Activity 1 - 66.7 points A Personal Health Assessment This paper is about you and your personal risky behaviors (or lack thereof.) Risky behaviors that can impact your life and health include a wide range of activities. We’re discussing most of them in class, like smoking; abuse of alcohol, illegal drugs and prescription medications; having unsafe sex; driving while under the influence; texting while driving. No research is required; just conduct a personal assessment of your own behaviors. Think about your lifestyle and see if there are activities or behaviors that you need to or want to change. Take the time to analyze yourself, write about it, and think about some ways you can improve your lifestyle. Sometimes there are little things that can really make a difference………..such as adding a salad or increasing fruits and veggies in your diet; walking more; reducing alcohol intake; quitting smoking cigarettes or cigars, including e-cigarettes or chewing tobacco; adopting stress management techniques; and using a condom or other protection during sex and/or making sure your partner wears one or uses one!! This is a paper about you. Give it good thought and analysis. As I read your papers please know I will not be judgmental. Your papers are confidential and I will not share them with anyone else. Technical Requirements Follow the directions in the file, "Directions for submitting activities". Lastname 4 Some notes on grading: When I grade your essays, I do so in a specific fashion 1) I look at the essay at “arm’s length.” Does it look like an MLA essay with correct font, spacing, heading, title, works cited format, length etc. This is where I note that the essay is too short, at 1200 words of actual essay, out of 1500. 2) I look at the works cited page. Here I note that the third source is missing an element. 3) I then look for (Hudson) (LaSalle) and (Jordan) to be cited in the text. I also look for other signs of sources that aren’t cited. (Behind the scenes, InSite confirms that the only familiar text it notices is associated with these three sources. Good. Once we have passed these checkpoints, I know that the essay is gradable (it doesn’t need to be resubmitted), but it has problems reaching the necessary length and there is one moderate-to-serious citation problem. 4) I then read and grade the essays. See my notes in the grading and the margin comments below. This is what I want you to do when you peer review this week. Basic Outline: Introduce issue by showing disagreements State your claim in a thesis statement (If you can evaluate the quality of a Y based on evaluating how well it does a, b, c, and d, then X is a great Y) State and develop criteria of genre Evaluate and compare subject Summarize and respond to opposition Conclude by looking ahead Grading Criteria: · 10/__________Appropriate Topic: Is the subject controversial or problematic? Does the paper indicate why the issue is significant? Can the topic be adequatel.

1. Activity 1 - 66.7 points
A Personal Health Assessment
This paper is about you and your personal risky behaviors (or
lack thereof.) Risky behaviors that can impact your life and
health include a wide range of activities. We’re discussing most
of them in class, like smoking; abuse of alcohol, illegal drugs
and prescription medications; having unsafe sex; driving while
under the influence; texting while driving.
No research is required; just conduct a personal assessment of
your own behaviors. Think about your lifestyle and see if there
are activities or behaviors that you need to or want to change.
Take the time to analyze yourself, write about it, and think
about some ways you can improve your lifestyle. Sometimes
there are little things that can really make a
difference………..such as adding a salad or increasing fruits and
veggies in your diet; walking more; reducing alcohol intake;
quitting smoking cigarettes or cigars, including e-cigarettes or
chewing tobacco; adopting stress management techniques; and
using a condom or other protection during sex and/or making
sure your partner wears one or uses one!!
This is a paper about you. Give it good thought and analysis. As
I read your papers please know I will not be judgmental. Your
papers are confidential and I will not share them with anyone
else.
Technical Requirements
Follow the directions in the file, "Directions for submitting
activities".
Lastname 4
Some notes on grading:
When I grade your essays, I do so in a specific fashion

2. 1) I look at the essay at “arm’s length.” Does it look like an
MLA essay with correct font, spacing, heading, title, works
cited format, length etc. This is where I note that the essay is
too short, at 1200 words of actual essay, out of 1500.
2) I look at the works cited page. Here I note that the third
source is missing an element.
3) I then look for (Hudson) (LaSalle) and (Jordan) to be cited in
the text. I also look for other signs of sources that aren’t cited.
(Behind the scenes, InSite confirms that the only familiar text it
notices is associated with these three sources. Good. Once we
have passed these checkpoints, I know that the essay is gradable
(it doesn’t need to be resubmitted), but it has problems reaching
the necessary length and there is one moderate-to-serious
citation problem.
4) I then read and grade the essays. See my notes in the grading
and the margin comments below.
This is what I want you to do when you peer review this week.
Basic Outline:
Introduce issue by showing disagreements
State your claim in a thesis statement
(If you can evaluate the quality of a Y based on evaluating how
well it does a, b, c, and d, then X is a great Y)
State and develop criteria of genre
Evaluate and compare subject
Summarize and respond to opposition
Conclude by looking ahead
Grading Criteria:
· 10/__________Appropriate Topic: Is the subject controversial
or problematic? Does the paper indicate why the issue is
significant? Can the topic be adequately addressed within 1500
words? Is the topic original?
Good topic. The specificity of the topic works in its favor,
especially how the author reverses the argument half-way

3. through.
· 10/_________Thesis: Does the thesis appear early in the
paper? Does the thesis make a claim and provide justification
for that claim? Does the thesis accurately reflect the content of
the paper?
Thesis is clear, specific, and boldly stated
· 10/_________Development and Organization: Does the essay
adhere to the classical essay format (title, introduction with
thesis, body, topic sentences, transitions, and conclusion)?
Intro pulls off the rare trick of using 2nd person voice (you)
well. Normally, it is a tricky move to tell your audience what
they think or have experienced because, if you are wrong, they
lose trust with you. If you call too much attention to the fact
that they are reading an argument or responding, you will pull
them right out. The intro however describes a scene that many
modern adults have found them in. Take a look at the paragraph
again and see if it sounds like a moment from your own life.
The paragraphs are clearly designed and used well. Paragraphs
2 &3 reveal and argue the twisty plot part of the thesis,
paragraph 4 deals with the mediocre acting, and paragraph 5
with the clichés. She then works through the three criteria a
second time, presenting opposition (with an ironic flair),
followed by a conclusion. The conclusion is weak. It should
look to expand the argument beyond the bounds of the
argument.
· 10/_________Quality of criteria: Are the evaluation criteria
both necessary and sufficient for evaluating the Y term?
The author “States and develops criteria of genre” in paragraphs
2-5 at the same time that she is “evaluating the subject.
· 20/_________Quality of evaluation: Are the evaluation
criteria adequately applied to the topic under scrutiny?
The author essentially evaluates the movie twice, in paragraphs
2-5 and then, conceding to the opposition voiced by the critics,
she allows that the film isn’t the BEST Lifetime movie because
it has some actual elements of quality filmmaking and
storytelling to it.

4. · 20/_________Audience Awareness: Does the writer address
and consider the audience throughout the essay?
See my earlier note on the use of second person. There are
some moments where the author is either stuck in a redundancy
or doesn’t trust the audience to follow. She explains that adult
Diana is played by Uma Thurman three times on one page. This
treats the audience as stupider than they are. Uses a nice bit of
humor by comparing the themes of the film to those of Baby
Monitor: The Sound of Fear.
· 30/_________Qualifiers and opposition: Is the claim qualified
appropriately? Does the paper address alternative views or
opposing arguments?
As I said, she incorporates the opposing viewpoints well.
· 30/_________Sources and documentation: Are the sources
adequate, appropriate, and useful? Do they support rather than
carry the weight of the argument? Are they documented
correctly?
Two of the three sources are good reviews. The one that is only
Lifetime movie titles is not a worthwhile source. It is of note
that the sources only come into play in the second half of the
essay. The Author never uses a sources to support her own
argument. Rather than just reviews, she could have looked for
any of the articles about the lack of good roles for older
actresses on TV and in the movies to discuss Uma Thurman’s
role. She could have looked for sources involving the actual
long-term effects on survivors of school shootings to see if the
film treated the concept respectfully. Anything at all to expand
the argument. This would have provided material which she
could have used to enrich the conclusion as well.
Also, the third source on the works cited page is missing its
Source Title: which is SFGate.
· 10/__________Mechanics and Sentence Structure: In addition
to meeting the assignment format criteria, papers should be free
of grammatical and spelling errors. Sentences should be well-
developed, indicating familiarity with a variety of sentence
constructions.

5. A variety of comma errors, its vs it’s issues, doesn’t spell out
all simple numbers, doesn’t capitalize Columbine, and other
proofreading issues. This is one draft away from being done.
Firstname Lastname Comment by A Rintala:
Anthony Rintala Comment by A Rintala: Notice the even 2x
spacing between every line
English 201.xx
24 Feb. 2014
The Lifetime Before Our Eyes
Its mid-afternoon on a week day and as usual, there is nothing
on television except: boring paid-programming commercials,
soap operas, and Lifetime movies. The same paid programming
commercial has been playing all day, the current soap episode is
a rerun, and the only thing left to watch is a cheesy Lifetime
movie. Generally, Lifetime movies are never an option but, out
of desperation you put down the remote and begin to intensely
watch. After about two hours of drama-filled, mind-bending
movies later your perception of this genre has changed. Though
Lifetime movies can be ludicrous and unappealing, TheLife
Before Her Eyes, is a great depiction of the perfect Lifetime
movie; considering its twisted plot, mediocre acting, and its
ability to capture the dramatic cliché of a troubled woman.
Comment by A Rintala: “It is,” Comment by A
Rintala: PARAGRAPH ONE: Catches interest
Clear thesis Comment by A Rintala: Comment by A
Rintala: day, and, as usual, Comment by A Rintala:
desperation, Comment by A Rintala: After about two hours
…later
This is redundant.
Two mind-bending, dramatic hours later Comment by A
Rintala: Movies, TV shows, albums, books, magazines, etc
always are in italics.
The Life Before Her Eyes, is revolved around the troubling
effects a columbine-like shooting has on a teenage girl named,

6. Diana. The shooting occurs at the high school where Diana and
Maureen, the main characters, attend. The two girls are polar
opposites; however, their differences are what have brought
them to be such close friends. It begins with the two friends in
the bathroom when they begin to hear horrifying screams and
wild gun fire. Diana automatically realizes that it is Michael
Patrick, the class outcast, who had revealed earlier in the week
that he was going to bring a gun to school and kill everyone. At
that moment Michael enters the bathroom and threatens to kill
one of the girls, but gives the option of letting one of them live.
From that point the movie flashes forward 15 years, revealing
that Diana’s life is nothing she imagined it would be. The plot
constantly takes surprising turns as flash backs become more
frequent and revealing. Comment by A Rintala: Normally, I
would say that the plot synopsis here is unnecessary—you can
assume your audience has seen the film—but she quickly uses
the scalating plot twists and flashbacks to show how “twisty”
the plot is, so this serves a purpose Comment by A Rintala:
Comma splice Comment by A Rintala: Comma splice
Comment by A Rintala: Spell numbers
notice that “one” and “two” are spelled out within a sentence or
two. Be consistent.
The movie is a great example of a Lifetime drama, thriller,
because it has a twisted plot. To be considered a “Lifetime
movie,” the plot of the story typically has to have a convoluted
edge. These kinds of movies take several surprising twists and
turns to throw off the audience. For example, in The Life Before
Her Eyes, the audience is led to believe that Maureen, Diana’s
best friend, is the one that was murdered in the bathroom.
However, as the movie continues and the flash backs become
less and less subtle; it becomes apparent that Diana was the one
that was killed, not Maureen; and the entire movie is Diana
seeing her life passing before she dies. Diana is considered the
rebellious, bad girl, while, Maureen, is the pure, avid church-
going type; and when Michael gives the two girls the option of
who to live or die, Diana sacrifices herself as she feels she does

7. not deserve to live over Maureen. The flashbacks reveal prior
events of Diana’s life that she feels guilty about, however there
are so many twists and turns in the storyline it is hard to keep
up with. The only way to make of what happened throughout the
movie was to do continuous research about what all the symbols
and flash backs represented. Though it was confusing, that type
of complexity is what makes for a good Lifetime movie.
Lifetime movies generally leave the viewer at a loss because the
plots are overwhelming and completely absurd. The complexity
of The Life Before Her Eyes is what makes it such a “textbook”
example of a Lifetime movie. Comment by A Rintala: Avoid
“scare quotes”
When it comes to Lifetime movies not only does the plot have
to be misleading, the acting has to be less than mediocre; and
The Life Before Hey Eyes does that perfectly. Though the
actresses that play young Diana (Evan Rachel Wood) and adult
Diana (Uma Thurman) are fairly well-known, their
performances are less than satisfactory. Uma Thurman, who
plays the adult Diane, has very little lines and when she does
speak she comes across very odd. However, this is exactly the
kind of acting needed to make a Lifetime movie. Comment by
A Rintala: typoComment by A Rintala: #1 Comment by A
Rintala: #2 Comment by A Rintala: DianA
Another quality needed to make the “perfect” Lifetime movie is
a plot that revolves around a “damsel in distress.” There are
countless troubling events that occur in Diana’s teen life, such
as: dealing with her parents’ divorce, despising herself for
being known as the class “whore”, and she is constantly
rebelling against her mother; and in her adult life: the guilt of
having an abortion, and the thought that she could have
prevented the shooting by telling someone what Michael said
haunt her daily. Throughout the entire movie Diana is nothing
but depressed and she is constantly paranoid. For example,
movie critic, Stephen Holden, explains “Diana (played by
Thurman) walks around with the anxious scowl of someone
hiding from herself” (Holden). The amount of drama in this film

8. is what counters for a great Lifetime movie.
However, with all the above being said, The Life Before
Her Eyes, can also be considered a poor example of a Lifetime
movie because, the plot is ironically, to well explained.
Lifetime movies are generally considered amateur pieces of
work and this film is more than adequate. For example, movie
critic, Mick LaSalle, says this film is “Thoroughly thought
through and photographed with imagination and psychological
penetration, it's the product of a very shrewd directorial hand”
(LaSalle). The film shows deep emotion and uses symbols to
subtly get its story across, which is the opposite of a Lifetime
movie. Lifetime movies typically have cliché, predictable
storylines and The Life Before Her Eyes is well thought out.
Comment by A Rintala: spacing Comment by A
Rintala: “whore,” Comment by A Rintala: Comment by A
Rintala: #3 Comment by A Rintala: Comma splice
Comment by A Rintala: Since she named him in the
sentence, she doesn’t need the parenthesis Comment by A
Rintala:
In addition, the acting is better than what Lifetime movies
normally have. It has big named actors such as, Uma Thurman,
and Evan Rachel Wood. “Typical” Lifetime movies have acting
so terrible that even the saddest moments are hard to take
seriously. In this film, movie critic explains how Evan Rachel
Wood (who plays young Diana) does an exceptional job at once
again playing a troubled teen. “A hands-down extraordinary
performance by Evan Rachel Wood, as a high school senior who
witnesses a horrible Columbine-like massacre” (LaSalle).
Basically, the movie’s actors could be considered to “good” to
be in the genre of a Lifetime film. Comment by A Rintala:
actors, such as Thurman and Wood. Comment by A Rintala: sq
Comment by A Rintala: the reviewer doesn’t explain this
in the film Comment by A Rintala: redundant Comment by
A Rintala: she’s already said this, no reason to repeat it
Finally, The Life Before Her Eyes is also a bad example of a
Lifetime depiction because it does have true meaning within its

9. plot. It is not like every other terrible Lifetime film that
portrays a woman having an affair and having her bosses, ex-
husbands baby. Many Lifetime films are completely outrageous.
One such being, Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear, which is about a
nanny that sleeps with a married man (Jordan). The Life Before
Her Eyes portrays real life situations and makes for a touching
story as Diana’s life literally flashes before her eyes.
The Life Before her Eyes consists of all the elements that make
for a good Lifetime movie; considering it has a convoluted plot,
less than average acting, and portrays a woman with worrisome
issues throughout her life. Though you may not spend every
waking moment of your day watching Lifetime, The Life Before
Her Eyes is certainly an entertaining story. It has all the
necessary aspects of a Lifetime film and will certainly keep the
viewer guessing. Comment by A Rintala: Conclusion needs
to do more than repeat thesis
Works Cited
Holden, Stephen. "Robbed of Youth, and Saddled with Guilt."
The New York Times. 18 Apr 2008. Web. 28 Feb. 2013.
Jordan, Chris. "Most Awesome Lifetime Movie Titles Ever."
The Huffington Post. 16 Nov. 2009. Web. 28 Feb. 2013.
LaSalle, Mick. "Review: Life Before Her Eyes Shimmers." 25
Apr. 2008. Web. 27 Feb. 2013. Comment by A Rintala:
Missing Source title