This document provides a series of signs and descriptions from Baku, Azerbaijan translated into English. Many signs have wordplay, double meanings, or confusing translations that the narrator helps unravel. Businesses and locations mentioned include a Walmart, bakery, barber shop, driving school, wedding hall, beauty salon, car wash, electronics shop, optician, and flooring store.

1. Baku Signs I’ve
Learned to Love.

2. Yes, I have a Walmart within
walking distance of my
Soviet-style apartment.
Capitalism conquers
Communism.

3. And where there is a Walmart, there are
People of Walmart dumpster diving.

4. And trying to keep their pants up, but he sees
that I’ve caught him at it.

5. No, this is not a south-of-the-border
lavatory or a van or car wash; it is an
Azeri lavaş (tortilla) bakery.

6. What Kind of Doctor’s office
Is This?
Stomach, right? Wrong.

7. Guess Again.

8. Take a Guess.

9. Turkish public bath, Finnish
Sauna, Pipe (hookah) and Tea.

10. ‘Europe-from clothes.’
Question: Why is second hand in
English?

11. US Marine Machine Gun,
‘Mama’ Tattoo Parlor, Gin
Cabinet?

12. Nope, mama means midwife.
Guess again and ignore Santa.

13. You think this is about those
sexy little lepkas, right? Well
sexi means workshop.

14. Need a Xerox,
scanner,
antivirus,
cartridge
refilled? A
photocopy is
called a
kserokopiya.

16. I found the Baku Zoo gift
shop, but I am still
looking for the Zoo.

17. Oh, Pet Store. And I was
looking for the elephants
and rhinos.

18. Ok. This is an easy one.

19. That’s right, barber shop
or barber house.

20. Well, there’s no ham in a
hamburger. That doesn’t look
like a sesame seed bun either.

21. A Playground for Cars, kind of.

22. I think I rode with a “yuk
automob” in a marshrutka to
Shaki one time. They were
smelly and boisterous.

23. It’s a driving school (məktəb) Minik
means vehicle, an avtoqatar (qatar
means train) is a semi, and kurs is
course. “Y’all eve’ own one uh ‘em
motosikls?”

24. Sabina’s something place. Şad
is the root of the word şadlıq.
What is it?

25. It’s a pleasure (şad) palace (saray)
or wedding hall. A wedding is a
toy. No kidding!

26. A Furniture
Store Sign.
Stol is Table
and Stul is
chair.
Confusing?

27. Kamot is a
commode or
chest of
drawers, not
a toilet.

28. Hungry for a kabob or a fax?
These are from a Georgian
Kitchen.

29. Brilliant Gold and Silver.

30. Another
easy
one.
See, you
can read
Azeri.

31. Soccer, the real football game.

32. Gas
Inner tubes
installed
Oil
Wheels Balanced
by Computer
Cylinder Repair
Carburetor
Repair

33. I missed it. Şaxta Baba and Qar Qız (Grandfather
Frost and the Snow Maiden ) were the featured
dancers at this discotec.

34. Almost pronounced poached, as in a poached egg.

35. The Fake Market
Is Across the Street

36. McDonald’s Advertisement.

38. You know about the French kiss, but how
about a Turkish kissy? Actually, it’s
pronounced kishi, and it means man or
male.

39. When it’s
my time,
this is the
kind of rest
home I
want to go
to.

40. Start reading
from the bottom
to easily
translate, but
good luck in the
middle.
FYI, saç means
hair.

41. Angelica’s Beauty Salon.
Massage, anyone? Tattoo, extra.

42. Step down in the world into this
basement and experience its sharm.

43. You’ve probably eaten or seen a
recipe for turducken (a boned chicken
inside a duck inside a turkey). Well,
this is just the turduck version. Not!

44. This is an advertisement for a
auto carwash, but it looks like
it was written by someone who
stutters.

45. Although this shop does repair, buy and sell
antennas, telephones, and other electronics, it
doesn’t barter. Barteri is battery. Wait, this is
Azerbaijan, so maybe the owner does barter.

46. Contact lenses and a gun? No, and
sunglasses. Gün means day or sun.

47. To be contrasted with
the immobil rabit (sic).

48. Now you can read Russian.
The KA suffix is the giveaway.

49. I’m not touching this one.
Make up your own caption.

50. With Oboy on the wall, the sign and the
door, do you suppose this owner is excited
about his floor-covering products?