1. Anger management
Russell Grenning
The many blessedfolkswhoknowme andlove me will be staggered –yes“staggered”isnottoo
stronga wordin thiscircumstance – butsome ignorantfool once actuallyhadthe barefaced
audacityto suggestthatI undertake somethingcalled “angermanagement.”
Quite rightlyandverycalmly,Itoldhimthat I’dsmash hisstupidfatface in if he suggestedthat
again.I’ma verycalm – serene even –type of personbutI simplycannotbrookidiotsandothers
who,failingtorealise thattheyare profoundlyunintelligent,actually trytodisagree withme.
I am mindful of the wise wordsof Aristotlewhosaid,“Anybody can becomeangry –thatis easy,but
to be angry withthe rightperson and to theright degree and atthe right time and forthe right
purpose,and in the right way – thatis notwithin everybody’spowerand isnoteasy.”
Usually,thatfat oldGreekwhowore a frockispretty much spoton but I have to disagree withhim
here inone small regard.ActuallyIhave founditveryeasyto get angryat the righttime,forthe
rightreasonsand withthe rightpeople and,onreflection,have foundmyangertobe entirelyand
absolutely justifiedeverysingletime.Notthatithasactuallybeenanger– I’ve justbeenclearingthe
air,disabusingpeopleof theirmisconceptionsandinane ideasandgenerallymakingthe worlda
betterplace.
A lotof rubbishhasbeenwrittenandspokenabout how andwhyangershouldbe managed.Icould
not agree more withRoseanne Barrwhoobserved, “Expertssay you should neverhityourchildren in
anger.Whatis a good time? When you are feeling festive?”
It iscomfortingto knowthatthe Bible hasnofewer thanfifty-fourquotesaboutanger–more or less
alongthe linesof “cool it”- althoughIcannot recall anyof thembeingusedinthe scriptof the movie
of the same name.My life isverybusysoI neverreadthe book,I justsaw the movie and,inany
case,I learnedatSundaySchool inabout 1955 that Jesuswantsme fora sunbeamsono needto
explore the subjectanyfurther.
Anyhow,backto angerand the managementthereof.
There isan outfitcalledthe AngerManagementInstituteof Australia (AMIA) and,likeMentalHealth
Week, you’dbe mad to missit.
Accordingto the terrificallysharingandcaring AMIA,itis“a fee-based specialistservice thatprovides
individualbased angermanagementcoursesthroughoutAustralia via Skype” andtheyare not
kiddingwhentheysayitis “fee- based”.You can signup fora “single session or coupletherapy” fora
mere $150 whichgetsyouninetyminutesof invaluable advice viaSkypeortelephone.
For the more unhingedwhotendtoflyoff the handle forno reasonat all,there isthe super-value
Online IndividualAngerManagementCounselling whichprovidesfive,sixty-minutesessions(again
viaSkype or telephone) andyouare warned, “Fullpaymentforthe fivesessionsmustbe paid in
advance.”

2. Too bad I guessif all of your angermanagementissuesare sortedoutbythe endof the second
session. I,forone,wouldbe bloodyropable if thathappenedtome – not that I wouldeverneeditof
course.
Unfortunately –sadlyreally – “no Medicare rebatesapply”but,on the upside,youdon’tneedaGP
referral,justavalidcreditcard. Andthe reallyexcitingnewsisthat “Peoplewho completeall 5
sessionswill receive a certificate of completion upon request.”
If I didthe course – notthat I have to – I wouldcertainlywantthe certificatefornootherreason
than to wave itinfront of assorteddoltswhogetstroppywithme about myallegedattitude
towardsthem. I couldsee myself sayingrathersmugly, “Lookhere,you gormlesslunatic,there’s
nothing thematterwith me and I’vegota bloody certificate to proveit. Where’syours,you gross
ignoramus?”NaturallyIwouldbe sayingitinvoice of sweetreason –notthat I will have tobecause I
don’tneedthe wretchedcourse atall,do I?
The fact is that I don’tneedangermanagement;whatIneedis forpeople totryand manage their
stupidityaroundme.Youcan take thisturn-the-other-cheekstuff justabittoo farand I, for one,
won’tbudge one millimetreaboutthat.Ican assure youthat I am not one whogoesto bedangry – I
stay awake andplotrevenge.
So stayout of myway because mydivine serenitycanonlytake somuch.