"My autonomous gender preference is for females!" (Unfortunately.)

1. Hello! Welcome to…the college chapter! Bwhahahaha!
(clears throat) Sorry. Got a bit carried away there. But this is the promised college
chapter. Before we get started, I just want to point out that Lexi Rossi is made of
awesome: Straight A’s, a $4,000 vase, and now a $5,000 treasure chest. Maybe I should
call this Rossi Hall instead of Mondegreen Hall. What do you think?
And now, without further ado, let’s rejoin our story…Already in Progress...

2. CHALCEDONY: Is there anybody around?
JASPER: No.
JASMINE: Uh-uh.
CHALCEDONY: Okay, then, let’s make a pact. We never grew up into this stuff. It
never happened. Got it?
JASPER and JASMINE: Got it!

3. JASPER: Well, here we are at college.
CHALCEDONY: Uh-huh.
JASPER: Somehow I expected more.
CHALCEDONY: It’s the build-your-own dorm project. It leaves a lot to be desired.
JASPER: Yeah. Remind me again why we’re participating in that? Since it was your idea
in the first place.
CHALCEDONY: My idea? I thought it was yours!

4. Teen romances end with no hard feelings, so Jasper is no longer attached to Sophie and
Jasmine is no longer attached to Perry. Jasper lost no time seizing the opportunity this
presented.
LEXI (sadly): Well, that’s that, then.
CHALCEDONY: Jasper? I know how you feel. I have two bolts for Jasmine.
LEXI: So do I.
CHALCEDONY: …Oh.
Totally autonomous, folks.

5. Shortly thereafter, Lexi graduated. She will get something nice, just as soon as I figure
out what’s a suitable reward for someone as awesome as her. But if I were you, I
wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for updates about her.

6. And with Lexi moving out, I thought I’d give in to the Want that Jasmine kept on rolling
at regular intervals: Perry Goes To College. I was anticipating a nasty little triangle, with
much slapping, but that doesn’t seem to be happening.
JASMINE: Hey, Perry, good to see you! You look great.
PERRY: Thanks.
JASMINE: You met Jasper, right? My boyfriend?
PERRY: Yup.
JASMINE: Well, this is his twin brother, Chalcedony.
CHALCEDONY: Hi.
(Perry nods in greeting)

7. CHALCEDONY: So…Haven’t picked a major yet, huh?
PERRY: Nope.
CHALCEDONY: Well, what’s your Lifetime Want?
PERRY: Have Six Grandchildren.
CHALCEDONY: Mine’s Graduate Three Children From College. You’re Family too?
PERRY: Yup.
CHALCEDONY: So do you have the want to Fall in Love locked all on your own too? I
know I do.
PERRY: Yup.
CHALCEDONY: But everyone I meet is taken. I’m starting to feel pretty desperate.
(ruminating pause)
Let’s see how long it takes our college boys to come up with the same efficient solution I
thought of. The same aspiration…highly compatible LTWs…a desperate, near-obsessive
need to Fall in Love…
CHALCEDONY and PERRY (simultaneously – and louder than necessary): My
autonomous gender preference is for Females!
Darn.

8. And that conversation naturally leads to this.
PERRY: This is a bad idea.
CHALCEDONY: Oh, come on. How are we supposed to meet girls if we sit around in
the dorm all day? This is much better.
PERRY: I have zero Outgoing points.
CHALCEDONY: That few? Wow, are you ever in trouble.

9. No, I think I’m the one who’s in trouble. First I had Chalcedony Scope the Room.

10. Then Perry. You see the problem, don’t you?
Every single female in the bar lights up for both of them. And they all have serious
boltage. The boys are really desperate.

11. Perry didn’t object to the trip to the gym, though.
I think he liked the view from the exercise machine.
Just go over and say som – Oh, right. Zero Outgoing points. I almost forgot.

12. CHALCEDONY (familiarly): Hey, how are you doing?
ELLE TANG: I’m sorry. Do I know you?
CHALCEDONY: Weren’t you at Diamondback the other night? We shot some pool?
ELLE: Oh, was that you? You look different somewhere with adequate lighting.
CHALCEDONY: Uh…Thanks?
ELLE: I’m Elle. Elle Tang.
CHALCEDONY: Chalcedony Littledragon.

13. So Chalcedony asked Elle to come over and hang out. He also asked her to bring a friend
for his good pal Perry, but it seems that Angel preferred to spend the visit hanging out
with the cow mascot.

14. Which is probably just as well, since no-Outgoing-points Perry really isn’t all that good
with strangers.
CHALCEDONY: So, Elle, I –
PERRY: ‘Scuse me.
CHALCEDONY: Perry, I’m trying to talk to Elle. Do you think it could wait?
PERRY: Chair’s here.
CHALCEDONY: What’s wrong with the couch?
PERRY: Jasper’s napping.
CHALCEDONY: We have got to get more chairs.

15. I would just like to point out that this did not actually hurt Chalcedony’s relationship with
Elle at all.

16. I’d also like to point out that Perry wasn’t the only one with a knack for being where he
wasn’t exactly wanted.
CHALCEDONY: Hey Jasper, have you seen my – ?
JASPER: No.
CHALCEDONY: But I haven’t even said what –
JASPER: I haven’t seen it. Scram.
CHALCEDONY: Okay, okay, fine! ‘Lanthee, no need to get snippy about it!

17. Well, Cal, I think your brother might have other things on his mind right now.

18. Yup, definitely other things on his mind.

19. But while Chalcedony and Jasper were having a fair amount of success on the romantic
front, this was the closest Perry came to romance.
CHALCEDONY: Oh, hey, Perry – this is my sister Amethyst. We all call her Amy.
PERRY: Hi. Nice to meet you.
…Which isn’t all that close. I mean, she’s a teen. And I don’t have the Forbidden Hack.

20. So Jasmine decided to help a pal out, and used just a teeny tiny little bit of Influence on
the cheerleader.

21. She probably should have screened her candidates a bit better…
CHEERLEADER: Whoa, do you work out? You have a great butt! It makes me wanna
just –
PERRY: (shrieks like a girl) Don’t touch me! (panicked) Jasmine! Make this person go
away!

22. In Junior year (Perry’s Sophomore year, for those of you playing along at home), all the
bits you can’t build if you’re in a dorm were finally finished. So, the gang moved out
briefly, I fixed things with the Zoning Board, and they moved back in to their shiny new
dorm. Whose new residents promptly celebrated with a big fire.
Guess who forgot to put in sprinklers or a smoke alarm?

23. But everyone came through unharmed and went back to their normal lives.
JASPER: So, babe, what would you say to a research session?
JASMINE: Can we study Fermat’s Last Theorem?
JASPER: You can – I’m going to study the transition of Rome from a republic to an
empire, with special focus on the Emperor Claudius.
Yup, these two fulfill a romantic want or two and then roll the want to Do Research with
Someone. I generally let them work on that together too.
Jasper has switched from Pleasure to Fortune, which doesn’t seem to have affected his
want panel much. About the only difference is that now he’d prefer a guitar to a bubble
blower. Since he isn’t getting either as long as there aren’t enough toilets to go around, it
doesn’t really matter.

24. A new dorm means that now there are dormies who might possibly be susceptible to
being Influenced to Talk to Perry.
JASMINE: …Just talk, don’t try flirting. He doesn’t like that much.
CARMEN THE RANDOM DORMIE: Are you sure he likes me?
JASMINE: Yes, I’m sure. I heard him say he wanted to be, ahem, friends with you the
other day. Go on over and talk to him. He doesn’t bite.

25. CARMEN THE RANDOM DORMIE: But Jasmine said you liked me!
PERRY: I don’t even know you.
CARMEN THE RANDOM DORMIE: But – But – I thought you were interested in me!
Now I see you’re just a big jerk. Fine. I don’t want to get to know you either!
PERRY: Wha – ?

26. PERRY: I didn’t mean – !
(Carmen walks away)
PERRY: Aaargh! Why can’t I talk to girls? Why? Why? Why?
JASMINE: How’d it go, Perry?
PERRY: Don’t do me any more favors, okay?

27. But someone has to do something, Perry! You’re really getting close to rock bottom here.
He’s had the Want for a First Kiss self-locked since Freshman year! He won’t talk to
anybody! And if he does, they’re male.
Fortunately, he’s the only one with a problem.

28. JASMINE: Hey, congratulations, Cal! You and Elle are going to be so happy together, I
just know it.
CHALCEDONY (bashfully): Thanks.
JASMINE: So how did you pop the question? Did you take her to a special romantic
spot? Paint your proposal on a wall? Hire the glee club to sing it to her?

29. CHALCEDONY (V.O.): No, I just kinda…asked. You know. On the way to class.
JASMINE (mildly disappointed): Well that’s not very exciting.
CHALCEDONY (V.O.): When it’s the right person, “Yes” is all the excitement you
need.
JASMINE: Huh. Guess I should cancel the skywriter, then.

30. I don’t think Jasper felt the lack.
JASPER: Holy crap is that a big diamond! What’d you do, steal the Koh-i-Noor?
JASMINE: Nothing but the best for my guy. You want?

31. JASPER: Aw hells yeah! C’mere.

32. And then the only thing left to do was throw a graduation party (final score: Good Time,
although I can’t figure out why since certain people couldn’t even be bothered to get
changed) and move back to Sandersville. First Jasmine.

33. CHALCEDONY: Sweeeet.
JASPER: I know, right?
JASMINE: Jasper, when I get you alone, you are so dead. I can’t believe I let you pick
out my transition outfit!
PERRY: You look great.
JASMINE: Perry, you have your eyes closed.
PERRY: Zero Outgoing points. Lots of bare skin.

34. Then Chalcedony.
CHALCEDONY: What the – ? This isn’t what I picked out! Jasper!
JASPER: What? You no like?
CHALCEDONY: I’m gonna kill you when we get home!
JASPER: Take a number.

35. And then Jasper.
Who has no excuse for looking like this, since he’s the one who picked up the transition
outfits.
And this concludes the college chapter! I hope it wasn’t too boring. College chapters are
mostly fluff anyway. Next time around, we’ll have a wider cast of characters. I hope
you’ll join me. Until then: vooooooo gerbits!