Presentation given in March 2018 to young professionals in Anchorage, Alaska. Consists of a talk given by Ken Miller on the topics of success and self-esteem.

1. The Twelve Rules to
Success and Self-Esteem for
the Young Professional
Ken Miller – Denali Fundraising Consultants
March 30, 2018

2. Overview
• Introduction
• Definitions success & self-esteem
• 6 rules of self-esteem
• 6 rules of success
• Close and further reading
Please ask questions!
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3. Introductions
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4. Definition of Success
"Success is liking yourself, liking
what you do, and liking how
you do it.“
Maya Angelou
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5. Definition of Succes
"Success in life could be defined as the
continued expansion of happiness and
the progressive realization of worthy
goals.“
Deepak Chopra
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6. Definitions of Success
“A person that achieves desired
aims or attains prosperity.”
Google
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7. Share
How do you define success?
Who is an example of a very
successful person in history?
Are you successful today?
Take 2 minutes and write answers, share with person to
your left
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8. Definition of Self-Esteem
“Self-esteem consists of self-efficacy &
self-respect“
Nathaniel Branden
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9. Definition of Self-Esteem
“Self-efficacy (Competency) entails
the expectation of success as natural”
Nathaniel Branden
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10. Definition of Self-Esteem
“Self-respect (Worthiness) entails the
expectation of friendship, love and
happiness as natural”
Nathaniel Branden
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11. Definition of Self-Esteem
How do you define self-esteem?
Think of an example of a person
you know with high self-esteem?
On a scale of 1-10 how would
you rate your self esteem?
Take 2 minutes and write answers, share with person to your right.
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12. 6 Rules for Success
1. Life long learning
2. Availability
3. Mentorship
4. Grinding
5. Play the game
6. Resilience
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13. Success Rule #1 – Life-long Learning
• Become & remain curious
• Acquire new knowledge thru senses
• Read books, magazines, online
• Podcasts
• Webinars
• Seminars
• Classes
• Workshops
• Others?
Why is it important for life-long learning?
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14. Success Rule #2 – Be Available
• Be open to and embrace opportunity
• Believe in serendipity
• Walk through the door…
• Create an environment of availability and chance
• Be seen
• Volunteer
• Be a front rower… (Zuckerberg rule)
How available are you?
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15. Success Rule #3 - Mentorship
• Find mentors (plural)
• Formalize relationship
• Ask them for knowledge and how to
• Ask them support of dreams
• Ask them to open doors
• Best question is “What should I do next”?
Do you have a mentor(s)?
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16. Success Rule #4 – Grinding & Work
• Work
• Work some more (extra time and commitment)
• Be consistent in work habits (trust)
• Show up early and leave late for work and learning
• Grind when the going gets tough
• Golf analogy – Tiger Woods
What are my true work habits?
Am I willing to grind?
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17. Success Rule #5 – Play the Game
• Dress for success – not how you feel (trust)
• Manners and etiquette (take a class if needed)
• Belong to groups, associations and organizations that
are applicable to your field
• Go to events (remain available, be seen, serendipity)
• Be patient and wait for your door to become apparent
• Be humble and help silently
Does my appearance engender trust?
Am I willing to play the game?
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18. Success Rule #6 – Resilience
• See setbacks, defeats and failures as an event – not as a
reflection of who you are
• Talk to your mentor, trusted advisor or counselor
• What are the truths and facts of the setback.
• Ask for feedback and experience from mentor.
• Discuss what I will do differently.
• If possible learn from the setback – if not, accept it as a fact
• Become grateful for the opportunity to share and help others
• Get back on the playing field of life – bounce back
• Baseball analogy – sometimes outs, sometimes singles…
How will I deal with professional setback in the future?
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19. Self-Esteem
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20. 6 Rules for Self-Esteem
1. Self-efficacy – competency to life
2. Self-respect - worthiness
3. Environment
4. Drugs & alcohol
5. Romantic relationships
6. Understanding fear & courage
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21. Self-Esteem Rule #1 – Self-Efficacy
Competency entails the expectation of success as natural
• One must choose to live consciously
• Embrace truth, facts and reality.
• Wishes or fears or denials do not alter facts. “If a
statement is true, my denying it will not make it false.
Do I regularly make decisions that are life affirming
and respectful of my values?
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22. Self-Esteem Rule #1 – Self-Efficacy
• How to live consciously -
• A mind that is active vs. passive.
• An intelligence that takes joy in its own function
• Being concerned to know “where I am” relative to my goals
& aspirations
• Searching for feedback from environment so as to adjust my
course when necessary
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23. Self-Esteem Rule #1 – Self-Efficacy
• How to live consciously – cont.
• Persevering in the attempt to understand despite
difficulties (grind)
• Being willing to see and correct mistakes (resilience)
• A commitment to growth (learning) as a way of life
• Awareness of the values that move and guide me so that I
am not ruled by the values that I have irrationally adopted
or uncritically accepted from others
Nathaniel Branden
Have I chosen to live consciously?
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24. Success Rule #2 – Self-Respect
“Self-respect (Worthiness) entails the expectation of
friendship, love and happiness as natural”
• One needs to experience a sense of control over their existence.
• One must believe they can and are worthy of joy in life.
• One must take responsibility for their life and well-being.
Have you ever felt out of control?
How would rate your self-esteem then?
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25. Self-Esteem Rule #2 – Self-Respect
• To acquire self-responsibility – Believe that…
• I am responsible the achievement of my desires.
• I am responsible for your choices and actions.
• I am responsible for my behavior with others.
• I am responsible for my personal happiness.
• I am responsible for accepting and choosing my values.
• I am responsible for raising my self-esteem.
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26. Self-Esteem Rule #3 – Environment
• Control and choose your environment
• Choose friends that are life and value affirming.
• Choose external clothing & accoutrements that positively
affirm (balance with playing the game)
• Becoming willing to remove things that are inimical to your
long-term well being
• Say “No” to requests that go against your values or needs
• Create a physical space at work that honors your values
• Remain true to self, but know thyself first!
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27. Self-Esteem Rule #4 – Drug & Alcohol
• Drugs (alcohol abuse) change you perception of reality and
affect your self-esteem
• Drugs are not life and value affirming for the young
professional.
• Drug abuse takes away control of decision making.
• Drug and alcohol abuse attract an environment of people,
places and things that do not “produce an expectation of
friendship, love and happiness as natural”.
• Drugs by nature do not “embrace truth, fact or reality”.
What is the reality as to my use of drugs and alcohol?
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28. Self-Esteem Rule #5 – Relationships
• Romantic relationships are a reflection of your self-esteem
• My partner is life and value affirming.
• My partner always values my input and feedback.
• My partner supports and values my dreams and
aspirations. (some partners are in fear of other partner
growing too fast)
• There is reciprocal honor and respect in my relationship.
What is the truth as to my choices of romantic partner?
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29. Self-Esteem Rule #6 – Fear
• How you deal and overcome fear will greatly impact your
self-esteem
• Self-esteem has much to do with how capable am I to
deal with the life and its daily fears…
What is your understanding of fear and courage?
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30. Self-Esteem Rule #6 – Fear & Courage
Fear!
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31. Self-Esteem Rule #6 – Fear & Courage
The anticipation
or expectation
of future pain.
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32. Self-Esteem Rule #6 – Fear & Courage
Fight
Flight
Freeze
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33. Self-Esteem Rule #6 – Fear & Courage
What is the solution to our fear?
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34. Self-Esteem Rule #6 – Fear & Courage
Look at and understand the fear…
1. Accept that one is in fear
2. What is the underlying
“pain”
3. What is the self-talk - “I am
not competent or worthy
or…” (public speaking)
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35. Self-Esteem Rule #6 – Fear & Courage
Look at, understand and overcome the fear…
4. Talk with someone about it.
5. Become accountable to an
outside source. (God, child,
friend…)
6. Understand and use courage.
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36. Self-Esteem Rule #6 – Fear & Courage
Courage!
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37. Self-Esteem Rule #6 – Fear & Courage
The willingness to
accept the
possibility of pain.
Think of a time when you were courageous and did what
needed to be done no matter the fear.
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38. Wrap up - 6 Rules for Success
1. Life long learning
2. Availability
3. Mentorship
4. Grinding
5. Play the game
6. Resilience
Any questions or comments?
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39. Wrap up - 6 Rules for Self-Esteem
1. Self-efficacy - competency
2. Self-respect - worthiness
3. Environment
4. Drugs & alcohol
5. Romantic relationships
6. Understand fear & courage
Any questions or comments?
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40. Conclusion
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our
deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond
measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most
frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually,
who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your
playing small does not serve the world. There is
nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you… We are all
meant to shine… And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to
do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson – A Return to Love
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41. Further reading
1. Psychology of Self-Esteem -Nathaniel Branden
2. 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem –Nathaniel Branded
3. The Speed of Trust – Stephen Covey
4. Deep Work – Cal Newport
5. James Clear’s Blog
6. Grit – Angela Duckworth
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42. Contact Info
Ken Miller
President
Denali Fundraising Consultants
ken@denalifsp.com
907 250-8488
Please feel free to contact me anytime.
Thank you!
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