This chapter discusses the negative impact of dwelling on past decisions framed as 'if only' scenarios, emphasizing that such thoughts do not serve a constructive purpose. It encourages readers to focus on the present and future instead of regrets and to understand that everything in life contributes to personal growth. Ultimately, the message is to eliminate negative expressions related to the past and concentrate on moving forward.

1. If only I had...
If only I had ...

2. If I had only...
Welcome to this chapter, following on from what if I was discussing in the previous
chapter, this chapter, entitled "if I had only..." looks at why we might use this phrase
and how it is not helpful to us.
When we start a sentence with, "if I had only" we're looking into the past and we're
looking at a situation that we can't change. I don't want you to have too many if I had
only moments because it's not good for you because if you start thinking like that, you
think "I have done nothing with my life". As I said in the last chapter, you are where you
are today for the reason that you have to be there.
This one's a little bit philosophical and little bit airy fairy, but believe it or not, you're
actually on the right path. Everything that has happened to you has made you the
person that you are, and from this point forward, you are not going to look in the
rearview mirror.
You're always going to be looking forward. I don't want you to think
"if I had only done this because this happened to me when my first marriage broke up"
"if I had only done something differently,"
"if I had only done whatever it may be."
"If I had only thought about that, if I'd only, and I got into such a frenzy if I had only, but
maybe if I had done all those things, maybe the outcome would have been the same.
Maybe if I had decided to give it another chance and to really work on it and get
counseling, etc."
Looking at the situation from my perspective and my life, I think the outcome would
have been the same if I had stayed in Ireland. However, we can't tell because it is
something that we didn't do and hasn't happened and we don't know what would have
happened.
Realise that we can't change the outcome. So don't beat yourself up with. Any sentence
beginning with "If I had only" or "if I could have" or even "I should have" serve you no
purpose.
You're on a 30 day challenge to make a change in your life. So all you have is the here
and now and your plan for tomorrow.
RichardButlerTheSuccessCoach.com

3. If I had only...
You learn from the past, but you don't dwell on it and then you start to move forward.
So I want you to get rid of all of the negative expressions that you have such as "if I
have only, if I had only if I, if I had, I should have, etc."
They serve no purpose for you from this point on, Okay? So that's the end of that. I'm
not going to talk about it again because we've had enough of it. So right now is the
time to move forward. See you in the next chapter.
Who is Richard Butler?
He has written and published many books on self help topics as well as producing a
number of self help online course (with over 7,000 enrolled students).
Below you can find out more about his:
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RichardButlerTheSuccessCoach.com