Part of 66 day challenge

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Picture credit - ​digitaltrends
Day 39 - Coping with emotions
18 May 2020
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Prabodh Sirur
sirurp@gmail.com
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My learning for the day
Today I want to summarise two TED talks on coping with emotions. The first
talk is about ​Power of Emotional Courage​. The second talk is about
Emotional First-Aid
Talk 1 - ​The gift and power of emotional courage
Speaker - ​Susan David​, Psychologist, Harvard Medical School
Summary -
How we deal with our inner world drives every aspect of how we love, how
we live, how we parent and how we lead.
What is emotional courage?​ This crucial question has been at the center of
Susan’s life's work.
You could say that her research work was more of a personal journey of a
teenager ​how she bottled her emotions​ after the death of her father.
Susan ​did not show her grief​ to anyone. She went about with her usual
smile. She didn't drop a single grade in school. When asked how she was
doing, she would shrug and say, "OK." She was praised for being strong. She
was the master of being OK.
Behind this facade​ of being OK and looking positive, she started to use food
to numb her pain, refusing to accept the full weight of her grief.
Susan says, “Being positive has become a new form of ​moral correctness​.
People with cancer are automatically told to just stay positive. Women, to
stop being so angry. And the list goes on. It's a tyranny. It's a ​tyranny of
positivity​. And it's cruel. Unkind. And ineffective.”
Research on emotional suppression shows that when emotions are pushed
aside or ignored, they get stronger. Psychologists call this ​amplification​.
Tough emotions are ​part of our contract with life​. You don't get to have a
meaningful career or raise a family or leave the world a better place without
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stress and discomfort. ​Discomfort is the price of admission to a
meaningful life.
When we ​label our emotions accurately​, we are more able to recognise the
precise cause of our feelings. That is when the ​readiness potential​ in our
brain is activated, allowing us to take concrete steps.
What do these steps look like in practice?
When you feel a strong, tough emotion, don't race for the emotional exits.
Try ​not to say "I am​," as in, "I'm angry" or "I'm sad." When you say "I am" it
makes you sound as if you are the emotion. Whereas you are you, and the
emotion is a data source. Instead, try to notice the feeling for what it is: ​"I'm
noticing that I'm feeling sad​" or "I'm noticing that I'm feeling angry."
Emotional agility is the ability to be with your emotions with curiosity,
compassion, and especially ​the courage to take values-connected steps​.
Talk 2 -​ ​Why we all need to practice emotional first aid
Speaker - ​Guy Winch​, Psychologist and Author
Summary -
We'll go to the doctor when we feel flu-ish or a nagging pain. So why don't we
see a health professional when we feel ​emotional pain​?
We ​sustain psychological injuries​ even more often than we do physical
ones, ​injuries like failure or rejection or loneliness​.
Loneliness​ creates a deep psychological wound, one that distorts our
perceptions and scrambles our thinking. It makes us believe that those
around us care much less than they actually do. Loneliness causes high
blood pressure, high cholesterol. It even suppresses the functioning of your
immune system.
Rejection​ is equally painful. We all start thinking of all our faults and all our
shortcomings, what we wish we were, what we wish we weren't, we call
ourselves names as soon as we get a feeling of rejection.
Failure​ does that as well. If your mind tries to convince you you're incapable
of something, and you believe it, you'll begin to feel helpless and you'll stop
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trying too soon, or you won't even try at all. And then you'll be even more
convinced you can't succeed. That's why so many ​people function below
their actual potential​.
One of the unhealthiest and most common is called ​rumination​. To
ruminate means to chew over. Ruminating about upsetting events can easily
become a habit.
Studies tell us that ​even a two-minute distraction​ is sufficient to break the
urge to ruminate.
In essence​, we need to ​acknowledge​ that loneliness, rejection and failures
WILL come in our lives. We need to ​keep our first aid bands ready​ when
they do. What are your first aid bands?
I found a great first aid band from ​Nataliia Totka​. This is her first-aid-band to
fight loneliness - ​“I read, I exercise, go out for a walk, go out for tea/coffee, go for
a run to clear my head. When you get excited about your life and being able to do
all those new things, ​you won’t feel lonely​.​” I guess the same first aid could be
applied for rejection and failure too.
What is Coping with emotions?
Emotions are biological states brought on by thoughts, feelings, behavioural
responses, and a degree of pleasure or displeasure.
The basic emotions are
1. joy/ sadness,
2. acceptance/ disgust,
3. fear/ anger,
4. surprise/ anticipation.
The word "emotion" dates back to 1579, when it was adapted from the French word
émouvoir, which means "to stir up". Emotions create responses in the brain called
feelings.
Coping with emotions is -
a. understanding the patterns of emotions,
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b. understanding our responses to emotions and
c. taking corrective and preventive actions
My learning so far on this topic
Day 9 post​ - Plutchik wheel of emotions and ways to cope with emotions
Day 19 post​ - Association of emotions with endocrine system, the Chakras
and the Yoga postures
Day 29 post​ - Learning from an RJ (Radio Jockey)
How to improve this skill?
Set a goal to ​become a go-to person​ by mastering the art and science of ​coping
with emotions​.
Follow the ​LAST model​ to build your personal brand as a Guru of ​coping with
emotions​.
Learn​ - Invest time in learning different frameworks/ models/ techniques of ​coping
with emotions
Apply​ -
Identify a model suitable to you
Create a template to document the flow of the process
Find opportunities to use the selected method/ template
Maintain record/ process flow of every important activities you did with
respect to ​coping with emotions
Maintain notes of your thoughts/ insights/ failures/ challenges…. to be used
for sharing/ training others
Share​ - Share the insights captured in step 2 above in a planned manner (social
media posts, blogs, videos, study notes…)
Train​ - Generate opportunities to train your peers and team members so that, over
time, your organization benefits from your efforts
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Purpose of this document
I took a 66 day challenge​ to study Life Skills last year (10 April 2019). To my
astonishment, I succeeded in studying for 66 days one skill a day.
My objectives of learning these skills were - To strengthen my mind to face life’s
challenges with ease, To use these skills in my worklife for a better performance, To
use these skills in my personal life for enriching my relationships, To open new
possibilities to surprise myself.
This is my next 66 day challenge​ (from 10 April 2020) - To share my Life Skills
learning with my social media friends.
I pray that my toil helps you in your success journey.
What are Life Skills?
UNICEF​ defines Life skills as - ​psychosocial abilities​ for adaptive and positive
behaviour that enable individuals ​to deal effectively with the demands and
challenges of everyday life​. They are loosely grouped into three broad categories
of skills
- cognitive skills​ for analyzing and using information,
- personal skills​ for developing personal agency and managing oneself,
- inter-personal skills​ for communicating and interacting effectively with others.
Which LifeSkills are covered?
The ​World Health Organisation​ identified these basic areas of life skills that are
relevant across cultures:
1. Decision-making
2. Problem-solving
3. Creative thinking
4. Critical thinking
5. Communication
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6. Interpersonal skills
7. Self-awareness
8. Empathy
9. Coping with emotions
10. Coping with stress.
Some trivia
‘Life skills’ was never part of the school curriculum. WHO/ UNESCO mandated
academia to teach these skills in all schools across the globe in 1993.
Different countries educate their children in these skills with different objectives
- Zimbabwe and Thailand - prevention of HIV/AIDS
- Mexico - prevention of adolescent pregnancy
- United Kingdom - child abuse prevention
- USA - prevention of substance abuse and violence
- South Africa and Colombia - positive socialization of children.
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