Learn to boil eggs the hard way

EPISODE 1 DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!

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Author’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
incidents are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead,
events or locales is entirely coincidental.
Nitoi, Razvan
Somebody Stop Felix!
Bucharest, 2016–2017
SOMEBODY STOP FELIX text, characters design and illustrations
copyright © 2017 Razvan Nitoi.
All Rights Reserved
Book and cover design by Razvan Nitoi
Proofreading and corrections by Antonio Nitoi
No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in
any form: printed, electronic, recording, or otherwise, without written
permission from the author.
EPISODE 1
RAZVAN ‘FRANCO’ NITOI
BY
TEXT AND ILLUSTRATIONS
DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!
FELIX!
SOMEBODY
STOP

5
Felix N.
June 20
477 comments
Max S.
Huh huh... Felix is getting a DIARY! Wuss... :)
Felix N.
Grrr... Shut up, you and
Maria N.
What kind of language is this?! You wanna get grounded?
Hey... Looks like I won’t show up around here for 3 weeks or
so... I’m going to a summer camp, and apparently we can’t use
our smartphones or tablets there... :(
I’m thinking to write down some notes about my experiences
there, just to remember the ones worth telling... I’m sure there
will be plenty... When I’ll be back home I’ll post some of them!
36
34
Max S.
Wow!! Real Madrid - Barcelona: 3-1 !!!!
7
59
1
George N.
Well... Felix, no tablet for you for 3 weeks!
That’ll teach you!
George N.
Errr... Wait a minute...
Maria N.
2
this is Mom
this is Dad

7
June 21
So, since yesterday afternoon I’m in summer camp.
Mom and dad decided there’s no point for me to hang
around the house, “wasting my time playing that
nonsense game with creepers and skeletons” (as cited
by dad), so they sent me to the first decent summer
camp they could find. It seemed a little hasty to me since
yesterday was actually the last school day, but it’s OK:
I’m here with my best friends, Max and Alex. I guess
their parents had the same vision as my mom and dad,
or they probably planned the whole thing together…
I see... So, is it OK if we drop
him there tomorrow?
Me
(felix)
oOps...

8 9
And there is one more problem. He can’t bring any
washing powder with him, so he’s washing his briefs
with OUR soap, in the bathroom sink. That’s why I
always pack an extra bar of soap. And I keep it in a safe
place because otherwise it will have the same unlucky
fate as the other one.
My bed plink
plink
scrub
briefs
MY
soap
max‛s underpants
The first night went pretty well. I’m happy to share my
room with Max and Alex; this way I don’t have to be
prepared for all sorts of weird surprises. I only have to
put up with the usual stuff, the same old troubles I’m
already used to.
For instance, Max, who can’t stand carrying a lot of
luggage, only takes one or two pieces of underpants, so
every evening he washes the one he had on that day and
leaves it to dry overnight. I don’t have a problem with
this; if you ask me, he can go ahead and wash all of
his clothes daily. But he really should be more careful
where he hangs them to dry.
alex
WOW, COOL! I CAN PLAY
SOCCER ALL DAY LONG!
max
,
TAANAA
NAANA

10 11
I like boiled eggs for breakfast. Not too soft, not too
hard. Somewhere in the middle. I noticed there was a
huge bowl full of eggs, with a label on it reading “boiled
eggs”, so I took one and put it on a plate, together with
some cheddar, a tomato, a loaf of bread and some bacon
that hadn’t been already devoured by Denis.
I sat down with Max and Alex, who were already eating.
I grabbed my egg and cracked it on the side of the plate.
The next moment, it was full of liquid raw egg white
and yolk. The cheese, the loaf, and the bacon were all
floating in a gooey puddle.
Boiled
eGgs
BACON
Alex doesn’t have any of these flaws. He has other ones,
but there are way too many to list right here, right now.
They woke us up around eight. Once we were up and
running (sort of), we went to breakfast. Apparently, we
have an all-you-can-eat buffet kind of thing. There are
a lot of food plates, so we can choose whatever we like.
Denis D. was very excited
about this. He seemed to
be especially interested in
a big plate full of bacon.
Actually, he is always very
excited whenever there is
something to eat.
that‛s
my tea-
spoOn!
my mommy
gave me that
teaspoon!
and you can‛t
touch it!

12 13
“Whaaat?! I don’t get it!!” I shouted angrily. “Look, it
reads clearly: BOILED eggs”
“Well, you airhead—Max explained, politely as usual—it
says ‘BOILED EGGS’ because those are the eggs that
are eaten boiled, but first you have to BOIL THEM
yourself! Think about it: some people like them soft,
other people prefer them boiled hard. How can they
possibly serve them already boiled? Unbelievable...”
I hadn’t thought of it this way. It kinda made sense.
“Look! The machine is RIGHT NEXT TO THE BOWL
OF EGGS. Let me show you how it works, otherwise
who knows what flop you’ll cause next! Check this out:
you lift the lid, place the egg, put the lid back on, and set
the time. Got it?!”
perfect
boiled
eggs
very soft
boiled egGs
medium-
soft
boiled egGs
soft-ish
boiled
egGs
Max and Alex both started laughing hysterically. Alex
slightly choked on his sandwich, but it didn’t seem to
stop him. Everyone rushed to see what happened, so
five seconds later everyone was laughing at me and
my plate. Everyone was taking pictures. Denis seized
the opportunity and grabbed some more bacon with
ketchup and mustard.
Raw eGg white pudDle
1/2 inch
ChedDar, Loaf and Bacon
egG ShelL
wet
bread
plop
PLOp

14 15
“3 minutes” and I went back to grab some more food,
becausemyfirstplatehadbeen,obviously,compromised.
Again, I got some cheddar, a loaf, a tomato... No more
bacon, though, because Denis had taken a final assault
on the cold meats area, and it was all gone. But I found
some hot dogs, so I didn’t mind.
After the three minutes, I heard the ”ding” sound on
the machine, so I rushed to get my hot egg—now that I
think of it, the first one was COLD, and that should have
made me suspect something, right?!—and I went back
to the table. Max and Alex had already finished eating
and were now drinking their chocolate milkshake.
yumMyYy..
Thenhewentbacktohisplace,grumblingmostlyunclear
words, although I’m pretty sure I heard something like
“airhead”, “moron” and a few more like this.
We don’t use an electric egg boiling machine at home.
Dad usually uses a kettle for this, and he asks me to
time EXACTLY three minutes on my watch, from the
moment the water starts
boiling. Three minutes
later, the eggs are ALWAYS
perfect, not too hard, not
too soft.
So—of course—I set the
timer on the machine to
TIC
TAC

16 17
“I have no idea! This is just... Somebody is messing
around with me! I’m absolutely, positively SURE I set
the timer for three minutes. That’s exactly how I boil
eggs at home!”
“Three minutes, you say...?”
“Well, yeah... What do you mean?!”
Then I realized what I got wrong. Three minutes AFTER
it starts boiling!
Alex recommended me to stay away from boiled eggs for
a while, and Max promised he will assist me tomorrow
morning because it would be too much for him to watch
howtoboilanegG
how to boil an egG
HMMM,
that‛s not
so easy...
“So...—Max teased me—are you SURE you didn’t get a
raw egg again?”
I gave him the evil eye, but I didn’t reply, to show him I
couldn’t care less. I calmly took my new egg and gently
cracked it on the side of my plate. Shockingly, the plate
was—AGAIN—filled with RAW egg white and yolk!
I stood there baffled. Max and Alex just stared at me
with a puzzled look for a while (luckily, the room was
almost empty already, ‘cause it was pretty late). Then,
Max told me in a low, concerned voice:
“You’re really scaring me, dude! How could this happen
AGAIN? HOW?!”
whaAt
?!?!?
Raw eGg
OOH...
not
again...

18
me drown all my food in raw egg for the THIRD TIME.
Since everyone was already gone, I just grabbed a toast
and some cheddar and I took off too. Anyway, I’m
determined not to give up so easily!
I‛LL
BE BACK!

19
June 22
This afternoon, around five o’clock, a new colleague
showed up in our camp. He couldn’t get here from day
one, because—if I understood correctly—he’s playing in
a band, and they had a gig on Sunday, somewhere on
the West Coast. The guy isn’t exactly the rock star type;
I would rather picture him as the kind of guy who builds
origami dragons or collects Star Trek action figures...
Even though he looks kind of weird (not to mention his
name—Gustav), there’s a chance he’s a cool guy after
all. I really hope he doesn’t have any strange hobbies,
because I have a feeling Max is planning on inviting
him to be our roommate.

20 21
“The TUBA?!—Max jumped. That explains the huge
bags—he sobbed while dropping the giant case he was
carrying. How many tubas do you have in here?”
The last thing we’d need would be listening to him all
day long playing “Yankee Doodle” and other music hits
they might be playing on those parades.
“Don’t worry—Gustav said—I don’t have my tuba
with me. My dad wouldn’t let me bring it, although I
really miss it... But I have my harmonica! I’ll play for
you tonight in our room, I know a lot of songs. You
know “Who let the dogs out”? It sounds awesome on
harmonica! We’ll have a lot of fun, guys! You can play
the harmonica too if you want!
this was the
Orchestral
suite no.2
by Bach...
but i‛m
sure i can
play it
betTer... so,
one more
time!
help!
Max thinks all the guys who play in a band are probably
cool. So, just like I expected, he invited Gustav to stay
with us. We have rooms for four, and it was only the
three of us in ours. While we were helping Gustav carry
his luggage from the car, we started chatting:
“So, what instrument are you playing in that band?
Guitar? Bass? Drums?”
“Oh, no, it’s not that kind
of band! It’s more like a
marching band! What were
you thinking? No, no... I’m
playing the tuba! We just
got back from this parade...”
relax,
he‛s very
gentle...
giant spider
just try
to avoid
sudden
moves...
... or
any kind
of
moves

22 23
Next, Gustav started to organize his stuff. This took
some time because he was determined to classify
everything by category.
“Guys, what do you think? Should I arrange my clothes
chronologically, in daily order? Or by item type? How
did you organize yours?”
After he finished with the clothes, Gustav finally got to
the last of his bags. He gravely announced us that he
had a big surprise in that bag, and he was planning on
sharing it with us. This gave us shivers down our spines.
We watched horrified as he pulled the zipper.
Max was turning really pale, but pretty soon we realized
it will be an easy job snatching away his harmonica,
and hiding it somewhere until we leave… Actually, we’ll
be doing him a favor. A guy walking around here all day
long playing harmonica would get really unpopular in
no time. Let’s just hope he’s not hiding any accordions
somewhere in his bags...
I INSIST
!!!
please!
EewWw...
SALIVa
i can‛t find
my harmonica,
so i‛m building
a xylophone...

24 25
courtesy, and from now on we should share everything
we have, just like brothers. The truth is all Max and I
had to share with him was a couple of chewing gum
packs, a box of slightly moist crackers (already open)
and a melted candy bar that needed to be scratched off
Max’s backpack’s bottom first. But that’s not the point.
It’s a matter of principle!
“Excellent idea! From this moment, all I have is yours
too, my friends—Max announced, in a touching,
emotional voice, with his eyes fixed on the cake. Come
on, Gus, go ahead and slice the cake! You’re the only one
I trust. Felix always tries to cheat...”
PLease,
taste it!
lollipop
But there was nothing to
worry about. Actually,
Gus had a really awesome
surprise. He pulled out of
his bag a box containing a
huge chocolate cake!
“My mommy baked it herself! Especially for me, as a
prize, because I had a great tuba performance at the
parade yesterday, and also because I’m brave enough to
stay for three weeks in this camp! I was looking forward
to eating it, but I’ll share it with you. I insist. I won’t
take no for an answer!”
We assured him we had no intention to turn down the
offer, we even emphasized that we really appreciate his
cool! so,
the rest
is mine...?

26 27
eyes that looked really suspicious. And we were going
to use a spoon anyway (I think)...
After a minute (which seemed like an eternity to us),
I told Max I remembered reading somewhere that it’s
not a good idea to sit and wait just looking at the food
in front of you, because the stomach starts producing
some sort of digestion substances, and you can get into
deep trouble.
“Really? Wow, we really shouldn’t mess with medical
stuff!—he answered. I have no intention to ruin my
stomach, especially now, with all this chocolate cake
waiting for me. Pass the pocketknife, dude! I’ll cut this
The latest research
proves that it‛s very
important to...
chocolate:
fiction
and
REALITy
INTERNATIONAL
HEALTH
2016-2017
CONFERENCE
PROF.DR.
NUSSBAUM
Gustav asked us to wait just a minute because he never
eats anything before washing his hands.
“My mommy made me promise to obey all the hygiene
rules, even though I’m away from home! And you two
should do the same! I’ll be right back...” he said, and
he disappeared holding his soap and a towel marked
“Monday”.
Of course, he was right.
BUT I decided I can’t take
any chances by leaving Max
alone with the cake. He had
a frozen, fixed look in his
others me
finally,
together...

28 29
given that after two minutes our slices had completely
vanished from sight.
“I’ve always had this darn problem, I told Max. For
instance: sometimes my mom bakes an apple pie. She
splits it fifty-fifty for me and my brother. But, no matter
how hard I try to take it slow and make it last as long
as possible, my share of the pie is always gone in five
minutes! And then, my brother—who totally disregards
pies and stuff—is taking advantage of this by selling
me his share for five bucks or even more! The price of
pancakes sometimes goes up to $15! I’ve spent all my
where
the heck
is it...?
i hope
i‛Ll get
a bite..
cake right now... It looks like our buddy is taking a little
longer than expected in that bathroom. What the heck
is he doing in there anyway?!”
Max split the cake pretty fairly, better than I expected.
It’s also true that I was there closely supervising the
whole operation, and I had to correct him with one or
two friendly slaps upside the head.
We both tasted a few bites of the cake. It was really good,
Gustav’s mom clearly had put some heart into it. We did
our best trying to eat as slowly as possible, to give him
a chance to join us. But we didn’t really succeed in this,
AHA !!!
you cheated
with exactly
?!?
2/3 inch!

30 31
That was kinda true. Gustav really owed us one for that,
so we both decided we deserved one or two extra bites
of his share of the cake.
We were just in the middle of ‘adjusting’ Gustav’s cake
slice when Alex burst in. After shortly scanning the
view, his face lightened up with a huge smile.
“Wow, dudes! What have we here?! Where did this thing
come from?”
“We were just coming to get you—Max said quickly. I
was just asking Felix: ‘Did you see Alex lately? Let’s go
find him!’ But since you’re here now, please, have a bite!
But just a little one, OK? It’s not our cake. It’s Gustav’s...
HA HA,
perfect
timing!
OOPS...
oh
noOo...
savings on desserts. If I’d have saved all that money...”
“Look—Max stopped me—I guess Gustav is having
cakes like this all the time. This overload of sugar and
cocoa is really bad for his health! I think we can have
a piece of his share. After all, we took him in with us!
Imagine him being in the same room with Paul M. or
Denis D.! Brr...”
felix
yes, it‛s mine... it cost me about a milLion pancakes!
paul,
is every-
thing ok?
i hope
you‛re not
eating my
cake!

32 33
the tuba and harmonica stress. But it was already too
late to say anything, so we served ourselves with just
a little more and we left Gustav a good slice, about an
inch thick. Alex is a terrific guy, but he has one big flaw:
he always picks the worst moment to show up!
We went on and finished our extra cake (way smaller
than expected!), and then we got back to our business.
That’s when Gustav finally got out of the bathroom.
“Sorry, people! Something unexpected came up... So,
what’s up? Did you taste the cake? Is it any good?”
i can‛t
wait to
eat some
cake!
He just left a few minutes ago, he’s in the bathroom and
he’ll be back in a second!”
For some reason, Alex didn’t seem very convinced we
were just about to go looking for him. But he didn’t make
any comments. He quickly cut about half of Gustav’s
cake, he looked at us with his hungry wolf face, and he
started chomping.
Our opinion was that Alex should have gotten a smaller
piece of the cake since he wasn’t even here to help
Gustav with the luggage and he didn’t put up with all
just a
little
bite
you know
i‛m not
grEedy!

34 35
Gustav didn’t answer. He was just standing there,
staring at that table, looking all confused. It was kinda
awkward, but Alex quickly managed the situation:
“Hey, glad to meet you, amigo! What’s up? By the way,
FABULOUS cake! Who made it? Anyway, I gotta go,
see you in fifteen minutes, at dinner! Hmm, I hope they
have dessert, ‘cause this cake just got me started!”
“Hey, wait for me—Max jumped—I’m getting out too, I
gotta take care of something! I got a call from... errr...
sure, yeah, just a second! Bye!”
It was already too painful for me to see Gus looking so
devastated, so I followed them at warp speed.
sniFf
We guaranteed the cake
was excellent, and we
quickly excused ourselves
for saving him a rather
small portion, but when we
looked at the plate we were
perplexed. Alex had just
eaten THE LAST BITE!
“Errrr... Sorry, he mumbled with his mouth full of cake.
I thought everyone gets an extra piece! You had yours,
didn’t you? I know my rights!”
“Hey, Gus, this is our friend Alex...” Max said, with an
embarrassed voice.
HEy!
glad to
meet
you...
GoOd!
MmM...

36 37
June 24
One of this camp’s rules is
that we’re not allowed to use
our mobile devices unless
there’s some emergency.
For news and regular daily
communication, we’re
supposed to use the ancient way: snail mail. They
explained to us that it’s an interesting and unique
opportunity to discover that feeling of eagerly waiting
for a few lines to drop in, every two or three days. It
is kinda amusing indeed, but some of us are yearning
so badly for their devices that they started asking their
friends at home to mail them printed Facebook pages,
game screenshots and stuff like that.
dear dad,
please search
the internet for
some do-it-
yourself video
how to build
a tablet out of
dirt and sticks
...
bring me
all your celL
phones!
Today, around noon, Max and I were headed to the
camp office, where we have this mail storage shelf thing
that we use for sending and receiving letters. We were
halfway there when we bumped into Diana F... Diana
is one or two years older than us. She was headed the
same way, because she also was carrying a big pile of
paper envelopes.
“Hey—she said—I suppose you guys are going to the
‘post office’, right? Can you please take my letters too?”
“That’s a lot of letters you have there, I answered. Is
there anything else you do, besides writing?!”
that would
be all for
now... thanks!

38 39
She explained those weren’t all hers, but also her
roommates Olivia and Angela’s. Since we have such
good manners, we offered to take her pile of letters off
her hands, and we carried on.
Ten steps further, we bumped into Remus C., an
obnoxious boy, who started to pick on us, as he usually
does whenever we meet:
“Look at those cuuute pink
envelopes! Are you sending
letters to mommy?”
“Those aren’t our letters, I
answered. Come on now, go
fly a kite!”
LETTERS
1/2 MILE
Remus looked at me with a confused face, and then he
suddenly snatched Diana’s envelopes from me, hurled
them all around the yard and quickly took off.
While Max was busy chasing Remus and screaming all
kinds of threats and curses, I painstakingly picked up all
those pink envelopes. For some reason, maybe because
of the ‘accident’, a few of them were a little unglued.
Being a curious kind of guy, I
couldn’t help peering into one
of the envelopes. It was one of
Diana’s letters, addressed to
her boyfriend, Daniel L.
bye-BYE!
have
fun!
let‛s
see...

40 41
Meanwhile, Max had given up chasing Remus, and he
was back with me. I showed him what I discovered, and
we started reading the letter together.
The letter was all mawkishness, romance and sugary
stuff that didn’t make a lot of sense to us, but what we
did understand was that Diana was really anxious to
get some reply, because at the end she highlighted:
hoOray!
three letters
in three days!
still
nothing for
you?!
dear Daniel,
BLA BLA BLA
“Dear Daniel, it would be a REALLY GOOD IDEA to
send me at least one letter! I sent you three by now.
Olivia and Angela already got A TON of letters from
their boyfriends... I’m already feeling embarrassed.”
We carefully read the letter one more time, and we both
decided we should do something for Diana.
“I don’t like this Daniel L guy! I said. I’m sure he’s one of
those irresponsible dudes. Why isn’t he replying?”
“Well, maybe Diana misprinted the address, and he
actually didn’t get any of her letters...”
Don‛t
worry! it‛s
under con-
trol!

42 43
“Hmm, it’s possible, I admit. But still, just to be sure, I
think we should write ourselves a letter to Diana, signed
as Daniel. We can’t let her feel uncomfortable in front
of her two best friends. Now that I’m involved in this, I
already feel like I have a responsibility!”
“You could be right, Max answered. You know what?
Let’stakeourlettersandputthemintheoutbox,andtake
the girls’ letters back to the cabin, to carefully analyze
all the options. Who knows what other nonsense could
be hiding there? We can’t just send them like this!”
Max had a good point. I always declared he’s a really
wise guy. So we took all the letters back to our room,
and we got down to business.
The first letter we took care of was the one that started
everything. We tried to compose an answer from Daniel
to Diana.
But we quickly realized that their relationship was
pointless and it couldn’t last: Diana was too demanding
and she kept on nagging him, while he was unreliable

44 45
and he was making her feel uncomfortable in front of
her friends. So we both reached the same conclusion:
Diana and Daniel should break up. Things can’t go on
like this, and it’s our job to make it happen cleverly.
They were so INCREDIBLY LUCKY that Diana’s letter
ended up in our hands.
From Diana’s letter we found out Daniel has a friend
and neighbor called Leo, so we designed a letter as if it
was written by this guy:
HA ha,
this is a cool
idea! let‛s
see...
“Excellent job, I decided. All we have to do now is place
it in a brand new envelope, address it from Leo, with
Dear DIANA,
My name is LEO, and i‛m DANIEL‛s
friend. i‛m writing you this
because i‛m shocked by DANIEL‛s
behavior: every time he gets a
letter from you, he reads it out
loud in front of his budDies, and
they make fun of all the beautiful,
touching things you write.
it‛s totally awful! i can‛t just sit
back and watch your feelings
getting ridiculed by these punks,
so i thought i should let you
know about this, so you can
make the best
decision.
sincerely,
LEO C.

46 47
a fake house number from Daniel’s neighborhood, and
then we’ll hand it to Diana in two or three days.”
Then we moved on to the second unglued envelope. It
was from Olivia, Diana’s roommate, to her family.
Besides the usual stuff—how’s mommy, daddy, granny
and little Eric, there was a particular detail that made
us think. Olivia seemed extremely concerned about her
cat, called Homer.
“Look—Max pointed out—this girl will drive everyone
crazy every day, constantly asking about this Homer.
She should have taken the darn cat with her!”
... and plEase
sEnd me onE
more photo
of homer!
Then he grabbed a piece of paper and started to write a
fake letter from Olivia’s father:
„Dear Olivia,
We’re all right. Mom had a bit of a cold, but now she’s
just fine. I was really stressed at work, and now I can’t
wait for the weekend, to get some sleep. Granny sends
her greetings, and she says she would like a postcard
for her collection. Eric just got a new video game, and
of course, he can’t stop playing!
But, unfortunately, there’s also some bad news: your

48 49
beloved Homer is dead! You know he was pretty old,
and his eyesight wasn’t so good lately.
Well, yesterday he went out for a stroll as usual, but
in ten minutes or so, the doorbell ringed. It was our
neighbor, who told us he was just driving his car out
of the garage when he felt the wheel bumping over
something, and he heard a horrible meow sound. He
jumped out of the car and saw he had run over a cat,
whowasnowcompletelyflat,likeaposter,sohecouldn’t
really describe it. But knowing that we have a cat, he
thought he should ask us if it’s ours. We went there
to see if it’s Homer. It really was him. We recognized
him by his bell collar. I’m sure he died instantly and he
didn’t feel any pain.
We managed to scrape Homer off the driveway (it
wasn’t easy, but luckily our neighbor had a good snow
shovel), and we buried him in our backyard, in a shoe
box. You know that spot where he used to play with the
leaves.
May he rest in peace!
Sincerely, your daddy
P.S. Before you’ll get back from the camp, we’ll find a
new kitty for you, even cuter than Homer!”
At first, I thought Max’s idea was a little extreme, and
Olivia will be heartbroken, but then I realized what a
feeling of complete HAPPINESS she will have when she
will find out Homer is actually alive! Not to mention
that one day Homer will REALLY die, and then she will
be psychologically prepared for that.
oops! this
was your
last life!
homer
saint petEr

50 51
June 26
Here, at Forest Lake Camp, we have a few mice. Nothing
impressive, I guess it’s just natural. It’s exactly the kind
of place I’d choose if I were a mouse. No cats, no dogs,
no exterminators… As a mouse, chances are you’ll live
a peaceful life here, and die of old age, surrounded by
a couple hundred sons and daughters and a few million
grandchildren and great–grandchildren.
But every now and then somebody has to spoil the
natural balance of things. It all started with Laura T,
who came across a poor little reckless mouse who had
the uninspired idea to take his evening tour right by her
cabin door.
two million
three hundred
seventy-five
thousand...
Laura started to scream like she was chased by an
army of zombies. Of course, things got out of control.
Her boyfriend, Virgil G, who’s also in our camp, took
the opportunity to impress her, and solemnly declared
WAR to all the mouse race.
“By the time I leave this camp, you won’t be able to find
as much as a mouse hair!” he declared and started to
plan his battle strategy.
Virgil!
help! a
monster!
huH?
wheRe?!
we
strike
at dawn!
Virgil G.
“D” day
enemy
teRritory
division 1

52 53
Virgil got to work at full speed. He abandoned any other
activity and spent an entire day building a mouse trap.
A very clever one, he claimed. Personally, I thought it
was rather pathetic, or even downright stupid, but I
didn’t want to hurt Virgil’s feelings... He looked really
proud of his accomplishment, so I kept my mouth shut.
Anyway, if I were a mouse, I’m not sure I would be very
attracted by that bit of cheese in Virgil’s trap, especially
since there’s a ton of cheese and other delicacies in the
food storage room, and you can get it without having to
crawl through a bunch of steel wires and mechanisms.
Laura didn’t seem very excited either, but she was
supportive and she encouraged him anyway.
©virgil g.
Mouse trap
MT-6000
spring
TOP SECReT!
free cheese
Virgil placed his trap strategically, in his own words—
‘right on those disgusting creeps’ route’, i.e. somewhere
around the spot where Laura first saw that poor mouse.
After one hour, he self-assuredly announced us all:
“Guys, I’m gonna go check the first capture now! If you
wanna take a look...”
We went along with him. Strangely, the trap was empty.
Virgil carefully inspected the mechanism, the cheese,
he scratched his head, and he decided:
“It’s probably very late, and they’re already sleeping
by now. No problem! Tomorrow morning one of those
despicable beasts will surely bite the dust!”
?!
free
?!

54 55
Then he headed for his bed, with a distracted air, after
changing the cheese with a piece of bacon. Denis D.
tried to steal and eat the bacon after Virgil left, but
we stopped him because we were already extremely
curious about the course of events.
z
Z z Z
put it
back right
now!!!
BACON
June 27
At the break of day, Virgil G. jumped out of bed and
rushed to check his trap. He still seemed confident,
although much less than last night. After two minutes
hereturnedholdingthetrap.Wehurriedtocongratulate
him, ‘cause we were sure he was bringing it to show us
the capture. But he just told us, in a worried voice, that
he wants to make some improvements. He tinkered
with it for a few hours, then he triumphantly announced
‘they’re doomed now!’, and he rushed to put it back.
hey, look...
it actually
works!

56 57
He checked the trap at 3 P.M., then again at six. After
that, he checked every hour, until bed time. After the
bacon’s failure, he tried, one after another, with some
hot dog, feta cheese, a tomato, a slice of pizza (Denis
tried to steal this one too), an apple and a Mars bar.
Around midnight, he sneaked out once again, quiet as a
mouse, and then he returned to bed with a sad face. We
heard him mumble for a few minutes, then he sobbed
and he fell asleep.
put it
back right
now!!!
June 29
We’re already worried about our friend Virgil. For
the last two days, all he’s been doing was to ‘improve’
the trap, mumbling strange sentences, of which we
sometimes catch words like ‘damn creatures’, ‘now it’s
personal’, and stuff like that. Today around noon we
found him in the hallway, on the floor, with his ear
pressed against the wall.
I asked him what he’s up to, but he shut me up with
an irritated tone, claiming he just tracked down one of
those ‘little devils’, and he needs to concentrate. He said
he’s considering taking apart the wooden walls, because
those jerks hide in there, making fun of him.
squeak
shHh...
i can hear
it!

58 59
Laura tried to convince Virgil to give up this unequal
confrontation:
“I’m not even afraid of them anymore, Virgil! If I think
about it, I would even say they’re really cute creatures.
With those adorable little eyes… like shiny marbles!”
When Virgil heard her talking about little marble eyes,
his face alarmingly turned red; he started to huff and
puff, and punched the wall angrily:
“Marbles, huh... I’ll show ‘em marbles!” (indistinct
mumbles and growls).
I analyzed the situation with Max and Alex, and we
decided we should find a way to help Virgil out of this
mouse issue, no later than tomorrow. Otherwise, we
might lose some cabin walls (and run out of candy bars).
say hello
to my friend...
the chainsaw!

60 61
July 1st
This morning, right after breakfast, the three of us
analyzed Virgil’s situation from a psychological angle,
and the conclusion was that he won’t be able to overcome
this obsession unless he actually gets the satisfaction of
catching a mouse. Since he was incapable to accomplish
this goal by himself (without setting the building on
fire), we decided we should contribute. More precisely,
the plan was to catch a mouse OURSELVES, and to
place it inside the trap (which had already reached
version 5.0, improved and camouflage painted).
MwA ha HA...
my superior
intelligence
will prevail!
We found a dead mouse outside really quickly (it
probably died of old age, as I mentioned before). We hid
it in a cardboard box, to have it ready for later, when
we would have the chance to ‘plant’ it in the trap. Then
Max found Virgil and kept him busy, to cover me.
I arranged the mouse inside the trap, artistically, with
its mouth open as if it were just biting the cheese.
Surprisingly, the trap didn’t go off at all, even though
I was shaking it quite a bit while placing the mouse.
Everything looked perfect! Then, sitting there looking
at my masterpiece, this new idea struck my mind!
then, in the 80th
minute, the coach
replaced the
striker...
hUh
HUh
?!
dead mouse

62 63
A SUICIDE NOTE!!!
Briefly, I wrote this miniature suicide note and I
attached it to the mouse’s paw with a piece of string:
i can‛t live like this
anymore.
i am terrorized by
the fear that you
will kill all my
friends and family!
i choOse to sacrifice
myself so they
can survive!
i forgive you, virgil!
I closed the trap’s door and took off.
After a while, I heard Virgil screaming like a maniac:
“Yessss! Haaa ha haaa! Gotcha, you son of a... Who’s a
buffoon now, huh? Who’s the moron?!”
Virgil burst into the dining hall, jumping for joy, with
sparks in his eyes, proudly holding the trap.
“Look, Laura! Come on, check this out! I want everyone
to see this! I prevailed! Intelligence and patience are
always triumphant!”
ha HA haAa,
i defeated
the bastard!

64
Then, with a strange grin, he victoriously pulled the
mouse out of the trap, for everyone to see. As soon
as the mouse was out, the suicide note also popped
out, hanging on the mouse’s leg. Virgil froze. His jaw
dropped. He grabbed the little note with a shaking
hand, and he started reading:
”I can’t live like this anymore...”
whaaat?!

65
July 3
We didn’t get a chance to properly make fun of Virgil
for all the suicidal mouse thing, because this morning
everything was going on fast track: we had just started
to eat breakfast, when they announced us that our
group is scheduled for a trip to South Falls, a waterfall
somewhere around ten miles from the camp.
South Falls is not really the most famous or the largest
waterfall, but the water drops from a really high rock,
so it looks pretty impressive. The water comes down
at amazing speed, and it sprinkles all around, forming
clouds of tiny, microscopic vapors.
HEy, this
waterfall is
pretty cool!

66 67
Max told me everything was under control, and he
started setting up his high-tech gizmo.
“Just a minute... I’m gonna set the shutter speed to one-
by-four-thousand... I wanna catch those water drops
floating in the air!”
He fiddled with those buttons for a few minutes, and
then he proceeded to take pictures, with expert moves.
Just in case, I thought I should take a few photos myself,
using the phone; that made Max look at me with a mix
of compassion, disgust, and superiority.
okay...
and now the
aperture...
just a bit...
As soon as we got there, I started taking photos with my
phone (we’re allowed to use them for photographing),
but Max stopped me:
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, I’ll take care of the photos! I
brought that cool mirrorless camera I got, you know...?”
Of course, I knew. Max has been driving me nuts about
his darn camera from day one.
“OK then, as you wish. Less work for me. But watch out,
please... Try not to screw up this time, I really like this
landscape and I wouldn’t want to end up not having
any photos from South Falls!”
cliCk
you know
i am the
master of
close-ups

68 69
Alexhasafascinationforsouvenirs.Whereverhetravels,
he can’t resist buying all kinds of gimmicks for all his
family, neighbors and friends. Over half of the typical
luggage that he brings home is actually a selection of
keychains, magnets, figurines, plush toys, bracelets...
And that’s not even the worst part: he occasionally buys
pottery or an oil painting!
gifts
tickets
souvenirs
UuUh,
magnEts! and
keychains!
gift shop
MADE
iN CHiNA
$145
gates 20-30
“Do you have any idea what kind of sensor is on that
piece of junk you’re using? My camera has a twenty-
four-millimeter sensor, OK?! Not to mention the lens,
with a one-point-eight aperture! Compared to your
three-point-five... at most!”
The guy sounded like an expert, so I didn’t argue. I took
a few more pics, and then I went to the nearby shop, to
get something to drink.
It was actually more like a gift shop. And there was
Alex, standing hypnotized, just staring at a bunch of
ridiculous fridge magnets.
... so you see,
my photos will
probably be a
zillion times
better!

70 71
“Wow, ‘adrenalin’! he quoted sarcastically. I’ll tell you
what it’s really like. It’s a fluffy ride for old ladies. My
grandparents went to Niagara Falls, and they told me
how it goes. The boat gets a little close to the waterfall,
it cruises around for ten minutes, people take pictures...
Everyoneiswearingaplasticraincoat...Pureadrenalin!”
Judging by the brochure photos, Alex and I thought it
looked pretty dynamic, but Max wasn’t giving up:
SOUTH
FALLS
fabulouslandscape
ADRENALIN!
naturehiking
“I can’t go back empty-handed!—he always explains.
Those people are expecting from me a souvenir, a small
gift, something! True?”
“NO, not true!” I answer all the time, but it’s like talking
to a wall. While the rest of us are visiting what’s worth
seeing, he’s always ‘visiting’ the gift shops.
“Listen—I tried to distract him—Let’s see if we can
book a boat ride to the waterfall, you know, as they do
at Niagara Falls! That would be cool...”
We asked at the shop, and the answer was yes! The clerk
handed us a brochure with all the information. We took
it and looked for Max, so we could read it together.
UFO museum
gift shop

72 73
The skipper handed us
some life vests, he gave us
the safety instructions,
and then he provided a
waterproof plastic bag, and
he asked us to put in there
all our money, papers,
cameras, phones, watches
and anything that needed protection from getting wet.
Everyone in the boat did it, but Max just laughed:
“You’re a bunch of pathetic chicken! Just relax, dudes! I
told you what it’s all about. A walk in the park.”
well,
let‛s just
relax...
phone
this
doesn‛t sound
too good
either...
“Trust me, those photos are for marketing. They’re all
the same! If you really insist, we’re going. But I’m only
doing this because I could use some close-up pics.”
So we got our tickets and we went to the boarding dock.
To get there, we had to take a really steep and very
primitive metal staircase, that really didn’t look like a
‘fluffy ride for old ladies’, but we tried to ignore it and
we managed to get to the docks.
It was a big inflatable motor boat, and it had two
outboard engines with two hundred horsepower each.
Those engines didn’t make me think about a slow, gentle
cruise, but since I know nothing about sailing and stuff
I kept my mouth shut.
hey,
you boys
are brave!
i don‛t
like how
that
sounds...

74 75
Ahoy there, skipper, will you please take it eas...”
Hedidn’thaveachancetofinishhissentencebecausethe
next second the boat was UNDER THE WATERFALL!
I have to admit the brochure was absolutely right about
the adrenalin part. We were all stunned, struggling to
catch a breath of air through the water flowing from
everywhere. Fortunately, it didn’t last too long. The
skipper drove us out of there after ten seconds or so,
then he took a wide turn and he gave us another shower.
After that, he pulled away from the waterfall and got
back to speeding like a complete maniac.
He took the side seat, next to the tube, and started
setting up his camera. We sat down next to him, and we
looked around to make sure we have some rails to hang
on to, in case things get serious.
The boat started off slowly, and then immediately
accelerated. First, the skipper played the usual trick—
he took a full turn and then he made the boat jump on
the long waves left behind by the propellers. That was
pretty bumpy, and Alex got splashed on his pants with
a few waterdrops.
“Hey, I hope he’s not gonna try to get us all wet, he
grumbled, showing us the tiny wet spot on his pants.
water
splash

76 77
As soon as we got back to the shore, Alex and I rushed
to the gift shop and we bought some shorts, branded
with the South Falls logo and all. We paid ten times the
normal price we would have paid at the mall, but they
had the great advantage of being DRY, and since there
was no mall around, we thought it was a good deal. Alex
decided he had enough ‘souvenir’ from South Falls, so
he skipped the usual gift shop gizmos.
did you
get your
close-up?
bzZzZ bzZ
ERROR
what did
you do with
your wet
clothes?
PLink
plink
When I recovered from the chaos, I tried to evaluate the
situation. Alex, who was complaining just moments ago
about that ridiculous water stain on his pants, was now
COMPLETELY SOAKED, just like all of us. The water
inside the boat was up to our knees.
Max was frozen there, still holding his camera in
shooting position. Water was flowing out of the lens,
kinda like running from the tap. Alex and I instantly
forgot about our wet clothes and burst out laughing
insanely. Max didn’t say a word. He sent us a dirty look,
he jiggled his camera for a while and then he turned
it off. The poor camera buzzed a little bit, made some
creepy noises and then it completely blacked out.
walk in
the park?

78 79
“Theycouldatleasthavegivenussomeplasticraincoats.
They do that at Niagara Falls!” he grumbled, and fled to
the cabin like a bat out of hell.
my bed plink
plink
Max claimed he didn’t need any gift shop pants, because
the whole thing was only a walk in the park, and he
didn’t even get seriously wet.
“In five minutes I’ll be completely dry”, he assured us in
a self-confident voice.
Still, on the way back, I could swear I heard him
mumbling something about ‘those irresponsible
maniacs’, while he was very absorbed in sucking dirty
water out of that one-point-
eight aperture lens. After
he got off the bus, he left
behind a soaking wet chair.
soaking
wet
wet
puddle

80 81
July 6
We had hardly started recovering from the big waterfall
misadventure when they gave us the news: tomorrow
morning we’ll be going for a hike! This would be the last
‘sporty’ activity of the summer camp—in just a few days
we’ll be heading back home! Right when things were
starting to fall into place for me...
Apparently, we’re supposed to walk (by foot!) for over
ten miles. The hiking route is going through a forest,
then follows an old railroad, and after that it goes up on
the mountain for a while, ending up by Lake Redfish,
where we’ll be camping for a night.
We were all quite
excited about the trip.
Except for Denis D.,
who seemed really
concerned about not
having enough food
supplies with us for
such a long expedition.
this
is my favo-
rite spot!
dining hall
breakfast
8:00 - 10:00
lunch
13:00 - 15:00
dinner
18:00 - 19:00
Alex would never miss the opportunity to tease people,
so he started ‘comforting’ Denis:
“Is this your first hiking expedition? Well then, let me
clue you in. You never carry food supplies on a hiking
expedition. We’ll have to make it on our own!”
“Oh no! Denis panicked. But why? I really don’t think
it’s a good idea. Actually, I think it’s a really BAD idea!
Why the heck should we go there without food?!”
guys...
i just found
our lunch!
guys...?

82 83
“D’oh... Really, can’t you figure out why? Alex continued
rambling. First off, we can’t go carrying heavy loads.
That would slow us down. Second, it’s really hot outside,
so the food might start to stink. But more important—
he creatively improvised—the food smell could lure the
bears and other dangerous beasts!”
It sounded like rock–solid theory, though it was just
senseless improvisation. Denis contemplated for a
while, then, in a faint, concerned voice, he asked how
we’re supposed to manage the situation.
MmM...
smells like
pizza! with
pepperoni
“We’ll be providing our own food, Alex answered. We
eat what we kill! This expedition is about SURVIVING.
Only the fittest will survive. That’s it, enough talking!
I’m starting to build a bow and some arrows”—he
added with an evil grin on his face, and he rushed out.
I’m sure he went looking for more gullible kids he could
freak out with his newly invented theory.
Denis just stood there blank staring for five minutes,
then he concluded he’d rather die eaten by a bear than
from starvation, and he walked away lost in thought.
After a while I saw him heading for the food storage
room, dragging a big empty travel bag.
this is
realLy impor-
tant: watch out
for poison
ivy!
survival lessons
with captain alex

84 85
We left Denis there and we went to our cabin, to pack
our own stuff. We were supposed to leave early in the
morning, so we needed to get ready.
I had been aware we’ll have this kind of expedition (dad
hadgottenalltheinformationaboutthecampactivities),
so I had prepared by shopping for some useful items.
The day before the departure, mom and dad took me to
a big sporting goods store,
whereonecanfindanything
needed for camping, nature
hiking tours, and any kind
of outdoor recreational
activity.
he HE
he...
foods
equipment
SPORT BURGERs
-50%
2 for theprice of1
I got a lot of useful stuff from there—among others, a
dynamo flashlight (charged by winding a small crank), a
littlethermos,asafetywhistle(foremergencysituations,
like getting lost in the woods), a Swiss Army knife…
Well, this kind of ‘toys’. What I needed now for carrying
all that gear was a small backpack or something, but
then I remembered I always wanted a fanny pack, so I
started looking for one. The only one I found was in the
fishing tackle department. It was huge. And it had three
pouches, not just one!
apparel acCessoriesfishing

86 87
It looked kinda strange, but I really wanted to get one,
because I was convinced it was way more functional
than the usual backpack. For one thing, to reach into
the backpack you have to take it off first. Dad said I
looked ridiculous, but I thought he doesn’t know what
he’s talking about. You know parents—they always have
those crazy, grown-up opinions.
So eventually I bought the fisherman’s waist pack. As
soon as I got home, I put it on, I asked dad to photograph
me, and I posted the pic on Facebook.
one hour
of minecraft
per day is more
than enough!
?!
The comments started pouring in immediately… I don’t
know why everybody was having a rather disapproving
opinion about my photo.
Later that day, when I texted Max, he told me that my
fanny pack is a piece of junk, and I will definitely make
a fool of myself.
JACKLONDON
conan doyle
famous cars
J.K. Chesterton
karlmay
JeromeK.Jerome
JeromeK.Jerome
JACKLONDON
julesverne
Felix N.
June 20
323 comments
Max S.
Is this a joke? Or have you completely lost your mind?
Maria N.
Hey, what a cute little boy! It looks great on you!
Hey... Check out my new fanny pack! Pretty cool, right?
29
47
Felix N.
Mom, PLEASE!!! You promised!!!
2

88 89
“I think it’s really useful, I replied. Oh, and you should
go get one too right now, because later on you’ll realize
how awesome it is, and you won’t be able to find one
there! And then you’ll run to me begging to put your
stuff in my waist pack. You have been warned!”
He told me I’m a total fruitcake, and he said he can’t
chat anymore because he must finish packing.
I decided to ignore everyone’s opinion, since they
were probably just jealous, and I started arranging all
my stuff in the pouches. I packed in everything I had
purchased for the expedition, but I barely managed to
please,
could you
at least carry
this bottle
for me?
fill up half of the darn thing. I added a photo camera, a
nasal spray, a Rubik’s cube, and everything else I could
think of, but it was useless. The fanny pack was still
pretty much empty.
Dad observed that I could squeeze all the clothes I might
need for a few weeks in the waist pack, and then skip
the travel bag altogether. I guess he was being sarcastic,
but I actually thought it was a really good idea. I went
to my room and carefully selected only the clothes I
absolutely needed. But unfortunately, I couldn’t pack
them all inside the three pouches. I was REALLY close,
though!
Maybe it‛s
just a touch
too big...

90 91
Fast-forward to present time, in the camp. As I
mentioned before, we were busy preparing our bags
for the expedition. Finally, my big opportunity to prove
how useful the fanny pack was! I was feeling sorry for
my buddies, who had to manage with their regular
backpacks. I squeezed all this stuff in the pouches:
come on,
get in
there!
sque
Eze
squeEze
tissues
crackers
water
Max and Alex insisted on laughing at me, but I ignored
them with a starchy face.
July 7
At seven o’clock they gave the wake-up signal. We got
a quick snack, we got in line and marched on for the
expedition. Most of the kids were carrying a backpack,
except for me and Denis. Denis was hauling a ginormous
travel bag, obviously loaded with ‘survival supplies’. He
stubbornly refused to give it up, although the counselors
tried to persuade him. He claimed to the end that his
bag contains ‘life-and-death indispensable stuff’, so in
the end, they gave up.
!?

92 93
After two or three miles, we had a halt to get some rest.
Denis was the most grateful for the short break. He was
looking as if he had just run the marathon, and he took
the opportunity to clear out his travel bag a little.
Alex had loaded his stuff inside Max’s backpack, so he
had been walking very casually all the way. They had
an agreement: Max was
going to carry the luggage
the first half of the trip,
and Alex on the way back. I
don’t think this was a good
deal for Max, since Alex
always finds a way to avoid
all the chores.
excuse
me, denis, can
you give me...
i don‛t
have any!
alex, did
you clean up
your roOm?
no time
today, sorry,
a lot of home-
work!
I was doing pretty well, although my fisherman’s fanny
pack was dangling and it was kinda hindering my
walking. I opened the middle pouch, the largest one,
where I was keeping the water bottle, the phone, the
external battery pack, some tissues and more like this.
I stuck my hand in, rummaging for the bottle, but there
was a nasty surprise waiting there: the water bottle’s
cap wasn’t perfectly tightened, and all the water had
spilled inside the pouch.
Now, my waist pack is a high-quality product, one of
the features being that it’s waterproof, so all the water
was held inside. The phone, the external battery, the
Oops...
mWaA-
haHAahA!
morOn!
plink
plink

94 95
tissues and a TP roll were all wallowing in half a liter of
water, together with a dozen crackers, a scrambled eggs
sandwich (leftover from breakfast) and some spare
T-shirts I had prepared for the next day.
I spent the remaining ten minutes of the short break
squeezing the water out of the clothes and the phone.
The TP, the crackers, and the sandwich were obviously
gone. Max, Alex, Gustav and a few more friends around
me spent the same ten minutes mocking and teasing
me.
“Look—Max pointed out—my simple, modest backpack
features this side pocket for the water bottle. All my
he he...
sandwich
(wet)
plink
plink
stuff is completely dry. But hey, you have cool instant
access to all your items! You knucklehead...”
When we set off, Max asked Alex if he could carry their
shared backpack for a while, by any chance.
“Hmm, lemme think for a second... NO! Alex replied.
We had a simple deal: I’m carrying it on the way back.”
Max mumbled something, he morosely stuck out his
lower lip and went on his way. I could swear he was
hatching an evil revenge plan inside his mind.
... or maybe
you will carRy
it on the way
back too!

96 97
All the way to the campsite, besides losing a few
pounds from pulling his heavy ‘survival kit’, Denis was
constantly looking around with suspicion, to make sure
he won’t be taken by surprise by a bear or some other
wild beast. He shuddered at every unfamiliar sound.
We had some fun for a while, sneaking up behind him
and making growl sounds. So, after two more hours,
when we finally reached our destination, Denis seemed
the happiest and most relieved of us all.
oOoh, you
will carry the
heLl out of it!
mwa-HA-HA...
After resting for about half an hour, the counselors
taught us how to set up the tents, then they built a nice
campfire, they got some grills, frying pans and other
cookware from a nearby hut, and then they unpacked
a bunch of delicacies: sausages, burgers, chicken
drumsticks, potatoes, tomatoes and others.
I saw Denis’s face turning white, as he was scanning
around for Alex. But Alex had been assigned to go
looking for firewood supplies, so all Denis could do for
now was grumble angrily. To sweeten the pill a little
bit, he dug in his travel bag for some chocolate bars,
considering that he had to wait at least one more hour
before lunch was ready.
whAat?!

98 99
“Hey, dude—Max popped up—I guess we should do
some ‘camp stuff’! Look, everybody’s busy looking for
fire wood, preparing lunch, fishing in the river...”
“Are you suggesting we should help?” I asked with
confusion.
“What?! No! I was thinking
we should stick some
boulders under all those
tents!”
What an excellent idea,
especially considering
survival trip,
huh? alex,
you‛re so
dead!
sizZle
SIZzle
Huh
Huh
hUH
there was no one around the camping area, and the
river nearby was jam–packed with thousands of nice
big boulders. So we spent the next half hour carrying
loads of rocks from the river and arranging them under
our colleagues’ tents. And of course we put some under
our tent too, so they wouldn’t suspect us.
The evening was really entertaining, although I was a
little upset since I couldn’t find my warm beanie hat,
the one I bought especially for the outdoor expedition.
I was so happy it miraculously remained dry, because I
had it placed in a different pouch of the fanny pack by
mistake, and now it was gone. Max looked suspicious,
so I tried to make him confess, but he was unflinching.
seven or
eight more
should do the
trick...

100 101
I found it in my jacket’s hood later on, when I got inside
the tent to get some sleep. Max was all giggly, but he
still refused to admit he was the jackass who did it.
A little after midnight, everybody went to sleep, after
they took some time to extract all those boulders from
under the tents, while cursing silently or out loud, each
in his own way. I couldn’t see Denis involved in this
activity. He was probably way too tired to realize he’s
sleeping on a bunch of rocks.
July 8
The night in a tent was quite interesting. I shared the
ZzZz
zZz boulders
space with Max and Alex. We spent the first thirty
minutes fighting for the middle spot. We were all trying
to avoid the outer spots because we were afraid we’ll be
attacked by bears. Obviously, any normal bear would
go for the one on each side, since it’s easier to reach, so
only the middle spot was safe!
Eventually, we came up with a system to draw lots.
Each of us chose one of the items we had with us, and
we asked our neighbors from the tent next to us to pick
one of the three things. The chosen object was going to
be declared the winner, and the owner would get the
desired middle spot. I decided to go with my phone
the one
on this side, you
are coming with
me! the others --
sleep tight!

102 103
(after the water incident, I was carrying it attached to
the waist pack’s belt, to let the water drip out). Max
opted for a thermos he had in his bag, and Alex just
picked a random Swiss Army knife.
Following the plan, we went to the nearest tent and we
asked our neighbors (Diana F. and her two best friends)
to pick one of the three objects. Diana grabbed Max’s
thermos and angrily smashed it in my head, cursing us
for waking them up in the middle of the night for this
kind of nonsense. So, Max was declared the winner.
But all the fuss was in vain, because in the meantime
Alex had sneaked inside the tent and had seized the
bang!
yesSs!
i‛m sleeping
in the
middle
middle spot, and we were unable to persuade him to get
out of there: he threatened he’ll wait until we’re sound
asleep and he’ll drag us out of the tent in the middle of
the night. We decided to give up and go with the outer
spots and be happy we’re INSIDE the tent.
In the morning, Denis came out looking kinda ragged,
but his appearance miraculously improved when he
saw the bacon eggs the counselors were cooking. The
counselors asked us to get in line nicely and wait for
our share, because we had limited food supplies, being
on an expedition and all. Denis desperately rushed to
get the first in line, he quickly swallowed his share, and
then he stormed back in line to get one more portion.
you don‛t
mess with
alex...
hurRr...
grrR...

104 105
Around noon we set off back to the camp. Max passed
the backpack to Alex, as it was his turn to carry it. Alex
tried to complain, claiming he has a terrible back pain
from sleeping in the tent, but it didn’t work out.
He eventually took the backpack and he carried it all
the way, grumbling. The truth is, I helped him put the
backpack on, and it was REALLY heavy! I couldn’t help
mentioning once again the undeniable superiority of
my fanny pack, and then I double checked for any kind
of water containers inside the pouches.
On the way, Max and I had some fun hanging several
extra loads on Alex’s backpack (which was already heavy
hmM...
let me
think...
could
you please
keep it... No!
as hell) trying not to let him notice. But the attached
weights kept dangling and hitting his legs, so the trick
didn’t really work out.
We got back to our camp by evening, really tired,
but satisfied with the experience. Alex, completely
exhausted, finally got to take off the backpack and
started rummaging through it to find his stuff. Five
seconds later, he turned a glowering face to us, holding
a huge boulder that he had just taken out of the bag.
So THAT was the reason why his backpack was so
EXTREMELY heavy!!
shush...
hang

106
Laughing hysterically, I turned to Max to ask him if he
was the author, although I already knew the answer. But
Max had taken distance—he was choking with laughter
out in the yard, some twenty yards from us.
I took off too—dinner was probably already on the
table. The last thing I heard as I was closing the door
was Alex, screaming his lungs out:
— Max, you idiot! I’ll REALLY make you pay for this!
Well, he’d better hurry up, because the summer camp is
almost over!
who put
this thing
here?!

107
Felix N.
July 11
584 comments
Felix N. with Alex T. and Max S.
Felix N.
Mom! Really...? This is the last warning, I will unfriend you!
Maria N.
Oooh sweetie... You could have caught a cold! I won’t allow
you to go to any other camps, if you are so irresponsible!
Hey... Summer camp’s over! I’m home now...
Tomorrow I’ll start posting photos, and telling you guys
about the coolest pranks and other disasters! :)
P.S. There will be photos like this:
Max S.
Unbelievable!! Arsenal - Juventus: 0 - 2 ???!!! Whoaaaa...
9
27
3
3
Alex T.
You better take this pic off, if you don’t want me to post
some really embarrassing stuff about you!

108 109
July 16
I just got home and I already wish I was still in summer
camp. Not because I grew very fond of everything
related to camp, but, compared to what’s going on
aroundhere,thecampreallylookedlikethebetterdeal!
For instance, yesterday we had a visit from aunt Nina,
my grandma’s sister. Aunt Nina could be considered a
nice lady if it weren’t for some very annoying habits.
First off, she constantly asks me (tenaciously) to draw
her a picture that she would keep as a souvenir. This
was OK when I was five, but now it’s becoming a little
weird.
Second, she smooches me on the cheeks, leaving
lipstick spots all over my face, then she makes fun of
oh my,
you‛re such a
big boy! let
auntie give
you a kiss!
how I look, then she licks her finger and smudges the
rouge spots... But I guess that’s something that every
aunt in the world does.
Third, she has a habit to extend her visits beyond all
acceptable limits. Sometimes I feel like she’ll never
go away. In fact, now I realize I’ve never actually seen
her leave the house. I think that, at some point, late at
night, she notices everybody went to bed or fell asleep
on a sofa, and she’s just talking to the walls... And then
she decides to leave. I guess we’ll never know for sure.
Note: Now, after mentioning all this, I realize it’s
unrealistic to say aunt Nina could be considered a nice
lady.
these earth
inhabitants are
such sleepy-
heads!
MAGIC
PORTAL
click

110 111
This morning, after I woke up and made sure aunt
Nina is really gone and she won’t suddenly pop up and
splash lipstick all over my face, I was struck by an idea.
It would be interesting to make a social experiment:
HOW LONG can someone extend a visit?
I called Max:
“Listen, I just remembered you were saying you’re
invited to a friend’s birthday party... Carmen, right?
What do you think, would it be too weird if I came too?
I have a new idea and I wanna test something...”
After all, I’d rather perform my experiment on people
I don’t have to hang around with every day after that.
“Well, what can I say... If you promise not to act like a
it‛s me,
felix... I just
wanna hang
around for
an hour...
ding
DONG
complete moron, as you did that time when I took you
to Linda M’s and you did that thing with the yogurt
bottle...”
I asked mom and dad if I could have a sleepover at
Max’s, and they said it sounds like a good idea. Actually,
they seemed VERY happy about that...
July 17
We arrived at Carmen’s around six o’clock. Carmen
V. is a really cool girl, and her parents are extremely
GULP
splash!
hMm?!
GULP

112 113
friendly and enjoyable; my first impulse was to cancel
the whole experiment, but in the end, the passion for
science prevailed.
It was the usual kind of birthday party; I won’t waste
timetodescribeitthoroughlybecauseit’snotimportant
for the actual study. I will focus on the aspects relevant
for the experiment.
People started to leave around 22:30 — two girls and
one guy. Then, one by one, everybody took off before
23:30. But Max and I just carried on with the party.
We grabbed some more cake and we started a very
interesting discussion about the effects of chocolate on
the quality of sleep in general.
mood for prank
how annoying is the Prank victim
My Math
teacher
absolute
priority !
©2017
Prank motivation
diagram
by Felix N.
mWaHAha...
why not ?
meh...
i‛d rather
play a game
very
annoying
a little
annoying
awesome
people
Carmen‛s
Family
nice
people
After midnight, Carmen started to yawn alarmingly,
although she really tried to hide it. Her parents (VERY
nice people, I don’t know if I mentioned that) delicately
asked us if we have all the transportation means we
need to get home, but we put their minds at rest,
telling them that my older cousin Cezar has to pick
up something from the neighborhood the next day, so
he’ll give us a lift too. Carmen’s parents didn’t say a
word, and I thought they were looking a little pale.
To keep the party alive, especially since it was already
one o’clock, we changed the music to something more
energizing, and we took turns asking Carmen to dance.
But she was already kinda stumbling, so we soon gave
sugars
don‛t make me
hyperactive at
all! Beep-BOp-
BadAbooM!
cake plates (empty)

114 115
up; her mother (a VERY kind lady, although right
now she had a rather preoccupied look) made some
observations about the tasks they had planned for the
next day, which was supposed to start really early.
Around three o’clock, Mrs. V woke up her husband, who
was sleeping peacefully on the chair right next to the
subwoofer, and they both went upstairs. It was obvious
we couldn’t go home in the middle of the night, so they
told us we can get some sleep on the living room sofa.
We ensured them we will make ourselves at home,
which was actually true! I didn’t understand exactly
what Mr. V said while climbing the stairs because
the music was really loud. Around 3:30, we covered
Carmen with a jacket, and we left her sleeping curled
3
6
9
12
so, if you
are feeling
tired, we don‛t
mind if you
wanNa go..
up on the sofa. We went to get some sleep upstairs,
where Max knew they had a guest room.
In the morning, at breakfast time, Mrs. V asked us if
we had a good sleep, and she told us, in a very amused
voice, that it’s the first time that one of Carmen’s parties
is lasting SO LONG. We answered her it’s the same for
us — we never stayed so long at any party, but we’re
having such a good time we really feel like we never
want to go home! Carmen smiled, with her kind and
warm smile, but she was looking tired and worried.
As soon as Carmen and her parents left the room for a
minute, to take care of their chores probably, Max and
I had a little talk on what we should do next.
are you
sleepy al-
ready?! let‛s
dance!

116 117
“I feel like we’re going too far — I said. They look a little
bit nervous...”
“Oh, come on! I know them for some time. They’re very
nice and friendly! I’m sure they are happy we’re having
such a good time with them.”
“Hmm, if you say so... Well, then... Since it’s almost
lunch time, maybe we should eat together with them.
At least this will make our visit really MEMORABLE!
Plus, the whole point of this study is testing the limits
of hospitality...”
This was already a performance even aunt Nina
do you happen to have some pancakes? i like pancakes!
erR... no... but if you realLy
want, I could make some...
oh, that‛s so nice, thanks!
couldn’t measure up to!
We had soup and turkey sandwiches for lunch. We were
already part of the family, and Mr. V said he thinks
we’re really fun and creative boys.
“WAY more creative than all of Carmen’s friends who
ever came here. In fact, a little TOO creative, maybe!”
We thanked him for the compliment, and we ensured
him it was a really outstanding party, and they’ll get
rid of us immediately after we’ll finish our siesta. Then
we took some time to watch a TV show and relax a
little.
i dedicate this prize to my
dear friends, the V. family!
grand finale!
THE
LONGEST
VISIT
first prize
NEWRECORD
contest

118 119
Right after five o’clock, Max had to go home, because he
had something planned. Mom and dad were probably
out shopping, so I asked Carmen for a walk in the park.
We had been inside for quite a while already, and I was
needing some fresh air. Her parents weren’t absolutely
sure it was a good idea, but they were too tired to argue.
We walked for an hour or so in a park nearby, and I felt
like we knew each other for years.
we‛ll stick
around for a
while... “Top Gear”
is up in a few
minutes...
i think we
should get
back. maybe
the dinner
is ready!
Around eight, right after dinner, I regretfully
announced Carmen and her folks that I really have
to get going, because my parents should come back
soon and I’d like to be home when they get there. They
looked extremely happy, and they guaranteed Max and
I are welcome anytime. But then Mr. V remembered
they’ll be out for two months or so, ‘cause they have to
redecorate the house, so he suggested Carmen and I
should just talk on the phone.
I’m pretty sure Mr. V had already started to miss me,
because I noticed him behind the living room curtain,
staring at me fixedly for five minutes until cousin Cezar
pulled over.

120 121
July 26
Last evening, mom and dad took me to cousin Cezar’s
engagement party. Obviously, it was that kind of family
party with dozens of great-uncles and great-aunts who
didn’t see you in ages and who are always shocked of
what a big boy you are now.
So, I persuaded Max to keep me company there, so I
won’t be all alone among all those relatives. The party
was mostly boring, of course, but still, there were a few
interesting moments.
hey, you
are such a big boy
now! how old are
you? six?
seven?
a little
older... and you?
a hundred and ten?
a hundred fif-
teen?
Since there wasn’t much to do around there, one
of the first things we did was checking out the
buffet. Apparently, the caterers were careful enough
to provide separate platters of special foods for
vegetarians, because at some point I noticed my aunt
Nina standing in front of some dishes and explaining
to her lady friends – Mrs. B and Mrs. E – that for the
last five years she’s been eating vegan foods exclusively
and that she wouldn’t touch meat UNDER ANY
CIRCUMSTANCES! She was swearing to God that her
foods based on “meat substitutes” tasted exactly like
regular foods.
That information confused us a little because our
opinion on Tofu, soy, quinoa and all that kind of stuff
is that they are essentially JUNK. So we thought
if animals
are not for
eating, how come
they‛re made of
meat?!

122 123
we should try and SWITCH some of the labels they
had arranged on all the food platters. Basically, we
exchanged the labels of the VEGGIE burgers with
the ones of the REGULAR burgers, and so on. Then
we just walked around for a while, to check out the
connoisseurs’ reactions.
In just a few minutes, we noticed aunt Nina by the
lasagna dish, giving a speech to her two lady friends
about the great health benefits of the vegan life.
“Not to mention eating meat is absolutely HORRIBLE.
It’s just cruel! Those cute animals also have a soul, you
know” she emphasized in a bombastic voice, and she
refilled her plate with a new piece of VEAL lasagna.
HUH huh...
as the saying goes:
“you are what
you eat”... mOo!
veggie
burgers
beefburgers
“This soy lasagna is just fabulous, she mumbled with
a full mouth. And the Tofu sandwiches over there –
absolutely incredible! I’m so sick of people saying that
vegetarian food tastes strange!”
“Right! I swear to God it tastes EXACTLY the same as
veal lasagna, Mrs. E agreed. It’s DELICIOUS!”
“Oh yeah, Mrs. B broke in, chewing on some pork
frankfurters—please, just have a taste of these soy
sausages! I promise they’re more delicious than real
ones! I haven’t tasted such a delightful vegan food in
ages!”
Unfortunately, around ten minutes after, one of the
don‛t miss
the rice stuffed
cabbage rolls,
they‛re great!
heHE...
“rice”...
rice that
goes “oink!”

124
caterers, who was refilling the platters, noticed the
labels didn’t match the foods and he proceeded to
rearrange them correctly. I looked at my aunt Nina
observing the scene with confused eyes, but then, by
the time her face started to turn pale yellow, I decided
it’s time to get lost.
... and I have night-
mares ever since! for
instance, last night I
dreamed I was in a res-
taurant, and I ordered
a well-done
steak...
Yeap, a
clear case! she‛s
a complete nutcase!
the best steak is
medium rare!

125
August 7
Thismorning,MaxandIparticipatedinaninternational
drawing contest for children and teenagers, hosted by
the Arts and Architecture University’s visual arts and
design section.
Dad was very excited and anxious about the event. As
he always does when he’s concerned about something,
he woke up at the break of day (and he woke me up
too), to make sure we get there on time.
I got dressed up in a hurry, I grabbed my drawing kit —
the pencils, the liners, the special papers and all these,
I snatched two or three crackers and took off.
hey!
Wake UuUpPp!
we‛ll be late!
Let‛s go, come
on! 1, 2,3 oh
god, not
again...

126 127
of a large billboard, they were jotting down something
in their notebooks or smartphones, and they were
moving on. That made us curious, so we got closer to
see what’s going on.
It wasn’t anything special... Just a large piece of paper
with some sort of complicated table on it, containing a
lot of words, dates, and the names of some workrooms
or auditoriums.
“Let’s go search for a snack machine!” I said, and
I turned to leave. “I didn’t have a chance to eat my
breakfast this morning. Dad was waiting for me in the
car with the engine running, since eight o’clock!”
what
is this
thing?!
reassessment exams
click
Obviously, dad exaggerated: we got there around 9 AM,
although on the contest’s datasheet it was specified
that it starts at ten. Anyway, it’s not the first time we
get somewhere too early. Last year, we arrived a day
earlier at the hotel we had reservations for.
We didn’t want to sit and wait in the car, so we entered
the main lobby and we found the desk where they were
registering the participants. After we put our names
on the list (the first ones), dad left. He said he’ll be back
to pick us up after lunch when the contest is over.
We had almost one hour to wait and there wasn’t much
to do, so we started exploring the University lobbies.
While we were strolling around, we noticed that the
few students passing through were stopping in front
but...
you see, June
25 is actually
tomorrow
24
June

128 129
so they posted the timetable here. The exams are up in
three weeks, and this lousy website is DOWN!”
He finished taking notes and he left. At that point,
we realized the fabulous opportunity knocking at our
door! Apparently, Max had the same idea, because he
was just cracking a smile.
“He, he...” He laughed wickedly. “How cool would it be
if we’d modify one or two dates on this schedule? There
would be some chaos, right? I guess they could use a
little entertainment around here...”
“That’s exactly what I had in mind!” I answered while
“Wait a second”, Max answered. “This poster looks
important. Look, all the students are taking notes of
what’s in there! Now I’m really curious what is that.”
We asked one of the students who just stopped to
write down in his notebook. He told us that it’s
the timetable with all the scheduled exams for the
following reassessment session. ALL the exams, for all
the disciplines and courses, for all the academic years.
“It sounds pretty important”, Max said.
“Well, it is!” Answered the guy. “If you miss one of the
scheduled exams, you fail it! They usually publish this
data on our website, but now it’s down since Monday,
come on,
felix, HurRy up!
you must catch
a good spot
in the class-
room...
vroOomM
vroOM

130 131
Let’s do it like pros. You have those large paper sheets,
right? I’m thinking about manufacturing the poster
FROM SCRATCH!”
“Oh, yeah! That’s perfect! This way, we can modify
ALL the exams! You know, switch them around... The
professorshavetheoriginalschedules,andthestudents
will get completely different ones. Well, at least SOME
of the students. Which is even better, because there will
be an even bigger chaos! The students will argue with
each other. Hey, looks like you’re not a COMPLETE
idiot, you know?!”
use
this green
there, it
must look
identical!
skreek
rummaging through my drawing tools. “Just let me find
the right markers... Black, blue and red, like the ones
they used to draw the poster. It must look identical,
or else someone could notice the fraud, and the whole
prank is ruined!”
I found the right tools, I asked Max to keep an eye on
the hallways, and I started changing the schedules.
But I didn’t have any white-out, and the result didn’t
look professional enough.
I figured out the opportunity was too awesome to risk
letting it go to waste. You don’t get too many chances
to play such a beautiful prank...
“Listen”, I said. “We got half an hour until the contest.
HmM...
this sheet
looks kinda
fishy...

132 133
some shelves. Then we posted the ‘fixed’ one on the
board in the main lobby. One minute later, a bunch
of students showed up and started jotting down the
WRONG exam schedules. It was working like a charm!
It was ten o’clock already, so we headed for the drawing
contest, filled with the satisfaction of a job well done.
The last thing we saw before exiting the main lobby
was a new group of seven or eight students, writing
down OUR timetable in their notebooks.
I was already imagining them showing up for the
exam, walking in the classroom ready for a specific test
they have prepared for, and ending up with a subject
for a completely different discipline, of a completely
different year of study. Obviously, they would complain
sKreek skreek
tap
tap
skrEek
I didn’t have much time, so I just kicked him in the
ribs on the fly. We had a ginormous poster to draw, and
only thirty minutes to do it!
We quickly removed the original poster, we found an
empty workroom nearby, we placed the blank paper
next to the old one, we pulled out our drawing tools
and we made an identical copy of the layout, except we
mixed up all the rooms and the times of the exams.
“It’s perfect”, I concluded, admiring our masterpiece.
“It looks just like the original! Now let’s put it back
quickly before someone notices it’s gone!”
We hid the original poster in the workroom, behind
are you
nuts? here,
look: descrip-
tive geometry
Tuesday, sept.1,
9 a.m.!
no, YOU
are nuts! mine
says: monday,
august 31,
12:30!

134 135
“Oh, yeah, right! Hmm, like I said earlier, I really think
you’re starting to use that brain of yours lately...”
I ignored him, because I was in a really good mood,
after such a success. We finished our drawings for the
contest quite fast. I won’t deny it, we were pretty sloppy
about it, but you can’t create TWO MASTERPIECES
in one day!
“I’m getting a little bored”, I told Max. “Let’s switch
back the poster and go home.”
“Dude, hold on, let’s give it some time, so we get as most
Hmm... it
looks pretty
authentic...private
detective
monday-friday
900
...1700
and request a reschedule, but the professors would
insist the exam is valid since many of the students
(the ones who managed to get the right schedules)
attended the exams right on time. It would be wrong
to cancel a perfectly good exam at the expense of some
daydreaming buffoons!
“Listen—I whispered to Max—I just realized there’s
one more detail, to make it perfect. After the contest,
we should put back the original poster. When the first
unlucky ones will start complaining, somebody will
surely check the poster on the board, and then it better
be the original one, obviously!”
i‛m soRry,
but at least
seven of your
colleagues took
this exam at the
right time!
BUT...
but...

136 137
I asked her to lend me the can for a second, and I gave
Max a nice layer of spray on his hair, as a payback for
the ‘starting to use your brain’ thing. Of course, he
immediately snatched the can from me and tried to
get his revenge, but I had anticipated that and already
ran away, through the drawing boards. Or even OVER
some drawing boards at some point, since Max had
gotten dangerously close, and I had no intention to go
home wearing some weird hairdo.
Eventually, the supervisors yelled at us, asking us
to stop running, and they kicked us out. It wasn’t a
problem, ‘cause our drawings were finished, and there
wasn’t much for us to do there anymore. We told them
that it’s a good idea, because we have to take care of
hisSsS
hairspray
people with the wrong data as possible! The contest
won’t last more than half an hour... Let’s stick around
for a while, and see what these people doodled.”
It wasn’t a bad idea. We rambled around the room
and checked out what our ‘competitors’ did. One of
the works was pretty interesting: drawn completely
in graphite pencil, and looking quite good. But the
coolest part was when the girl who had created it got
a hairspray can and applied a few layers on the paper.
She explained to us that graphite gets smudged easily,
and the picture gets stained. So it has to be protected
with a hairspray film, which dries up and solidifies in
a few minutes. That gave me an idea...
oh god,
this thing doesn‛t
make any sense! how
could he draw such
nonsense? he‛lL be
disqualified!
@$#&*!

138 139
“Well, how did it go? Any inspiration today?!”
“Oh, you have no idea! We really made something
memorable today!”
“Yeah... We made history here! We will be remembered
for some time”, Max added smiling. “Can we go now? I
really have to wash my hair...”
Let‛s draw
some mustache
on his face,
with the
markers
Yeah! or we
could honk
the horn,
heHE...
no
posting
exams schedulewill be postedexclusively onthe website!
a more important job anyway, and we left the room
solemnly. I hope they collected our drawings and
filed them together with the other contestants’ works
because we didn’t have the chance... We left ‘em on the
drawing board.
We headed directly for the workroom where we had
left the original poster, we took it, and we rushed to
the display board. We waited patiently for the last four
or five students, and we put back the original, and then
destroyed the fake one.
As it was already past lunch time and we were quite
hungry, we serenely left the building. Dad was waiting
in the car, for an hour or two probably.
hey,
cut it out! we
are disturbing
these people!
what the...
i‛ll give
you some
hairdo!hiSsS

140 141
August 15
Last night, dad suddenly came up with the idea of
getting a bicycle. Well, actually it wasn’t so sudden,
and if I’m not mistaken, it wasn’t entirely his idea. But
he likes to think it was, so I won’t cast a damp over it.
In fact, I guess the whole thing had a completely
different evolution...
Last year, dad’s brother got a motorbike. Dad went
to see it and he took it for a spin, and that he started
“processing”.
SqueEk
SqueEk
neighbor kid
“Hey, you know, this isn’t a bad idea! I think I’ll get a
motorbike too! I always wanted one. It’s not only cool,
it’s also very practical. I could get to the office a lot
faster, ‘cause it’s easier to sneak through traffic...”
He immediately started looking for motorcycles on
the Internet. He showed me his choice—a black Honda
Shadow—and he told me he’s planning to go to the
motorbike shop next weekend, to see and test it. Dad
was basically already a full–fledged biker.
Thenmomremindedhimthathehastogetamotorcycle
driver’s license, plus a special suit, a helmet, and all
kinds of equipment and accessories, so he started to
back down a bit.
boOorn
to be wiiild
ta-nAa-NAa...
WoohOo
vroomM
vrOomM

142 143
“Maybe a motor scooter would be better, he meditated.
It would make everything easier. The motorcycle is
kinda complicated. Plus it’s so loud!”
He started looking for scooters, but after a while, he
gave up that idea too.
“The motor scooters look a little ridiculous, he
observed. Also, I don’t think it will solve the license
problem. I guess an even better solution would be an
electric bicycle or something like that. I’m totally into
riding to work on two wheels! Driving a car means a
lot of wasted time in traffic, and a lot of cash spent on
gas. Not to mention the ecological issues!”
-25%
The next Saturday dad decided to go shopping for an
electric bicycle. He got back home in an hour, and he
triumphantly announced us:
“I didn’t like any of the electric bikes they had, but I got
something a lot cooler! It’s the most practical vehicle
for commuting! I really wonder how on earth I didn’t
think of it before!”
We all got outside to see the miracle. Dad opened the
trunk and proudly presented us a KICK SCOOTER!
“Well, what do you think? Isn’t it awesome?! If I’ll feel
tired on the way to work, I can fold it and carry it on
my shoulder, with this strap. I can take the subway two
or three stations, then return to the kick scooter. And
Ready for
the great
surprise?
ta-daaa
Click
what kind
of nonsense
junk did he
buy now?

144 145
when I get to the office, it’s a lot easier to ‘park’!”
He took the scooter for a spin. It was Saturday, which
means most of our neighbors were out in the yard, so
mom and I thought we should quickly get inside. Dad
easily weighs over two hundred pounds, so the picture
of him running around on the streets on a kick scooter
isn’t something to be proud of.
Monday, dad put his wallet, the keys, the phone, the
coffee bottle and all his stuff in a small backpack, he
cheerfully jumped on the scooter and he took off to
work. He was very enthusiastic, and he declared from
now on he’ll only drive the car if there’s a really cold
day or some heavy rain. Mom asked him if he’s sure he
YaAay,
look, one
hand!
mWahaHA,
Felix‛s dad
is a fruit-
cake!
can bounce up and down on that scooter for ten miles,
but he replied it’s just a walk in the park.
Later in the evening, a bit after seven, dad got home.
He was looking pretty knocked out, but he said it was
just a tough day at the office. When Mr. T, our neighbor,
showed up to ask him if he’s up for the usual jogging,
dad refused, claiming he’s got some work to do. Mr. T
didn’t seem really convinced. He sarcastically told dad
he can take his scooter if he prefers, but dad sort of
booted him out, mumbling something like “why don’t
you take a hike and jump in the lake”, and then he fell
asleep on the sofa in five minutes.
are you
sure you
don‛t need
A helmet
?!
That‛s
all we
need!

146 147
The next day, mom prepared the backpack for him, but
dad said he looked at the weather report and there’s
some heavy rain announced,
so he’d rather take the car.
He left the scooter in the
garage, and ever since that
I’m the only one riding it
when I feel like trying some
tricks on the freestyle ramp.
Now, after a year, dad returned to his idea to commute
on two wheels. But he concluded the kick scooter
wasn’t the best solution, so he ‘analyzed the options’
and finally decided to get a mountain bike. In fact,
lately a bunch of people he knows started to ride bikes,
looks
like a big
storm is
coming!
98
0
F
No... no...
please! I don‛t
wanna sign up
for the scoo-
ter contest!
so that’s probably what inspired him.
So this morning we all went to the sporting goods
store, to buy a bike for dad and some other gear we
all needed. Dad found a nice state-of-the-art model.
He rode it all around the store for like an hour ‘to test
it’, then he gave it up and finally decided to get the
cheapest bike they had. I guess he remembered the
abandoned scooter thing, and he thought it’s a better
Simon M.
August 12
582 commentsWith Gabriel C., Boby H. and 9 others
Gabriel C.
Hahahaaa, it was awesome! Next week we’re going out with the
bikes again, it’s settled!
We went for a ride on our bicycles! We’re exercising AND
having fun! Bikes are great!
13
29
George N.
Guys, that’s it! Tomorrow i’m getting a bicycle!!!

148 149
idea to minimize the risks of wasting more money.
Dad grabbed the bike and headed for the checkout, but
mom stopped him:
“Listen, we’re twenty miles from home! Are you
planning to ride the bike all the way? ‘Cause it won’t fit
in the trunk, like that scooter!”
Dad stopped to think for a minute, and then he started
looking for a bike rack for the car. He finally found one
with some straps and hooks system, for mounting on
the trunk door. It was pretty expensive though...
erRrm...
i can get a
refund in 30
days, right? Well...
If it‛s in
one piece,
yes.
BICYCLES
MAINTENANCE
ANDFITTING
BICYCLES
AND
ACCESSORIES
We paid for everything and we proceeded to install the
bike rack on the car. Dad thought he should first check
the installing manual.
“Look—he said, after taking a glance at the diagrams—
it says right here, everything should be ready in five
minutes! Awesome system!”
Momaskedhimifit’sOKifshe’lljusttakeaquicktourof
the stores in the area, but dad said it’s pointless because
we’ll be on our way in five minutes MAXIMUM.
“I know what you mean by ‘five minutes’...” she
mumbled, but she didn’t insist more.
$99
hmM...
twenty miles
doesn‛t even
sound that
bad...
25
Kg
car
rack
car
rack

150 151
“See, it’s easy: I’ll hang this frame on the door, then we
have these six straps to fix it in place—two on the top,
two on the sides, and two down here. Hmm... That’s a
THREE-minute job, not five!”
Indeed, after five minutes he managed to unpack all
the parts, and in another five he had already found
‘the optimal position’ of the frame on the trunk. Then
he started adjusting the straps’ length, using some
buckles. The straps were rolled so they wouldn’t hang
loose, and they were tied with plastic zip ties, but the
ties weren’t too tight, so dad was able to unfurl them
a little, to adjust the right length. He hanged the
metallic hooks on the door’s edge and he got back to
I said I‛ll
be ready in 5 minu-
tes! No neEd to
remind me every
half an hour...
take another look at the manual. While he was bent
over to look for the booklet inside the mesh bag, the
trunk door slammed behind him, because of the rack’s
weight. Dad jumped out of his skin, startled by the
boom, he angrily mumbled for a while, but then he
calmed down and carried on with his work.
“In fact”, he said, “I don’t even need that manual! It’s
all very clear to me now...”
Mom looked at her watch—fifteen minutes had already
passed—and she asked dad if he’s absolutely SURE
she shouldn’t visit a few stores while he’s working.
Dad frowned, he grumbled some words and started to
unroll the two middle straps.

152 153
But, surprise! The middle straps (and the bottom ones
too) were tied with a different kind of zip ties... Those
ones were thicker, and they were extremely tight. He
struggled a lot, but he wasn’t able to loosen those ties.
Since he didn’t have any tools for cutting the zip ties,
he figured out the only solution was to remove the rack
and to take it back to the store and ask someone of the
staff to help him cut the plastic ties that were blocking
the straps. He was already infuriated.
“Man! These people are complete idiots! HOW could
they tie the straps with something like this?! Are we
supposed to walk around carrying a toolbox?! You
know, I should just ask for a refund on all this stuff,
Uhm... You
know, I kinda
have to go
to the...
and go home! This is an outrage!!! They’re making a
monkey of me, and I’m paying for it too!”
Mom observed that a kick scooter is surely much
less of a distress, then she grabbed her purse and
she took off to the fashion shop nearby. Half an hour
had passed, and the temperature outside was almost
a hundred degrees. The car was parked in the sun.
For a moment I thought I should go with mom, but
I changed my mind... First, it was a women’s fashion
store, and second, the ‘five–minute rack installing
process’ seemed to become extremely interesting.
August 15
152 comments
My dad is getting a bike...
Felix N.

154 155
Dad dismantled the rack and went back to the store,
angrily mumbling. He came back in another five
minutes, with the straps unrolled, hanging on the
ground. Finally, he had escaped the zip ties curse!
Once again he mounted the rack on the trunk door,
he attached the two top straps, and finally got to set
up the two middle ones. Eventually, in just ten more
minutes, he fastened all the six metal hooks on the
door, he tightened the straps as hard as he could, and
he rested for a while, to celebrate his victory.
damn you,
you asshole
and dumbass
popcorn
crunch
Meanwhile, mom returned, carrying three or four
shopping bags.
“I don’t mind the delay after all”, she said. “I found
a lot of nice clothes. And two pairs of shoes! Do you
Oh, can
you please
open the trunk
for me? I want
to put these
bags in.
why?
why did i get
a bicycle?
evErything was
fine...

156 157
think there’s still time for me to take a look at the home
design shop too? I only need like twenty minutes...”
Dad gave her a depressed look, and he announced her
that he has reached the final step: mounting the bike
on the rack.
This final step was easier. He managed to fix the bike
in place in just a few minutes, including dropping the
bike on his foot; accidentally catching and scratching
the brake cables; getting his fingers caught between
the bike frame and the rack; rubbing the dirty tires on
his white shirt; scratching the car paint with the pedal.
In the end, he tightly attached the bike with a special
long belt and buckled it through the spokes to keep the
wheels from moving, and... DONE!
Over an hour had passed. Dad was so tired he couldn’t
enjoy his victory. Mom and I had lost all hope we’ll get
home before sunset. We got in the car, waiting for dad
to start the engine and drive us home.
Dad picked up the rack’s package off the ground (it was
an orange mesh bag) and he opened it to put inside the
manual and the warranty.
“Hey, what the heck are these things?!”, I heard him
say. “There’s something more in here...”
He was holding some sort of small, bent, square shaped
rubber pieces in his hand. He was looking pale and
this
can‛t be
good...

158
drawn. Mom and I watched
in terror as he opened the
manual once more, to see
what’s the deal.
“Hey, what is that? Is it
something important?”
“Well, yeah”, he answered
in a faint voice. “Some kind of rubber caps, they were
supposed to be clipped on the steel hooks, to prevent
them from scratching the car paint. Now I have to
remove everything and start over...”

159
August 22
Alex’s sister, Izabela, has a close friend—Carla, who
lives in a fancy condo downtown. Alex is always telling
me about Carla, who never wastes a chance to brag
about how fabulous it is living downtown, about the
extraordinary bay panorama, and so on. If you listen
to Carla, nothing beats living in a building downtown!
A few days ago I stopped by Alex’s place, and there was
Carla showing Izabela a news website with a top list of
the coolest buildings in town, on her phone.
just look
at this view...this
panorama... where
else can you find
something like
this?!
woop
woop
you
idiot!
vrOoOm

160 161
to her properly, in a “professional” manner, as if it was
a real column.
“Don’t worry about the technical part, said Alex,
my classmate Teo is good with Photoshop and even
HTML. He’ll build us a website that will look exactly
like Yahoo News in no time! All we have to do is open
it on the tablet, and show it to Carla when she’s here.”
So we jumped ahead to brainstorming for story ideas.
We wanted to come up with something that would
make her lose all interest in living there.
scotch
tape
tablet
perfect.
nobody will
ever notice
“See, Sky View is number four! Awesome, right?” Carla
kept on blabbering as if she had designed, built and
decorated the entire building.
Hmm—I thought—she seems to enjoy the real estate
news, doesn’t she? Maybe we should give her some
news story that’ll curb her enthusiasm a little bit, just
enough to make her tone
down about her panorama
apartment.
There were two aspects to
take care of. First, we had
to come up with the actual
news story. Then we had to
find a solution to present it
Sky View
bla bla bLAaA impressive perspective, BLA
bla penthouse, bla bla bLAaA downtown,
BLA bla bLAaAaAaA fitness center, BLA bla bLAa
public transport .
bla bla bLAaA lots of restaurants & coffee
places, BLA bla multi-level parking, bla bla bLA..
METROPOLItan
4
5

162 163
“OK, OK... maybe I got a little carried away”, said Alex.
“Now listen! What’s the thing that girls are most afraid
of? Insects, right?! BUGS!”
“Well, yeah... That’s right. Giant cockroaches... Big,
disgusting, swarming cockroaches from Africa!”
“That’s it! No, wait a minute... Giant African RAT
EATING cockroaches!!!”
We both decided that’s the ultimate idea. We quickly
wrote the column, and it sounded like this:
maybe we
should get a
pickaxe, and carve
a cave in those
rocks there
...
i‛m kinda
worried some
skeletons might
show up... or
spiders...
“Hey, listen, I said. RATS! The building is heavily
infested with hundreds of rats!”
“Yeah, something like that... It’s not bad, but I think
that’s not enough”, answered Alex. “Rats are OK, but
we need something more impressive! I don’t know...
Poisonous snakes... Ghosts... ZOMBIES!”
“You’re off the track again... Really, ZOMBIES?! Why
don’t we throw in three or four trolls then?!”
Well, maybe Alex was a little out of line with the
zombies, but I have to admit I’m not always the most
rational person myself...
awesome!
hey, wait a
minute... trolls
are real?!

164 165
The tenants will apparently
be evacuated, and some
areas of the building are
already in quarantine. The
authorities are struggling to
isolate the insect colonies,
to prevent them from
spreading across the entire
city. The problem is that
The cockroaches, over 3
inches in length, were
supposedly brought here by
accident from Africa by one
of the tenants, who
returned from a trip to
Madagascar last month.
They are capable to devour
an adult human in a matter
of minutes!
Read more ›
Banana,
for scale
3 inch
SKYVIEW RESIDENCE
UNDER TERROR!
The invasion nightmare goes on!
BREAKING NEWS
What’s new in town?
The residents of Sky View,
an exclussive condominium
downtown, woke up yester-
day in the middle of a night-
mare turned real. On top of
the fact that the building
administration was already
fighting for months a serious
rat infestation situation (kept
secret from the residents!), a
new, much worse problem
appeared.
The building was invaded by
large colonies of Madagas-
car Carnivore Cockroaches,
that multiply with alarming
speed, and that – ironically!
– feed upon the rats already
present!
Read more ›

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