Being a man in the 21st century march2018

3/6/2018 www.ABOVEorBEYONDjm.com 1
Being A Man
for
The 21st Century
Dr Leahcim Semaj

 the changes we’re living in are largely positive
 men are, or could be, much more connected with their families and
their partners,
 women are getting the opportunity to develop identities that
aren’t solely defined by motherhood,
 and the workforce is getting a much larger pool of people to draw
talent from.
▪ Win-win-win!
3/6/2018 2www.SlideShare.net/LSemaj

 The code of manhood fluctuates
according to the abundance of resources
in a given society.
 The scarcer the resources,
 the more the code of manhood is
emphasized
 the more men need to be good at
being men.
3/6/2018 www.SlideShare.net/LSemaj 3

 Men’s greater expendability, physical strength, and
predisposition towards risk-taking, competition, and status-
seeking
 are needed to procure hard-to-attain resources,
 and to protect them once they’ve been secured.
 Differentiation between gender roles increases,
 as a particular division of labor offers a survival advantage.

http://www.mynewsletterbuilder.com/email/newsletter/1412040619

 the 3 P’s of Manhood represented what
societies needed most from men.
 They were the tenets of being good at being
a man.
 Protection, procreation, and
provision
 were the vital imperatives that helped societies all
around the world survive and grow.

 served as the foundation for the code of manhood
 nothing else was possible if men failed in this charge.
 Once the perimeter was secure,
 the population was growing steadily,
 and there was enough food and resources to feed the burgeoning
tribe,
 men could then start to concentrate on cultivating higher
virtues of character and spirituality.

 what societies most needed from men were not fierce warriors or
skilled hunters,
 but hard-working husbands, loving fathers,
 honest politicians, wise philosophers,
 and clever innovators.
 The tactical virtues of
 strength, courage, mastery, and honor
 were lifted off the battlefield and applied more abstractly to the
tasks of heading families, running governments, and building
businesses.

 Still contained a requirement to
 cultivate courage, to marry and have children, and to
provide for one’s family.
 But unlike the pre-modern version,
 this new definition of manliness wasn’t as directly related to
anything unique about men’s biological make-up.

 Men were expected to be as virtuous and chaste as
women,
 providing often did not involve any danger or the need
for physical strength.
 Being a good man
 wasn’t dramatically different from being a good woman.

 The following 7 essential attributes of an alpha male
come from the book
 Man 2.0 Engineering the Alpha:
 A RealWorld Guide to an Unreal Life,
▪ written by fitness experts and celebrity trainers Adam Bornstein and John
Romaniello.

 Here’s the problem:
 ALPHA is a term that comes with a lot of connotations,
many of them negative.
 The goal is to reclaim it
 to redefine what it means to be an Alpha,
 make it a positive term that bespeaks a level of high
evolution and purpose.

 In order for you to fully grasp our meaning and
definition of what it means to be an Alpha,
 we must first strip away everything that is
currently tied to that word and idea.

 simply means the most
dominant within a group,
 or the strongest in a group or the
most confident in a group.
 Not a person who is necessarily
strong or confident in the
absolute sense;
 just someone who, in a given
group of people, most
outwardly projects strength or
confidence.

 the problem with the definition of Alpha isn’t
really the assumed aggression or implied
cockiness;
 it’s the fact that the entire foundational principle
for self-value is comparative analysis.

the entire assessment of self is based on
where you fall relative to others in this
imagine hierarchy that exists in your
mind.

 We want to take
back the concept
ofThe Alpha
 and use it as we
believe it should
be used.

 This is someone who is
not just assertive,
 but evolved.
 You want to focus on
the things you can
control.
 The number one thing
you can control…
is you.

 you need to improve internally and externally because
you want to be better than you were and -- not be
better than someone else.
 That is beingThe Alpha.
 Or, as I call it
▪The Alpha version of you.

 a man who takes the
natural competitive drive
inherent in the masculine
psyche
 and directs it towards the
fulfillment lofty goals
 and the accomplishment of
great things,
 rather than wastes it on
petty envy.

 These are the traits you’ll find in a man who’s
looking to make himself better so that he can
best serve the world
 the traits of an Alpha.

 The drive to become successful isn’t simply a means to a
narcissistic and individualistic end.
 The Alpha understands that taking care of his primary goals is
only part of creating the life he wants;
 the other half is influencing and shaping the world he lives in.
 It’s taking what you’ve learned
 the good and the bad
 and being able to pay that knowledge forward and make the world a
better place.

 The Alpha gives advice and encourages others,
 but he does not look to do things for them.
 He understands that they need to do things on their own, and
while they sometimes may need assistance,
 the Alpha realizes that if he were to overstep his bounds and
solve the problems for them,
 they wouldn’t learn.

 The previous incarnation of the Alpha was always thought of
as cocky, as the guy who put others down to elevate himself.
 The redefined Alpha is not characterized by some overt
cockiness that is projected to hide deeper insecurities but
rather by a true confidence,
 an honest assessment of his strengths and weaknesses as well as
what he can immediately achieve and what he needs to work on.

 to display his confidence in his ability to share thoughts, ideas
and plans
 that can positively influence the world around him and the people in
it.
 If you have good ideas,
 you should share them.
 If you think you can help people,
 then you should take action.

 Good-looking people can go a little farther in this world.
 It’s not a hard-line rule,
 but it is a general observation that has been proven over and over
again.
 Men who are rated as more attractive also happen to make
more money in their jobs and have higher positions.

 is a good thing because it’s really just a manifestation of
wanting to take care of yourself.
 When you look good, you feel good.
 When you feel good,
 you exude an energy that improves your world and the world of the
people you interact with.

 The difference between pride and arrogance is a fine line but
one that separates those men who inspire from those
considered assholes.
 Everything depends on how you react to your success.
 Do you share your successes as a means to promote more
creative and progressive thought
 or do you expect things to happen because of what you’ve already
accomplished?

 is assuming that, because you’ve reached a certain level,
 you’re entitled to certain privileges and opportunities.
 On the other hand,
 pride is acknowledging your success but always retaining the
mindset that you have to earn every opportunity, hustle for every
success, and prove yourself over and over again.

 Humility is important. It keeps us sane. It keeps us grounded.
 Most importantly, it keeps us hungry.
 Understanding that you are smart is essential to building the
confidence you need to achieve;
 reminding yourself that you’re not Einstein is a strong driver that will help
you learn more and become even smarter.
 The Alpha understands that anyone who can’t be a little self-
deprecating is taking life -- and himself -- too seriously.
 He’s humble and hungry,
 but he gives himself credit where it’s due.
 And he never, ever loses faith in himself.

 You’re going to have to put up with some crap in life
 Whether it’s with friends, loved ones, coworkers or bosses, part of life is
dealing with crap.
 Patience and tolerance are essential to understanding your place in the
world, as is being comfortable with opposing opinions and beliefs.
 Whether it’s in the office or at the bar, you can’t be argumentative with
everything that goes against your worldview and values.
 You have to be tolerant of people’s mistakes, shortcomings, and personal
opinions.
 Doing otherwise is being narrow-minded and an asshole
 And you don’t want to be an asshole.

 You know the workaholic as the guy who stays late at the
office and works himself to the bone.
 Doesn’t matter if it’s Monday at 11 a.m. or Saturday at 2
a.m. –
 the workaholic is a machine designed to get things done.
 On one hand, we admire these people.
 There’s something to be said about a great work ethic, hustle
and desire to take on seemingly impossible projects.
 On the other hand, there’s an aspect of the workaholic that
we pity.

 to their families, friends, health and,
 most of all, to themselves.
 They are dedicated to improvement,
 but they are not tied to a narcissistic view that
impairs their ability to create a rich, multifaceted
existence.

1. A man is self-sustaining and resourceful
 He can do everything required for his survival and sustenance
 2. A man understands that greater happiness lies in helping
others, not helping himself.
 3. A man doesn’t stand still while the world passes him by,
 he continually pushes himself.

4. A man is a leader
 in at least one aspect of his life, whether this means his family, with
his friends or just in general.
 But he can also follow.
 Great Leaders know when to just shut-up!
 "One of the most important leadership lessons is realizing you're not
the most important or intelligent person in the room at all times". -
Alfred Campbell

5. He Processes life
through the lens of HEAD (Sound Judgment)
 and HEART
 (Good Feelings - without Pathological Attachments)
 There is a reason why the head is located above the
heart,
 sound reasoning should always take priority over good
feelings.
 When you bring your head down to the level of your heart,
 we call that rationalization.
 When you elevate your heart to the level of your head,
 that is maturity and wisdom

 6. Has integrity:
 This means he will stay true to his word and true to himself.
 If he tells you that he is going to do something,
▪ he will do it.
 This is also the kind of man you can rely on, knowing that he will
always be there for you.

 7. Is A Protector:
 A man should be able to protect himself and his
family physically.
 He should be willing to do whatever it takes to
keep his family safe and happy.

 8. A man lives for something;
 a purpose beyond his own personal gains.
 This can come with time, and with family.
 It doesn’t always happen right away.

 9. He Knows when to hold,
when to fold,
when to walk away,
when to run

 10. Is Honest:
 An honest man will tell you the truth and not just what you want to
hear.
 he will tell you what he will do and how he feels about something.
 It’s true that brutal honesty can be offensive sometimes
▪ but it’s better to have a man that tells you the truth than one that fills you with
lies.

 11. Is Faithful To His Word:
 Faithfulness may be one of the most important characteristics when
it comes to great men.
 Men don’t cheat because they don’t feel loved anymore, they cheat
because they need sex.
 Some men need to sleep with other women ‘while others cheat
because the sex is gone in the relationship.

 12. A man takes pride
 in how he looks and lives his life.
 He’s not ashamed by who he is, what he does or
how he looks,
 even if he’s trying to change one of the
aforementioned.

 13. Is Mature:
 Being mature means a man is able to care of himself and approaches
problems with a calm and collected manner.
 He understands the importance of being a man, being independent
and values what he has.
 A mature man doesn’t have to be rich,
▪ but needs to know how to handle his money.
 Also, a mature man will be able to carry himself in a public setting in
a respectable manner and understands his adult role.

 14. Has a Positive Attitude:
 A good man should have a positive attitude which may be difficult to
find since we live in such a negative society.
 With a positive attitude, people will want to be around him and to
have fun around him.
 A good man will be happy with his life and the world around him and
he will want to look out for others and to help them.
 A negative person will always be complaining and seeing the bad
side to everything and after a while they can be very hard to be
around and they tend to turn you into a negative person also.

 15. Is Self-Confident:
 A good man will be confident in himself and who he is.
 This is an important characteristic in a good man because when they
are self-confident, they are less likely to change who they are and to
stay true to themselves.
 A man with self-confidence will not be deterred from what he
believes to be true and will not be easily pressured into doing things
that he does not believe in.
 Self-confidence makes a man happy and fun to be around because
he will not be constantly questioning himself or others around him.

 16. A man learns from his mistakes.
 Although he might take a few cracks at it.
 17. A man does what is necessary.
 Even if it’s the hardest decision,
 or the most unpopular one.

 18. A Man Should be Financially Sound
 A characteristic of a good man isn’t that he makes a lot of money,
 but that he handles his money well.
 He does well with what he has.

 19. A man thrives on competition.
 But remember,

20. Is A Gentleman:
 A great man needs to be polite, respectful, considerate and attentive
to a woman’s needs.
 This also includes the classic gentleman behavior such as pulling a
woman’s chair, walking on the car side of the street, taking her coat
etc.
 if all men had were gentlemen we would live in a better world.
 Today, things are not like that making the mans that have this quality
stand out.

http://justmytype.ca/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man/

 lack independence, are ruled by insecurity,
lack self-respect,
 throw tantrums, have princess syndrome,
 don’t have strong values or boundaries
 and can’t hold yourself on your own
then expect that you will attract only boys.

 independent, ambitious,
knows your worth and value,
 has a strong moral compass,
is considerate and an able communicator
 and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your
psyche,
then you should be dating a man.

 and goes for it.
 A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really.
 He doesn’t think too much about it,
 and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it.
 A boy is passive, a man is assertive.

 and is working towards building a foundation
and infrastructure
 in order to have a family (at some point in his
life).
 A boy lives only in the moment
and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s
going to hit up on the weekend.

 who is supportive, grounded
 encompasses a shared set of
values when choosing a partner.
 A boy cares mostly only for
girls who are hot, wild and exciting.

 and will take initiative to get to know her.
 A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky,
 but gives up before ever really trying.

 to have uncomfortable conversations.
 He is honest with his intentions and lets people know
where they stand.
 A boy avoids.
 He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about
feelings.
 Instead of dealing with a situation,
 he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the
fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.

 and jump in with two feet.
 A boy is always “testing”
 he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is
quite ready.
 But the truth is, because he is a boy,
 regardless of who he meets,
 he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.

 but is often busy making strides in his career
and building his life.
 A boy is getting drunk with his buddies at
the bar every weekend.

 on the type of man he wants to be,
 the example he wants to leave and the vision
for his life.
 He has put thought into his values.
 A boy has not established his moral compass
or values
 and consequently, is often inconsistent.

 He means what he says,
 and says what he means.
 He has follow through and actions his promises.
 And if he can’t
 he has the guts to tell you why.
 A boy
 makes promises
 but doesn’t follow through.

 but will put himself out there
anyway.
 A boy
is afraid of rejection
 and acts passive so that his pride and
ego won’t ever get too banged up.

 A man doesn’t.
 (We mean mind games).

 is a relationship and lifestyle columnist.
 To read more of her articles,
visitwww.JustMyType.ca

Being a man in the 21st century march2018

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