This document provides advice for improving friendships that are experiencing issues. It discusses several common problems that can arise between friends, such as some friends feeling left out or jealous of others, friends fighting or holding grudges, moodiness and anger from a friend, and mean or judgmental behavior. For each problem, it provides suggestions for what to say or do to help address the issue and strengthen the friendships. The overall message is that open communication, empathy, compromise, and showing support for friends can help "fix friendship freezes" and get friends back on good terms.

1. MAKE IT STICK: “When we’re
happy, we can be blind to the feelings of
others,” JC explains. Even though the
topic is awkward, the 30-second reality
check is probably all your friend needs.
Nix exclusivity
You and your pals have been meeting
for mochas every Monday after school—
minus one sweetie who’s stuck in holi-
day choral practice ’til late…and the
arrangement is starting to make her feel
more like an add-on than a must-have.
Jettison jealousy
Class hottie Brian asked your bud
Katie to the Snow Ball. And she’s been
gushing nonstop ever since—causing
the rest of your crew to be greener-
than-a-Christmas-tree with envy.
YOUR MOVE: Snag Katie for a
quick and friendly chat. JC suggests say-
ing something like, “I’m happy you’re
going to the dance with Brian. I know
you’re stoked, but do you think you can
tone it down around the girls? Some of
them are jealous, and I wouldn’t want to
see friendships hurt over a dance.”
62 GL DECEMBER | JANUARY 2015
B
rrr! The wind might
be howling outside,
but you’re pretty sure
the dropping mercury
isn’t what’s causing
the chill in the air.
Lately, your LYLAS ladies have been
at each others’ throats—and instead of
pondering who your Secret Santa is,
you’ve been worrying if these friend-
ships will last ’til the new year. Not to
worry, sugarplum. We’re solving com-
mon sisterhood sitches so you can get
your gang back to merry ‘n’ bright.
Defrost feuds
Two chicas in your crew have been
snipping at each other since school
started…all while sitting on opposite
ends of the same cafeteria table. You
get that it’s up to them if they want to
be besties again but, on the other hand,
would it kill them to get over it already?
YOUR MOVE: Avoid backlash (and
fracturing your group of friends) by
mediating with another neutral chica in
your crew, says JC Shakespeare, a ther-
apist specializing in teens. Try saying:
“We’re friends with both of you, and we
don’t want to take sides. We would like
to sit down with the two of you and see if
we can solve whatever problem has kept
you guys fighting.”
MAKE IT STICK: According to
guidance counselor Leah Jantzen, the
secret to forgiving and forgetting is
to get your miffed friends to agree on
something. “Sometimes when you hear
that the other girl is open to letting go of
the past, it’s easier to drop your grudge
and move on, too,” says Leah.
Is Jack Frost holding
your pals hostage?
Here’s how to get
’em to warm up.
BY BRITTANY TAYLOR
FIX
THAT
FRIENDSHIP
FREEZE
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2. GL DECEMBER | JANUARY 2015 63
a messy divorce. Yours have been bro-
ken up for years, so you understand.
But the rest of your gang is totally clue-
less—and feeling more than miffed that
Mina’s taking her anger out on them.
YOUR MOVE: Whether she’s
dealing with drama at home or out-
of-whack hormones, treat your girl’s
moodiness with empathy, JC advises.
Put yourself in her shoes, and suggest
the rest of your crew do the same so
they can see where she is coming from.
Instead of getting offended by her bad
vibes or getting mad right back at her,
get to the bottom of it. Try calling a
timeout in the middle of her outburst,
then tell your friend you’re confused by
her behavior and ask what’s going on
and how you can help.
MAKE IT STICK: As soon as you
sense a sour mood from your sistah, ask
to talk to her about it right away. Her
’tude may be a cry for help, so ignoring
the issue could only make things worse.
And if she’s not up for chatting? Find
a positive way for her to deal with her
anger. Kickboxing class, anyone?
Blast judge-y behavior
One week, your gang was a tight-knit
group. The next, some of your pals are
firing off snarky comments and way
rude barbs about kids in your class.
This mean girl streak is dividing your
darlings—and you’ve had enough.
YOUR MOVE: Nix this behavior,
fast. When you hear something off-
color, cut in with a quick: “Why would
you say something like that?” or “Did
I miss something funny?” Without
being mean yourself, this’ll let them
know you’re not going to tolerate icky
attitudes from—or against—anyone.
MAKE IT STICK: “At the heart of
all bullying behavior is insecurity,” says
JC. “And the bystanders are the ones
with the power to break the mean girl
cycle.” Try to counteract your friend’s
insecurity by figuring out what makes
her feel happy and confident, like
asking her opinion on English essay
topics since she’s such a great writer,
or complimenting her on her always-
impeccable outfits. Keep the spirit of
your chats light and positive, and there
will be no room for rudeness. ✿
friend she is by surprising her with a
huge show of support. Turn up with
pompoms at an ice skating competi-
tion, slip a “good luck!” card into her
locker before a debate meet or arrange
a carpool caravan to listen to her play
first violin. That way, it’ll be loud and
clear that you’re there for her—even if
she’s not always around.
Defuse explosive
emotions
Mina’s been moody lately, and it’s no
wonder: Her parents are going through
YOUR MOVE: Work with every-
one’s schedule as often as you can, even
if it means waking up early to grab a
cup of hot chocolate before homeroom,
Leah says. If you just can’t get sched-
ules to mesh, check in with the busy
babe to avoid making her feel like the
odd girl out. JC suggests this quick Q:
“We all really missed you at the game.
How have rehearsals been going?”
MAKE IT STICK: No matter what
important thing is going on in her life,
make your girl feel like the valued
friend she is by surprising her with a
X
IP
E
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