This document discusses boundaries and how they are important for taking responsibility, setting limits, and distinguishing what is our responsibility from what is not. It provides examples of common questions around boundaries and defines boundaries as showing where one person ends and another begins, leading to a sense of ownership. Both responsibility to others and for oneself are discussed, with the need to carry our own daily loads but also help others with excessive burdens they cannot bear alone. Examples of boundaries include skin, words, truth, distance, time, emotions, other people, and consequences.

1. Boundaries By Thadra Reference: Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend (Chapter 2)

2. Take responsibility for certain tasks Involves knowing what we are responsible for and what we are not responsible for Confusion in responsibility and ownership results in lack of boundaries

3. Setting Limits Need to set limits in mental, physical, emotional and spiritual lives to distinguish what is our responsibility and what is not E.g. homeowners Inability to set appropriate boundaries at appropriate times with the appropriate people can be very destructive

4. Common questions Can I set limits and still be a loving person What are legitimate boundaries? What if someone is hurt or upset by my boundary? How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? How do boundaries relate to submission? Aren’t boundaries selfish?

5. Boundaries Define us. Define what is me and what is not me. Shows where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. E.g. land owner: can do with my yard what I want

6. We are responsible to others and for ourselves To others: many times others have “burdens” that are too big to bear and they do not have enough strength, resources, or knowledge to carry the load and they need help Everyone has responsibilities that only he or she can carry

7. Burden Greek work for burden means “excess burdens” or burdens that are so heavy that they weigh us down Can’t be expected to carry alone

8. Load Greek word for load means “cargo” or “the burdens of daily toil” Everyday things we need to do E.g. like a knapsack, they are possible to carry and we are expected to carry our own, even if it takes a lot of effort

9. Problems Problems arise when people act as if their “boulders” are daily load Refuse help Act as if their “daily loads” are boulders they shouldn’t have to carry The results of these of both instances are either perpetual pain or irresponsibility

10. Good In, Bad Out Boundaries help us define what is our property so we can take care of it Keep things that will nurture us inside our fence and things that will harm us, outside our fence

11. Sometimes we have good outside and bad inside and we need to be able to open up our boundaries to let the good in and the bad out E.g. our fences need gates in them Sometimes when people are abused while growing up they reverse the function of boundaries and keep the bad in and the good out Story of Mary

12. Examples of boundaries Skin Words Truth Geographical Distance Taking time Emotional Distance Other People Consequences

13. What Falls within our boundaries Feelings Attitudes and beliefs Behaviors Choices Values Limits Talents Thoughts Desires Love