Adding dialogue and sensory detail to your personal narratives

1. Adding
dialogue and
sensory detail
to your
personal
narrative

2. Dialogue: When to add it?
• Dialogue helps slow down the action.
• It allows the reader to really experience the moment; it makes it
come alive.
• It is visually set apart from the rest of the narrative, so your audience
will assume it is going to be something important. Make sure it is
something relevant or even crucial to the point you are making in
your narrative.
• “A line anybody could say is a line nobody should say” – Janet Fitch

3. Dialogue: When to add it?
• Never say the obvious.
Example: Joi said, “I was at the park too. There were slides,
swings, and monkey bars.”
https://rockinresources.com/2015/04/writing-mini-lesson-20-dialogue-in.html

4. Dialogue: When to add it?
• Skip the meet and greet.
Example: “Hi James,” he said. James replied, “Hello there!”
https://rockinresources.com/2015/04/writing-mini-lesson-20-dialogue-in.html

5. Dialogue: When to add it?
• When characters speak, something should be happening and
the plot should be progressing. Conflict between characters is
a great place to add dialogue, but balance it with action!
Example: Tim screamed, “You stole the purple pens!” As he
marched over to Lucy, she folded her arms.
https://rockinresources.com/2015/04/writing-mini-lesson-20-dialogue-in.html

6. Dialogue: When to add it?
• Use dialogue to reveal a character’s personality.
Example: Lisa criticized, “Did you see that girl’s ugly dress? I
would never wear that.”
https://rockinresources.com/2015/04/writing-mini-lesson-20-dialogue-in.html

7. Dialogue: How to include other languages?
• Option 1: Italicize it.
• You don’t have to do this, but some authors choose to. It may
become tiresome if there is a lot italicized text.
• It does draw attention to the fact that the text is in another language.
• According to MLA, if you are quoting a whole sentence, you do not
need to italicize the non-English words.
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/using_foreign_languages_in_academic_writing_in_english/quoting_and_translating.html

8. Dialogue: How to include other languages?
• Option 2: Translate it.
Example A: “No lo conozco,” he said. “I don’t know him.”
Example B: Gloria Anzaldúa switches between two languages when
she talks about her childhood: “En boca cerrada no entran moscas.
‘Flies don’t enter a closed mouth’ is a saying I kept hearing when I
was a child” (2947).
• This works well for monolingual readers but can become tiresome for
multilingual readers.
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/using_foreign_languages_in_academic_writing_in_english/quoting_and_translating.html
https://matadornetwork.com/notebook/4-techniques-for-writing-bilingual-dialogue/

9. Dialogue: How to include other languages?
• Option 3: Don’t translate it, but include an explanatory phrase
or enough context so that the main idea is understood.
Example: “¿Prefiere te o café?” he asked. I didn’t care for
either, so I just ordered water.
• This works well for both monolingual and multilingual readers.

10. Dialogue: How to include other languages?
• Option 4: Use phrases that aren’t 100% crucial to
understanding the main idea, and leave it without translation.
Example: “Will you allow me to accompany you, mujer divina?”
• This works well for both multilingual and monolingual readers.
https://matadornetwork.com/notebook/4-techniques-for-writing-bilingual-dialogue/

11. Dialogue: How to include other languages?
• Option 5: Keep the dialogue in English, but use a phrase to
signal that it was said in another language.
Example: “Have you been here long?” he asked in Spanish.
• This works well for monolingual readers.
https://matadornetwork.com/notebook/4-techniques-for-writing-bilingual-dialogue/

12. Dialogue: How to include other languages?
• Option 6: Move freely between the languages without
translation.
• This works best if you know your audience is multilingual or if you
wish to create a barrier between the story and a monolingual reader.
https://matadornetwork.com/notebook/4-techniques-for-writing-bilingual-dialogue/

13. Sensory detail: Why should we add it?
• Much like with dialogue, sensory details help the narrative come to
life.
• They help the reader experience the moment with the writer.
• They slow down the action, which indicates to the reader that this
moment is important. Use it judiciously.
• It is most effective to use all five senses in harmony. A single
sensory detail on its own may feel distracting, irrelevant, or
random.
https://writing.colostate.edu/guides/page.cfm?pageid=1665&guideid=91

14. Sensory detail: Example paragraph
This paragraph does not have any sensory detail:
Grandmother Workman reached over and grabbed her
grandson's arm. He was nervous because the staircase was so
steep, but she leaned against him and they began to climb.
https://writing.colostate.edu/guides/page.cfm?pageid=1665&guideid=91

15. Sensory detail: How should we add it?
Sight
• Visual details allow readers to picture the scene.
Examples:
• Dark green of rolling pastures
• the streets glistened like shiny ornaments after the rain
• the slivered moon sat in the sky like an old fingernail clipping
• the flashing blue lights from the police cruiser lit up our dark house
https://courses.lumenlearning.com/atd-bhcc-acceleratedenglish/chapter/sensory-details-examples/

16. Sensory detail: Example paragraph
This paragraph highlights descriptions of sight:
Grandmother Workman lurched over and grabbed the pale skin of Randal's thin forearm
with her leathery hand. The folds and creases beneath her skin coiled themselves out
like electrical wiring, like the bloated, roughly-textured relief map of the world that his
mother just posted above his bedside table. Randal looked ahead toward the winding
spiral staircase, fidgeted with a small hole in his baseball jersey, and bit his lip. His
mouth filled with the sweet, coppery taste of blood as she leaned in closely toward him,
breathing her hot breath on the damp hair at the base of his neck. She smelled of wet
cigarettes and bacon. As they slowly climbed the long, steep staircase, the only sound
was his grandmothers' labored breathing and the mournful creak of the wooden stairs.
https://writing.colostate.edu/guides/page.cfm?pageid=1665&guideid=91

17. Sensory detail: How should we add it?
Sound
• Sounds can remind us of personal memories or create images in our minds; sounds give us a
primary experience of the world.
Examples:
• The walls shook and vibrated like the tail of a rattle snake
• Ice crackled and pinged against the family room window like a baseball striking a bat
• Wind swirled around our beach house whistling loudly to a terrible tune
• The television buzzed as it shut off, and the furnace sighed one last time before the house fell
silent.
• The cracking of wood splitting punctuated each burst of fire like an exclamation point.
• the sounds of emergency sirens awakened the still roads wailing like a newborn baby
https://courses.lumenlearning.com/atd-bhcc-acceleratedenglish/chapter/sensory-details-examples/
https://writing.colostate.edu/guides/page.cfm?pageid=1665&guideid=91

18. Sensory detail: Example paragraph
This paragraph highlights descriptions of sound:
Grandmother Workman lurched over and grabbed the pale skin of Randal's thin forearm
with her leathery hand. The folds and creases beneath her skin coiled themselves out
like electrical wiring, like the bloated, roughly-textured relief map of the world that his
mother just posted above his bedside table. Randal looked ahead toward the winding
spiral staircase, fidgeted with a small hole in his baseball jersey, and bit his lip. His
mouth filled with the sweet, coppery taste of blood as she leaned in closely toward him,
breathing her hot breath on the damp hair at the base of his neck. She smelled of wet
cigarettes and bacon. As they slowly climbed the long, steep staircase, the only sound
was his grandmothers' labored breathing and the mournful creak of the wooden stairs.
https://writing.colostate.edu/guides/page.cfm?pageid=1665&guideid=91

19. Sensory detail: How should we add it?
Smell
• Smell is closely linked to memory and has the power to evoke emotions.
Examples:
• the baking cake filled the kitchen with aroma of vanilla
• cinnamon-scented candle reminded of the Big Red gum my father
chewed
• the beach air smelled of seaweed and salt
• the warm summer air smelled of freshly cut grass
https://courses.lumenlearning.com/atd-bhcc-acceleratedenglish/chapter/sensory-details-examples/
https://writing.colostate.edu/guides/page.cfm?pageid=1665&guideid=91

20. Sensory detail: Example paragraph
This paragraph highlights descriptions of smell:
Grandmother Workman lurched over and grabbed the pale skin of Randal's thin forearm
with her leathery hand. The folds and creases beneath her skin coiled themselves out
like electrical wiring, like the bloated, roughly-textured relief map of the world that his
mother just posted above his bedside table. Randal looked ahead toward the winding
spiral staircase, fidgeted with a small hole in his baseball jersey, and bit his lip. His
mouth filled with the sweet, coppery taste of blood as she leaned in closely toward him,
breathing her hot breath on the damp hair at the base of his neck. She smelled of wet
cigarettes and bacon. As they slowly climbed the long, steep staircase, the only sound
was his grandmothers' labored breathing and the mournful creak of the wooden stairs.
https://writing.colostate.edu/guides/page.cfm?pageid=1665&guideid=91

21. Sensory detail: How should we add it?
Touch
• Tactile details allow readers not only to visualize the scene but to
experience it; it helps prevent the reader from becoming distant or
detached.
Examples:
• The heavy quilt felt like an x-ray vest draped across our legs
• The prickly feathers of the boa stuck my neck
• The puppy’s nose was dry like sandpaper
• The sand was hot and grainy like my morning grits.
https://courses.lumenlearning.com/atd-bhcc-acceleratedenglish/chapter/sensory-details-examples/
https://writing.colostate.edu/guides/page.cfm?pageid=1665&guideid=91

22. Sensory detail: Example paragraph
This paragraph highlights descriptions of touch:
Grandmother Workman lurched over and grabbed the pale skin of Randal's thin forearm
with her leathery hand. The folds and creases beneath her skin coiled themselves out
like electrical wiring, like the bloated, roughly-textured relief map of the world that his
mother just posted above his bedside table. Randal looked ahead toward the winding
spiral staircase, fidgeted with a small hole in his baseball jersey, and bit his lip. His
mouth filled with the sweet, coppery taste of blood as she leaned in closely toward him,
breathing her hot breath on the damp hair at the base of his neck. She smelled of wet
cigarettes and bacon. As they slowly climbed the long, steep staircase, the only sound
was his grandmothers' labored breathing and the mournful creak of the wooden stairs.
https://writing.colostate.edu/guides/page.cfm?pageid=1665&guideid=91

23. Sensory detail: How should we add it?
Taste
• Taste details can move beyond just food; they can also help suggest
memories, feelings, people, and places.
Examples:
• Sweet, juicy strawberries
• Sour lemonade
• salty chips
• juicy tartness of orange
• rancid butter
https://courses.lumenlearning.com/atd-bhcc-acceleratedenglish/chapter/sensory-details-examples/
https://writing.colostate.edu/guides/page.cfm?pageid=1665&guideid=91

24. Sensory detail: Example paragraph
This paragraph highlights descriptions of taste:
Grandmother Workman lurched over and grabbed the pale skin of Randal's thin forearm
with her leathery hand. The folds and creases beneath her skin coiled themselves out
like electrical wiring, like the bloated, roughly-textured relief map of the world that his
mother just posted above his bedside table. Randal looked ahead toward the winding
spiral staircase, fidgeted with a small hole in his baseball jersey, and bit his lip. His
mouth filled with the sweet, coppery taste of blood as she leaned in closely toward him,
breathing her hot breath on the damp hair at the base of his neck. She smelled of wet
cigarettes and bacon. As they slowly climbed the long, steep staircase, the only sound
was his grandmothers' labored breathing and the mournful creak of the wooden stairs.
https://writing.colostate.edu/guides/page.cfm?pageid=1665&guideid=91