The author's husband struggled with controlling his anger when they first married, exploding in rage over small issues and even bruising her arm on two occasions. When their daughter was born, his anger escalated and he scared the author, prompting her to call the police. He sought counseling and medication, which helped calm his personality. While he still verbally explodes occasionally, he has not physically harmed the author in three years since getting help. The author hopes others in abusive relationships find help with anger issues, as not all situations end as luckily.

1. Controlling anger
When we first got married, my husband had a huge problem when it came to
controlling anger. I had not known this before we exchanged vows. Would I have
done things differently? I’m not really sure, to be honest. Whenever something
went wrong or didn’t quite suit him, he’d explode. He’d use every single bad
word he could think of and get this crazy look in his eyes. His voice would rise
and this horrible man took over his body. I would back away from him as quickly
as possible but not before feeling some of his emotions explode on me. He’s
never beat me up or severely injured me. There were two times that he yanked and
squeeze my arm a bit too hard and left bruises that were quite noticeable. I
felt lower than I’d ever felt in my entire life. When I got pregnant, I feared
his problem of controlling anger would escalate once the baby was born.
Our daughter was 4 weeks old when his anger got the best of him one night. And
there was simply no way that he was capable of controlling his anger. I feared
for our safety and called the police. Those officers showing up at our house was
the first night that he took a step forward in learning about how controlling
anger is incredibly important. I’ll skip the details but our daughter is now 3
years old. He has not once, since that night, laid a single finger on me. He had
reached out to his doctor for some help and ended up taking a few medications
that seemed to help calm his personality down quite a bit. Controlling anger
wasn’t something that he learned overnight. He spent a few hours in counseling
learning about controlling anger and how to relax. Verbally, he’d still explode
every so often. The insults would pour out and I’d have to let them roll off of
me as much as possible. It wasn’t easy. Here I am now, very happily married and
thankful that he’s been willing to change.
There are many people out there who know what it is like to be with someone who
has difficulties in controlling anger. Not everyone is as lucky as I was. A
great deal of violence against women is a result of not being skilled in
controlling anger. An angry husband, boyfriend or ex might suddenly lose touch
with reality and give in to his rage. Bruises become more difficult to hide and
explain when people start to notice. Sometimes people are beyond help. But, some
people can learn about controlling anger and make some amazing steps towards
defeating it. My husband still struggles and I have learned to tell when he’s on
edge. I try to help him as best as possible. He’s overcome a great deal. My
family is better for it.