These slides have been prepared for doctoral students at Massey University, New Zealand

1. Improving your PhD Writing
Style
National Centre for Teaching & Learning
See these slides online at: tinyurl.com/phdwritingstyle2018
The recording should be available soon at the Doctoral Community Stream site

2. What kind of a writer are you?
Contents
The three ‘C’s of writing
Clarity
Coherence
Conciseness
Topics / Questions for the next workshop

3. WHAT KIND OF WRITER
ARE YOU?

4. What adjectives would you use to describe:
Yourself as a writer?
Your process of writing?
The text you produce?
The feedback you’ve received?
Discuss in your pairs / groups

5. These & more quotations on (re)writing can be found at: tinyurl.com/dbqk4k
You’re not alone in finding writing hard work!
"Writing a first draft is like groping one's way into a dark
room .....one writes mainly to rewrite, for rewriting and
revising are how one's mind comes to inhabit the
material fully." Ted Solotaroff
"There are days when the result is so bad that no
fewer than five revisions are required. In contrast,
when I'm greatly inspired, only four revisions are
needed." John Galbreath

6. Aug 8: Responses to student queries
Sept 12: Results & discussion chapters for quantitative research
Oct 10: Results & discussion chapters for qualitative research
Nov 14: Editing your PhD thesis
Dec 12: Responses to student queries
VLT Rooms on each campus 12.00 – 1.30 pm
Sign up – and access videos of past workshops – through the
Doctoral Community tab on Stream
Writing workshops for PhD students
Second Wednesday of each month from Mar - Dec

7. POSTGRAD SKILLS WORKSHOPS
SEE tinyurl.com/nctlworkshops and orientation
programme on the Massey app

8. Selected PhD Writing Resources
All Massey theses tinyurl.com/masseytheses
Exceptional Massey theses tinyurl.com/masseydeanslist
Patter (blog on thesis writing etc) patthomson.net
The thesis whisperer thesiswhisperer.com
Doctoral writing SIG doctoralwriting.wordpress.com
____________________________________________
John Swales & Christine Feak English in today’s research
world / Academic writing for graduate students etc. See
tinyurl.com/swalesfeak
Paul Oliver Writing your thesis
Joyner, Rowse, & Glatthorn Writing the winning thesis
Rowena Murray How to write a thesis
Evans, Gruba, & Zobel How to write a better thesis

9. Rosemary Gibson (2014): Understanding and Managing Dementia-
Related Sleep Problems: Community-Based Research with Older New
Zealanders. http://hdl.handle.net/10179/6688
Jane Hurst (2017): It's all about relationships : women managing
women and the impact on their careers. http://hdl.handle.net/10179/11814
Hwee Ming Teo (2016): Development of novel nanoemulsions as
delivery systems. http://hdl.handle.net/10179/9903
Grace Marufu (Mugabe) (2014): The changing structure and
functions of the family. http://tinyurl.com/gracemugabethesis
PhD theses referred to in this presentation

10. The 3 ‘C’s of writing

11. CLARITY: Explaining your points, so that the
reader can easily understand exactly what
they mean
COHERENCE: Building on what have written
previously, so that the reader can easily
follow the thread of your argument
CONCISENESS: Including only those words
and ideas that contribute significantly to the
reader’s understanding of your essential
meaning

12. WRITING TIPS FOR
CLARITY

13. CLARITY 1: Avoid vague information
Self regulated learning is an area that is well researched.
• More precise alternatives: concept, theory, approach, branch
of education …
The researcher asked for participants’ input in the focus group.
• More precise alternatives: opinions, ideas, views, solutions …

14. Marufu, 2014, p. 74
Task 1: How could this summary of ethical
considerations be made clearer?

15. Hurst, 2017, p. 63
Clear summary of ethical considerations

16. Gibson, 2014, p. xix
Sometimes, more detailed discussion of ethical
issues and methods may be required

17. Marufu, 2014, p. 40
CLARITY 2: Avoid vague references to theory

18. Clear overview of theoretical perspective
Hurst, 2017, p. 18

19. In the 1960s, when little study was devoted
to facial expression (reference), like most
social scientists of her day, Mead
(reference) believed expression was
culturally determined, that we simply use
our face according to a set of learned social
conventions, which grew from the emphasis
on motivation and cognition in academic
psychology that flourished at the time.
CLARITY 3: Avoid vague, rambling sentences

20. In the 1960s, little study was devoted to facial
expression (reference).
Like most social scientists of her day, Mead believed
expression was culturally determined (reference).
In other words, she believed we simply use our face
according to a set of learned social conventions.
This belief grew from the emphasis on motivation and
cognition in academic psychology that flourished at the
time.
Clarity is enhanced by writing short sentences,
each covering a single point

21. STOP & REFRESH

22. Task 2: What is the focus of each sentence?
Gibson, 2014, p. 56

23. CLARITY 4: Include ‘hedging’ to make
generalisations more precise
Hurst, 2017, p. 45

24. Marufu, 2014, p. 5
CLARITY 5: Avoid vague figures & tables

25. Hwee Ming Teo, 2016, p. 154
Clear illustration of a process

26. Hwee Ming Teo, 2016, p. 146
Clear description of a chart

27. WRITING TIPS FOR
COHERENCE

28. Gibson, 2014, pp. 56-57
COHERENCE 1: Begin a paragraph with a topic sentence

29. Marufu, 2014, p. 24
Task 3: To what extent does the rest of the paragraph
develop the point made in the topic sentence?

30. Coherence 2: Repetition of topic vocabulary
Gibson, 2014, p. 65

31. Hurst, 2017, p. 247
Coherence 3: Start new sentences by
referring back to the previous one(s)

32. Hurst, 2017, p. 217
Coherence 4: Selective use of linking words

33. Marufu, 2014, p. 37
Task 4: What’s the point of the second paragraph and
how does it relate to the first one?

34. WRITING TIPS FOR
CONCISENESS

35. Marufu, 2014, p. 12
CONCISENESS 1: Omit ‘background’ information

36. Hwee Ming Teo, 2016, p. 1
See how this first paragraph gets straight to the point

37. Cognitive theories of motivation, on the other hand, seek to
explain motivation to learn language in relation to learners’
beliefs about their abilities (Dornyei, 1994, p. 276). Perhaps the
most influential of these, attribution theory, suggests that our
beliefs about past experiences influence expectations of future
success. According to this view, the common experience of low
achievement in foreign languages at school does not necessarily
lead to low motivation in adults, since those who ascribe their
past failures to factors beyond their control, might still be highly-
motivated despite past failures. Research by Wu and Ushioda
supports this view, finding that highly motivated learners did in
fact tend to associate their successes with personal factors and
failures to external factors (in Dornyei, 2005, p. 80). A practical
application of such research might be a stronger emphasis on
learner training with the goal of helping learners overcome
unfounded perceptions of lack of language learning ability based
on past failures….
CONCISENESS 2: Ensure each sentence moves the argument along

38. general theory (cognitive)
specific claim (attribution theory)
explanation
application to context
evidence

39. CONCISENESS 3: Only include significant details
... The team of three researchers – a married couple and the long-time
friend and colleague of the husband – conducted a mixed-methodology
study into the relative frequency of use of the four skills in such
contexts as buying food, socialising, commuting, having dinner with
one’s family, doing household chores, taking part in work meetings,
dealing with clients, dealing with members of the public, having lunch
with work colleagues etc.... They found that the average participant
spent 45% of their communicative time listening, 30% speaking, 16%
reading and 9% on writing (Rosenblatt, Cheatham & Watt, 1982).

40. This improved version focuses on the ‘big picture’.
... The primacy of listening over the other communicative skills was
borne out by a seminal study by Rosenblatt, Cheatham and Watt
(1982). The researchers carefully measured use of the four skills in
typical social and professional contexts. They found that a
remarkable 45% of all communicative activities involved the
listening skill. People listened one and a half times as much as
they spoke and five times as much as they wrote.
Detail in itself is irrelevant – never include more detail than
is absolutely necessary to support your point.

41. Hwee Ming Teo, 2016, p. 182
Avoid describing all the results which you
have also presented in a table
Note how the writer has focused on the
significant findings

42. Hurst, 2017, p. 162
In the same way, just include a single
quotation where possible

43. CONCISENESS 4: Reduce phrases to single words
Another way this research methodology is limited, looking at it from an
ethnographic angle ...
Another limitation, in ethnographic terms ...

44. Task 5: How concise is this paragraph?
Hurst, 2017, p. 42

45. APPLYING THE 3 ‘C’s

46. A common method of finding out about any problems children
might be having with eating and drinking is to ask their parents if
they could fill out questionnaires about them. They don’t take
long and there is no need for professional researchers necessarily
to be involved in meeting the parents and asking them questions
(Seivering et al., 2010). One of these is the Brief Autism
Mealtime Behaviour Inventory (BAMBI). Mealtime behaviours are
the main topic of BAMBI (Seivering et al., 2010). In the food
preference inventory (FPI), parents select how often their child
eats a food. They have to say whether their son or daughter
often, sometimes, or never eats a particular kind of food, like ice-
cream, carrots, chips, fish, yoghurt, chocolate etc (Sharp,
Jaquess, & Lukens, 2013). They can also be directly observed.
The therapist, researcher or parent feeds the child food from
different food groups or textures and he or she makes notes
(Seivering et al., 2010). The ways they behave while eating, the
kinds of food they like or do not like and the way they interact
with the other person while they are eating are noted and
analysed.
How could this text be made clearer, more coherent and more
concise?

47. Information about a child’s feeding difficulties can be collected
through parent questionnaires or observation (which requires more
time and expertise) (Seivering et al., 2010). Parent questionnaires
include the Brief Autism Mealtime Behaviour Inventory (BAMBI)
(Seivering et al., 2010) and the Food Preference Inventory (FPI),
where parents record how often their child eats a food (Sharp,
Jaquess, & Lukens, 2013). Direct observation involves the therapist,
researcher or parent feeding the child food from different food
groups or textures (Seivering et al., 2010), recording the child’s
behaviour, preferences and interactions.
Improved version version
• Paragraph has a more inclusive topic sentence
• Repetition has been reduced
• Some details (e.g. sometimes, often, never) have been
omitted

48. TOPICS / QUESTIONS FOR NEXT WORKSHOP

49. Attend a library workshop: tinyurl.com/masseylibraryworkshops
Contact a subject librarian: tinyurl.com/masseylibrarian
APA referencing guide: tinyurl.com/masseyapainteractive
Endnote guide & download: tinyurl.com/masseyendnote
Health & Counselling: tinyurl.com/masseywellness
Counselling self-help resources: tinyurl.com/masseycounsellingselfhelp
Thesis writing video: tinyurl.com/masseythesisvideo
Lit review writing video: tinyurl.com/masseylitreviewvideo
USEFUL MASSEY LINKS