ASTD-LA Leading With Grit and Grace Webinar

TM

The Power of Balance

Leslie Williams, MCC
www.grit-and-grace.com
304.876.6934

©Leslie Williams Consulting, Inc. 2011

Background 2
2

■ Over 20 years‟ executive coaching experience revealed a recurring
client challenge: leadership style was criticized as being „too hard‟ or
„too soft.‟

“How do I find an influence style that’s both authentic and effective?”

■ This has been a particular lament for women leaders


Background (cont‟d) 3
3

■ Effective power/influence style is critical to success for leaders and
leadership development professionals alike.

■ Yet style goes largely unexamined, until/unless it presents a problem.
■ What if we could get ahead of that curve and
become more conscious and skillful before
we hit the “style skids?”


Objectives 4
4

■ Gain an understanding of how style forms and changes
■ Learn about the “grit and grace” model of influence, as a way to better
- understand and develop yourself
- guide colleagues, clients and customers on issues of style

■ Gain practical tips on how to develop greater stylistic balance, so you
can influence more effectively


Anatomy of Style 5
5

Beliefs Behavior Results = Pattern /
Style
• Successful
• Self-reinforcing
• Automatic /
Unconscious


Style and Gender 6
6

■ Because influence style is such an important ingredient in career
success, leaders - men and women - need to pay attention to style
issues.


Style and Gender (cont‟d) 7
7

 However, organizations still tend to relate differently to men and women
on issues of style.

 They tend to apply considerably more scrutiny to women‟s styles than to
men‟s. So women deal with this issue more often and acutely.

 “Stylistic bell curve.”

■ Changing…but slowly.


The Influence Style
Continuum 8
8

+ +
Direction Inclusion
“GRIT” Challenge Support “GRACE”
Clarity Tact
Assertive Decisiveness Collaboration Supportive
Objective Objectivity Sensitivity Personal


Grit & Grace 9
9

■ Neither is better or worse; each has its strengths.
■ We tend to be a mix.
■ That said, we tend to prefer one pole: more comfortable, natural and
practiced. “Home base.”

■ What about you?


A Tale of Two Leaders 10
10

■ CFO of a telecommunications
company (Donna)

GRIT

GRACE

■ H.R. manager at a
consulting firm (Susan)

Their styles worked beautifully…until they didn‟t. What happened?


■ Successes solidify our place on the continuum. That style works for
us...

Perils of Over-Investment 11
11

+ +
Direction Inclusion
Challenge Support
“Grit” Clarity Tact “Grace”
Decisiveness Flexibility
Task focus Relationship focus

Aggression Indecision
Intimidation Overprotection
“Growl” Perfectionism Avoidance “Gum”
Inflexibility Inconsistency
Insensitivity Inequity
- -


Key Points 12
12

■ Your style preference in itself is not a problem.
■ It‟s a source of strength.


Key Points (cont‟d) 13
13

■ What CAN become a problem is relying too heavily on your preferred
style to the neglect of its opposite.

■ Then, your style gets out of balance, and you can become:

• vulnerable to the downsides of your favored style
• less versatile
• resistant to the other style, leaving critical strengths
untapped.


He Said It Best 14
14

“Power without love [grit without grace] is
reckless and abusive; love without power [grace
without grit] is sentimental and anemic.”

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.


Feedback: The Wake-Up
Call 15
15

■ As uncomfortable as style feedback is, it is a valuable call to growth.
■ There are more and less productive ways to deal with that feedback.


4 “Reactive” Responses 16
16

 Blame: “I wouldn‟t have to be so … if you weren‟t so…”

 Intensify: hyper-engage the current style


4 Reactive Responses
(cont‟d) 17
17

■ Abandon: escape current style and adopt
the opposite

■ “Whack-a-mole:” jump from style to style to
avoid getting hammered


Optimal Response 18
18

■ Import and integrate the healthy aspects of the opposite
style

 Stay rooted in your preference (strength) AND
 Incorporate the best aspects of the opposite (versatility)


The Result of 19
19

Integration

Grit: Grace:

Directness Compassion
with heart with backbone


How Integration 20
20

Happens
■ Achieving integration is not a quick fix; it takes attention and practice
over time.

■ The foundation:

an understanding of your own style, with its
strengths and limitations


How Integration Happens 21
21

(cont‟d)
■ From that awareness, develop some of the opposite side‟s
perspectives, skills and habits.

■ There are a myriad of activities that can help you start achieving better
stylistic balance. Here are just a few to get you started…


For Grit Preference:
“Grace-Strengthening” Practices
22
22

■ Observe yourself – “What gets my „grit‟ going? What‟s going on for me then?” Look
for patterns and new ways to respond.

■ Listen, listen, listen, from a place of true curiosity. Let others assert themselves
before you jump in.

■ “Dual bottom line.” Use every interaction as an opportunity to strengthen BOTH the
task AND the relationship.

■ Physical exercise: Yoga and meditation (anything that increases flexibility)

■ Emotions: look for internal frustration. This is a dominant emotion for people with a
Grit preference. It‟s a signal to slow your pace and soften your approach. Pushing
harder can just bog down task accomplishment.

■ Get feedback. Enlist someone you trust to observe you and give you feedback on
your style – both when you drive too hard and when you take steps to be more
collaborative.


For Grace Preference:
“Grit-Strengthening” Practices
3 23
23

■ Observe yourself – “When/why do I sacrifice my needs or point of view?” Look for
patterns and new ways to respond.

■ Practice identifying your wants and needs.

■ Practice saying “no.” Start small and build up.

■ Physical exercises: Pilates and strength training (anything that increases physical
strength)

■ Emotions: look for internal resentment. This is a dominant emotion for people with
Grace preference. It tells you that someone has crossed a line and that there‟s
something you need to confront.

■ Get feedback. Enlist someone you trust to observe you and give you feedback on
your style – both when you collapse and when you take steps to assert yourself.


Summing Up 24

■ Style evolves over time and is driven both from the inside (you) and the
outside (your environment)

■ While most of us are a mix of grit and grace, we tend to prefer one side of
the spectrum

■ Overinvestment in one side to the neglect of the other can cause a stylistic
imbalance that can impede your effectiveness.

■ The key to effectiveness is integrating the two sides, staying rooted in your
preference while embracing the best aspects of the other. You‟re still
yourself, but your strengths become more powerful.


Other Resources 25
25

■ Books on women in the workplace:
Enlightened Power: How Women Are Transforming the Practice of Leadership. Coughlin, Wingard and
Hollihan, eds.
Standing at the Crossroads: Next Steps for High-Achieving Women. Marian Ruderman and Patricia Ohlott
The Naked Truth: A Working Women‟s Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters. Margaret Heffernan
Why Women Should Rule the World. Dee Dee Myers.

■ Books for developing Grit:
Dare to Ask: The Woman‟s Guide to Successful Negotiating by Cait Clarke and Neil Shister
On-The-Level: Performance Communication That Works by Patricia McLagan and Peter Krembs
The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner (more oriented toward personal relationships, but applicable to work)

■ Books for developing Grace:
Working With Emotional Intelligence. Daniel Goleman
Non-Violent Communication. Marshall Rosenberg
Difficult Conversations. Douglas Stone, et al

■ Websites:
Blog: “Leading With Grit and Grace.” Leslie Williams http://grit-and-grace.com/grit-and-grace-notes/
Catalyst (organization that does research on women in the workplace) http://www.catalyst.org/


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