2. UNDERSTANDING THE NON-DEPLOYED PARTNER The non-deployed partner has taken over functions that the SM usually did before the deployment A new dynamic has developed in the family while the SM was gone The non-deployed partner, like the returning SM, has expectations too Accept the family the way it is now It is the new norm Assume a role in the new dynamic
3. UNDERSTANDING THE NON-DEPLOYED PARTNER (continued) Take over some of the responsibilities and give the non-deployed partner a break Make the non-deployed partner aware of any behaviors that are new and causing stress to the SM Make the partner ware of new or increased use of drugs and/or alcohol Consider Rehab if needed Consider mental health care if there is a history of ongoing severe depression or anxiety
4. Understanding the Children Children will be extremely happy to see their father or mother again Children may have doubts about their own expectations from the returning SM Dealing with the children during the re-integration can be challenging Children’s developmental levels are to be taken into account Understanding normal development and potential externalized symptoms may be helpful to the returning SM
8. Dealing with School Aged Children SM’s school aged children will be elated to reunite with the returning parent Children are normally curious and will ask lots of questions Children may develop guilt feelings about SM’s deployment Children may display aggressive or obsessive-compulsive behaviors If so, Let the children know that their behaviors are inappropriate
9. Dealing with School Aged Children (Continued) Remember to teach the children the appropriate way to behave Consider consulting a child or adolescent behavioral health specialist if the child’s or children’s behaviors are very stressful for the SM or for the family
10. Dealing with Teenagers Some teenagers are resilient and adapt very well Teenagers can develop significant anxiety that may be proportional to the duration of the parent’s deployment Teenagers may have been rebellious, may be involved with the law, abusing drugs or alcohol, can act out sexually or become sexually promiscuous Can be more challenging for SM during the re-integration SM needs to remember, that his or her son/daughter needs him or her despite the rebellious behaviors SM needs to be supportive
11. Dealing with Teenagers (Continued) SM needs to avoid displaying aggressive behaviors No shouting No cursing No hitting No destroying property, punching walls SM needs to remember that he or she is the parent SM should have a one-on-one conversation with his/her teenager(s) when the SM is able to control his/her temper SM needs to be actively involved in his/her teens’ lives, but with limitations Seek mental health care for your teenager(s) If they are addicted to drugs or alcohol For deviant behaviors that cause significant stress in the family
12. The Most Important Thing is Time SM should give him/herself time to fully integrate back into the family The family also needs time to fully adjust to the SM’s re-integration It will take a significant amount of time The reward is well worth the investment of that time
13. References: . Patricia Lester, MD, COL; Kris Peterson MD, CDR; James Reeves MD. “The Long War and Parental Combat Deployments: Effects on Military Children and At-Home Spouses”. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry 2010; 49(4):310—320 . Gail H. Manos, MD. “War and the Military Family”. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry 2010; 49(4):310—320 . American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. “Coming Home: Adjustment for Military Families
