This is the updated version, since the other once had font errors.

1. AUSTRALIAN SURVIVAL GUIDE! Ayers Rock and the Northern Territory

2. Welcome to AUSTRALIA Like many, I bet you’re wondering, “How in the world did I end up here?” Well worry no more! This right here is an authenticallyAustralian Survival Guide for when you irrevocably find yourself combating a wombat in the bush or wrestling a wallaby in the outback. So don’t fret, you dingo, and follow along!

3. Before We Begin…There are a few things we have to sort out: WHERE ARE YOU? You wake up and immediately you are ambushed by the heat. Looks like you lost your tour group, mate. Directly in front of you is a huge, flat rock that appears to glow red in the setting sun. There are few trees and shrubs and clumps of grass and—are those flowers?

5. Common Brushtail Possum

6. Rufous Hare-wallaby (Mala)

7. Burrowing Bettong

9. Uluru/Ayers Rock Turns out that large rock in the distance is one of Australia’s most recognizable landmarks, located in the Southern Part of the Northern Territory: Uluru (aka Ayers Rock). It stands 1,142 feet high with most of its bulk lying underground. It rises a total of 2,831 feet above sea level and as a total circumference of 5.8 miles. Unfortunately, the trails for climbing have been shut down to strong winds, which happens quite frequently in these parts. On less breezy days, bring A$25 and plenty of water.

10. Uluru/Ayers Rock While you’re standing utterly in awe of the closed-off, illustrious large rock, there are a few things to keep in mind: Do not steal any rocks from the even bigger rock: this is bad luck, and not in the “I’ll play blackjack and lose all my money” way. Do not go camera crazy: there are certain areas where the Angangu (the native people) perform gender-linked rituals and have banned photography. There is a large waterhole on top of the rock, and I bet that you’re thirsty. But you can’t go up there because it’s shut down.

11. WHAT NOW? The temperature is dropping, the sun is setting, and you’re still lost. Normally I would suggest to find a bench and get comfy for the night, but this is the wild Australian Outback we’re talking about. Start collecting many of the Bush Tucker and hope there aren’t any dingo roaming. Instead you spot a nice-looking elderly couple and ask them where the nearest hotel is. Even though you seemed to have misplaced your group, you still have money. Due to their unrelenting kindness, and your uncanny likeness to their son, they offer you a ride into the next city over, called Alice Springs, where they happen to be staying.

13. Referred to as the lesbian capital of Australia.

14. Renowned as the Aboriginal Art Capital of Central Australia.

15. The postal code is 0870.

16. Alice Springs has severe alcohol restrictions.

18. Alice Springs Telegraph Station Historical Reserve Marks the original site of the first European settlement in Alice Springs (1872) Relayed messages between Adelaide and Darwin. Operated for 60 years but now is a historic interpretive display.

19. But You Could Care Less Look, I get it. You’re hungry. Thankfully, Alice Springs as a nice food section in the Todd Mall, with restaurants that you are familiar with, like Bojangles. If anything, at least go with Thai food. While you’re at it, why don’t you even take a nap? You’ve had a long day…

21. Wait… …What was …THAT?

22. OH HOLY MOTHER OF FRENCH BREAD… WHERE are you? And how did you get here?

23. ONCE AGAIN… You have no idea where you are, only this time, both you and I are scared. It is quite beautiful, though, and soon you find yourself calming down. With this many trees and this much GREEN, it can only mean one thing: RAINFOREST

24. RAINFOREST There are so many birds! Butterflies! Frogs! It is hard to believe that we are on the same continent, let alone country. The country used to have more rainforests, but three-fourths of them have been cleared away in the last 200 years. Do you feel lucky, punk?

25. RAINFOREST You’ll never guess where we are, so I’ll just tell you: DAINTREE RAINFOREST Located off the east coast of Queensland, it is the largest continuous tropical rainforest on the continent at 1200 square km. Contains 30% of the frog, reptile, and marsupial species; 65% of the bat and butterfly species; and 18% of bird species in Australia.

26. I Don’t Know How You Got HereBut it is pretty impressive… Literally: the roads north of the river wind through areas of lush forest, and have been designed to minimize impacts on the ancient ecosystem. But stop looking at the flora and fauna already. You need to find civilization! Cape Tribulation is not far from here. Maybe there you can call for help.

27. Cape Tribulation! You stumble your way through the trees and foliage until you catch sight of a beautiful beach. The cape is a small locality with a population of 101. But don’t fret! As of the early 1990s, there are a few hostels and bed-and-breakfasts where you can rest and finally end your journey. From here, you can go to the great barrier reef, horseback riding, kayaking, jungle surfing, or visit the butterfly and beetle collection.

28. …Or You Can Sleep After Having Battled THE AUSTRALIAN OUTBACK AND RAINFORESTS!