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ddm061809.ppt
1.
DDM Seminar Series Sandra
Crowe, MA, PCC 301.770.7104 www.pivpoint.com sc@pivpoint.com Dealing with Difficult People: Common Problems and Uncommon Solutions
2.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 2 Objectives Uncover awareness for your difficult triggers Understand why people are difficult Create practical solutions for dealing with difficult people and situations Support one another with present challenges
3.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 3 Creating Awareness Awareness of yourself and others is 95% of the cure: Ask yourself:Who/what triggers you? How do I act and how do I feel around the difficult person? Do you become difficult? Ask again: How would I like to act and feel around this person? Visualize and imprint this.
4.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 4 Definition of Difficult Someone who impedes action
5.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 5 Origins of Difficultness Studies at the University of Tennessee found that anger derives from two origins: Inability to take action (powerlessness and frustration) Presence of an “ism”(unfairness or betrayal by the system)
6.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 6 • Expression (usually inappropriate) Anger A Women’s Anger Research Project discovered two ways we deal: Suppression (directed internally and dangerous)
7.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 7 Three aspects of communication Present In all Conversations: *B________ *L_____ *E____
8.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 8 So the question becomes — “How do we deal with the anger and frustration ignited by our interactions with difficult people in a healthier and more productive way?”
9.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 9 Principle No. 1: For Every Action… Conflicts(and the difficult people in them) are places where the conversation(and therefore future action) gets stuck. A major reason for this is in based on Newtonian theory. For every action…
10.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 10 Principle No. 2: Stronger emotions dominate How to get yours stronger: Think differently Move differently Remember center Shake it off Go find someone you like
11.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 11 Principle No. 3: What gets rewarded gets repeated Reward the behavior you want to see repeated (Inflict pain where you don’t): Rewards are: smiling, acknowledging, compliance, condoning behavior Infliction of Pain is: ignoring, embarrassment, public admonishment, taking away privileges, and being told no
12.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 12 Principle No. 4: Move the conversation forward Be solution-oriented Ask “What can we do about this?” “What needs to happen next?” “How do we move the conversation forward?”
13.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 13 Language of an Interaction Use words that imply assessments or opinions unless you have data: Based on my observation… What I’ve noticed is... My perception is…. Then use questions to use to move the conversation forward: “What’s your assessment?” ”What’s the rationale behind… “What do you need to move this forward?”
14.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 14 6 Step Whole Brain Approach: 1. Neutralize 2. Watch body language 3. Listen and acknowledge 4. Move them from right to left 5. Propose solutions 6. Act
15.
©2009 Pivotal Point
Training & Consulting Inc. 15 Wrap Up: Learning and Take Away Assignment: Tonight when you go to bed spend the last few awake moments feeling how you want to feel in a particular interaction with someone. Focus on that feeling and let your unconscious work with it to shift any habitual patterns in your physiology as you sleep. Remind yourself of this desired feeling just before your next interaction with them.
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