1. JUST DO IT! A brief discourse on finishing inside Because I care! by your hetaerae* and dear friend Maria Juarez *In ancient Greece, hetaerae (in Greek hetairai) were courtesans, that is to say, highly educated, sophisticated companions close to what is for the modern times the geishas. They are often wrongly confused as prostitutes, due to having open, but unpaid sexual relations.
5. Hillary and Blake No babies here! Just monkey hats! Blake has been cumming inside of Hillary’s controlled birth canal for two years now!
6. But what about Maria’s uterus as the oven of Siskian buns? Birth Control: Loestrin24Fe Time of dosage: nightly, 7:30 p.m. Success rate: 99% if used correctly. Luckily, I use correctly. Yes, yes. . . but how does this voodoo work?!
7. FIRST A FUN FACT! Birth control wouldn’t be possible if it weren’t for this inedible Mexican* yam! *Clearly the gods favor me and my efforts to smite unplanned pregnancies.
8. The Why-You-Should-Nut Graf Two hormones – estrogen and progestin – work with my eggs to employ a sort of gamete guerilla warfare in my ovaries Then my eggs coup d’etat the shit out of your Spermatazoon Empire when they invade my Uterine Province In addition, my eggs conquer your aggressive seamen by thickening my cervical mucus and thinning my uterine lining.