Difficult conversations happen every day. Communicating when tensions run high is always a challenge whether with a boss, colleague, employee, family member or friend. Knowing how to manage yourself and guide a productive conversation is critical in today's fast paced and complex business world. Understand the fundamentals of your conversation, the level's of communication that take place, and how to manage even the most difficult, high stakes interactions.

2. Intense Conflicting High
Emotion + Opinions + Stakes

3.  Biology
 Unprepared
 Under pressure
 Emotional flooding
 Regress to poor coping

4. The only message that matters,
is the one the person hears.

6. What we say is not what we really mean or feel.

7.  Hostility
 Silence = the freeze out
 Withdraw = the retreat Attempts at
 Sarcasm persuasion so
 Innuendo we can get our
 Withering look
way!
 Discredit the other person
 Martyrdom
 Blame

8.  Our story about intention is based on the impact
the conversation is having.
 How it is making me feel?
 What can I do to defend myself?

9. Statement Our Explanation Feeling
or CHAOS

10. Explicit Message
“Just the Facts”
Sender’s Statement Receiver’s
Implicit Interpretation
“Hidden” “What I hear is…”
Message
History Together
Unspoken assumptions

11.  Our history
 Our feelings about our self
 Our self-image
 Our assumptions
 Our attributions or understanding of intent

13.  Purpose
 What do I really want for me, them, us?
 Establish a mutual purpose.
 Assumptions
 Is it REALLY true? Do I know this for sure?
 Am I biased?
 Safety
 React to the loss of safety NOT the response itself.
 Do they trust my motives and know I care?
 State what you didn’t want to do and what you value.

14.  Listen
 Curiosity
 Seek to share, understand, explore, and discover
 And
 It is not ‘either’ ‘or’, it is ‘and’.
 Feelings
 Focus on and address the feelings!
…..THIS TIME IT REALLY IS ABOUT YOU?