This is my presentation at Arcadia High School on October 5, 2016. We need to help all students see how to share unique powerful stories in their application essays.

1. Communicating Your Story: Ten
Tips For Writing Powerful
College Application Essays
ARCADIA HIGH SCHOOL
OCTOBER 6, 2016
Rebecca Joseph
getmetocollege@gmail.com
@getmetocollege
@allcollegeessay
http://tinyurl.com/arca
dia1016

2. Aaron
“Sorry we don’t have space for any more students.”
“My lab is too small and won’t be beneficial for a student.”
“I can’t help but maybe these researchers can…”
In addition to these polite rejections, I have also been just plain ignored. Over the course of the last few
years, I have attempted to join a lab that will allow me to take part in cancer research. After contacting
almost 30 different researchers at three different institutions, I had no success.
My interest in cancer biomarker research for the early detection of cancer began after a close family friend
passed away young from late diagnosed brain cancer. His fate could have been different had the cancer
been detected in earlier stages. To begin my quest, in 10th grade, I joined the Mitchell Academy of Science
& Technology (MAST) program at my school that allowed me to get immersed in research; sadly, it
requires students to find their own research placements. Despite my growing hunger to find a lab to see
the practical side of research, I failed to find one.
Rather than giving up, I continued to read any scientific article I could find in the field of study. After
receiving so many rejections, I realized my current approach would probably continue to fail because I
was asking strangers to put me in their labs. So I changed my approach. Starting last spring, I contacted
researchers and asked for informational meetings. Once I was there, I would have an intelligent
conversation and then pop the question.

3. Last spring I emailed Dr. David Chia, who had said no to me 18 months earlier, and this time he agreed to
meet with me when he realized I had continued to do my own research. I was very excited to meet him
because he and his lab are doing cutting edge research that mirrors my own passions for finding new
biomarkers for the early detection of cancer. During the meeting we had a conversation about new ways
to detect biomarkers, and I even suggested a new method of finding them--a method he acknowledged he
and his colleagues have been thinking about. After about an hour of speaking, I asked if he had room in
his lab. This time, without reluctance, he said yes!
I began working in Dr. Chia’s lab this past May. While initially I was a little behind in the research process
for my school’s program, I am making up for lost time--in a lab that researches exactly my topic of
interest. For the past few months, I have learned a variety of lab techniques and met undergraduates,
graduate students, and researchers who devote their lives to research. I have also seen the very labor
intensive side of research. Fortunately, because of the generosity of Dr. Chia and his researchers, this fall,
I analyzed data on nonsmoking lung cancer patients, developed my conclusions, and submitted a paper to
the 2015 Intel Science Talent Service--thus completing the culminating task of the three year MAST
program.

4. While the ideas I proposed to Dr. Chia are just that--still ideas, I am learning how to make a difference.
His research will save lives, and it is a great honor for me to just be part of the process. I know it will take
awhile until any of the research is put into practice, but the concept that someone will not lose a child or
parent to cancer gives me a great feeling. The idea of making a positive difference in the lives of others
and making this world a better place moves me.
My experience taught me a very valuable lesson: never give up. I know I will continue to face failure
throughout my life--that’s the nature of research. But I know that cannot stop me. I promise now, that
when and if I have my own lab, I will offer opportunities to persistent high school students.

5. How Important Are Personal Statements?
What do American colleges look for?
1. Grades
2. Rigor of Coursework, School
3. Test Scores
4. Essays/Personal Statements*
5. Recommendations-Teacher and/or Counselor
6. Activities-Consistency, development, leadership,
and initiative
7. Special skills, culture, connections, talents, and
passions

6. Overview of Shifting 2016 American
Admissions Landscape

7. Essays Are One Piece of The Applicant’s
Quilt
Test
Scor
es
Grad
es
Rigor of
Coursew
ork
Activitie
s
Rec
Letters
Uniqu
e
passi
ons
and
potent
ial
Demonstra
ted
Interest

8. The Power and Danger of Essays
1. Give me two reasons why admissions officers value
college application essays.
2. Give me two reasons why they often dread reading
the majority of them.

10. Essays=Opportunity
Share
Reflect
Stand Out

11. So….Tip 1
Tip 1. College essays are fourth in importance
behind grades, test scores, and the rigor of
completed coursework in many admissions office
decisions. Don’t waste this powerful
opportunity to share your voice and express
what you really offer to a college campus.
Great life stories make you jump off the page and
into your match colleges.

12. A New Paradigm
Tip 2.
Develop an overall
strategic essay writing
plan.
College essays should
work together to
help you communicate
key qualities and
stories not available
anywhere else in
your application.

13. Ultimately…admissions officers want to
know your…
Impact Initiative

14. University of California
Fall 2017 application is
open.
Introduced new format
and prompts for both
freshman and transfer
essays
Applicants must write 4
short 350 word max
essays.
Freshman can choose
from 8 prompts.

15. UC Freshman Personal Insight Questions
 Freshman Personal Insight Prompts: Answer any 4 of the following 8 questions:
 What do you want UC to know about you? Here’s your chance to tell us in your own words.
 Which questions you choose to answer is entirely up to you: But you should select questions that
are most relevant to your experience and that best reflect your individual circumstances.
1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others,
helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time.
2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and
innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.
3. What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that
talent over time?
4. Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to
overcome an educational barrier you have faced.
5. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this
challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?
6. Describe your favorite academic subject and explain how it has influenced you.
7. What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?
8. What is the one thing that you think sets you apart from other candidates applying to the University of
California?

16. UC Focus
Leadership
Changing communities
Creativity
Academic Passions and Achievements
Overcoming Challenges
Initiative
http://tinyurl.com/arcadia1016

17. Four Major Application Types:
2. The Common Application
 Many private and some public American use the centralized
Common Application with their own Writing supplements
 More than 700 colleges use it.
 www.commonapp.org
 Don’t start writing any essays until you see all the essays required
for your top schools. My app-All College Application Essays has the
requirements.

18. Current CA 2015-2017 Prompts
250-650 Words (2015-2016 percentages)
1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful
they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you,
then please share your story. (49%)
2. The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an
incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you
learn from the experience? (17%)
3. Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act?
Would you make the same decision again. (4%)
4. Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an
intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of
personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what
steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution. (10%)
5. Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your
transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
(22%)

19. Develop A Master Chart
Tip 3. Keep a chart of all essays required by each
college, including short responses and optional
essays. View each essay or short response as a chance
to tell a new story and to share your core qualities.
I recommend three sheets.
 1. Major deadlines and needs. Break it down by the four
application types
 2. Core essays-Color code all the similar or overlapping essays.
 3. Supplemental essays. Each college has extra requirements
on the common application. Again color code similar types:
Why are you a good match for us? How will you add to the
diversity of our campus?

20. Google Drive Folders

21. Write the Fewest
Yet Most Effective Essays…
Tip 4.
Find patterns
between colleges
essay requirements.
Use essays more
than once.

22. Where to Begin: Brainstorm

23. Positive Personality Traits

24. 5. Other Brainstorming Tips
Help them brainstorm
1.Make a resume.
2.Start With UC Prompts
3.Reading model essays from actual college websites
4.Looking at other college’s essay prompts-U Chicago, Tufts
5.Creating a letter to future roommate or an amazing list of
what makes you you.
6.Looking at 5 top FB and Instagram Pictures
7.Reading models from other students
8.Do culture bags

25. Individual and Collaborative

26. What Did You Do Last Summer?

27. Into, Through, and Beyond Essay Approach
Tip 7. Follow Dr. Joseph’s Into, Through, and Beyond
approach.
It is not just the story that counts.
It’s the choice of qualities a student wants the college to
know about herself

28. Into,Through, and Beyond
Into
 It’s the way the reader can lead the reader into the piece—images, examples, context.
 Always uses active language: power verbs, crisp adjectives, specific nouns.
Through
 What happened…quickly…yet clearly with weaving of story and personal analysis
 Specific focus on the student
 Great summarizing, details, and images at same time
Beyond
 Ending that evokes key characteristics
 Conveys moral
 Answers ending prompts of two UC essays
 UC 1”and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.”
 UC 2 “What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it
relate to the person you are”

29. Tip 8. Use active writing: avoid passive sentences and
incorporate power verbs. Show when possible; tell
when summarizing.
Tip 9. Have trusted inside and impartial outside
readers read your essays. Make sure you have no
spelling or grammatical errors.
Take the Time With These Essays

30. Final Thoughts
Tip 10. Most importantly, make yourself come alive
throughout this process. Write about yourself as
passionately and powerfully as possible. Be proud of your
life and accomplishments. Sell yourself!!!
Students often need weeks not days to write effective
essays. You need to push beyond stereotypes.
Admissions officers can smell “enhanced” essays.
You can find many great websites and examples but each
student is different.

31. Ryan
I awoke to the noise of my alarm quietly vibrating against my nightstand. As I neared consciousness, the
noise grew louder and louder, until it became an unavoidable tsunami of sound. I turned off my alarm
and checked the time: 3 AM. It was time to get to work.
Earlier that day, I had been expecting a price quote and rendering from a factory in China. Having not
received it, I decided to call at the end of their workday. Unfortunately, because of the 15 hour time
difference--that happened to be 3 am PST. Once on the phone the owner apologized and promptly gave
me the information I was looking for: price per unit, minimum order quantity, and time needed to make
samples. These seemed to be within reason, so I asked him to complete the next step and send me a
mockup of my watch based on the blueprints I had given him. Sadly, the picture he sent depicted a watch
missing every feature I had outlined.
This was not a unique experience. In fact nearly all of the dozens of manufacturers I contacted last
summer submitted inferior or completely wrong designs. And as the summer neared its end, I was
running out of the one thing I was trying to ultimately save: time.
I did not anticipate these difficulties when I started The Test Buddy a year ago to solve a problem that I
noticed many of my friends struggling with: time management on the ACT. Seeking a solution, a friend
and I created the idea for a watch that would help students track their time during the test. I thought that
designing and selling the watch would be the most complicated part of the experience. I was wrong.

32. Designing my own blueprints and renderings took less than a week. Once I had those, convincing tutoring
companies, schools, and students to place purchase orders was nearly seamless. At, that point I thought
that most of my work was done. But finding a factory in China proved daunting.
Thankfully, China is a big country with many factories, and in the end, we found a good manufacturer. In
early September, our first watches were delivered to several test prep companies. We hope to soon be on
the wrist of every student taking the ACT and make the issue of time management a thing of the past.
There were many times in this process when all hope seemed to be lost and the only logical conclusion
would have been to give up. However, every time those thoughts entered my head, I remembered my
family and the legacy that I have to live up to. During the Iranian revolution, both my mother’s and my
father’s family fled the country as refugees. They hid inside busses, snuck onto trains, and even crossed
mountains and desert on camels. They solved one problem after another, against insurmountable odds,
all of this so that they, and their future children could have a better future. In America, my parents relied
on their problem solving skills to build businesses from nothing. When I think about how much hope they
must have had and how they persisted through their problems, I am reignited with a new desire to solve
my own.

33. My first experience as an entrepreneur has taught me many things. Problems are rarely what they seem to
be. What started out as the desire to solve the problem of timing on standardized testing ended up
requiring dozens of problems to be solved from filing for a trademark to creating a corporation as a
teenager to paying taxes.
In spite of these countless obstacles, I have persevered, and Test Buddy continues to grow.
Now we are designing a watch for the new SAT, and I’m ready to set my own watch to 3 a.m.

34. Contact Dr. Joseph
Rebecca Joseph, PhD
 Professor, Cal State LA
 Founder, Get Me To College
and All College Application
Essays
 Current 2016 Unsung Hero,
LA County
http://tinyurl.com/
arcadia1016
Contact
getmetocollege@gmail.com
@getmetocollege
@allcollegeessay