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From the fire of passion to what
- 1. FROM THE FIRE OF PASSION TO ... WHAT?
- 2. Most committed relationships had a spark which caught fire and became unbridled passion.
- 4. Then … Where did all the passion go?
- 5. Maybe this is you.
- 6. How Your Body Manipulated You
- 7. Yes, your body manipulated you into forming a relationship with the one you love.
- 8. But your body wanted only one thing.
- 9. It wanted to ensure the human race continued.
- 10. To encourage the relationship, your body produced chemicals, such as...
- 11. ● Dopamine: to keep you feeling wonderful about your loved one ● Norepinephrine: to keep your heart aflutter ● Phenylethylamine: to give you emotional and physical energy ● Oxytocin: the “bonding” hormone
- 12. These and other chemicals manufactured by your body had you believing that you had fallen in love.
- 13. Once you make the decision to form a committed relationship, your body has you where it wants you.
- 14. Where Did the Passion Go?
- 15. Now the relationship seems so, well, ordinary.
- 16. Consider what happens when you get married or move in together...
- 17. 1. You no longer have to arrange to see each other.
- 18. We’ll discuss ways to keep the excitement of being together going.
- 19. 2. The routines of your daily life are shared.
- 20. Your daily chores and routines are no longer done out of sight of the other.
- 21. These are the ordinary activities of life, which aren’t exciting, but they’re necessary.
- 22. 3. You’re not always “up” for each other.
- 23. When you see each other every day, it’s difficult to hide from the other when you’re tired, stressed, or grumpy.
- 24. Before, your excitement about seeing each other overshadowed and even overcame your weariness.
- 25. 4. You “forget” to do the special things you did for each other.
- 26. When life becomes routine, it’s common to skip the little things you used to do for each other.
- 27. This includes special gifts, saying how much you love each other, and giving compliments.
- 28. This can negatively affect your relationship.
- 30. When you’re dating each other, and the chemicals of passion are in control of your relationship, you’re excited by the newness of it all.
- 31. You’re open to things being different in your life.
- 32. When your relationship settles into a routine, subconscious forces begin to emerge.
- 33. From the moment you were born, your mind has gathered information on how you and your partner should interact.
- 34. The challenge is that each of you may have different “shoulds” which can conflict and be completely unknown to each other.
- 35. These “shoulds” set your relationship up for misunderstandings and hurt feelings if they aren’t discovered and addressed.
- 36. Keep the Fires Burning
- 37. Luckily, there are ways to keep the passion burning in your relationship.
- 38. The rest of this course will address common issues which arise in committed relationships and how to work through them.
- 39. You and your partner aren’t alone in these challenges.
- 40. Be one of the couples who celebrates their 50th anniversary and not one who says with regret, “I wish I’d known.”
- 41. Summary
- 42. You’ve learned how your body conspired to have you fall in love.
- 43. Once you form a committed relationship, those same chemicals decrease.
- 44. In the next lesson, you'll learn strategies to keep your relationship special.
- 45. But first, please take a few minutes to reflect upon how what you’ve discovered applies to you.
- 46. Reflection
- 47. 1. List what you enjoyed most about the early part of your relationship and want to be sure keeps happening.
- 48. 2. How has your relationship changed as it has matured?
- 49. 3. What expectations do you have about your partner that may not be getting met?
- 50. 4. What expectations have you noticed your partner may have for you that you weren’t expecting?
Editor's Notes
- Welcome to the course, Keep the Fire Burning, and your first lesson: From the Fire of Passion to ... What? We hope you find the course to be enjoyable and that it inspires you to build a relationship that will last a lifetime! Let’s get started!
- Most committed relationships, except those of convenience, had a spark which caught fire and became unbridled passion.
- Feelings were intense! The couple spent as much time together as possible and had a difficult time keeping their hands off each other.
- They decided to proceed to the next stage of the relationship and move in together or get married. Within a couple of months, they began to wonder what happened. Where did all the passion go?
- Maybe this is you. Let’s talk about what happened.
- How Your Body Manipulated You
- Yes, your body manipulated you into forming a relationship with the one you love.
- It’s not that your body believed in love. No, your body wanted only one thing.
- It wanted to ensure the human race continued and did everything it could to get you to fall in love.
- To encourage the relationship, your body produced chemicals, such as…
- ● Dopamine, to keep you feeling wonderful about your loved one ● Norepinephrine, to keep your heart a flutter ● Phenylethylamine, which gave you emotional and physical energy. ● Oxytocin, which has become known as the “bonding” or “cuddle” hormone. (We’ll discuss ways to keep producing this fun hormone.)
- These and other chemicals manufactured by your body had you believing that you had fallen in love.
- Once you make the decision to form a committed relationship, your body has you where it wants you.
- Where Did the Passion Go?
- People often complain about passion missing in their relationship. They wistfully talk about the “old” days of when the fire was burning. Now the relationship seems so, well, ordinary.
- Consider what happens when you get married or move in together...
- 1. You no longer have to arrange to see each other.
- You’re already together in the home you share. There isn’t the ritual of calling to arrange time to meet each other. We’ll discuss ways to keep the excitement of being together going.
- 2. The routines of your daily life are shared.
- The daily chores of keeping the house clean, making money, and other daily activities are no longer done out of sight of the other.
- ● Who does which chores? If these chores are going to get done, it’s important to make time for them and discover how to share the responsibility. ● These are the ordinary activities of life, which aren’t exciting, but they’re necessary.
- 3. You’re not always “up” for each other.
- When you see each other every day, it’s difficult to hide from the other when you’re tired, stressed, or grumpy.
- Before, your excitement about seeing each other overshadowed and even overcame your weariness.
- 4. You “forget” to do the special things you did for each other.
- When life becomes routine, it’s common to skip the little things you used to do for each other.
- This includes special gifts, saying how much you love each other, and giving compliments.
- You begin to take each other for granted. The specialness you once felt seems to recede into the background. This can negatively affect your relationship if you allow it.
- Hidden Expectations Emerge
- When you’re dating each other, and the chemicals of passion are in control of your relationship, you’re excited by the newness of it all.
- You’re open to things being different in your life.
- When your relationship settles into a routine, subconscious forces begin to emerge.
- From the moment you were born until now, your subconscious mind has gathered information on how you and your partner should interact.
- The challenge is that each of you may have different “shoulds” which can conflict and be completely unknown to each other.
- These “shoulds” set your relationship up for misunderstandings and hurt feelings if they aren’t discovered and addressed.
- Keep the Fires Burning
- Luckily, despite the routine of life which comes from work schedules, caring for the home, being part of each other’s families and, perhaps, establishing a family of your own, there are ways to keep the passion burning in your relationship.
- The rest of this course will address common issues which arise in committed relationships and how to work through them.
- Just reading about what happens in relationships lets you know that you and your partner aren’t alone in these challenges. Other couples go through these challenges as well.
- You want to be different from many couples by recognizing potential difficulties and knowing how to resolve them. Be one of the couples who celebrates their 50th anniversary and not one who says with regret, “I wish I’d known.”
- Summary
- You’ve learned how your body conspired to have you fall in love by producing powerful chemicals which keep you attracted to each other.
- Once you form a committed relationship, those same chemicals decrease.
- In the next lesson, you'll learn strategies to keep your relationship special.
- But first, please take a few minutes to reflect upon how what you’ve discovered applies to you.
- Reflection
- 1. List what you enjoyed most about the early part of your relationship and want to be sure keeps happening.
- 2. How has your relationship changed as it has matured?
- 3. What expectations do you have about your partner that may not be getting met?
- 4. What expectations have you noticed your partner may have for you that you weren’t expecting? That’s all for today’s lesson. See you next time!