More more more! How do ya like it, how do ya like it? But it took me longer than a day this time *gasp*, darn work getting in the way and all Meh, seeing as I’m doing this for speed I’ll live, hehe. Well last time Evil Susan was still struggling to come to terms with the life she has found herself in, and got very annoyed at giving birth to twins Blight and Burns, and subsequently a Bad Apple in the form of baby Occult. Can she last another mini-chapter without scalping them all? We shall see.
Speaking off, it’s now time for wee Occult’s birthday, and I really get to experience the joy of having a bad apple toddling about. Fun! “ As per usual squirt, you Mother is nowhere to be found so it’s up to me. You up for it kiddo?” ... “ I’ll take that as a yes.”
I think I didn’t mention it before, but even though I’m using cakes to toddlify the kids, they’re whisked away before anyone gets to grab a slice. Thus Beyond Cheesey stays intact! Hey, it’s not my fault I am phail when it comes to spinning babies naturally
Aww, bless his little unclickable boots! For a bad apple, Occult looks surprisingly.. Nice. I can’t find out his stats, but I can be confident that he’s a Leo as eeeveryone else is, and probably 10 outgoing. The rest? Fishness knows.
Bad Apple Job #1: Smartmilk smartmilk smartmilk. If nothing else, I’m hoping that this’ll help him accidentally grab enough skill points to stumble his way through college. Also he’d *probably* find it quite handy to be able to use a toilet.
As his first act of bad apple-dom, Occult then proceeds to spend the whole night staring at his sleeping parents. How useful.
The next morning his fully controllable siblings Blight and Burns could be found conversing on the newly built deck upstairs. “ I’m telling you sis, zombies would win a fight hands down. I mean – they eat brains!” “ They do not.” “ Yeah they do!”
“ You’re so wrong Blight, and any vampires would sooooo kick the zombie’s bums!” “ How? They can’t even come out in the day.” “ But neither do zombies really, everyone would laugh at them.” “ What, like everyone laughs at you?” “ They do not!” “ Yes they do!” “ Do not!”
Anyway. It was around time for Evil Susan to arise and head off to her job of squishing all hope from Riverblossom Hills. “ Hey, thing three got bigger in the night! And you’re already doing everything for me, must say – I’m impressed Squashed Nose.” “ Cheers, something was telling me that this little guy could do with all the help he can get.” “ Well it sure as heck wasn’t me.”
And we have a walking bad apple! Yaaaay, thank you Shea.
Hang on! You two! Um, school? This ring any bells? It’s ten o’clock! “ So?” Evil Susan has just gone to work and can’t walk you, aargh. You’re supposed to be the good ones! “ Lies.” “ I don’t want to go to school, I’d much rather play with Blight all day!”
“ Oh yeah? Well I can soo outplay you sis! Just watch this. POW!” “ Nuh uh! I use my super secret duck swish power, DUCK SWISH!” “ That’s stupid, that doesn’t exist! POW!” “ Yeah it does Blight, DUCK SWISH!”
As the game took a tour around the upper floor, things began to get slightly out of hand. Or my hands anyway. “ You cannot defeat my super powers, ‘cause I’m SUPER BLIGHT! POW!” “ Eeek, Blight! Stoppit!” “ NEVER! POW POW POW!” “ Eeeeeek!”
“ Hey, are you okay sis? You look kind of stuck.” “ Ya think, stupid? You nearly killed me!” “ We-ell, not really. You just got impaled a bit. Only a little bit though.” “ Oooh, I am so going to get you for this Blight..” And the leaping and flailing promptly resumed in the slappy manner that only twins can take.
“ You’re sooo in trouble now.” “ Nope, SUPER BLIGHT is never in trouble, POW!” “ Ow, don’t pull my hair – that’s not fair. Daddy says so.” “ I don’t care, Mummy pulls Daddy’s hair all the time.” “ That’s different!”
“ Huh? What’s up?” “ Come on Blight, you have no idea how to do this properly.” “ Do what properly? I don’t understand! I was winning!” “ Nuh uh.”
“ But just before I show you, I think I’ve got something on my skirt here..” “ Where Burns? Lemme see, I bet you sat in baby poop. Eeew!”
“ And that , dear brother, is how you torment someone properly.” “ Jeez Burns, did you have to?!” “ Yup, you know I love your girly shriek.” “ It is NOT girly.”
“ Yeah it is. But I love you anyway.” and finally stopped the taunting to give her brother a hug. “ .. S’pose.” With that out of the way, the twins set about seeing what havoc they could wreak for the rest of the day, seeing as school was out of the picture.
Blight’s first act as a free spirit was to promptly touch the computer and make it explode. Sweet kid.
“ But Dad!” “ No son, the Drew Rule is imperative! And it’s gone one o’clock so now we can’t touch the darn thing until tomorrow!” “ ..That’s stupid.” “ I KNOW.” “ Can I blame the fact that I was trying to play Sims 3 that is exploded?” “ Yes.”
Burns meanwhile was kicking up a storm a peril.. Cleaning up the nursery? Aww, thanks Lovie! “ Well I don’t want my little brother to be any stinkier than he has to be, and someone’s got to clean! No one else does, and I may as well put this day to *some* us, as well as teasing Blight.” Aww.
YES. That is a big help from my random potty guessing. So why does Occult look almost ashamed about being able to use his little throne? Meh, Bad Apple logic I guess.
Ah no, apparently he is happy! He just doesn’t want us to know. But I can see that he’s platinum, so MAUAHAHAHA. Fingers crossed this aspiration hit lasts until he grows up *crosses fishfingers*
“ Well I think that was a thoroughly successful day for our first time as kids, sis!” “ Yeah I know! I totally don’t fancy school in the morning.” “ We-ell, we could always skip it again?” “ Maybe, but what would Mum say?” “ ‘ Go Evil kiddies go’?” “ Hehe, maybe! Hey Blight? Where is Mum, I haven’t seen her for aaaaages..”
A while later: “ “ ” “ ! ! ! !” “ !?” “ ”
“ ” .....” “ You freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaks!”
“ Ok. I’m in a creepy town of smilies. I’ve had to have a bunch of brats I don’t want with a guy owning a stupid face and an even stupider name and now. AND NOW?! NOW I get abducted against my will, and had to spend the whole night jamming sticks into little things who can’t speak properly just to pass the time!”
“ What’d ya have to bring here back for?!” “ Blight! Hey Mum? Make the big nosiey thing go away..”
“ Oh gladly. I have never been so insulted in my life, either of them, but I hope to goat that these creepy little alien things will remember the night they took Evil Susan and IT WASN’T PLEASANT FOR ANYONE.”
“ Be gone for my life you little cretins in your shiny box, and never NEVER return. You hear? I am Evil Susan, and this is my will. IT SHALL BE DONE OR ELSE.”
“ Whoo, you tell ‘em Mum!” “ Hehehe.. Mummy got poked my the aliens!” “ Yeah, do it Again aliens, DO IT AGAIN!!”
“ QUIET, both of you brats. Now go to bed and let us never speak of this again.” “ ..Hehehe.” “ Do it again, do it again!” “ BED.”
The next morning, even the thought of new demolition balls coming into stock couldn’t cheer Evil Susan up. I would say it was to do with her work outfit, but then again..” “ Well I can’t see them. Good, they’d better have heeded my words. Or else. Yeah, or else.. I’m Evil.. Honest!” Pity if they do, I still need my alien. Shame you’re not a lad ES, but I really wouldn’t want you any other way than just how you are (Come back aliens, pleeeeease?)
Ah, shall we finally have some words of wisdom from our bad apple? Once again with Evil Susan at work , the task of watching Occult falls to Shea. “ Daddy?” “ Whgfdsg.” “ Mummy?” “ Grrrrrr.” “ Well, close enough!” It was a long day. The best thing that can be said about it was that after much prodding the twins actually managed to make it to school for the first time.
Upon her return, Evil Susan found herself even more warmly greeted than usual which she wasn’t overly thrilled about. “ Oh ES! The kids told me all about last night, you should have said something!” “ Well thank you very much for bringing that up again you twit, I had done a rather good job of banishing from my memory actually.” “ Sorry. But that must have been awful!” “ No worse than this.”
“ I was so worried, I found myself thinking about you all day and how Evil as you are, I don’t think I’d really like you to get carried off by aliens again.” “ Because then you’d be stuck in corn-lovers land all alone again?” “ Something like that.”
“ Uh uh.. Sis.. I think Dad’s about to do something he’s going to regret! Quick, get ready to catch some kneecaps.” “ Evil Susan, will you marry me?”
“ Erm.. How.. Strange. What for?” “ Because I love you!” “ Meh.”
“ The OF COURSE! How could I refuse?” “ I had a feeling it would be impossible.” “ YAY!”
“ Oops. Er, Lump Face?” “ Yes, finacee of mine?” “ Would you mind not mentioning that little outburst to anyone? I think we should keep it just between the two of us.” Shea smiled at his wife-to-be. “ Heaven forbid anyone know you’re capable of displaying affection.” “ Yes, exactly.”
“ I mean, it’s not like this is a big deal to either of us, is it? Just a way to pass the afternoon, eh Idiot Name?” “ Sure ES. Nothing at all.” “ Excellent, glad you agree. Now go call people, isn’t that what happens next? And brats! Go set up the garden! Mother’s getting married.”
“ I can’t believe someone knocked over one of our flamingos! Poor Mr. Flamingo.. Why him? Why this flamingo? I know it wasn’t Blight, he’s run away to jump on his bed, but it makes me sad. Still, we need to have our flamingos all pretty for the guests.”
“ There, that’s much better. And those flowers on the arch look nice too.” The little girl nodded at her afternoon’s handywork. “ Good. Okay, I’ve got my party dress on, all I need now are Mum and Dad and the guests! Oooh, this is SO exciting!”
“ Che-hey brat!” “ Hey Mummy, I’ve got everything nice and pretty for you. I hope you like it!” “ Pretty good work short one, now go find the big idiot for me while I change, would you?” “ Sure thing Mummy.”
The guests began to assemble on the lawn as Shea made his way over to join Evil Susan under the arch, and took their positions to watch. Some more calculated than others. “ Hey Blight?” I said over my shoulder. “ How do you know my name stupid lady in the fairy dress? That’s creepy! You’re creepy!” “ I know these things because I’m awesome, but that’s not the point. Do you want to come in front of me here with your sister so you can see properly? It’s your parents wedding!” “ No way! They’ll be kissing and stuff, that’s even creepier than you creepy lady. Nooo, I’m good here thanks.”
“ Hush it up you rabble! We need to get on with this before I realise I’ve gone stark raving Riverblossom mad.” “ Come on guys!” Shea joined in, “you’re here to watch us, not each other! Sorry you haven’t got any chairs, but-” “ We couldn’t afford any and I could give a damn about your comfort as it is. No, ME.”
“ Okay Lump-Face, I guess it’s been nice to have someone to talk to who isn’t a brat or air-head, or even worse someone who buys into all this organic crap.” “ Tell me about it, like I said before ES – you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to this town.” “ Exactly. See! Behind that ridiculous face lies a brain after all.”
“ But still, don’t be expect me to become all domesticated and spew, mmk?” “ Oh don’t worry about that, me and the kids’ll still do absolutly everything around here.” “ Most suitable. I’m way to Evil after all.” “ And I’m far too in love not to.”
“ Haha, what a funny joke! I’ll admit, you can be funny sometimes Squashed Nosed Moron.” “ Heh. But I’m your Squashed Nosed Moron though.” “ Sadly yes.”
“ So can I marry you now then?” “ Oh, I suppose.”
As the guests started dispersing towards the house for grilled cheese and smustling, Evil Susan received yet another guest she didn’t want. “ Oh hey! I didn’t know we ordered a cream puff.”
Without time for Evil Susan to breathe, it’s time for a lunge hug. “ Wha-” “ Oh Evil Susan! I’m so proud of you! I didn’t think you’d go through with it – but you did! Aww, that’s my girl.” “ Get OFF me.”
“ Sorry, I forget sometimes.” “ Well DON’T. Anyway, that’s me done now isn’t it? Three kids, a husband and all that baggage? I can go home now.” “ Well..” “’ Well’?! Don’t you ‘well’ me skunk-brains, you of all people should know better.” “ Technically. Technically you need three pregnancies , not three kids..”
“ WHAT?!” “ Sorry sorry sorry sorry!” “ You tell me NOW?!” “ Er..” I decided now would be a clever time to run away. “ Three pregnancies ?”
It was all a bit much for poor little Burns. “ *hic* Mummy yelled at the creepy lady.. *wail*” Poor mite, but she’d best get used to it.
“ Come on Burns, don’t be such a baby! Mum yells at everyone. And that creepy lady deserved it.” “ Why?” “ She’s creepy.” “ Oh yeah! Wanna play red hands?” “ Oh goat yes, Mum and Dad have got a funny look in their eyes.” “ Must be a grownup thing.”
“ You sure you want to do this now Evil Susan? All the guests are right outside the door.” “ So?! We need to rough up these citizens a bit. Besides, if I have to be married I want a good start to the whole thing! You haven’t forgotten the dance steps I trust?” “ Never.”
And what of our Bad Apple through all these happy events? Well, he’s been neglected in his own filth of course!
To be honest, thiongs have started getting a little out of control in the Nightmare house. Unfinished homework and grilled cheese plates take up a lot of the space and a newly pregnant Evil Susan just doesn’t feel like sorting any of it out. “ Evil!” Yeah, we know.
Luckily we have the mighty Shea who got up early to clean up the house, and not only that but also help both kids with their homework and teach them to study before school. Yay Shea! “ You got it guys? Cheese + bread + fried = num. “ “ Can I add tomatoes if I want Daddy?” “ ..Show off.”
So, did you go with the tomatoes?” “ Well no, there was nothing else in the fridge! Plain grilled cheese will have to do.” Funny that. But thanks to Shea’s hard work there was still time for a platter of grilled cheese before school. Hurray!
And it all paid off! “ Daddy Daddy! I got an A+! The teacher loved my use of vegetables in an otherwise unhealthy dish! Look look look!” “ Hey Dad, I didn’t get an A+ like Burns but I still want a cuddle.” “ Sure thing little guy, I’m just pleased you actually went to school!” “ LOOK LOOK LOOK A+ A+ A+!!”
“ You must have bribed the teacher to get that mark Burns.” “ Nuh uh, you’ve just got to use a little ingenuity here and there.” “ Like when Mum slapped the postman with his own bills?” “ Yeah, something like that.”
“ Oh great, more popping. Silly Name, will you deal with one of the brats? I can hear screaming of some kind, and I don’t want to do it.” “ In a minute Evil Susan, I need to finish getting this skill point..” “ NO. NOW. I want to go to bed and your voice is drilling a hole in my skull.” “ Fine. You sure you don’t want to help?” A snore was the only reply Shea got, and shrugging he went to find their youngest child.
For it is Occult’s birthday! .. And he’s decided to grow up in a rather, well, occult manner. First he decided to break both his father’s arms.
Then his legs. But hey look, aspiration points! Good sign, good sign.
<ul><li>But despite the totally destruction of his Dad, Occult actually grew up </li></ul><ul><li>WELL (he was gold according to the pop up. Gold!) </li></ul><ul><li>With a very cute little face </li></ul><ul><li>In matching and fitting clothes I may well have chosen anyway </li></ul><ul><li>Keeping his nice hairdo! (Which I tend to only think of as ‘The Stanley’) </li></ul><ul><li>All in all, a very successful Bad Apple transaction! So, what does he choose to do with his first night of freedom? </li></ul>
Pick up the newspapers no one else can be bothered to! Aww, thank you. “ I just want to garden to be all nice for the flamingos.” I’m sensing a personality closer to that of his sister than his brother, but I can never tell anything and for all I know he’s Evil. So what next? Bed perhaps?
“ No, snowman!” Everyone else is asleep, er, try not to freeze. Inside perhaps?
“ No, snowangel!!” Right. It’s past midnight, to bed with you!
“ No, bubble bath!” Sigh. At least it means he’s warmed himself up. Sensible child. Now go tuck yourself up nice and warm? We have this thing called ‘school’ that happens in the morning you see.
“ No, wanna play Sims!” It’s three in the morning! Go to bed! “ ..You’re going to lecture me about playing games in the middle of the night?” Erm, point.
It’s nearly dawn! BED. You’re never going to get to school like this, argh. “ But I wanna watch a film, and besides it’s nearly time for breakfast.” Aaaargh.
“ Erm, who are you? Why are you eating the grilled cheese Daddy made yesterday?” “ I’m your brother!” “ No, Blight is my brother. I’ve never met you before.”
“ Yeah, sis is right! Go away, we don’t know you so you can’t share OUR breakfast.” “ Blight, Burns – this is your little brother Occult. I know you’ve never met him before, but I promise you that he’s been around for a while.” “ Oh yeah! I think I saw him in the corner wallowing in his own filth while I was cleaning the nursery once.” “ You clean? Oh sis, that is not a good sign.”
“ But it’s lovely to meet both of you. I’ve learnt to talk and everything now, so I’m sure we’ll be the best of friends.” “ That’s the sprit Occult! Now you kids all play together nicely, while I bring a plate of this to your whiney pregnant Mother.” “ Oh boy, we have a Mother?! Wow, I’ve never met her, what’s she like?!!” The twins cast a sideways glance at each other. “ Say Blight.. Wanna go play?” “ Oh goat yes.”
“ Go fish!” “ No, YOU go fish!” Guys! Go get ready for school! Argh, where’s Occult gone? Oh no, it’s all gone wrong again!”
Occult! Get up! That’s not your bed for a start, and school school school! Go go go! “ zzzz... It’s Saturday..” Oh. Right. Well seeing as that gives me a chance to breathe, I think we’ll stop here for the time being. Phew, well at least I’ve survived so far! And so has Evil Susan and everyone else around her surprisingly. But with a fourth child on the way, and me still needing to break the news to her that it’s not the end of the line yet I reckon there’s still worse things to come.. Thanks for reading everyone, it’s really nice to just be able to whack out things quickly for a change! See you soon no doubt