The professor provides feedback on a student's paper about the American Civil War. The professor notes that the paper merely summarizes known events of the war without establishing a clear thesis or purpose. The paper also appears to use Google Translate in places, resulting in unclear writing. The professor recommends that the student identify a specific angle to study, such as the role of slave workers or Southern women, and redo the paper with a clear purpose in mind rather than just summarizing the general events of the war.

1. Pili1
Baudouin,
Your paper starts off on the right track but you never establish a
purpose of thesis to your paper. In other words, you are merely
summarizing the Civil War. This is already known information
You need a specific angle to study and present.
Additionally, it seems you are using Google Translate in many
places because the redaction makes little sense.
Try finding a specific purpose and redo your paper. Think what
it is about the Civil War that is interesting specifically. Maybe,
you could study the role of slave workers in ending the war, or
the role of Southern women in running the farms while the male
soldiers were away fighting. To merely summarize the events of
the war is not to have a purpose.
Prof. C. Gerdes
Baudouin Pili
The Civil War in the USA
Christopher Patke
March 30, 2020

2. The American Civil War
The civil war that occurs in the united states was one of the
most significant histories among the events that happened in the
United States of America. This Civil war took place among the
34 states. Among these states, there were those states who were
slaveholding, and they announced their severance from the
United States after the civil war became long-simmering [It is
confusing to state that the severance happened after the Civil
War “became long simmering.” This implies, but not firmly that
separation happened after the Civil War started. You need to
clarify.] and a lot of sectional tension reaching essential level
and thus framing the confederate states of America.1
As the confederates, they insisted on going away,[word choice-
secede is more specific than ‘going away”] claiming that it is
their right to go away, but the Union and other states refuse
them to go away as they did not agree on their head. [You use
the term “go away” times in the same sentence.] The fight that
took place within this period of about four years claims a lot of
lives as nearly 1.5 million of the victims lost their lives as most
of them were murdered while some died from the sickness
wounded and injuries and others who were taken as prisoners
also died. [You are citing numbers that you are not giving
evidence for. You lose credibility from the reader because it
looks like you are making the numbers up. Actually, the
number of dead, as historians estimated is somewhere in the
range of 650,000-75,0000.]
The northern states, also known as the Union, were among the
countries that stayed steadfast, and they did not announce any
severance on America. The war had its root in the contentious
issue of slavery, mainly the expansion of bondage into the
western regions. Before the civil war emergence, the Southern
regions were so delighted about one of the lightest tax rates on
all current socialized social orders. [This makes no sense. What
do you want to say?] Endeavors to raise war income through
different systems for tariff demonstrated in sufficient. The

3. Confederate Congress established a minor duty in 1861.
However, it contributed just $3.5 million in four years.
The Confederacy first attempted to safeguard all of the borders,
but for most of the warfare, Jefferson Davis and his advisers
followed what frequently is termed a shielding-offensive
method. Associate armies mostly stood at the strategic
protecting, defending a lot of their territory as possible. When
instances appeared favorable, the Confederacy launched
offensives-the most crucial of which terminated in the civil war
of Antietam and Perryville in 1862 and Gettysburg in 1863.
[This is strangely worded. Antietam, Perryville, and Gettysburg
were all battles within the Civil War, not Civil Wars
themselves.] Military prosperities retreated and flooded for
extra than three years before United States fleets received a
conclusive advantage [Are you using Google Translate? Your
wording makes no sense.]
By need instead of decision, the South swung to the printing
press to pay a significant portion of its bills.12 The North goes
into the war with a few clear, established points of interest. The
interest includes things like setting up some tax structure and
creating a treasury. Due to the migration of many southern
delegates, the congress that was being ruled by the republican
put some strict measures on the tax rates through all the period
of the war, beginning with the Morrill Tariff Act that was
implemented in the year 1862. This act turned around the
descendant pattern [what does that mean?] that was established
by the democrats between the years 1846 and 1857.
In the United States, during the civil war period, women labored
as nurses. However, these jobs were previously preserved for
mean, government clerks, manufacturing unit people, and
contributors of the USA Sanitary Commission and different
charitable organizations that assisted soldiers, and otherwise
helped the battle attempt. Southern white women furthermore
worked as clerks and nurses and in manufacturing factories, and
thousands took responsibility for organization and management
of the farms, as did their northern opposite numbers. In prison,

4. human beings in the South take on a primary a part of the labor
burden-as they regularly had-and allowed the Confederacy to
the position of an excessive percent of its military-age white
guys into uniform. No organization was extra without delay laid
low with the outcome of the battle than the 4 million black
persons who have been enslaved in 1861
Despite gaps alongside ethnic and class traces, the general
public of Americans had sufficiently in the commonplace. There
have been white, Christian, English speaking individuals, and
shared a background cast within the ordeal of the Radical War.
Questions stating to the establishment of slavery established the
phase for secession and conflict. Most males and female
individuals at the period could have agreed with Abraham
Lincoln's declaration in his Second Introductory Statement that
slavery of changing into by some means the source and
emergence of the civil war battle. Alexander H. Stephens, the
Confederation's vice chairman, pounded no words while he
announced in March 1861 that slavery becoming the
instantaneous purpose of the past due to estrangement and the
contemporary revolution to fixed up southern independence.
Ensuing duty enactment, mostly the 1864 demonstration,
upraised rates further. Secretary of the Treasury Salmon Chase
be keen on to pay government responsibilities by actually
moving gold out of the Treasury rather than exchanging stores
from interest stores through check Chase would have liked to
take after Albert Gallatin's model of financing the War of 1812,
which (at first) stressed getting over the levy. Ultimately, even
so, mounting responsibilities, a lack of specie, and the danger
of enlargement drove the Union to receive imaginative
preparations for both getting and inward levy2. The Union
government's choice to actualize a comprehensive arrangement
of interior tariff guaranteed a significant wellspring of wage, as
well as protected the northern economy from the kind of ruinous
swelling experienced by the South.
The war cost so many lives of the American soldiers more than
that lost on both the first and second world wars. The men lost

5. were supposed to be replaced, and therefore there were posters
and recruitment advertisements. The forming and twisting of
feeling amid the war was incompletely the work of deliberate
advocate bunches and halfway the inescapable result of war
brain research. The purposeful publicity in this display
(generally Union, as Confederate notices are uncommon)
utilized enthusiastic representations, for example, Lady Liberty
to tempt initiates (13) Both the United States and the
Confederate States did have their customary purposeful
publicity administration for the impacting of remote notion.
Concerning the United States, the Lincoln government sent in
the fall of 1861 a promulgation commission to Europe for a
reason, as Frederic Bancroft has expressed, of attempting to
impact the two incredible governments [England and France] by
bringing the press and the ministry, and afterward the general
population, to a right comprehension of the reasons and
purposes of the Civil War. For this commission, it was fancied
to have men of high refinement and character. The North and
the southern states also tried to pursue and coerced the
countries that were neutral during the war to take their sides on
the war. At some point, the countries that were conquered by
either of the parties were forcefully assimilated into the
political side of the aggressor.3
Civilians and civil-military were initially not recognized by
historians, but they, too, were a significant part of the war.
President Lincoln explained to the congress that they were all in
this war, both civilians and soldiers. Most of the soldiers were
recruited and paid to fight in the war while some civilians
volunteered and moved ranks to be soldiers. The volunteer
soldiers were encouraged by the community due to the loss of
many ranking soldiers in the war front. Many civilians lost their
lives alongside the soldiers. Positively the Civil War touched
Southerners more significantly than most Northerners.
Tremendous armed forces trampled over firmly tended
homesteads; the wall was obliterated, and creatures reallocated.
In the savage extemporized war pursued by raiders in the

6. borderlands of Kentucky, Kansas, and Missouri, there was never
any division in the middle of regular folks and formal warriors.
Private homes turned into officers' base camp.21
The American Civil War was mainly to focus on the Union's
survival or freedom for the Confederacy. Threats formally
started on April 12, 1861, when Confederate powers terminated
upon Fort Sumter. The primary reason for the war was the
announcement of the abolition of slavery by Abraham Lincoln
and his republican party. Other reasons for the battle include
sectionalism and protectionism, among others. The war took
different forms and was fought on 237 fronts. Over 19million
people lost their lives. 13
Conclusion.
Having looked at the civil war causes and its effect in America
up to 1877, I conclude that it was necessary although they
passed a tough time with tension. The Civil war led to free
slaves, population growth, which led to industrialization, and
more so the democracy started to be practiced. The women
faced a lot of problems since they took the responsibilities of
men, such as participating in the manufacturing factories and
participating in other hard tasks that were previously preserved
to be done by men.
Bibliography
1 Fanebust, Wayne. 2012. Major General Alexander M.
McCook, USA, a Civil War biography. Jefferson, N.C.:
McFarland & Company, Inc., Publishers.
http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&scope=site
&db=nlebk&db=nlabk&AN=503169.
2Förster, Stig, and Jorg Nagler, eds. On the Road to Total War:
The American Civil War and the German Wars of Unification,
1861-1871. Cambridge University Press, 2002.
3 McPherson, James M., 1988. Battle cry of freedom: the Civil
War era. New York: Oxford University Press.
4McPherson, James M., and Laurence B. Holland. Blacks in
America: bibliographical essays. Vol. 54. Doubleday, 1971.

7. Pili1
Baudouin,
Your paper starts off on the right track but you never establish a
purpose of thesis to your paper. In other words, you are merely
summarizing the Civil War. This is already known information
You need a specific angle to study and present.
Additionally, it seems you are using Google Translate in many
places because the redaction makes little sense.
Try finding a specific purpose and redo your paper. Think what
it is about the Civil War that is interesting specifically. Maybe,
you could study the role of slave workers in ending the war, or
the role of Southern women in running the farms while the male
soldiers were away fighting. To merely summarize the events of
the war is not to have a purpose.
Prof. C. Gerdes
Baudouin Pili
The Civil War in the USA
Christopher Patke
March 30, 2020

8. The American Civil War
The civil war that occurs in the united states was one of the
most significant histories among the events that happened in the
United States of America. This Civil war took place among the
34 states. Among these states, there were those states who were
slaveholding, and they announced their severance from the
United States after the civil war became long-simmering [It is
confusing to state that the severance happened after the Civil
War “became long simmering.” This implies, but not firmly that
separation happened after the Civil War started. You need to
clarify.] and a lot of sectional tension reaching essential level
and thus framing the confederate states of America.1
As the confederates, they insisted on going away,[word choice-
secede is more specific than ‘going away”] claiming that it is
their right to go away, but the Union and other states refuse
them to go away as they did not agree on their head. [You use
the term “go away” times in the same sentence.] The fight that
took place within this period of about four years claims a lot of
lives as nearly 1.5 million of the victims lost their lives as most
of them were murdered while some died from the sickness
wounded and injuries and others who were taken as prisoners
also died. [You are citing numbers that you are not giving
evidence for. You lose credibility from the reader because it
looks like you are making the numbers up. Actually, the
number of dead, as historians estimated is somewhere in the
range of 650,000-75,0000.]
The northern states, also known as the Union, were among the
countries that stayed steadfast, and they did not announce any
severance on America. The war had its root in the contentious
issue of slavery, mainly the expansion of bondage into the

9. western regions. Before the civil war emergence, the Southern
regions were so delighted about one of the lightest tax rates on
all current socialized social orders. [This makes no sense. What
do you want to say?] Endeavors to raise war income through
different systems for tariff demonstrated in sufficient. The
Confederate Congress established a minor duty in 1861.
However, it contributed just $3.5 million in four years.
The Confederacy first attempted to safeguard all of the borders,
but for most of the warfare, Jefferson Davis and his advisers
followed what frequently is termed a shielding-offensive
method. Associate armies mostly stood at the strategic
protecting, defending a lot of their territory as possible. When
instances appeared favorable, the Confederacy launched
offensives-the most crucial of which terminated in the civil war
of Antietam and Perryville in 1862 and Gettysburg in 1863.
[This is strangely worded. Antietam, Perryville, and Gettysburg
were all battles within the Civil War, not Civil Wars
themselves.] Military prosperities retreated and flooded for
extra than three years before United States fleets received a
conclusive advantage [Are you using Google Translate? Your
wording makes no sense.]
By need instead of decision, the South swung to the printing
press to pay a significant portion of its bills.12 The North goes
into the war with a few clear, established points of interest. The
interest includes things like setting up some tax structure and
creating a treasury. Due to the migration of many southern
delegates, the congress that was being ruled by the republican
put some strict measures on the tax rates through all the period
of the war, beginning with the Morrill Tariff Act that was
implemented in the year 1862. This act turned around the
descendant pattern [what does that mean?] that was established
by the democrats between the years 1846 and 1857.
In the United States, during the civil war period, women labored
as nurses. However, these jobs were previously preserved for
mean, government clerks, manufacturing unit people, and
contributors of the USA Sanitary Commission and different

10. charitable organizations that assisted soldiers, and otherwise
helped the battle attempt. Southern white women furthermore
worked as clerks and nurses and in manufacturing factories, and
thousands took responsibility for organization and management
of the farms, as did their northern opposite numbers. In prison,
human beings in the South take on a primary a part of the labor
burden-as they regularly had-and allowed the Confederacy to
the position of an excessive percent of its military-age white
guys into uniform. No organization was extra without delay laid
low with the outcome of the battle than the 4 million black
persons who have been enslaved in 1861
Despite gaps alongside ethnic and class traces, the general
public of Americans had sufficiently in the commonplace. There
have been white, Christian, English speaking individuals, and
shared a background cast within the ordeal of the Radical War.
Questions stating to the establishment of slavery established the
phase for secession and conflict. Most males and female
individuals at the period could have agreed with Abraham
Lincoln's declaration in his Second Introductory Statement that
slavery of changing into by some means the source and
emergence of the civil war battle. Alexander H. Stephens, the
Confederation's vice chairman, pounded no words while he
announced in March 1861 that slavery becoming the
instantaneous purpose of the past due to estrangement and the
contemporary revolution to fixed up southern independence.
Ensuing duty enactment, mostly the 1864 demonstration,
upraised rates further. Secretary of the Treasury Salmon Chase
be keen on to pay government responsibilities by actually
moving gold out of the Treasury rather than exchanging stores
from interest stores through check Chase would have liked to
take after Albert Gallatin's model of financing the War of 1812,
which (at first) stressed getting over the levy. Ultimately, even
so, mounting responsibilities, a lack of specie, and the danger
of enlargement drove the Union to receive imaginative
preparations for both getting and inward levy2. The Union
government's choice to actualize a comprehensive arrangement

11. of interior tariff guaranteed a significant wellspring of wage, as
well as protected the northern economy from the kind of ruinous
swelling experienced by the South.
The war cost so many lives of the American soldiers more than
that lost on both the first and second world wars. The men lost
were supposed to be replaced, and therefore there were posters
and recruitment advertisements. The forming and twisting of
feeling amid the war was incompletely the work of deliberate
advocate bunches and halfway the inescapable result of war
brain research. The purposeful publicity in this display
(generally Union, as Confederate notices are uncommon)
utilized enthusiastic representations, for example, Lady Liberty
to tempt initiates (13) Both the United States and the
Confederate States did have their customary purposeful
publicity administration for the impacting of remote notion.
Concerning the United States, the Lincoln government sent in
the fall of 1861 a promulgation commission to Europe for a
reason, as Frederic Bancroft has expressed, of attempting to
impact the two incredible governments [England and France] by
bringing the press and the ministry, and afterward the general
population, to a right comprehension of the reasons and
purposes of the Civil War. For this commission, it was fancied
to have men of high refinement and character. The North and
the southern states also tried to pursue and coerced the
countries that were neutral during the war to take their sides on
the war. At some point, the countries that were conquered by
either of the parties were forcefully assimilated into the
political side of the aggressor.3
Civilians and civil-military were initially not recognized by
historians, but they, too, were a significant part of the war.
President Lincoln explained to the congress that they were all in
this war, both civilians and soldiers. Most of the soldiers were
recruited and paid to fight in the war while some civilians
volunteered and moved ranks to be soldiers. The volunteer
soldiers were encouraged by the community due to the loss of
many ranking soldiers in the war front. Many civilians lost their

12. lives alongside the soldiers. Positively the Civil War touched
Southerners more significantly than most Northerners.
Tremendous armed forces trampled over firmly tended
homesteads; the wall was obliterated, and creatures reallocated.
In the savage extemporized war pursued by raiders in the
borderlands of Kentucky, Kansas, and Missouri, there was never
any division in the middle of regular folks and formal warriors.
Private homes turned into officers' base camp.21
The American Civil War was mainly to focus on the Union's
survival or freedom for the Confederacy. Threats formally
started on April 12, 1861, when Confederate powers terminated
upon Fort Sumter. The primary reason for the war was the
announcement of the abolition of slavery by Abraham Lincoln
and his republican party. Other reasons for the battle include
sectionalism and protectionism, among others. The war took
different forms and was fought on 237 fronts. Over 19million
people lost their lives. 13
Conclusion.
Having looked at the civil war causes and its effect in America
up to 1877, I conclude that it was necessary although they
passed a tough time with tension. The Civil war led to free
slaves, population growth, which led to industrialization, and
more so the democracy started to be practiced. The women
faced a lot of problems since they took the responsibilities of
men, such as participating in the manufacturing factories and
participating in other hard tasks that were previously preserved
to be done by men.
Bibliography
1 Fanebust, Wayne. 2012. Major General Alexander M.
McCook, USA, a Civil War biography. Jefferson, N.C.:
McFarland & Company, Inc., Publishers.
http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&scope=site
&db=nlebk&db=nlabk&AN=503169.
2Förster, Stig, and Jorg Nagler, eds. On the Road to Total War:
The American Civil War and the German Wars of Unification,

13. 1861-1871. Cambridge University Press, 2002.
3 McPherson, James M., 1988. Battle cry of freedom: the Civil
War era. New York: Oxford University Press.
4McPherson, James M., and Laurence B. Holland. Blacks in
America: bibliographical essays. Vol. 54. Doubleday, 1971.