
19.In sentence 2 of paragraph 3, replace “whom” with “whomever”.
20.In sentence 3 of paragraph 3, reconsider the word choice of “preempted”. Perhaps you could use the word “drove” or “provoked”
21.In paragraph 3, combine sentences 14 and 15.
22.In sentence 7 of paragraph 3, replace “based on the criteria of being” with “because they were not”
Summary, this paper was very good. I understood the point you were trying to convey, and you used many
concrete examples to convince me of your proposition!
.

20. Two Reasons Draft 1 by Kha Trinh
Peer Reviewed by Lauren Mathias
Prior to the late 20th century, race was a binary concept in which the color line exemplified the division of black and white in
America. Accordingly, the categorization of other races and ethnic minorities in the United States was compartmentalized along the
prism of either black or white. Whereas being white represented the ideals of a hegemonic culture imbued with privileges and
entitlements, being black would inevitably ensure one’s membership to a secondary culture of social, economical, and political
limitations. Such a narrow system of classifying race would be problematic as American society diversified and became increasingly
heterogeneous. Herein, one comes to see the weaknesses of a black and white only color line – it makes the identity of other ethnic
minorities superficially dependent upon the binary concept of race and promotes an identity void of cultures that had existed for
centuries. One example of an ethnic minority that challenges the racial binary is the emergence of Asian Americans – they are neither
black nor white. At the same time, however, Asian Americans are not insular – they are also shaped by the interactions of the races
around them and subsequently share similar experiences with the former. To this end, theorists had argued that Asian Americans, as a
group, tended to be more “white” identified – they are relatively successful at assimilating into the white middle class when
considering criteria such as educational attainment, career representations, and household income. Given the context of recent civil
rights developments within the last forty years, proponents of the white-leaning Asian American association hold some contentions.
Even so, the former’s assertion of Asian American ethical association with the white majority emphasizes the recent establishments of
the Asian American community and fails to acknowledge the narratives of the first Asian Americans and their struggles. Oftentimes,
these unsung stories of the first Asian pioneers are not as uneventful and immune to the American nature of prejudice as one had
previously expected. In an examination of the first two chapters of Helen Zia’s book – Asian American Dreams – one come to see that
early Asian Americans were more “black” identified – they were subjected to discrimination because they were seen as non-citizens as
well as unjust judicial rulings that characterized the dominant white’s reaction to their pursuit of legitimacy through citizenship.

21. Two Reasons Draft 1 by Kha Trinh
(Continued)
From the onset, Helen Zia’s anecdote and descriptions of early Asian Americans’ interactions with white America draws parallels to the
pattern of prejudice confronted by Black Americans centuries and decades earlier. Like Black Americans, not only were Asian
Americans considered non-citizens, they were also seen as a threat to white gentile lifestyle. Zia captures the dominant view of Asians
as non-citizens and even foreigners poignantly in her recollection of going to the supermarket with her family. In those instances, Zia
notes the stares and the alienation that an Asian family felt when they walked out of their door into mainstream white America (Zia Ch.
1). From Zia’s perspective, she and her family were seen as outsiders, unfit to be treated as regular citizens. This social isolation,
common to most Asian American communities, manifested itself physically in the conglomeration of Asian residence and businesses in
areas such as New York Chinatown (ibid). Enclaves such as the Chinatowns and Japantowns provided some barrier from
discrimination, however, it also alienated Asian Americans even more. Zia also concedes that the social and physical isolation
reinforces each other since purchasing land was almost impossible for Asian Americans of the time. Herein, Asian American shares
another experience with Black Americans – they were both socially and physically isolated and remained that way for a while until
new laws made it easier for them to own properties. And similar to the Jim Crowe’s rhetoric against Black Americans as threats to
peaceful homes and good Southern women, Asian Americans were also seen as threats during the Red Scare and World War II. The
primary target of the Red Scare was the Chinese immigrant in Zia’s anecdote and her own father’s involvements (Zia Ch. 2). Likewise,
the Japanese was the primary victim of the World War II internment camp craze (ibid). Both the Chinese and Japanese were subjected
to multiple civil rights violations upon suspicion and were never fully compensated. This was clearly a system of abuse that had been
previously applied toward Black Americans. Furthermore, attempts to control the population and family dynamics of Asian Americans
were to an extent congruent with the slave trade that was designed to control the population and family of Black Americans. Most
notably, the Immigration Act of 1924 officially ended immigration for China, Japan, India and Korea (ibid). Even though the injustice
against Black Americans was much harsher, the idea of the dominant Anglo society controlling a foreign population is reflected in both
cases.

22. Two Reasons Draft 1 by Kha Trinh
(Continued)
In the same way that Asian Americans and Black Americans dealt with negative social
perceptions of themselves, they also accosted the legal inequalities ruled against them in
their pursuit to attain citizenship. Similar to Black Americans decades earlier, Asian
Americans were denied the rights to own property, marry whom they chose, testify in
court, and even vote. These were the conditions that preempted both Asians Americans
and African Americans to challenge the courts and demand their rights to citizenship. For
Black Americans, they were able to attain the citizenship after the passage of the 14th
Amendment. Accordingly, the passage of the 14th Amendment required the precedence
of the many unsuccessful efforts that challenge the nominal authority. Correspondingly,
the initial but unsuccessful attempts to win Asian American citizenship were highlighted
in the case of Onzawa vs. US and the US v. Bhagat Singh Thind. In both cases, Asian
Americans were denied citizenship based on the criteria of being “Caucasian” and
“white,” respectively (Zia Ch. 2). For Asian Americans, they were not able to obtain that
coveted citizenship until after World War II.

23. Bruffee Draft I

24. Bruffee Draft I, cont’d
Descriptive Outline

25. Bruffee Draft II

26. Bruffee Draft II, cont’d
Descriptive Outline

27. IN CLASS TIMED #2
ESSAY
Foxwoods Casino: Detrimental to Chinatown
In the past few years, legislation has been considered that would move the Foxwoods Casino to the Gallery at
Market East near Chinatown. Casino executives and some government officials boast of the potential benefits of moving
Foxwoods to this new location: increasing real estate values, bringing more entertainment to the city, increasing wages, etc.
The positive effects of moving the casino, however, are far outweighed by the damage that such a facility would bring to the
Chinatown community. Detrimental effects such as constant noise, tourism, and outside competition would destroy the
current Philadelphia Chinatown.
Many state that a casino would greatly bolster the Chinatown economy. After all, the Las Vegas economy has
been strong n the past because of the huge amount of gambling money from visitors. Chinatown, however, is not only a
tourist destination such as Las Vegas and Atlantic City. Chinatown is a home to many underprivileged Chinese immigrants.
These immigrants have built their lives in Chinatown by starting small businesses, restaurants, laundromats, etc. Their
children go to school in the area and grow up in the close Chinatown community. Building a casino near Chinatown would
devastate the population living there. “Mom and pop” restaurants owned by hardworking families would not be able to
compete with the grandeur of the casino’s restaurants. The small businesses that are the backbone of Chinatown’s community
would most likely suffer huge monetary losses with the competition of a huge casino. The competition would not only hurt
current businesses; it would also deter future wealth from moving into the community. In addition to the economic negative
effects that a casino would bring, there are also more humanist aspects that government officials need to consider. A casino
would bring in a constant influx of noise and tourists. For this reason, one does not see many families living on the Strip in
Las Vegas. Young Chinese children would have a difficult time growing up and studying in this loud flashy atmosphere. The
environment of constant booze, money, and gambling would have a far-reaching negative influence on Chinatown’s youth.

28. MY PEER REVIEW
AUTHOR:

29. Cultural Analysis
As a first generation South Indian, I constantly fear that I have subdued my Asian culture and have fully assimilated into Western society.
After all, I was brought up in Midwest City, Oklahoma, a rural town without a significant Indian Community, and I was raised Catholic, attending
a predominantly white church rather than worshipping at a Hindu temple. Ultimately, however, although I often feel isolated from my Indian roots,
my parents’ pride in their culture and devotion to India inspire me to loosen my ties to the Western world and embrace my Indian heritage.
I grew up in small–town Oklahoma. My family was the only Asian–American family in our neighborhood, and until high school, my sister
and I were the only Indians at our school. Aside from my family, I was rarely exposed to other South Asians. I did, however, realize that there was
a difference between me and the other girls at school. While the other girls at school had straight hair and little other hair on their body, I sported a
thick unruly mane and dark hair that covered my arms and legs. And because I learned to speak in a family in which my parents and grandma
spoke with British–Indian accents, I always spoke differently than my classmates. The first time I realized this was when I was chosen to recite
the prayers at school. After returning to my seat from the podium, the boy next to me bluntly asked, “Why didn’t you speak English?” Even
though I was raised in Oklahoma, and even though English was my first and only language, my accent had deemed me unable to speak English.
Eventually, I became insecure about the color of my skin and craved for Indian culture. However, because my family lived so far from the city, it
was difficult for my parents to drive my sisters and me to the Asian events or enroll us in Indian dance class. Attending the University of
Pennsylvania has exposed me to more diversity than I have ever seen. Ironically, though, I now feel even more unconfident in myself. Many
other Indian students come from India or urban areas that are abundant with culture. They join Asian dance troupes and have watched all the latest
Bollywood films. After coming to Penn, I feel that there is this whole other world which I have never been exposed to, and I fear that is too late to
ever get involved with South Asian culture.
In addition to my hometown, my religion also acts as a barrier between me and most other South Asians. I come from a large
family of Mangalorean Catholics, and we can trace our religion back for many generations. Accordingly, my parents made certain that
Catholicism was always an integral part of my life. Growing up, I attended Catholic school, in which religion class was considered more vital
than any other subject. Even today, my Sundays are marked by going to Mass, and prayer is always part of my daily schedule. I love my religion;
yet, it separates me from the majority of Indian people. Most Indians follow Hinduism, and only a mere two percent of Indians practice
Christianity. Many Hindu celebrations, such as Diwali and Holi, are regarded as staples of South Asian culture, while Indo-Catholic traditions,
such as the Ros ceremony and Monti Fest, are seldom publicized in America. As a religious minority among Indians, I often feel polarized from
the Hindu majority.

30. Cultural Analysis (cont’d)
Even my parents are extremely westernized although they migrated to America as adults. They only speak
English at home and always wear American clothing. Despite their western tendencies, however, my parents are still
extremely proud of their culture. My dad constantly raves about Mangalore as if it were the grandest city in the world,
and my mom regularly stresses, “Indian values”, such as dignity, familial loyalty, and a strong work ethic. My parents
are the reason that, in spite of my American lifestyle, I am still proud to call myself Asian–American. Epitomizing
polyculturalism, my parents do not create boundaries between their American and Indian identities; they have shown me
that religion and distance cannot strip me of my roots. Even though I remain insecure about amalgamating my Western
and Indian cultures, my parents’ pride for India motivates me to treasure my Asian–American roots and to continue to
strive for polyculturalism.
In conclusion, although I have difficulty maintaining my Indian identity amidst an American world, I will not
allow my culture to dissipate. A few weeks ago, I randomly met a Penn student from India on an airport shuttle, and we
got into a discussion about what it meant to be Indian. Voicing my concerns, I told him that I was hardly Indian because
I lived in Oklahoma and only spoke English. He scoffed at me and said, “Being Indian has nothing to do with where
you live or what language you speak.” Curious, I asked him to elaborate. He looked at me, paused, and finally said, “A
real Indian … is someone who cares.” I did not understand him at the time, but by writing this paper, I now finally grasp
what he meant. As long as I desire to be Indian, I will inevitably value and retain my culture. If I remain enthusiastic
towards India, like my father, or show cultural pride, like my mother, I will never relinquish my heritage. First and
second generation Indians will inexorably encounter the same dilemmas as I have. Instead of choosing between
American and Asian culture, however, Indo–Americans must embrace both cultures and adapt to Western life while
preserving the Indian spirit.

31. Reflection Paper
Chinatown: A Departure From the Model Minority Myth
The model minority myth claims that success of Asian Americans is due to their hard work and that
other minorities should learn from them. In Desi Rap: Hip–Hop and South Asian America, Ajay Nair exposes this
myth’s falsity by revealing that 1.5 million Asian Americans do not fit the model minority image. The myth
excludes cabdrivers, restaurant owners, and other Asians in the lowest income brackets. Nair also notes that the
myth fails to acknowledge the repercussions of the Immigration Act of 1965, which recruited educated Asian
immigrants to bolster America’s economy. Immigrants prior to 1965 came to America without an education or the
ability to speak English; these immigrants were relegated to making a living off cooking Chinese food or running
laundromats. Chinese immigrants were forced to form Chinatowns as they were driven out of villages and towns.
Today, Chinatowns still exist and house poor Chinese workers. While the model minority myth may seem accurate
for the Asian Americans who have achieved wealth and success, it does not account for the plight of poor
Chinatown residents.
The squalid living conditions in Chinatown refute the alleged Asian American success that the model
minority myth proclaims. In the documentary, we saw poor Chinese Americans living five or six to a room, with
mattresses placed wherever there was an empty space. I was shocked to see how much the Chinatown inhabitants
worked. When the old lady spoke about how she arrived in America and immediately started washing dishes, I felt
greatly saddened. Whenever I visit Philly’s Chinatown, the restaurants are always fairly packed. Accordingly, I
always assumed that restaurant owners were running lucrative businesses and returning to nice suburban homes
after the business day ceased. I never realized the hardships that some Asian Americans face because I have never
experienced any economic adversity. When my father moved back to the United States, he came with an M.D. and
a large amount of money. Growing up, I never wanted for anything. I watched my parents work hard to succeed at
their jobs, and I studied endlessly to receive good grades As a result, I always accepted the model minority myth.
After watching the documentary, however, I have changed my perspective and now realize that the myth
disregards a significant part of the Asian American population. Besides discounting the economic situation of poor
Asian Americans, the model minority myth also masks the political injustice that the government imposes on
Chinatown residents.

32. Reflection Paper (cont’d)
Although the model minority myth implies that Asian Americans are reaching white status by the means of
their work ethic, the government still treats some Asian–Americans as degenerates. In Helen Zia’s Asian
American Dreams: The Emergence of an American People, Zia quotes an article that states, “At a time when
Americans are awash in worry over the plight of racial minorities…Chinese Americans [are] winning wealth
and respect by dint of [their] own hard work.” This quote can be proven false just by observing life in
Chinatown. Residents work inhumane hours daily, but the government still disrespects their community. In
Philadelphia itself, the Gallery and Market Street Station have swallowed Chinese homes. The government
even tried to place a stadium in Chinatown! This building would have destroyed Chinese homes, eliminated
Chinese jobs, and made Chinatown almost uninhabitable. Regardless of how much the “downtown Chinese”
work, the government still treats them as second class citizens. Although the model minority myth declares that
hard work results in equality between races, the reality is that the government continues to degrade its
Chinatown communities.
In conclusion, the model minority myth sends a dangerously false message to the public. The myth
drives a wedge between poor Asian Americans and post–1965 immigrants and does not account for the lack of
education and language barrier that early Chinese immigrants had to deal with. The crammed living conditions
and unfair government treatment that Chinatown’s residents live with serve as clear evidence to refute the
myth that Asian Americans are a superior minority race that excels because of their hard work.

33. Ending Remarks
Lauren
Mathias