Funny conversations with clients

1. Life of a
Interesting Conversations
with Clients

2. I sometimes moonlight as a freelance I.T
consultant as do several of my friends and the
following are transcripts of conversations with
memorable clients.
Some clients leave your jaw on the floor others
just leave you with a blank stare while others
make you wonder if its worth it.

3. Questions
Client: Can I only view my website through the
internet?
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Client: Why should we pay you for the website
when you asked us for information to put on the
site?
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Client: Can you make the white background
whiter?
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Why should I pay you when you are a free lancer?
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Will the website be web based?
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Can we meet at home? that’s where I keep my
internet.

4. Clear Website
Client: I want the background of my
website to be clear
Designer: No problem, do you want it to
be white or maybe have a semi
transparent image?
Client: No I want to be able to see through
my computer screen to the other side

5. IP addressing made simple
Client: I don’t know what's wrong but I
cant access the internet, I’ve tried
everything even changing the IP address
Immediately sensing this might be the
problem I politely asked
Me: How did you change the IP address?
Client: I cancelled the number on the
modem thingy and wrote another one
there.

6. Links vs viruses
During a phone conversation with a client to
update him on the site that was being
developed.
Me: I’ll send you a link to the development site
so that you can see it and if you need anything
changed you can communicate.
Client: I don’t like clicking on links they
usually contain viruses can you send a pdf?

7. Customer is always right???
Client: This site you designed is rubbish the
year planner wont accept the date I am putting
in.
Designer: Maybe it’s a format error, What date
is that?
Client: 31st November 2014
Designer: Uhmm That is not a valid date sir.
Client: (sounding agitated) Don’t tell me
because its in the future ,I thought that was the
whole idea behind a planner. Its an annual
event and a very important one to me so if I
cant put it on the planner then its useless.
Designer: Sir November only has 30 days and
always has.
Client: Since when? You should have put a note
on the side to avoid such situations

8. Keyboards
An elderly man from church asked me to
teach him basics of a computer as he had
no clue I started from the beginning and
explained the different components when I
showed him the keyboard he got excited
and interrupted me saying…
Client: Oh I think I will be very good at
this computer stuff, I play the piano so I
guess a keyboard will be easy.

9. Touch Screen or Tablet
A man gets a new computer and has a
freelancer set it up with software after the
freelancer leaves he receives a phone call
Client: my mouse is not working come back
and sort it out
Freelancer: (tries the mouse and it moves) Ok
it seems fine
Client: great, thanks for your help.
As freelancer approaches the door.
Client: Hey, come back its stopped again
Freelancer: (tries it and its fine) It seems fine
show me exactly how you were using it?
Client: (sits and touches the pointer on the
screen and frantically tries to drag it) See
nothing happens.
Freelancer: (Holding back serious laughter) Its
not touch screen
Client: that’s disappointing, Is it even a tablet?

10. Set Apart
A developer quoted a client $1500 for
development and hosting of a site.
Client: Son there is a lot of competition out
there cant you do this for like $300? I know a
lot of developers who will jump at a chance to
make an easy $300.
Developer: Sir I assure you my prices are very
competitive but if you can find anything
cheaper and trust their quality I suggest you go
for it.
Client: But so far I cant find anyone willing to
do it for less than $1500. This is what will set
you apart from the competition.

11. 404 Page not found
A Client decided he would develop his
own website but wanted my friend to host
it for him and just provide general
consultation.
Client: I keep being taken to a 404 not
found page when I click this link can you
fix it?
Developer: sure what’s it supposed to link
to?
Client: Oh, I haven't created that page yet.

12. I need this by Thursday
Client: I need this by Thursday
Developer: No problem I can get it to you by
Wednesday
Client: No not Wednesday that’s too late I need
it by Thursday
Developer: Yes and I meant I would get it to
you earlier than Thursday
Client: And I meant I need this by Thursday
Developer: Ok then I will send it next Thursday
Client: Why would you do that when I need it
this Thursday
Developer: Uh Sir today is Thursday
Client: Exactly, which makes me wonder why
you are wasting time arguing with me.

13. Question
A couple days after configuring a server
for a client and installing exchange server.
Client: Hey my business mail isn't working
in outlook today
Me: Ok is it working when you open it
through the browser?
Client: I don’t know, Our internet
connection is down
Me: That’s why then, you need internet for
email
Client: But outlook doesn’t open with
internet explorer.

14. Flash can kill
In developing a site for a creative
agency I decided to add flash and
CSS drop down menus and this was
the clients response.
Client: This might be ok for
teenagers but some of our clients
are over 70 years this could shock
them or give them a heart attack.

15. Dumb comments and Questions
The phone number field should be mandatory
unless the client doesn’t have a phone
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How will anyone know these are links? they don’t
light up when I hover my finger over them on my
iPad. They are just underlined and blue
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On the back Page it says presentation slides to be
added, Is something going to be added there?
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Can you center the phone number field and
change the font to caps?
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Can you put the text in black? I know the
background is black but I just want to see how it
will look.
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When there is a power outage can you program my
computer to show a message that it has lost power.

16. Search Thingy
Client: I need a search thingy like Google
can you handle that?
Developer: Yes but it will take some time
and it will cost you about XXXXX
Client: What? Why should it cost so much
and take time? Google is a 2 page site one
for search and one for results how long can
that take?
Developer: Sir there is more to Google
than that most of which goes on in the
background
Client: I’ve lost faith in you I will find a
more advanced developer

17. How
does
I.T
make
you