Big Dave; pumpkin spice

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Big DaveTackles Pumpkin Spice
David Watterson | Staff Writer
You can always tell when fall is coming because the leaves are changing color, everybody is wearing Tim-
berlands and fuzzy socks. Everything from bagels to milk becomes pumpkin flavored. Things that have
absolutely zero business being pumpkin flavored make the plunge into the abyss of the pumpkin spice craze. Com-
panies try to satisfy the customers who refuse to eat anything that isn’t pumpkin
flavored during the fall season. My photographer Eeshaan and I were tasked with
the grueling challenge of becoming one of those customers.
The first place we went to was Einstein Bros Bagels. After having a cute little
photo shoot outside, we headed in. We ordered pumpkin bagels with the pumpkin
spread for $1.69. We were disappointed but not surprised in the slightest to dis-
cover they got our order of one item wrong. We never got our pumpkin spread.
After that, our final decision was that the bagel was just okay. If I had to describe
the bagel, I would call it the La Croix of bagels, because it barely had any flavor, and
left a weird taste in my mouth.
The next stop on our journey to eventually hating everything pumpkin flavored was the elusive Dunkin’. We
walked into the store and were immediately welcomed with open arms from the heavenly employees who create and
sell the liquid excellence that is Dunkin coffee. We ordered a pumpkin iced coffee along with a pumpkin donut to
match. As we received the donut and drink combo, we could tell this was going to be something special. As we sink
our teeth into the warm dough the donut graced with its perfect pumpkin flavor. Our taste buds savored every parcel
that went into our mouths. As we chewed, we looked at each other and realized that nothing else we ate that day
would be able to top what we just devoured. The coffee was exquisite balance to the donut, perfectly complementing
the pumpkin flavoring of the donut. Overall, both Eeshaan and I gave it 10/10.
A very smart man once told me, “What makes our ice cream the best is our dairy queen soft serve, it’s how
we make our ice cream so good”, He said.
This man was Ed, the absolute machine that works as the manager for the local Dairy Queen. We ordered a
small pumpkin pie blizzard, which tasted like we were actually biting into a pumpkin. Eeshaan and I both thought
that is was way too strong, so we both just searched through the ice cream for the little pieces of pie crust, which
were great. Even if the actual ice cream was a 7/10, being able to meet Ed was a 10/10. He shared with us the secret
ingredient to the pumpkin ice cream and talked to us for 15 minutes. Every time I pass a Dairy Queen I think of his
smiling face.
For the finale, we entered Giant Eagle, and this exact moment is where things
went south for our little pumpkin taste test. We entered the local supermarket not
knowing that our taste buds and stomachs were about to be put through the test
of a lifetime. I knew going into the store that we were going to find something
crazy to eat, but I never imagined the situation I would put us in. The two of us
ended up in the dairy aisle, guided by former 2019 graduate Grant Nelson, and
we discovered pumpkin flavored milk. At this very moment, I had the sinister
idea to have a bowl of cereal that tasted like pumpkin. We searched a n d
found pumpkin-flavored frosted mini wheats. Next, the three o f
us walked over the eating area of Giant Eagle and we poured the
bright orange milk and Mini-Wheats into a container and vowed to take one bite of the vile con-
coction. Never again will I be able to stomach the taste of anything pumpkin flavored without
wanting to throw up. Happy fall PTHS!