The best commit messages from the 2018 edition of CMSC 23300 - Networks and Distributed Systems

1. The Best Commit Messages of 2018
University of Chicago – CMSC 23300 Networks and Distributed Systems

2. Before we begin, let's take
a look back at the...

3. Top Ten Commit Messages
of All Time

4. 10. WELL BUTTER MY BUTT AND CALL ME A
BISCUIT, GUESS WHO GOT THE TESTS
PASSING?
9. i love the smell of segfaults in the
morning
8. Made host a global (eat your heart
out borja)
7. AND NOW THE UNS TTENING BEGINS■■

5. 6.

6. 5. The night is dark and full of errors
4. how the f■■k did I pass two more tests?
I only fixed one of them. this is gonna
bite me in the ass later isn't it? f■■k me
3. oh my god, it's spelled LUSERS, not
LUSER
2. last push of the night
jk can't stop

7. 1. worked an additional day, finished
everything but send function is clearly
broken so test all fail. this is hell on
earth. I would pray to God, but I don't
know how to correctly send messages.

8. And give an honorable
mention to...

9. The Best Branch Names of 2018
aaah
oops
stuff
real-dev-branch
weird-issue
last-minute-changes
rip
rip2
RIPRIP
hail-mary-for-now
wearesoclose
alivepineapple
deadpineapple
tabletennis
all_the_packets
trashbranch
trashtesting
hopelessness_and_despair
mergeplsdonthurtme
f k-this-stupid-f king-merge-conflict■■ ■■

10. The Best Commit Messages of 2018

11. $ grep "^[^a-z]+$" commits.txt
DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!
THIS SOFTWARE SENDS MESSAGES
I FIXED IT YAYYYYYY
FIXED SO MUCH
CRAP
BLEH
TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLL
I GOT A JOB WHO CARES IF THIS WORKS

12. $ grep ! commits.txt
It all compiles! Let's see if it'll
work...
IT WORKS!
We get a 50!
no longer runs forever!
we can build!
malloc works but buffer overflow is BACK
baby!!!!
timer working! i think...
Yoda! You seek Yoda!

13. $ grep "^...$" commits.txt | sort -u
???
...
bye
dup
faf
fix
heh
idk
lol
nvm
one
p1a
pls
rev
tcp
ugh
wgu
why
WIP
wtf
XXX
yay
ycm
yum
$ grep "^....$" commits.txt | sort -u
....
asfd
away
back
blah
Bleh
BLEH
bugs
conf
cont
crap
CRAP
done
Done
DONE
EASY
help
HELP
init
list
LIST
logs
main
make
meow
moar
typo
Typo
ughh
well
what
What
yada
yass
Yoda
yolo
more
MOTD
oops
oper
ping
pong
push
rest
RT_T
tags
temp
test
Test

14. $ grep -i bug commits.txt | wc --lines
964

15. $ grep -i bug commits.txt
another day another debugging session
so many bugs, if we ignore all the
double free errors will they go away?
not done with debugging gotta take the L
we fixed so many bugs, this is so much
better than last time, we're not taking
the L again
more bugs than my shitty apartment
basement :)
well my packet_arrival_handler is closer
to being written in real code, but we're
still not totally there yet, debugging
this is going to be a fucking nightmare

16. $ grep -i bug commits.txt
this bug wtf
trash fix for a trash bug.
trying to debug everything :(
DEBUG MARATHON TIME
Not even 20 yet, yet I still went
through more existential crises than the
Titanic during this debugging session.
Good news: Our ship's not sunk. Bad
news: So many icebergs ahead
I SPENT THREE HOURS DEBUGGING A FUCKING
SEMICOLON AT THE END OF AN IF STATEMENT

17. $ grep -i test commits.txt
"passing some tests!"
things... work???? (passing all data transfer
tests)
PRIVMSG WORKS!!! not thread safe yet but OMG
IT PASSES TEN OF THE TESTS HALLELUJAH
all tests are crashing. fml
finished 1 whole test yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa
boiiiiiiiiiiiI
what are these race conditions and why do new
ones appear every time we test U G H
We have sold our souls to the gods of the
random tests and in exchange are now failing
nonrandom tests instead

18. $ grep -i "^why" commits.txt
why
whyyyy
whyyyyy
whyyy god
why is this so slow
why is this not working
why is it not working help
why rtt why
why u no robust
WHY DID ALL MY BOBA ORDERS GET
CANCELED :'(

19. $ grep -i csil commits.txt
All the p1a tests fail. Getting kicked
out of csil. Will debug back home
getting kicked out of csil
GETTING KICKED OUT OF CSIL AGAIN
$ grep -i hate commits.txt
i hate this
Gahhhhhhhh I hate this
i hate git
i hate time

20. $ grep -i git commits.txt
git is stupid
i hate git
Screw git
f k git■■
f k you git■■
really git? was that REALLY necessary?
git why are you like this?
git ate my homework

21. $ grep -i merg commits.txt
mergey mergey mergey merge
isn't merging fun?
oh boy, here I go merging again
Merges are hard and I have no idea what
I'm doing
pls not merge pain again
about to enter merge hell. pray for me
jesus
done with merge hell?
merge hell 2: electric boogaloo

22. $ grep -i f■■k commits.txt
We f■■king fixed it
f■■k locks lmao
BIG F■■KING LOCKS ARE BIG F■■KING DEALS
29.45 / 50 f■■k yes i'm 2.5 pts away
from not failing
getting 37.5/50. f■■k it, we done
the last commit before i inevitably f■■k
up the timer
hey kids, always remember to zero out
memory, don't be a dumb f■■king idiot
like me

23. ........................ C is stupid
Just kidding C can have my children
anytime

24. You know what they say 4th times the charm
You know what they say 5th times the charm
You know what they say 6th times the charm

25. Commit messages can be...
forgetful

26. added todo file so we remember what to
do because our lives are a mess
forgot what i did
who tf knows what the hell i did
apparently I changed something in
channels.c - no idea what but it's
probably important
I no longer remember what this commit is
about
man, in his hubris, forgot to follow the
style guide

27. Commit messages can be...
born out of frustration

28. COPY THE PAYLOAD YOU PIECE OF SHIT
BAD CODE DONT SUBMIT DUMBASS
IT WAS A SCOPING ERROR - dang it c, why
can't you be like your cousin JavaScript
omggg when does this end
UGH I WANT TO SLEEP

29. Commit messages can...
defy categorization

30. UNREACHABLE: MY LOVE LIFE
I'm like Mary Poppins at this point
PING PONG THE WITCH IS DEAD
POTATOS. MASH EM, BOIL EM, STICK EM IN A
STEW
GRIMA, COME DOWN FROM THERE. YOU WERE
ONCE A MAN OF ROHAN
we bought 9 one dollar pastries from the
med. they r probably judging us

31. Commit messages can be...
thankful

32. thank god for continuous integration
letting me know I didn't add these new
files
Found the error. Thank L. Ron Hubbard
thanks to valgrind we are no longer the
edward snowden of cs projects

33. But, most of all,
commit messages can be...
happy

34. YAYYYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYA very
emotional day
We few, we happy few, we band of
brothers (irony)
LUSERS WORKS! NOT A LUSER ANYMORE MOM
Commented all my functions. I'm still in
shock that this isn't due for several
more hours and all the test have been
passing since yesterday, it's a fucking
miracle and this will probably never
happen again in my life so I need to
enjoy it while I can

35. I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER TO HAVE A
FAILING GRADE
i am so happy i can no longer feel my
self
MODES = COMPLETE, MY SOUL = COMPLETE
Oh my god this project isn't actually
due this week and this is the best news
I've heard in a long time and so now I'm
committing and going to bed and I can't
believe I get to sleep tonight

36. Borja please put this in your
slide show.
I need attention.
I'm a millenial.