This document provides background and discussion prompts for a multi-part book. It summarizes that Part 1 identified common themes of avoiding criticism, affirming others, and connecting to core desires. Part 2 explored how these themes relate to core values. A key theme that emerged was taking opportunities to connect with and show interest in other people's lives. Part 3 presents 10 chapters on trust-building techniques. The discussion assignment asks readers to identify the 3 most significant chapters and discuss how the techniques could be applied or have different results in real life situations, as well as identify personal weak areas and goals for improvement.

1. Attached is the part one and two
Background:
These discussions have been intense and very thoughtful, and I
am tremendously proud to be a part of this ongoing discussion
and am honored to work with all of you. You have done some
unbelievable work and your effort is evident, and I'm going to
tell you why.
The first half of the book in general sets the stage for Part 3 and
ultimately Part 4. In the first part of the book, we identified
some common themes resulting from our discussion
on avoiding outward criticism/condemnation/complaining,
affirming the good in others, and connecting to core desires. In
Part 2, we dug a little deeper to explore how these themes
connected to our core values based on our observations. After
all of this, your thoughtful posts and engaging comments, I was
able to take the information you provided as a class and
somehow boil it down to one point of significance.
The most notable theme that emerged from our Part 2
discussions was simply this:
taking the opportunity to connect with others and show interest
in other peoples' lives is paramount in the communication
process.
There are many ways to go about this, and Part 3 presents 10
chapters on techniques that support earning and building the
trust of others. As we've boiled down our work from Part 1 and
Part 2 and identified that
taking the opportunity to connect with others and show interest
in other peoples' lives is paramount in the communication
process,
let's do some work on how best we can support our goals of
becoming better communicators and working toward becoming
agents of change and pinnacles of leadership (Part 4).
If the theme we've identified as a class is correct (in the
importance of connecting with others on a truly human, personal

2. level in a way that demonstrates a genuine, believable interest
in what they are doing or what they value), then we all have a
tremendous opportunity to improve ourselves a little at a time.
Ultimately, dare I say it, can we leave everyone we meet a little
better than before and every situation we encounter a little
better because we could find the value in the others after
finding the value in ourselves?
Discussion Assignment:
There are 10 chapters presented in Part 3 of HTWF. All 10
chapters are critically important to read, understand, and
ultimately integrate in our lives. For purposes of this
discussion, I'd like you to pull out the
three
chapters that spoke to you the most in terms of the following:
1. Based on our discussions in Part 1 and Part 2, identify which
chapters stood out and why these three chapters in Part 3 have
significance to you? (Ex: Chapter 8 stood out to me as soon as I
read the following: "you are capable of doing the right,
honorable, true thing." It's amazing that a simple message like
this could convey to others that you believe in them, or even
that I believe in myself, to work toward a mutual goal of
making a difference.)
2. In our previous discussions, we have given lots of examples
of situations in which our core values have been either
supported or violated in communicating with others, both in
person and online. Give "in-real-life" examples of how you have
seen others use these techniques in the three chapters you
selected, or alternatively, situations in which these techniques
could have been applied and maybe had a different result.
3. We all have weak areas that require some personal
development. That said, identify 2 or 3 of your weak areas that
merit some personal development and identify an associated
goal. In the greater context of all of Part 3, how do you plan to
integrate these techniques into your "weak" areas? Do you have
a tendency to not admit when you're wrong? Do you easily

3. dismiss others' opinions? Is it hard for you to put yourself in
someone else's shoes? As an example of what I am looking for,
I'll share one of my weak areas with you and what would be an
appropriate response to the question:
As an example of a "weak" area, I have a tendency to use non-
verbal communication, in particular in meetings to show my
displeasure (eye-rolling, etc) with something I don't agree with
on some level (dismissing others' opinions, really). I've been
aware that I do it, but in the last year, I have made a concerted
effort to stop it. The reason is this: the message I'm portraying
to my colleagues is one of dissonance, and outwardly indicates
that I'm not willing to find common ground to work toward a
solution.
After reading Chapter 5, "Access Affinity," it was much easier
for me to go into meetings with a new perspective of, "if I want
my colleagues to like me and respect what I have to say, I have
to knock it off and pay attention to find some commonality to
get to "yes" faster, and ultimately get what I want out of it." My
goal is to not be viewed as difficult to work with, and
be someone who can find the value in what someone else is
trying to say and integrate that value in my interactions. It is
still VERY hard for me to contain myself, but I am much more
aware of it and the damage I can do if I don't control it. It gets
easier every day, but that is part of my journey too.