In this brief essay, I detail my skills as an interpersonal communicator. I use real world experience along with academic information to bolster and depict my observations.

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An Interpersonal Introspection:
Interpersonal communication competence assessment paper
Kenadi G. Davis
COMM 1500 Fall 2018 9:05 Dr. Arroyo

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An Interpersonal Introspection
Communication is the founding principle for every interaction that we carry out, and it is
ever changing and comes in different forms. One form is called interpersonal communication,
the subject of this essay. I will first be examining my interpersonal communication strengths,
followed by my weaknesses, and lastly documenting the personal perspective of a close friend on
these strengths and weaknesses.
Table 1. My Scores on the Interpersonal Communicator Competency Scale
Appropriate Effective Adaptable Conversational
Involvement
Conversational
Management
Empathy
Kenadi Davis 15 11 14 15 15 15
Multiple aspects exist within interpersonal communication which serve as guidelines and
indicators of both how to communicate well, and how well you, as an individual, communicate.
One such aspect is how appropriate you are in any given conversation. To be appropriate means
that you can tailor responses in a way that conveys that you are aware of important
conversational steering factors. This includes the mutual mood, the intimacy that you share, and
your cultural backgrounds (McCornack, 2016). I believe that being appropriate is one of my
greatest strengths, and my score on the interpersonal communication competence assessment of
fifteen is evidence for this. The three questions which are added together to create this score are
all familiar concepts to me, as I learned at a young age that mandatory guidelines to
communication exist. One question says, “I am aware of the rules that guide social behavior”
(COMM1500 workbook. (2018). Acton, MA: XanEdu.). This is a confident area for me mainly
because of my father instructing me at an early age on how to communicate efficiently using

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appropriateness. For example, when I was in the second grade, I was developing an unhealthy
habit of allowing a certain person to disrespect me and ignore everything I would say. My father,
a college educated communications major, noticed this pattern quickly and set about training me
to stand up for myself through words. At the time, timidity was my largest issue. I can remember
sitting on the couch in the living room with my father, tears running down my cheeks, as he
explained, “People will not respect or listen to you if you do not learn to use your voice
confidently, Kenadi.” My reply, “I’m just too shy!” He proceeded to stand up in front of me,
“I’m going to pretend to be that kid who has been saying mean things to you. When I do this, I
expect you to stand up to me. Use your voice and tell me that you, Kenadi Davis, are not going
to let me treat you this way. Tell me that you are not to be messed with and say it confidently!”
Thus, was born the humorous scene of my petite blonde form yelling at my father, “I am not to
be messed with and you can shut your mouth!” This was a small step in the direction of
becoming an effective decision maker of when and how to use my communication. From this I
learned that it is sometimes appropriate and even necessary, depending on the situational and
relational aspects of the conversation, to use more abrasive, or in another words, defensive
language. Today, using this type of communication comes easily to me. I believe that this strong-
willed communicative tendency has aided me positively in many situations of trial and will
continue to do so.
The skill of showing empathy towards others is of paramount importance when it comes
to effectively communicating, especially during times of strife or some sort of intense emotion in
the life of the person you have a relationship with. Empathy is achieved when we, as a separate
individual, are able to both actively recognize the mental and emotional state of the other person
as well as experience their pain or excitement with them as if it were our own emotion

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(McCornack, 2016). This definition can be broken down to show two separate aspects that are
both necessary in the creation of empathy. The first aspect is called “perspective-taking”, which
occurs when the views of the other person are noticed and considered, but we do not actually feel
this experience internally (McCornack, 2016). The second aspect is called “empathic concern”,
which occurs when the emotions of the other person are internalized within us and we begin to
suffer from the ailment as if it were our own dilemma (McCornack, 2016). The table above
(Table one) shows a high score of fifteen in this area. My personality has a major impact on my
ability to show empathy, and it is not uncommon for me to feel a need to approach a friend or
even a stranger who seems to be displaying signs of grief to assist them. This pattern of behavior
has manifested itself through my actions throughout my entire life. For example, my high school
days consisted of large amounts of time spent with the school marching band. I was given a job
to serve during senior year, which was referred to as section leader, that involved both serving as
a direct link of authority between my instrumental section and our band director as well as a
position charged with the responsibility of keeping the members of the section taken care of.
From day one of band camp, I had noticed that a group of the slightly meaner upperclassmen
girls in the section had chosen a freshman girl as their target of choice for cruelty. Although I
intervened whenever I could, I was not always there to see the abuse persist. One day, as I was
walking through the band room to head to my next class, a faint sound could be heard from
inside of the instrument repair room. Upon further inspection, it proved to be the sound of the
previously mentioned freshman girl crying in a corner of the room. “Hey, what’s going on
Pamela?” I said. “I’m just so sick and tired of those girls calling me horrible names and making
fun of the way my clarinet sounds. I can’t help that a key pad is missing!” she wailed. I sat
beside her, placed my arm around her, and said, “You know, I know exactly how you feel. When

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I was a freshman, a mean group of girls picked on me too. I know how much it feels like the
abuse will never end and how humiliated you feel inside. Why didn’t you tell me you felt this
badly earlier?” Pamela picked her head up and looked at me, teary eyed, “They picked on you
too? Wow, I didn’t realize. I didn’t realize that you would be so willing to sit down with me and
listen. Thank you so much, I actually feel a little better!” My empathy for Pamela is what
allowed me to know what to say to her to create the feeling of comradery and support. By letting
her know that I too was a victim of verbal abuse, it helped her to realize that all is not as horrible
as it seems because she is not alone.
The focus of this essay so far has been solely on my strengths as a communicator. The
following will be an examination of my weaknesses. The weakest area of my communication is
entitled effectiveness, which is the skill necessary to accomplish the goal of conveying a
message while portraying oneself accurately, completing desired tasks, and fortifying the
relationship (McCornack, 2016). Table one above depicts that my lowest score of eleven was
earned in this area. The more that I think about why this might be, the more sense it seems to
make. One story sticks out in my mind. My example begins in my dorm room at Oglethorpe
house during my first weekend at the University of Georgia. I was getting ready for a party at a
local fraternity while being on the phone with my hometown boyfriend. Understandably, my
boyfriend seemed a bit on edge after I had disclosed my plans for the night to him, he said
“Kenadi, I want you to have fun and to enjoy your college experience, but tonight I am feeling
pretty depressed and worried about you going to a party like this without me.” I considered this
for a moment while applying eye liner, and responded, “Trust me, you don’t have to worry.
You’re my boyfriend and I care for you! I promise to call you if you’re still awake after I get
home tonight, okay?” He reluctantly agreed, and I went on my merry way, completely ignoring

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the fact that I was fulfilling my instrumental interpersonal communication goals instead of
paying attention to my relationship needs. For clarification, instrumental goals are the
opportunities for personal gain that you want to achieve, such as taking part in an event like a
party or going to watch a play (McCornack, 2016). Relationship goals include the processes that
are necessary for both building and maintenance of relationships (McCornack, 2016). In a
relationship setting, relationship goals are much more important than instrumental, and one mark
of an ineffective communicator is paying more attention to the instrumental goals. I clearly
displayed this mark in my interaction with my boyfriend that night, and it communicated to him
that I do not care about his feelings when I really want to comfort him and show that there is
nothing to worry about.
The second weakest area of my communication is in adaptability. Conversations are
constantly changing as you learn more about your partner/friend (McCornack, 2016). For
instance, you learn that your friend has a democratic mindset while you are more akin to a
republican mind set. This discovery will cause you to adapt your discussion topics more
sensitively towards the opinions of a liberal than you normally would. Table one shows a score
of fourteen which is lower than most of the other scores. It became evident to me that my
adaptability could use some work when I was suddenly struggling for ideas after finding out that
my roommate disliked two of my favorite things to discuss, football and drama. “I’m just letting
you know, I’m not that big into college football and I’m definitely not into talking about other
people or drama of any sort,” said my roommate, Lola. It felt as if the wind had been knocked
from me, and I stood awkwardly speechless for a moment, trying to adapt my response to Lola’s
specifications. Unfortunately, this conversation was a fizzle and I lamely responded with, “Oh,
well. I’m going to take a shower now!” Evidence here shows my failure to adapt to the situation.

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Often, I have referred to table one as evidence to support claims I make about myself. An
additional supportive tool comes in the form of scores I have received in the areas of
interpersonal communication motivation, knowledge, and skills. The scores are seventy-three,
seventy-three, and twenty-nine respectively. The skill score of twenty-nine is significantly lower
than the rest and shows weakness in my ability to demonstrate application of my knowledge and
motivation to a conversation. During my interview with my roommate, Lola Wood, it was
brought to my attention that I seem to struggle with effectively applying my knowledge and
motivation to be an excellent communicator. When asked what she thought of my
communication efficiency and clarity, Lola answered, “You speak very clearly, your grammar is
good, but sometimes it seems like you put too little energy into how your tone comes across to
others. Yesterday morning, when you asked me if I was being rough with the Keurig, I know you
thought you were coming across as asking an innocent question, but to me, you sounded snappy
and set me on my guard.” Quite the eye opener to someone who thought that they were strong in
all aspects of communication!
I have realized my strength in many areas of interpersonal communication. Despite these
positives, it has also been brought to my attention that I have some major weaknesses. This
stands out as an opportunity to better both myself and my relationships through self-growth. In
the future, I will be more aware of my negative tendencies in communication in an effort to
avoid conflict. In this essay, I examined my strengths and weaknesses as an interpersonal
communicator, as well as an outside perspective on these topics.

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References
COMM1500 workbook. (2018). Acton: MA: XanEdu.
McCornack, S. (2018). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication
(4th ed.). Boston, MA: Bedford/ St. Martin’s.

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Interview Contact Information
Lola Wood
Roommate/friend
Cell Phone: (404) 200-0520
Email: alw30890@uga.edu