IntroWhile watching the dvd “Laugh your way to a better marriage” By Mark Gungor Ihappened to notice some key principles that kept on ‘haunting’ me.These principles were on how the origin of a relationship will determine what the rest ofthe relationship would be about. Though I originally heard the idea off a fellow RMTmember, I happened to get really curious when it was mentioned in a marriage seminar.So I delved into my mind and looked for answers, using RMT principles to help me back itup. I would love feed back since I have ZERO experience of being in a relationship and allof this would be based of theory notes and observation.
What is love?No, not the song from Haddaway, I mean what is real love? The deepest of deep love?The love that is written of in books and even in the bible. When I talk about it to Gen Ythey describe being attracted to a person. When I talk about it to a baby boomer, they talkof an eternal love. When I talk about it to a middle aged single person they say it doesn’texist...After some deep thought I have composed a model of love, which may be wrong or it mayhave some serious truth behind it. The model is based on what people in a relationship orwhat they think it is all about.
It may look simple but hang in there... I’ll explain it
PhysicalMany people who fall in love, were often “physically attracted” to eachother, hormones are released and oxytocin flows especially after sex. I tend to think ofthis as the biological urge to mate, where people are attracted by tell tale signs offertility such as health and vitality, large breasts, and big hips in woman and largemuscles, ability to fight, health and vitality as well as height in men.It is quite powerful as it is wired into our brains to look for these things in ourpotential “mates”.
EmotionalThis aspect of love has more to do with fulfilling each others six human needs rather thananything physical. The more needs each partner associates to each other the moreconnected they will be. Though some emotional qualities are favoured and these arenurture, vulnerability, sensitivity, and caring in females. While in males it is socialdominance, competitive, authority, and leadership.
SpiritualThis is my grey area, though a few notes on it would be, that this kind of love is eternal.Where men become worshippers of the feminine spirit and seek to protect it, and womanseek to be vulnerable and open within a masculine presence. Where two worlds becomeone, where love is sacrifice, a true gift to humanity and it’s creator, a level 3 kind ofrelationship.
Lust and love I believe lust is about a physical and emotional desires Physical LustEmotional LoveSpiritual And a love is about an emotional and spiritual desire
Primary needs of lust and love Certainty Lust Variety Signficance In short, lust is about feeding the ego, getting the quick hit and feeling on top of the Love and world connection Growth Love ContributionWhile love is about the realthing, more about fulfilment andheart
Where things come together Physical Lust Emotional Love Spiritual
Problems with western cultureIn movies, media and definitely advertising lust is glorified, masturbation, pornand sex is made to look exciting, fun and liberating. To the extent where manypeople believe lust is love.They want us to go for lust, because you can buy products to make yourself morephysically attractive.
The devil is in the details Most people get into trouble because they preframed their marriage with lust and try to recreate the same lust in a married envionrment. Physical LustEmotional LoveSpiritual Where as if they preframed with love they would have no trouble at all in their marriages.
Hypothetical solution Physical Lust Emotional Love SpiritualMany people believe that you start with physicalattraction and work your way to spiritual.
Hypothetical solution Physical Lust Emotional Love SpiritualBut I believe there must be a way to start with emotionalor spiritual.
Hypothetical solution “Lust isn’t wrong, so long as it is in a moral context.” Mark Gungor. Physical Lust Emotional Love SpiritualSo perhaps the solution is to reverse it
Hypothetical solution Physical Lust Emotional Love SpiritualIf people could start with spiritual and emotional so to have a strong anchor and centre for therelationship then diving into lust at that point would be safe.