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Crucial Words Every Parent Should Use.


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The #1 Ultimate Empowerment Toolkit for Parents.

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Crucial Words Every Parent Should Use.

  1. 1. ==== ====The #1 Ultimate Empowerment Toolkit for Parents ====Rearing children has never been an easy task. Children are human beings in an underdevelopedstate and just like their adult counterparts; they exhibit personality traits that can be challenging.Unfortunately, more and more parents are opting for the easy way out and not promoting healthydevelopment in their children. More and more parents are focusing on the intellectual and athleticdevelopment of the child ignoring the psychological and sociological development. What is aparent to do? Are there enough words to help develop a truly well rounded adult? Below you willfind the best four letter words every parent should use to rear healthy, competent, loving, andhappy children.TIME"Quality Time vs. Quantity Time" has been kicked around for two decades as a way of absolvingparents from their key responsibility: rearing their children. Bussing children around from onesporting event to another is not quality time. Only one in 16,000 children will grow up to be aprofessional athlete. How many "Hall of Famers" have you heard thank their little leaguecoaches? Unless that person was a parent, the answer is none. How many wealthy men haveleft their fortune to any of these groups? However, wealthy men who left vast amounts of moneyto the Boy Scouts of America for the same reason: promotion of values, family involvement, andcivic involvement. A parent must ask the following questions: Why am I carting my children off toall these events? Is it truly for the child or are you living vicariously through the child? Are youusing your child as a status symbol? When we are together, are we talking about the child, or theactivity? One last question, ask your child what the child would love to do if the child could choosethe activity. If your child truly thinks of you as a parent and not a dictator (one who dictatesactivities) then the answer might surprise you.PLAYPlaying is a childs work. It is through play that a child discovers and develops certain skills. Atwo-year-old needs to learn how to roll a ball back and forth, and preliminary social skills not thealphabet. A parrot can memorize the alphabet, and a chimpanzee can learn sign language.There is no great skill or higher intelligence in that. Playing is a childs version of stress release. Itseems odd that someone who in 1968 could enter first grade without knowing how to read, attenda school day that included two fifteen minute recesses and an hour lunch, during a school yearthat began the day after Labor Day and concluded before Memorial Day and still grow-up tograduate college and end up a CEO of a major company. Why do we think that play is a waste oftime? Play is fun. It makes you laugh thus lowering blood pressure, includes using variousmuscle groups through activity which keeps weight down, and is multi-dynamic: teaches lifelessons, sharing, patience, reading, problem solving, arithmetic, rhythm, strategy, cause andeffect, decision making, honor, self-worth, dignity, self-esteem, etc. Anytime a child plays any
  2. 2. game, even if alone, a valuable lesson is learned. Just because a self-absorbed workaholicparent cannot see that does not make it less true. It is even more important for children to haveparents play with them. Educational television is the poorest substitute for parental involvement,the parent is the primary educator in a childs life. Do you really want your child to talk aboutplaytime with an animated character as the happiest childhood memory?Video games only count if they last for an hour or less, and the whole family is actively involved. Achild that spends more than an hour, and worse, alone playing video game does not gain anytangible intellectual, physiological, psychological, or sociological reward. Bill Gates does not owna video game system.TALK/DINEChildren want parents to talk with them, even when they say, "Nothing" or "I dont want to talkabout it." How will a child know what is important in life if the parent will not talk to the child? Oneof the best times to talk with your child is at the dinner table, not in some restaurant, fast or fivestars, but in the safety and quiet of home. Home is safe base; it is a time for the child to have theparent alone. Practice rephrasing questions so that they are open-ended, cannot be answeredwith "yes" or "no." Parents need to listen to their children and talking with them about their dayeven if the events may not seem important or educationally sound to you. It does not matter thechilds nationality, creed, race, or favorite team most of them will answer this question the sameway:PARENT: "What did you do in school today?"CHILD: "Nothin "It is surprising how many parents accept that answer carte blanche. Many adults answer thatquestion the same way when "work" is substituted for "school." The reason is simple, school isrepetitive, the same subjects everyday. The child is just regurgitating an auto response. Theteacher or teachers are teaching and the child is learning. Try reframing: "Did anything new,exciting, interesting, insane happen today?" The humor of the question will flip the auto switch off,and the choices will hit upon a memory. Unfortunately, parents want to hear about the joys ofarithmetic, writing, reading a classic. If parents will honestly recall their own childhood, they willremember that PE, art, recess, etc. were their favorite times, too. The object is to accept thisanswer, expound upon it and lead the child toward the academics. Share some of your ownexperiences, good and bad.Let your children know what you value and why. Why must the child make all As? Is it for a betterfuture for them, or parental bragging rights at work? Studies have shown repeatedly that the B-Cstudent is the most successful in life because the student understand failure is transitory and thestudent has the power, ability, to effect change upon the grade; the student is not the grade.PRAYIt is not the fact that God has been removed from schools but that parents have removed Him fromthe home. A child who is given a spiritual support system tends to handle the difficult moments inlife. The world is not worse, contrary to popular belief; however, the coping skills are nonexistent.Everyone needs to know that there is a Higher Force in control when they have lost control. It
  3. 3. does not matter how this Higher Force manifests itself as long as it is positive. A centering prayeris a good way to help a child refocus when Life throws a curve ball. Prayer can give a parent theneeded time to rephrase before reacting in a harmful manner, whether physically or verbally.Pray with your child, for your child, for yourself, for others who encounter your child.WORK/EARNChildren need to learn that money, privileges, items, grades, etc. are earned not owed. Childrenget a true feeling of accomplishment when they work and earn something. A parent does not helpa child by giving the child everything the child wants without earning it. A baby chick that is helpedout of the shell instead of pecking its way out is not strong enough to survive. It is true withchildren who never learn the value and accomplishment of earning something through work. Aparent who completes a childs homework because the child says it is too difficult sends one oftwo messages: the child is not capable of completing the work, or the parent is a tool to bemanipulated. Work with the child, reframe for the child, teach the child to ask the teacher for help,but do not complete the assignment for the child. Often a child is frightened of failure, or theunknown outcome and is looking for reassurance from the parent. When a parent gives in thechilds unspoken fear is now validated: Im not smart/strong/good enough.LOVEYou may not always like your children but you must always love them. It is important that parentstell children often that they love them. All children go through periods of doubt, especially whenthey have committed some offense. Children do not always "know" that parents love them. If aparent cannot say the words, "I love you," to a child something is wrong and the child will interpretit as rejection. Things are not love, love belongs to people not to things. It is not money that is theroot of all evil but the love of money. A child will reciprocate to the world the love received athome.Lust is not love. Children need to learn that sexual desire does not equate love. If a child is notshown love at home, hugs for example, then the child will seek that physical connectionsomewhere else. Children need to be loved in a safe and accepting environment in order to growinto loving adults.Love carries an obligation to be good, kind, and gentle to those who are weaker. Love meansthat, though someone makes you angry you have no right to harm them or hate them. As aparent, you need to teach your child to let go of the hate and anger created by the childs actionsor the actions of others. Love does conquer all but you have to let go of hurt feelings toexperience that caused the anger.HOPEChildren need to know that "the sun will come out tomorrow." Children need to know that nomatter how hard a situation becomes it will get better, it might take some time, but it will get better.Children need to know that they are a parents hope for the future. The parent knows the worldwill be better because they are in it. The truth is because of hope the world will get better.
  4. 4. LIFELife is not fair. Life is not easy. Life happens. Life is disappointing. Life is boring. Starting in themid-70s parents decided they needed to protect children from Life. You cannot. Children need toexperience life in order to learn how to navigate past the difficult parts. Children who are taughtthey can say or do anything they wish without consequences fail in life. Life means "no" moretimes than "yes." The work force has taken a serious turn toward the worst because children havenot learn the meaning of "no," discipline, responsibility, honor, pride, or love.Life is beautiful because other people share in it. Life offers many fulfilling opportunities the mostimportant of which is the number of diverse people in it. Life is rewarding because of the beauty itholds through Nature. Life is worth living because of every single life each person toucheswhether the other person realizes it at the time or not. Every childs life has a purpose and it is theobligation of every parent to encourage every child to seek and fulfill that purpose.REALAging teaches children the difference between reality and fantasy as long as the parent guides thechild through the process. It is not reality to give children everything they want because that is notLife. Children who do not learn that there is a hierarchy will fail to become productive in thebusiness world. The real world teaches everyone that there will always be someone else to whomthey answer. Even someone who owns a business is accountable to suppliers and customers.The real world proves every day that an adult who throws a tantrum is either mentally ill orimmature and not to be taken seriously.In the real world, there are consequences for actions. Physics, every action has an opposite andequal reaction, cannot be denied forever even if it seems a person has gotten away with an illegalor unethical activity. Every Holy Book has some equivalent of "what goes around comes around."Children need to know that a parent cannot always rescue them from problems of their creation.WANT/NEEDThere is a huge difference between want and need. Children, by their egocentric nature, wanteverything. However, if a parent provides too many material things to a child at an early age thenhow does the child learn appreciation or gratitude? If a child needs the latest style in clothes inorder to express individuality, or an item because everyone else has one, or a high tag item to fit inand the parent gives in without explanation, then parent has proven to the child materialpossessions are more important than personal growth.A prime example of this is the perceived need for portable media devices. There was a time whena family trip afforded the perfect opportunity for families to reconnect. Only family members wereallowed because the point was family togetherness. The long drives entertainment includedtalking, singing (either to the radio or family songs when the airwaves were not available), arguing,reading, crossword puzzles, or travel size version of board games. Now, however, cars areequipped, or can be equipped with DVD players, each child has an individual handheld videogame, several members may have MP3 players, or a member is on the cell phone all this going onin place of true communication. Children literally tuning out the world with their parents on theoutside. Even when the family shops children and their parents can be seen ear plugged into MP3
  5. 5. players, and cell phones. It is interesting to note that more and more youth retreats and schoolfield trips no longer allow children to bring their electronic devices. One reason is a security issue;however, behind that is an issue that schools are finally starting to address: personalcommunication between students.Childrens worlds are by nature egocentric, it is a parents job to help them ascertain between wantand need. Take an inventory of a childs room and see how many wanted items have been setaside and neglected for the latest fad.FREEWhat is a list of four-letter word without the "F" word? The entire list if items are free to everyindividual and maybe that is the problem. In todays society, most individuals are wary of anythingthat is free. People have been trained to believe that the most expensive is the best, the mostexclusive the ultimate. It is important to understand the essence of the human being: to be love,understood, wanted, and productive. All unhappiness can be found in a shortage in one, or all, ofthose four. Fortunately, all can be attained and parents are the most important supplier.All parents want the best for their children. However, the past thirty years have placed modernparenting on shifting sand and maintained this precarious foundation through psuedo-educational-psychological smoke and mirrors. Professional educators, child psychologists, and toymanufacturers have made millions on the backs of well meaning but ill- prepared parents. Stopthe decline by introducing four letter words into your child rearing vocabulary.AE Wise is an author on http://www.Writing.Com/ which is a site for Writers. AE has been ateacher, mentor and parent for over twenty years.Article Source: ====The #1 Ultimate Empowerment Toolkit for Parents ====