1. Painful memories - out
Any personis bound to have a number of incidents in ones life which keeps
coming off and on, are bound to make one happy or otherwise. It is ok with
happy incidents which gives a boostto one. But the unhappy incidents pull
down one. This has its impact on ones health as well as in day to day life.
One is clearly aware of the fact that no purpose will be served by
recollecting such incidents. But the same having left a deep impact, one
finds it tough to get out of it as the same keeps coming without ones
knowledge.
To get out of hurt, some times a few choosean avocation of ones choice. It
is something like choosing to consume liquor to forget about the earlier
caused hurt. The hurt is back after one comes out. Still there are quite a few
who are able to successfully come out and forget, with this approach. May
be choosing an avocation like serving the community or reading books of
ones choice or some thing like visiting religious places also works right to
come out.
Quite a few are able to come out as they believe time heals. It appears to
work for some persons.
Now let us move as to know how to come out of these painful memories.
1. Writing therapy
A. One of the ways to get out of painful memories is by writing known as
writing therapy, as writing has the power to heal us and help us grow.
An example here as mentioned by James W Pennebaker, PhD
A woman can begin by writing a letter to her mother or father (that does not
get sent) telling the parent about the best and worst things the parent did for
her. People must write freely; ideally, the writing is continued for at least 20
minutes without stopping. People should not edit what they are writing; they
shouldn't worry about grammar or punctuation or how things might sound.
They simply need to write and see what comes out; they must write about
both the event and the emotions surrounding that event.
Kiran Bedi police officer now retired is characteristically forthright: "For
me, writing is therapy, I believe in it one hundred per cent."

2. She encouraged the inmates of prison to try writing as a means of releasing
their emotions.
Annelies Marie Frank known as Annie Frank was bornin Germany on 12
June 1929 and died March 1945. When Adolf Hitler's Nazi Party won on 13
March 1933, in elections, many began to fear what would happen to them if
they remained in Germany. The Franks were among 300,000 Jews who fled
Germany between 1933 and 1939. The diary of Anne Frank is a bookof the
writings by her while she was in hiding for two years with her family during
the Nazi occupation of Netherlands.
Anne in her diary: "I want to write, but more than that, I want to bring out all
kinds of things that lie buried deep in ...My heart...the reason for ...My
starting a diary: it is that I have no such real friend as my diary.
Oh, so many things bubble up inside me as I lie in bed, having to put up with
people I'm fed up with, who always misinterpret ...My intentions. That's why
in the end I always come back to ...My diary. That is where I start and
finish."
Writing to right a wrong is advocated by management consultant Vijai
Shanker: "If we keep something in our mind, the tension keeps mounting.
Writing is a good therapy becauseit allows you to express yourself."
Narula's brief: "Let's see what causes people an upset, a nagging in the head.
It could be an undelivered communication, a thwarted intention or an
unfulfilled expectation. The moment I write it down, I am released of
pressure. By giving language to ...my thoughts I have made them more
specific. I can now act on ...my thoughts."
"If you are not feeling one hundred per cent fine, take a piece of paper:
Think. Put it down. Do not worry about the order; it'll get sequenced along
the way. Write your goals, plans, list of things to do or to communicate...
writing often becomes a way of talking to yourself, of getting it out of the
system." His concluding one-liner: "Writing helps us to live positively. "
“Write down what is bothering you, make it as crazy as possible-if you feel
like shooting your boss,put that down," says its creator, Gundeep Singh of
The Learning Curve, "and then tear it off. " This simple exercise relieves
you of stress and helps change your attitude towards a personor situation.

3. "Write on specific issues that are bothering you, it will help solve the
problems of living and also resolve interpersonal matters."
Dr Avdesh Sharma, an Indian Neuropsychiatrist.
For the lonely: "They need to vent their feelings. Writing then takes on the
job of a therapist."
According to Osho, a poet writes becauseit becomes too heavy if he doesn't
write. He unburdens himself by writing.
“Writing is not only a salve but often a tool that opens our minds and hearts
to things that are deep inside us”. Karen Cangialosi, MFA, MA
“Merely writing about paststressful life experiences results in symptom
reduction among patients with asthma or rheumatoid arthritis.”
Smyth and colleagues
"The simple act of writing about bad times can be a potent, and low cost,
method of relieving pain and symptoms of chronic illnesses ...." Emotions
left unattended can change into symptoms that cause confusion when they
present in physicians' offices”. Mara Bovsun
Each of these people has used writing as a way to get in touch with,
understand, and begin to heal from painful events. As they write, they
recreate the situation or event mentally and begin to work with it. They gain
access to their own feelings, sometimes discovering feelings they didn't even
know were there.
KP Positive Choice Wellness Center in San Diego, the Web
site www.journalingmagazine.com offers exercises, suggestions, and
inspiration to those who want to write.
B. An added advantage of writing therapy
This simple exercise of writing has actually been proven to decrease blood
pressure and improve immune functioning also. W Pennebaker, PhD
He also mentioned that " ... actively holding back or inhibiting our thoughts
and feelings can be hard work. Over time, the work of inhibition gradually
undermines the body's defenses. In short, excessive holding back of

4. thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can place people at risk for both major and
minor diseases."
“So go ahead and write down whatever is coursing through your mind, and
watch your true self unfolding before you on this journey of self-discovery.
And never mind about grammar”! Karen Cangialosi, MFA, MA
Now I am confident you are convinced about the usefulness of writing
therapy to come out of painful memories and at the same time it improves
your health.
2. Forgiving to forget hurt
Before we proceed, let us be clear about hurt and forgiving.
Hurt, onceexperienced, needs to be healed. It will not go away on its own.
To heal our hurts we need to smoothen the grooves they have carved in our
consciousness and return to freedom. Besides forgiving somebodyis
nurturing yourself.
“Forgiveness is not something that we do for others, it is something done for
our own selves, for our own inner peace for our own higher good.”
Swami Suryadevananda of the Divine Life Society,
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that personor
condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the
only way to dissolve that link and get free" – CatherinePonder
At the same time “Forgiveness does not mean condoning harmful behaviour.
Forgiveness is relinquishment of one’s resentment, not a relinquishment of
one’s ethics. Forgiveness helps us emerge whole from our wounded past,
and return to the business of our lives with renewed energy, wisdom and
peace. It is the bottleneck through which we must pass to reclaim our
happiness and health”. Suma Varughese Editor Life Positive monthly
magazine of repute and a lot of material mentioned here is from the
magazine.
1. Now an approachto come out,
Supposedue to certain incidents, I am unhappy with a particular person.

5. Then I relax and repeat as follows.
“Whatever I have done to hurt you, you have forgiven me. Whatever you
have done to hurt me, I have forgiven you. Both of us are forgiven by God”.
Émile Coué (born in Troyes, France, 26 February 1857 died 2 July 1926 in
Nancy, France)
This approachalso gives wonderful results. Equally important is the other
persontoo undergoes attitudinal change.
Norman Vincent Peale in his book'The True joy of Positive Living' quotes
an incident where love thoughts worked and one such is detailed below.
While in an annual dinner meet as a speaker, he caught sight of a face in the
audience that seemed to have a hatred look towards the speaker.
Then Peale began sending love thoughts to counter hate. After the meeting is
over, when Peale was mixing and shaking hands with the audience that
particular person came and met Peale. He said "I have a confession to make
--I was angry for I hate preachers, not you necessarily but all preachers- --
But as I sat out there in the audience, something changed in my mind. That
unreasonable hate suddenly left me. I actually found myself liking you.
What do you supposehappened to me".
2. Now one more approachto come out,
“It is important to grieve and feel the pain rather than trying to simply forget
it. If you try to forget the pain, it will hide in your bodyand not leave until
you allow yourself to feel it. As you sit comfortably, draw your awareness
into the part of your bodywhere the pain is felt. Forexample if the pain is
felt in your heart, focus your attention there. Allow yourself to feel what you
feel. As you meditate on the pain, your mind will want to create thoughts
related to the pain. Such as memories; Watch your mind carefully and when
images or sounds comeinto your mind, let these go gently and focus your
attention back into the feeling of pain in your body. If you are diligent and
don'tallow the mind to run away, the pain will ease within 10 to 40 minutes.
Now all the pain is gone and you will feel only peace and joy”.
Michael Pieters. 84 Jameson rd, Goonellabah, NSW 2480, AUSTRALIA