1. Amy Poole Task 12
1.EDITING TECHNIQUES: SUMMARISE PROOF-READING AND EDITING CHANGES MADE TO
FIRST DRAFT
When looking at my first my first draft I noticed a variety of mistakes through proof-reading
such as checking each sentence I noticed that in some of the sentences I used capital letters
when I didn’t need to ,while also I didn’t use capital letters when I needed them i.e within this
statement “the temperature outside is mild with hints of a chill in the air, whereas inside it is
humid as body heat consumes this small compact room.” So I in order to identify and classify
this information In the proof editing stage I had to use this particular symbol for not using the
capital letter such as” ” in the margin which highlights that mistake that the lower cast
needs to be changed into a capital letter. Where as also I had to make another symbol within
the text of my article to highlight where I’m particular made the mistake “ ”. Further
long within my article I made another mistake within my first draft in which as quoted “Adam
Who? Aka Adam Barton was born 19th December 1991 in Harlem” The mistake that I made was
that after using the question mark within the sentence, the following word “ AKA” turned into a
capital letter when it didn’t needed too. So again when in the proof editing stage I had to put in
the margin pt this symbol in “ ”and “ ” next to the word which means that the
capital letter needs changing to a lower case letter. My third mistake within my article was that
I didn’t in include the right spelling for the word “Their” which should have been this “There” as
it was the right context for this sentence which said this “ Tommy grins but he admits he didn’t
sign Adam their and then” In order to acknowledge this mistake in the sub editing progress I
had again use the symbol “ ” and “ ”to indicate that the a word needed to replaced
after being deleted for the incorrect character within the word. Another mistake I made within
the article is that again in when writing a quote from a person I have interviewed within my free
flowing article I spelt a word wrong such as in the following sentence “ After talking large
amount of time to consider his opotions Adam took up this opportunity which changed the
course of his future.” Within this sentence I spelt the word options wrong ,so in order to clarify
this I had to again use symbols such as “ and “ ” to substitute the character within
the letter to make the word look and present itself correctly
By using proof reading this allowed me to correct these errors in my second draft to prepare
the final draft that I will used as my final article. I also noticed that in places I had missed out the
odd letter within words such as I spelt “opportunities” wrong which had to be rectified in order
to not to make an amateur article which wouldn’t be satisfying as I am writing to make a
professional Mixmag article.
2.SELECTION: EXPLAIN WHY YOUR ARTICLE HAS THE VARIETY OF RELEVANT AND
IMPORTANT CONTENT ABOUT ADAM WHO TO BE UNDERSTOOD AND ENJOYED BY
MIXMAG READERS.
With my article being a free flowing article I have implemented a very descriptive dance feel
throughout my article through the use of language such as an depth description of the club
scene such as I have described the following “ Jolting their bodies along with empty bottles and
hands in the air, while jumping to n-sync to the beat as Subfocus drops an explosive beat from
other end of the room, which hits the crowd with an electric pulse against their bodies”.The
purpose of this was implement the same characteristic that Mixmag magazine often use in
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2. Amy Poole Task 12
order to appeal to their target audience. An example of this within an Mixmagarticle called “
The Genius of Laura Jones” Which was featured with the august issue 2012 of Mixmag which can
be found online http://www.mixmag.net/words/features/the-genius-of-missjones. Within this
article uses the similar characteristic I have used within my article to engage with the audience
such as within mixmag article they used this “Cocorico is a sweating, heaving mass of tanned
bodies. The club lies in Riccione on Italy’s Eastern coast, and the temperature outside – at 1am –
is 29 degrees.” Whereas I used this “As dusk settles over Manhattan large neon lights dominate
its skyline along with its big skyscrapers.Heat,sweat and trepidation meets the young clubbers
all shapes and sizes ,as they wait for the arrival of Adam Who?”As this was the setting for my
article where I would be interviewing Adam Who? For my double spread article.
I have chosen to base my article around a particular performance of Adam Who? Which is often
a characteristic in a Mixmag article to review the performance in a descriptive tone while also
conducting an interview simultaneously in between the two to create an effective article
showcasing the artist biography as well. An example of this within my article is shown within
my article in more detail , but here is an example of this “Slick, sophisticated as per usual Adam
Whos? hair is gelled to perfection to the left side of his head, while wearing his signature
sunglasses, which are significantly different at various gigs” and “ As he leaves the crowd
begging for more, he switches the tempo tearing the track onto its knees, to the displeasure of
the crowd which is short lived.” I decided to use this tone because I wanted my audience to feel
and go on an emotional journey when reading the article and know Adam Who abit more.
An example of where I came up for this idea was when looking the Mixmag August edition
which included a DjLaura Jones and quote saying “ Laura is to headline the ‘Titilla’ second room,
accessed through a car park that’s as busy as any festival thoroughfare. As packed and as hot as
the main room,” This is significant template to follow because by implementing this my article I
can add a sense of anticipation ,suspense and mystery which again links into his name itself
Adam Who?
My article encloses the journey of Adam Who? Growth as an artist which will really interest the
Mixmagreaders ,as often in Mixmag magazine free flowing articles they feature the struggles
the artist has gone through to get them where they are today which really intrigues the
audience while getting the audience to know more about the artist themselves in this case in
my article it is Adam Who? an upcoming artist who is about to release his new single “The
Abyss” As an editor chosen not to include the whole biography such as stories about his tastes
and genre in music because within the biography it was boring and long in which would bore
my audience which are young and my article is suppose to be fun and tell a story of Adam Who?
rather than be long and have information that isn’t relevant to the story I’m reporting on within
my Mixmag article particular.
Therefore this article is like a promotional article as Adam Who is appearing in the article
promoting his single however this is a free flowing allowing more creativity and expression to
shown to really go on a journey through the article rather than VIP questions short and don’t
have expression. Within this article I have talked about howAdam Who? has developed over the
years to establish himself, which will be enjoyed by Mixmag readers as I am creating an
inspirational article showing how someone can change their life around, such as in my article
Adam Who? wasin a bad place i.e in gang until he had an opportunity to get out from that scene
through the art of music
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3. Amy Poole Task 12
3.WHY WILL YOUR ARTICLE APPEAL TO MIXMAG READERS? YOU SHOULD ANSWER THIS
BY REFERRING TO THE PROFILE OF MIXMAG READERS IN YOUR BACKGROUND BOOKLET
My article will appeal to Mixmag readers because first of all I’m usingimportant characteristics
of the dance music genre to which Mixmag use such as they occasionally drop in famous artists
name in the magazine to only those people who by Mixmagand are heavily involved in the dance
music industry would know such as “ David Guetta, Subfocus and Chase + status. I have chosen
this because Iwriting for Mixmag Magazine who are a well establishment magazine in strive in
ensuring they are “The world’s Best dance music and Clubbing Magazine” Therefore I need to
interpret this in my article as I’m not only thinking about myself when writing this I have to
consider the Mixmag purpose of the article and the aftermath this will have on the audience to
which I think I have achieved to the best of my ability.
I have also managed to appeal toMixmag readers by using a fun atmosphere when writing the
article through describing again the location and feel of the article using words such as “The
temperature outside is mild with hints of a chill in the air, whereas inside it is humid as body
heat consumes this small compact room. Only time will tell when this suspense will end and
Adam Who will emerge from the darkness? Slim tanned bodies consume the oxygen within the
room in a blink of an eye,” The reason behind this is that I am targeting as stated within a
previous assignment when talking about the target audience in assignment task 3 the report on
Mixmag target audience which stated that the audience I will be targeting are young, free and
like to party therefore within my article I have cleverly discussed this in my article very on
when describing the location where Adam Who is performing and the atmosphere itself. I have
talked about the atmosphere in more detail which is lively and energetic reflecting the audience
who are young and sophisticated. I have then also managed to when creating the description
about Adam Who within the my article to transfer the target audience characteristics into my
Adam Who ideal profile such as my Adam Who is young and sophisticated. I have chosen to
showcase this through his style for every gig such as within the article itself as I have mentioned
Adam Who is very materialistic through the way he has a lot of sunglasses which again relates
to Mixmag ideal audience who like to spend money on vanity and other products.
Again through referencing from the august 2012 edition
Mixmag article has included the same characteristics I
have included within my article through the images
displayed within their article such as DJ Laura Jones
sitting wearing sunglasses which are often associated
with the dance music genre, to which I have interpreted
this within my article through Adam Who wearing
glasses which has significant part within my article, as it
adds to the mystery behind Adam Who as he is an
upcoming artist and with a troubled past. I have used both a sad and dramatic tone in
highlighting the struggles Adam Who? has faced through sentences such as “In his early
childhood he suffered with grief and tragedy with the premature death of his father, which left
gigantic whole in Adams life. Adam then went down a dark murky path” Again this was an
important move to make as within most feature Mixmag free flowing articles they often feature
artists that have had a struggle during their life. An example of this is that within the august
edition features Laura Jones. Within this particular article Mixmaghave explored Laura’s
condition with sentences like this “She was diagnosed with Stargardts Disease, an incurable eye
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4. Amy Poole Task 12
condition that is gradually robbing her of her sight.” I have then used this a template in
interpreting Adam Who’s information within my article to gradually inform the audience of
what Adam Who? has been through in life. This will then create an authentic Mixmag article as
im interpreting Mixmag characteristics.
Finally another appealing element that my article adds towards the target audience is that I
have set this article abroad i.e New York in this case because in every Mixmag magazine has
interviewee set on a luxury big budget location which draws in the attention of the audience by
mentioning the name of the location. What this will do the audience of my article is that I will be
meeting my obligations as a Mixmag journalist in fully target the Mixmag audience because the
purpose showing a luxury location within the article I am providing and fulfilling Mixmags title
in providing the latest international clubbing stories in which case is Adam Who performance
abroad while influencing people to go abroad and enjoy the clubbing experience. Again through
the August edition of Mixmag magazine they have included important information such as the
location which is tropical and exotic “The club lies in Riccione on Italy’s Eastern coast,”By
having this information it attracts the audience attention while also draws on the audience
desires to explore going abroad and clubbing which I have tried to include in my article to fulfill
my target audience needs.
4.WRITING: EXPLAIN WHY YOUR ARTICLE HAS A PARTICULAR NUMBER OF WORDS AND
EXPLAIN WHY IT IS WRITTEN IN THE STYLE YOU HAVE ADOPTED. DISCUSS THE
FORMALITY OF LANGUAGE (REGISTER) AND HOW YOU MANAGED TO INCLUDE
EVERYTHING IN THE WORD LIMIT
My article is a little under 1,000 words because Im,doing a free flowing article therefore I have
been given large amount of word count to fully take advantage of using descriptive language in
describing both the location ,the atmosphere and the artist himself Adam Who? The reason why
I have chosen to write in such an informal and youthful tone ,using words such as this “Then all
too soon Adam Who? Blurts out his new single and signature track “The Abyss” to the crowds
delight. The beat of the bass echoes across the room at the speed of sound taking anyone or
anything that stands in its place. This truly Adam Who’s? Homecoming party!!!” because I am
targeting a very young sophisticated audience who have be hooked and interesting in the article
. Therefore I have used informal language to connect with them with
what’s happening while also attracting them to the article to maintain
reading it for along amount of time which is hard to do therefore I
needed to havechoose my words carefully.
Mixmag editions of free flowing articles often cover more than 3 pages
of in depth stories relating to the cover star of the magazine such as
within September 2012 edition covering Subfocus .Within this edition
they covered a lot of detail making it over 1,000 words and 3 pages,
covering what equipment he uses through detailed labelling of his
equipment while also reactions from his famous friends about him and
vice versa. I have implemented a few friends within my article however
not in the specific detail of what Mixmag would implement in there
magazine as I was trying to meet the word limit in question. I have implemented a famous
friend of Adam Who? within my article such as subfocus which adds another element to Adam
Who persona to make feel real and the get audience to learn more about. Here an example of
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5. Amy Poole Task 12
one many quotations of subfocus talking about Adam Who?“Subfocus drops by for a chat after
performing and gives his take on Adam Who?” He’s a very talented kid and with his head in the
game and eye for music” This effective as I’m showing Adam Who? has friends in high places
while also emphasising that Adam Who? is the one to watch as he is an upcoming artist that is
beginning to catch the eyes of some pretty much well established artists which is often featured
in Mixmag magazines. An example of where this can be seen is in the Mixmag magazine was in
the September edition where Subfocus is talking about his famous friends chase + status who
in turn talk about their take on each other which produces a really good interview and article
as there is a banter as well as more things are unravelling about subfocus personality towards
to the audience such as when he talks deeply about his personality he says “I can go through
phases of being sociable and others of being shy or just liking being on my own,”which is
insightful and I have tried to transfer this within my article about Adam Who? To when he is
reflecting how the year is been by saying its ““ It’s been mind-blowing”
The style of writing I have chosen for my free flowing article is both go a journey with both the
time of being at the club right to the journey of Adam Who an inspiring dj trying to make
something of himself. The reason why I wanted to do this was both challenge my writing ability
while also make an interesting article for my audience to enjoy as the purpose of a free flowing
article to keep the audience intrigued and to immerse themselves within the atmosphere being
created by the writers words within the article.While acknowledging that I am aiming at a
younger audience nevertheless I still must maintain being professional in the way I present
myself to the audience through not having mistaken in my article or misleading the audience.
Therefore I have to manage and structure my article accordingly such as I have set myself a
simple but effective structure in making sure I meet objectives of the article, such as in my first
paragraph I am describing the atmosphere of this particular club in which Adam Who is
performing. Through looking at various Mixmag articles in particular the August 2012 edition
which featured Laura Jones they had described “The room is black and square, the back wall lit by
a geometric pulse of colour-switching LEDs, the DJ booth at eye level to the dancefloor.” Which was
effective as it gets the audience to visualize the surroundings of what happening within the article and
I hope that my article has that effect on my audience then I would have achieved my goal of making a
professional Mixmag article.
The purpose of structuring my article like this was to build up Adam Who persona to the
audience to want to know more about him and begin a journey with the article which I managed
to do. Secondly I had to include an interview with Adam Who and people who know him in
order to build up a picture of how far Adam has come over the years while also giving the
audience a more of an inside to what he gets up too behind closeddoors. In order to meet the
word limit I had to cleverly plan my answers and questions to fit in the story I was telling ,as if I
were to include all the questions I made in a previous task 7 then I would go over the limit of
1,000 words.
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6. Amy Poole Task 12
5.PROCESSING: EXPLAIN ANY CHANGES MADE TO SPELLING, GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION AND
FONT SIZE (P1)
Through looking over my work I had to change several spelling mistakes in order to make my
sentences sound professional asI’m making a Mixmag magazine article which needs to be an
accurate in order to make a professional article.Therefore there is no room for error, what have
also come to know when making the changes is that I had commas when really within the
sentences I needed a full stop. This then lead me to reread my work and correct to both
punctuation and grammar in order to make my sentence sound and look clear for my audience
to read what I have wrote within the article.Grammar in parts of my work needed to correcting
as within the sentences it didn’t make sense therefore this require me to use my instincts to
correct this.
6.EXPLAIN WHETHER YOU HAD TO SHORTEN OR LENGTHEN THE ARTICLE AFTER FIRST
DRAFT AND HOW YOU DID THIS (P1)
I have had to furtherlengthen my article to include important information at the end such as
when Adam Who? single “ The Abyss” is out because the whole purpose of the interview was to
promote an upcoming artist while promoting his new single to the audience. While also have
pictures featuring Adam Who within the article with a girl so when it comes to designing and
making my article I have to further discuss this information with the audience about who was
Adam along with the location details. By doing this I will add more levels to Adam who
personality as while also I did fully state within my proposal the full information of what I had
planned to mention about in my article including the length , style and font of my article in
question.
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