1. HOW TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY EFFECTIVELY
1. Express remorse not regrets.
Try "I'm sorry" not "I apologize." The word sorry demonstrates a show of remorse, and a show of
remorse is always empathic; it involves you feeling bad for someone else. The word apologize implies
you regret your actions, and that might mean you simply wish you hadn't been caught.
2. Acknowledge what you have done and how it hurt them.
Listen to what they have to say, do your best to truly understand it, and then sum up what they have
said as simply as possible. For example, "I'm sorry that I keep forgetting to return your phone calls. I
know that makes you feel unimportant and like I don't care about you."
3. Acknowledge that you violated the relationship's boundaries.
To carry on with the example above, "As a friend, I know that I should get back to you in a reasonable
amount of time, especially when you need to hear from me before you can make special
arrangements."
4. Promise how you will change in the future and keep that promise.
"From now on, I'll make sure to call you back within twenty-four hours."
Once you have said you are sorry and offered to change your behavior, you cannot guarantee what
happens. The person you are speaking to may ask you to change in a different way instead, and then
the two of you might have to negotiate back and forth until you reach a compromise. Either way,
regardless of whatever change you have agreed to undertake, you must carry it out to finish saying
you are sorry. If you do not change, you must go back to step one and start all over again.
5. Request but don't expect forgiveness.
"I hope that you can forgive me."
Unfortunately, saying you're sorry won't fix every situation. We can't force people to be with us if
they don't want to be. Once you have said you are sorry, promised to change, and carried through on
your commitment, you have done all you can to set things right.After that, you have to let the other
party heal at their own rate.
THIS ISN'T FOR YOU. IT'S FOR THEM.
Copyright William Statham 2016. All rights reserved.