How to discover and definition of Love Languages

1. Dr. Gary Chapman

2.  Hindi lang GWAPO…o maganda
But, MAPAGMAHAL, and in particular,
COMPASSIONATE

3.  is to seek the total well being of the person
[client, student], cf. Lk. 10: 30-35.
 to answer to the concrete need of the other.
 hence, a compassionate person has
developed some attitudes/values…

4.  LISTENING attitude [ to know the context of
the person in need of compassion]
 Understanding [empathy, entering into their
“world” in the spirit of dialogue]
 Concrete Compassionate Response

5.  listening heart
 comforting presence
 words of appreciation
 acts of service
 a pat on the shoulder
 or, any expression of kindness…

6.  Because everyone, or every student has
his/her own particular needs.
 one of the reason why we have this seminar:
Discovering our Primary Love Language.
 to understand the needs of our students, we
need to, first, understand, ours.

7.  1. Helping groups/teams work effectively.
 2. Grow Closer to your Friends
 3. Family Relationships Grow closer.
 4. Strengthening Romantic Relationships
 5. and, to be more effective in our
relationship with our students

9. 1.1. I like to receive notes
of affirmation from you.
( A )
1.2. I like it when you hug
me. ( E )

10. 2.1. I like to spend one-
to-one time with you. (B)
2.2. I Feel loved when you
give practical help to
me. ( D )

11. 3.1. I like it when you give
me gifts. ( C )
3.2. I Like taking long
walks with you. ( B )

12. 4.1. I feel loved when you
do things to help me. (
D )
4.2. I Feel loved when you
touch me. ( E )

13. 5.1. I feel loved when you
hold me in your arms.(E)
5.2. I feel loved when I
receive a gift from you.
( C )

14. 6.1. I like to go places
with you. ( B )
6.2. I like to hold hands
with you. ( E )

15. 7.1. Visible symbols of
love (gifts) are very
important to me.
( C )
7.2. I feel loved when you
affirm me. ( A )

16. 8.1. I like to sit close to
you. ( E )
8.2. I like you to tell me I
am attractive/handsome.
( A )

17. 9.1. I like to spend time
with you ( B )
9.2. I like to receive little
gifts from you. ( C )

18. 10.1. Your words of
acceptance are
important to me. ( A )
10.2. I know you love me
when you help me. ( D )

19. 11.1. I like us to be
together when we do
things. ( B )
11.2. I like the kind words
you say to me. ( A )

20. 12.1. What you do affects
me more that what you
say. ( D )
12.2. I feel whole when we
hug. ( E )

21. 13.1. I value your praise
and try to avoid
criticism.( A)
13.2. Several inexpensive gifts
from you mean more to me
that one large gift. ( C )

22. 14.1. I feel close when we
are talking or doing
something together. ( B )
14.2. I feel close to you
when you touch me
often. ( E )

23. 15.1. I like you to
compliment my
achievements. ( A )
15.2. I know you love me
when you do things for
me that you don’t enjoy
doing. ( D )

24. 16.1. I like you to touch
me when you walk by.
( E )
16.2. I like it when you
listen to me
sympathetically.(B)

25. 17.1. I feel loved when
you help me with my
jobs around the house.
( D )
17.2. I really enjoy
receiving gifts from you.
( C )

26. 18.1. I like you to
compliment my
appearance. ( A )
18.2. I feel loved when
you take time to
understand my
feelings. ( B )

27. 19.1. I feel secure when
you are touching me.( E )
19.2. Your acts of service
make me feel loved. ( D )

28. 20.1. I appreciate the
many things you do for
me. ( D )
20.2. I Like receiving gifts
that you make . ( C )

29. 21.1. I really enjoy the
feeling I get when you
give me your undivided
attention. ( B )
21.2. I really enjoy the
feeling I get when you
do some act of service
for me.(D)

30. 22.1. I feel loved when you
celebrate my birthday with
a gift. ( C )
22.2. I feel loved when you
celebrate my birthday with
meaningful words (written
or spoken). ( A )

31. 23.1. I know you’re
thinking of me when
you give me gift. ( C )
23.2. I feel loved when
you help me out with my
chores. ( D )

32. 24.1. I appreciate it when
you listen patiently and
don’t interrupt me. ( B )
24.2. I appreciate it when
you remember special
days with a gift. ( C )

33. 25.1. I like to know you
are concerned enough to
help me with my daily
tasks. ( D )
25.2. I enjoy extended
trips with you. ( B )

34. 26.1. Kissing me
unexpectedly excites
me. ( E )
26.2. Giving me a gift for
no special occasion
excites me. ( C )

35. 27.1. I like to be told that
you appreciate me. ( A )
27.2. I like you to talk to
me when we are
talking. ( B )

36. 28.1. Your gifts are always
special to me. ( C )
28.2. I feel good when you
are touching me. ( E )

37. 29.1. I feel loved when
you enthusiastically do
some task I have
requested. ( D )
29.2. I feel loved when
you tell me how much
you appreciate me. ( A )

38. 30.1. I need to be touched
everyday. ( E )
30.2. I need your words of
affirmation daily. ( A )

39.  A = Words of Affirmation
 B = Quality Time
 C = Receiving Gifts
 D = Acts of Service
 E = Physical Touch

40.  Mark Twain once said: “I can live for two
months on a good compliment.”
 Your partner/BF/GF, parents/friends,
students may need more.
 Solomon, author of the Book of Wisdom, says,
“The tongue has the power of life and
death.”* “An anxious heart weighs a man
down, but a kind word cheers him up.**
 Dr. Jose Rizal’s novels, NMT and EF, ignited
the Filipinos to revolt against the Spanish.

41.  “HE is a good provider, but he doesn’t spend
any time with me. What good is the house
and the recreational vehicle and all other
things if we don’t ever enjoy them together?”
 That’s the usual complain of spouses,
friends, students about their parents.
 Giving someone their undivided attention…

42.  Gift giving seems to be a universal
expression of love: Christmas, wedding and
other significant dates in our life are full of
gifts…
 gifts are visual symbols of love: rings,
flowers, etc.
 small tokens are expressions of: I am
thinking of you.

43.  Fiddler on the Roof:
 Husband: “Do you love me?”
 Wife: “I cook everyday for you and your
children; I wash your clothes,” etc., etc., etch
 Mrs. Tago and me: “When did you feel that
you loved me already?*

44.  Follow up question of Sir Tago: Did you love
me already when I kissed you and you did not
say anything?
 “babies who are held, hugged, and kissed
developed a healthier emotional life than
those who are left for long periods of time.”*
 breastfeeding is the best.
 “Wise parents, in any culture are touching
parents.” Dr. Gary Chapman

45.  My theory is: either
 1. we were fed by this language with our
significant persons in our life, so we develop
the habit, or
 2. we are deprived of it, so we desire to have
it even more?
 3. What do you think?

46.  developing all these love languages can be a
sign of personal growth and maturity…
 could expand your social horizon…
 could transcend your ability to love and have
compassion for people…

47.  Situation: Your birthday.
 Rate from 1 to 5 [five is the maximum] which
person would you prefer? *
 Person 1 = hands you a cute gift.
 Person 2 = texted you: “happy b day! I love
you my dear.”
 Person 3 = listens to your story: that you are so
happy today…first time you really
celebrate your special day.
 Person 4 = comes to your b day and hugs you
very tightly making you feel his/her love.
 Person 5 = came very early before the celebration
help out in the preparation.

48.  1. we normally have a preferred [favorite]
love language which we learn early in life [our
strength and weakness.
 2. we also have a secondary love language
 3. we have an underdeveloped language [we
are not comfortable expressing – our
weakness]
 4. all the 5 love languages are legitimate and
ideal to develop = Jesus was comfortable
using them to express his mercy and
compassion for people.

49.  “The emotional need for love is our deepest
emotional need and when that need is met,
we tend to respond positively to the person
who is meeting that need.”
 “When the emotional love tank is low [or
empty]… we have no feelings toward our
[spouse] but simply experience emptiness
and pain.” G. Chapman

50.  Physical Touch: He touch people when [if needed]
healing them: the blind, Peter’s mother in law…
 Words of Affirmation: He speaks with kind words;
truth that sets us free; comforting words:
“Come all of you who are weary and tired, I will
give you rest…”
 Gift : He offers his life as his ultimate gift;
a true and meaningful life; eternal life…
 Quality Time: He spend time patiently with his dis-
ciples forming them; visits friends; attend
weddings, etc.
 Acts of Service: “I came to serve, not to be served.”*

51.  1. To cultivate the underdeveloped love
language in our life.
 2. This would imply: a lot of sacrifices to
make or dying to our ourselves. Genuine
love is not doing what we like; but, doing
what we normally is not accustomed to
do…
 3. But, disciplining to develop our “shadows”
help us become more mature, more
loving persons.**

52.  we NEED to:
 Listen [discover the particular/concrete
needs of our students]; quality time is
needed, discover their love language
 Understand [empathic listening]
 Compassionate Action [LUCA: Listen,
Understand, Compassionate Action]

53. 1. Share your Personal Experience of your
discovered primary [or secondary] love
language [an Ahah experience! Or, Kaya
pala!]
1.1. your loved ones: family or
BF/GF/partner in life
1.2. about your experience with
students. [ why you feel closer to some
students or some students feel closer to you]
2. How can you become more effective in your
relationship with your students using the five
love languages tool?

54.  1. We need to be compassionate to all
students, although, we cannot like all of
them.
 2. Let’s start to understand the uniqueness
of each one [e.g. every students primary love
language, but also their deepest needs,
struggles in life]
 3. In order to love our students, we need to
transcend from our comfort zone [our
primary love language], and “die” a little to
our selves to give life to them, like what Jesus
did to us.

55.  Thank You and let’s all
be:
 True Good Samaritans!
 hindi lang magaganda at
gwapo; above all,
mapagmahal and
compassionate people.