We all find ourselves stressed and overwhelmed at times, my aim is to provide the tools that can carry you forward with as little pain and suffering as possible. This article was published in Paprika Southern Magazine and is offered with love from www.julesloves.me.

1. Cultivating Peace
in Stressful Moments
Includes Bonus
Resource List
Digital Download

2. As you read, know my intention is to share how I’m able to pull myself out
of really stressful moments and deal with the times when life and all of the
struggles get too real and overwhelming. I’ll break down how to quiet the
noise and catch a breather to figure out what to do next—in real time. This
guide is both an introduction to self-preservation and a complement to what-
ever wellness practice you’re already doing. You’ll learn more about why as
humans, we do what we do. With perpetual stressors happening in the world
around us, we all have storms that rise up. In the isolation of our minds, wars
of frantic thoughts and heightened feelings rage as we play out scenarios
and try to predict future outcomes. These efforts are all to avoid hurt, pain,
and rejection. By broadening our perspective we can tap into a deeper sense
of compassion for ourselves and others—even when we don’t fully under-
stand things. From small-scale frustrations to the unshakeable belief that no
one really cares, I offer you a way to get out of the pit of despair and know
that we’re in this together.
H AV E Y O U E V E R F O U N D Y O U R S E L F H E R E …
Bad days. Really challenging weeks. Keep going. But it's not getting better.
Deadlines. Running on fumes. Growing to-do list. Can't shake this "mood."
Everything feels heavy. Everyone is on your last nerve. You’re lost, over-
whelmed, and so busy. You’re doing your best to balance it all, but no matter
how good your intentions are, it all feels out of control. You’re always over-
thinking, feeling behind. When will this end? Everything feels like a struggle
as you try to balance it all and the idea of “me-time” makes you laugh, when
the truth is—it’s all you want. There’s too much to keep up with, including
what you need.
Cultivating Peace
in Stressful Moments
"Someone asked me, “Aren’t you worried about the state of the world?” I al-
lowed myself to breathe and then I said, “What is most important is not to allow
your anxiety about what happens in the world to fill your heart. If your heart is
filled with anxiety, you will get sick, and you will not be able to help.””
-Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Activist
Written by Jules De Jesus Fritz
Illustrated by Ksenia Phillips

3. Volume V, Issue 2 53
You know there's got to be more to life than just
trying to survive. You don’t want to “just keep
swimming.” You just can’t hustle harder. You just
don’t have it in you. You can’t be the only one who
feels this way…or maybe everyone else has it fig-
ured out…it sure seems that way…especially when
you scroll on social media.
BOOM. It happens. Burnout. The chronic stress has
caught up with you, leading you into exhaustion
causing sickness, pain, and maybe even depression.
Like it or not, your body has decided you need
a rest, and now you’re down. At first the rest is
welcomed, until the guilt and overthinking come
to find you again. But one thing is very clear: you
can't keep doing life like this. All you want is to stop
the anxious waves of stress from crashing over you.
Bottom line, things have got to change, because
you want off this rollercoaster ride.
Before we go on, let’s slow down. Put your hand on
your heart and let’s take a deep breath together—
in through the nose and out through your mouth.
Once more...
WHEW. That’s better.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE STRESS
BUILDS TO THE BREAKING POINT?
I STARTED REDIRECTING MY
ATTENTION BACK BY SIMPLY SAYING:
“THAT’S NOT MY BUSINESS.” IT’S MY
FAVORITE SELF-CHECK THAT KEEPS
ME ON TRACK AND THE SASSINESS OF
IT MAKES ME LAUGH. AND THERE’S
SO MUCH THAT’S NOT MY BUSINESS!
Or the better question: How do we avoid the build-up
in real-time, instead of trying to clean up the aftermath?
Before we get into that, allow me to share my experi-
ence with how stress recently affected my health.
After the birth of our twins in January, little did I
know that their arrival was only the beginning of new
challenges and personal growth. 2019 rolled on with
growing infants, major retreat center renovations,
homeschooling, the most incredible business oppor-
tunities to date, and then...my almost 95-year-old
grandmother goes into the hospital in early June
needing gallbladder surgery. After she refused, my
husband picked up my mom and my grandma in
central Florida, and brought them to our place to
heal for the summer. Josh and I knew we’d be able
to give them the care they needed, but we were also
in need of rest and recharge. We had just wrapped
up several big beauty productions only a couple of
weeks prior. We promised ourselves we’d do our best
as we accepted our next caregiving mission.
Put yourself in my shoes. I’m managing countless
moving parts while ingrained triggers are flaring
up. You may not be able to imagine living with your
parents for months, but it was my heart’s desire to
use this opportunity to let go of the built-up junk. I
wanted to release it all to make room for more love
and acceptance for myself and those closest to me.
Over the next three months, my grandmother’s health,
along with my mom's, was drastically improving. But I
was now experiencing spells of light-headedness when
I changed positions too quickly. I shrugged it off and
continued to run my busy household and businesses.
As my visiting family was nearing their trip back home,
the spells increased to multiple times per day and now
included high blood pressure, heart palpitations, and
difficulty breathing. Knowing that even happy stress
can take a toll on our bodies, I started to pay closer
attention to my thoughts and triggers. I realized there
was still a part of me worrying about Mamita and Lela’s
health and well-being. Even though I believed in what
we were doing to help them, I was subconsciously
mentally managing their actions because I also be-
lieved I knew what was best for them.
Have you ever been there? Where you strongly believe
that if someone you care about would just listen to you
and do it your way that they’d be better off? You’re not
trying to be a jerk about it, obviously, you care...a lot. In
my situation, if Lela refused to eat, I’d future-trip and get
lost in the what-if’s of what might happen to her. I’d play
out all the scenarios trying to damage-control future
problems that didn’t even exist. Without fail, we’d all be
upset when all she really needed was extra patience in
that moment. In the privacy of my own mind, I was wor-
rying, wrestling with fear in the name of love. I realized I
was unconsciously stressing myself out trying to control

4. Winter 2019
54
their well-being, and my body was sending me a strong
signal...I was now paying full attention.
After I realized that I needed to stay in my own busi-
ness and stop mentally managing others, the rigidness
started to melt away from my being. The spells began
to fade, and I knew I was healing more than just my
anxious mind. I started redirecting my attention back
by simply saying: “That’s not my business.” It’s my
favorite self-check that keeps me on track and the
sassiness of it makes me laugh. And there’s so much
that’s NOT my business! Letting go of the extra stress
gave me the space to feel more lighthearted about life.
When things hit my panic button, I bring my focus back
to my breathing and say: Everything I need is available
to me in the exact moment I need it. When worries for
loved ones pop up, I say: I entrust myself and others to
God’s care. As soon as things start to feel overwhelm-
ing, these mantras remind me to let go of what I can’t
control and activate my higher consciousness.
Next, I hijack the wave of anxious energy and redi-
rect its momentum into a positive action to lighten
my heart’s burden. The action step I choose changes
based on what I need; a random dance party with my
boys, resetting in an epsom salt bath, giving myself
grace and forgiveness when the past shows up with
old shame—all of these are examples of self-care.
LET’S BE HONEST, OVERTHINKING
IS THE ART OF CREATING PROBLEMS
THAT DON'T EXIST.
Another trick I’ve trained in myself is to notice and ques-
tion the story I’m telling myself. As humans, we’re really
good at making ourselves upset with what we think to
be true. And let’s be honest, overthinking is the art of
creating problems that don't exist. This happens because
the left side of our brains try to pull together information
to build a story we can understand. Even if the story isn’t
true, we’ll find a way to cherry-pick the information we
have to back up what we feel. This completely human
response is called confirmation bias. So I pause to ask
myself, “Is it true?” Most of the time I can’t know if the
story is really true, so I take the next best step of pushing
myself to come up with a positive angle of the story. If I’m
too upset and can’t see other perspectives yet, I go back
to this process for cultivating peace.
Remembering to take a breath and know that I
don’t have to have it all figured out gives me the
strength to move forward. Step by step, moment to
moment, I gain clarity and feel more at peace. Plus I
know how to get out of the rabbit hole of my think-
ing—all by myself...and it’s sooo liberating! Choos-
ing to empower yourself with a positive narrative
will change your life and the ripple effect will reflect
in those around you.
AWARENESS
Awareness is all about noticing the internal storm
happening, but not trying to stop it. Instead, we’re
going to insert a pause to slow things down both
internally and physically. By quietly witnessing this
natural response, we allow it to exist without trying
to control it. If you don’t witness it, you’ll blindly
react to it. This core step is recognizing that you’re
upset and honoring that you are choosing to move
towards peace and move away from additional
suffering.
WHAT HAPPENS
Your amygdala sends an alarm to your brain which
floods your system with stress hormones such as
adrenaline and cortisol when you get upset. When
this happens, you not only feel the rush of panic
from the fight-or-flight response happening, but you
also shut down your prefrontal cortex which is the
most important part of your brain. When this com-
mand center is offline, you no longer have access
to your executive functions and higher thinking. Uh
oh! This means you lose the ability to control your
emotional impulses, make complicated decisions,
and to see other perspectives. When stress levels
remain high, your brain is constantly soaking in cor-
tisol which breaks down your immune system and
emotional stability. The chronic stress progresses to
exhaustion causing depression, weight gain, insom-
nia, diabetes, and heart disease—to name a few.
LET’S TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT WHAT TO
DO IN STRESSFUL MOMENTS AND LEARN
WHY OUR MAGICAL BODIES DO WHAT
THEY DO.

5. Volume V, Issue 2 55
TRY THIS
• Place your hand over your heart and start count-
ing down from 5 to 1 as you breathe: 5, 4, 3, 2,
1. This will give your brain a jolt of distraction to
break up the noise. Touching your heart anchors
and helps to reconnect your brain and body,
intuitively tapping into your higher wisdom.
• Continue breathing slowly, in through your
nose, exhaling through your mouth.This keeps
you from hyperventilating and changes your
biochemistry instantly.
• Visualize each breath pushing oxygen to your
brain, bringing down your cortisol levels.
• Change the air: diffuse essential oils, light a
candle, burn incense to cleanse the air.
AFFIRMATION
Speaking kindly to yourself is the next step. Eliminate
harsh judgments, especially towards yourself—your
body listens to what your mind says. Using affirma-
tions will help you slow down knee-jerk reactions and
stop over-analyzing situations that support destructive
narratives. The undeniable clarity and confidence that
comes from using phrases like, “I AM brave” is the
magical superpower we need in moments of despair.
WHAT HAPPENS
WHAT HAPPENS
Studies in neuroscience show that we can grow and
train our highly adaptable brains by changing our
thoughts and hardwiring new beliefs. By choosing
repeatedly to speak life into ourselves, we can change
our neural pathways. With focus and dedication to
rewiring our brains, the new optimistic connections grow
stronger as the old beliefs and negative self-talk even-
tually become weak and fade away. Self-esteem and
integrity are boosted and we begin to see ourselves as
more self-reliant and valuable. Kindness matters.
TRY THIS
• Repeat a grounding mantra or affirmation at least
three times to yourself or out loud.
• Use this visual: See negative self-talk as a crazy
chatter-box bully that you would never listen to,
believe, or get advice from in real life.
• Say a phrase that rings your truth bell and rein-
forces the good work you’re doing.
• Believe that you’re activating hidden superpowers
to help you do hard things.
• “I AM” affirmations have the greatest impact: "I
am doing enough because I am enough."
• Mantras can be extremely powerful in calming the
storm: “Peace washes over me now.”
• Using your name in a supportive way is highly
beneficial: “You got this, Jules!”
ACTION
Redirecting the energy into a positive action allows
you to gain perspective. Insert an adult time-out.
Spend it doing whatever you need in that moment to
strengthen the new pathways being built. Self-care
isn’t a “treat yo’ self” activity, it’s more of a “be at
peace with yo’ self” way of living. After the surge of
adrenaline hits, clear your system by using the energy
to positively reinforce your efforts.

6. Winter 2019
56
HERE’S WHY
Self-care is a non-negotiable part of being a human.
Yet, we tend to think of it as a selfish act of pam-
pering ourselves while we steal time away from the
important people around us. Studies show that those
who regularly engage in self-care have a higher quali-
ty of life resulting in less stress and sickness. And isn’t
that what we’re trying to do?
TRY THIS
• Unplug and go for a walk outside.
• Sing your heart out in the shower or car.
• Deep clean something (ain’t no clean like an angry
clean!)
• Write down 3 things you’re grateful for.
• Volunteer to help someone.
• Watch Steel Magnolias and ugly cry.
• Take yourself out to a nice meal.
ALIGNMENT
This is where your hard work pays off! When you flow
from awareness to affirmation to action, you ignite
something in your soul that the mind can’t understand
yet. That’s the sweet spot, where the magic happens.
Aligning yourself with this process creates a com-
pound effect of your efforts resulting in a sense of
calm. We all experience challenging people and situa-
tions that are outside of our control, but what we can
control is how we show up and face the challenges.
You are capable of choosing healthy and empowering
beliefs to help you move ahead.
With this emergency-kit-type-of-life-hack, you’ll get
your command center back online, working with your
body and mind in a clear, connected way. Because
when life’s pressures are coming down on you, you
actually do know what you’re doing—all you have to
do is remember to breathe, trust in yourself, and take
your next best step forward. To show up in the emo-
tionally charged moments and accept that they are
just emotions, not good or bad, not even you—just
emotions—gives you
a more integrated way
of problem-solving.
No one wins when you
are operating from a
reactive state. Every time you practice calming and
caring for yourself, you are breaking destructive
patterns and changing your legacy. Guiding yourself
back to your center creates more balance in all areas
of your life and brings forth a healing that flows from
generation to generation. A new level of patience
and strength will stream from your expanding heart,
little by little. One day you’ll notice that you handled
a tough situation with more grace, or you were able
to stop yourself from spiraling a little bit sooner. This
is the gift we give ourselves, the joy that comes from
living a more conscious and peaceful life.
To be a helper to someone who’s stressed out or in
a dark place, listen without trying to fix things. Be
open to offering assistance and ask, “What can I do
to help?” Once you have the answer, do what they
need… even it that means keep listening. If you ever
find yourself drowning in the waves, reach out to a
level-headed confidant or counselor who gets you.
Support from the right folks can help guide you back
to your center when you’ve lost your way. It’s okay
to not be okay. It’s okay to reach out for help. Taking
turns helping and being helped unites us and gives
us an inherent knowing that we are connected.
Let’s keep the empowerment going by connecting in
my Jules Loves Me Facebook group. Starting in 2020,
I’ll be hosting a video series to support each step of
this process for cultivating peace. I’m here to reflect
and remind you of your unquantifiable goodness; we
are all in this together. As always, the light in me loves
the light in you. Onward forever, my friend.
F I N D J U L E S
@julesloves.me | julesloves.me
F I N D K S E N I A
@darling_lemon | darlinglemon.com

7. RESOURCES
WATCH JULES AND HER HUSBAND JOSH DO A DEEP-DIVE ON T H E
T O PICS DISCUSSED IN CULTIVATING PEACE IN STRESSFUL MOME N TS
ON THE JULES LOVES ME YOUTUBE CHANNEL. THEY BREAK DO WN
A L L THE TECHNIQUES DISCUSSED IN THE ARTICLE, AND SHARE
HO W THEY USE THEM IN THEIR OWN LIVES.
HTTPS://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/CHANNEL/UCNJHRQ9W_9TMO0I4OF-
05RNQ
OR SEARCH JULES LOVE ME ON YOUTUBE.COM
12 A PPS FOR EMOTIONAL WELLNESS ON MEDIUM
HTTPS://MEDIUM.COM/@THERAPYBYANNACE-
DAR/12-A PPS-FOR-EMOTIONAL-WELLNESS-4C98211AD325
B E ST BO O KS ON BREATHWORK ON BOOK RIOT
HTTPS://B OOKRIOT.COM/2020/03/03/BEST-BOOKS-ON-BREATH-
WO RK/
PR AYER LINE FROM SILENT UNITY
(800) 669-7729 | APP: UPRAY
JULES’ HO PE LINE - HEAR A MESSAGE OF HOPE OR TEXT YOUR
R E QU ESTS
(912) 231-7224
I F YO U A RE IN CRISIS, REACH OUT
C RISIS TEXT LINE HTTPS://WWW.CRISISTEXTLINE.ORG/DEPRES SION
S UICIDE PREVENTION CALL LINE HTTPS://SUICIDEPREVENTIONL IF E-
LI NE.O R G/TALK-TO-SOMEONE-NOW/
Pro-tip: Check your library’s digital holdings for e-books and audiobooks you can download; many public
libraries offer services like Libby and Hoopla, which lend digitally. You can also join subscription services like
Libro.FM and Audible for access to a wide variety of audiobooks, or shop sites like thriftbooks.com for savings.