1. An apology
Russell Grenning
I’ve decidedtostopapologising.I’msorry,butI have.
Yes,overthe years,Ihave said “I’m sorry”now and again to lovedones,friends,colleaguesand
employersandsometimesIhave beensincere.Othertimes,ithasbeenthe easiestandquickestway
of extricatingmyself fromastickysituationand,be honest,whohasn’tsaid “I’msorry forwhatIdid”
whenwhatyoureallymeantwas “I’m sorry you found outwhatIdid.”
So,my last apologybefore beginningmy“noapology”policyisforall of my false,insincere and
downrightuntrue so-calledapologiesinthe past beginningwithmyGrade Three teacher whoI said
rather tooloudly wasa fat cowbecause she wasand I am sorry I saidI’m sorrybecause I wasn’t
reallyandtrulysorry at all.RIPMiss Grey butwere a fat cow.
I was made to say, “I’msorry” thenandI’m sorry I hadto and lied.I’mnotsorry forsayingthat now
because Ihave beencarryingthisburdenfor well overhalf a century. Thatlie hasgnawedat my
entrailsfordecades.
Nobodyshouldhave toapologise forshowingtheirreal feelingsbecause, if theydo,theyare
apologisingforthe truth.
The author P G Wodehouse gotitright whenhe said, “Itis a good rulenever to apologise.Theright
sort of peopledo notwantapologiesand thewrong sorttakes a mean advantageof them.”
We can all blame Platoforstartingthisapologybusiness. Inabout360 BC, he wrote his famousessay
“Apologia”whichrecountedhowhismentorSocratesdefendedhimself againstchargesthathe was
corruptingAthens’youthandblasphemingthe godswithhisphilosophical musings.Platorecords
that Socratesrefused toexpressregret –to say, “I’m sorry”- andwas sentencedtodeath.
The Greekword “apologia”means“defence”whichisa millionmilesfromsaying, “I’msorry”.
The AmericanFoundingFatherBenjaminFranklinobserved, “Neverruin an apology with an excuse”
but howmanyapologiesnowadaysare sohedgedaboutwithqualificationsandgeneralisationsthat
theyare renderedutterlyinsincere?
CelebritiesconsulttheirlawyersandtheirPRadvisorsbefore theyissueanyapologyfordrunken
racist rants,politicianspose questionstofocusgroupsbefore theyissuetheirsaboutbroken
promises,nextdoorneighbourshave tolistentotheirpartnersbeforetheymumble theirsabout
theirtirade aboutover-hangingbranchesandbossesandcolleaguesgetcounsellingbeforesayinga
single word.
Obviously,apologiesare notwhattheyusedtobe. Indeed,theycanbe a legal minefieldbecause a
trulyheart-feltapologyisnothinglessthananexpressionof guiltandthatmeansliabilityandthat’s
whenthe lawyersandeventhe police move in.Imagine thisnightmare scenarioforanapologetic
medico:“YourHonour,item numberonein ourcase againstDr Smith is his public statement stating ‘I
amtruly sorry for killing Mrs Joneson the operating table’”.Youcan betthe coppersare right
outside the courthouse door.

2. The “I’m sorry if you are upset”sort of apologyisnoapologyat all.You mightas well say, “Listen Mrs
Goldstein when Isaid Jewsare the scumof the earth why should that upsetyou in particular?”
Politicianslove the sortof faux apologytoprove to electorsthattheyare on theirside.The sortof “I
makeno apology forwanting thevery bestforAustralia” is especiallyinsincere andodiousinits
contrivedpietyyetitstill seemstowork.Whocouldnot believe apoliticianforrefusingtoapologise
for wantingall thatisgood, right,decentandwholesome?
Can youimagine comingacrossa quote in,say,St John’sGospel whichsays, “And Jesussayeth unto
the multitude,Verily,I maketh no apology fortrying to saveyou fromgrievoussin.” Oh, youmean
youcan’t? God worksin mysteriouswaysbutthatisnot one of themand, incidentally,I’mgrateful
to God for myfriends – I considerthemhisapologyforsomanyof my relatives.
Andsometimesapologiescanbe actuallyoffensive evenif theyare true andhonest. Wouldwe think
more of HitlerorPol Pot or theirlike if historiansuncoveredsomeapologywhichwas of the “I’m
sorry we lost” kind? Wouldwe say, “Gosh,he wasa real man for owning up to that?”
Andwhat isthe point – excepttosalve a guiltyconscience –of sayingyouwere sorryto Uncle Fred
at hisfuneral forloathingthe veryairthat he breathedwhile he wasstill breathing?Doyouexpect
forgivenessfromacorpse? Is the only purpose of an apologytomake you feel better?
But, I guess,sometimesanapologyisthe bestwaytohave the final word.Sorryaboutthat.