1) Social networking has become obsessive for many as they constantly check platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and WhatsApp to keep up with friends and compare their lives. This leads to stress and anxiety as people fear their lives are less interesting than others. 2) Adults also feel pressure to conform to social norms online and keep up appearances. What others like and own on social media acts as a gauge of social acceptance. 3) Some become so concerned with having more online friends and followers that their real-life relationships suffer. While social media allows feeling connected, it is not a substitute for meaningful human interaction, which is important for well-being.

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Keeping up with the Joneses, and the Khumalos, and Richardsons
The stress of social networking
By Janine Shamos
BBM, Facebook, WhatsApp, Twitter, Myspace, LinkedIn, MXIT…. Everyday millions
of people interact, share, socialise and connect with each other via technology. Tweets
take the place of debates, SMSing replaces conversations, and gone are the days of taking
out the home-videos or photograph albums after dinner – now Facebook says it all, shows
it all. Instant gratification, instant ‘fame’. But keeping up with the Joneses comes with a
high price tag.
“I have a routine”, says 30-year-old teacher Lauren. “I check BBM, then Facebook, then
Whassup, then email. Every hour – more if it’s quiet. I need to see who is doing what,
and where and with whom.” It’s become almost an obsession and Lauren fears that she
isn’t up to date with what’s happening. Secretly, she fears that her life isn’t as interesting
as everyone else’s. She’s not alone.
Peer pressure. We talk a lot about teenagers being under pressure to conform and perform
according to teen ‘rules and norms’. But what of adults? We compare our lives, our likes
and dislikes, our interests and opinions with our peers. We feel compelled to be like
them. To agree, conform, and outperform those in our group. Social Networks shift the
focus from our lives to everyone else’s, and act as an instant gauge of social acceptance.
“People tend to like what their peers like, and want what their peers have”, says Cassey
Chambers of the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG).
Who has more friends on Facebook? Who has a bigger following on Twitter? Who has
been tagged in more photographs? Social Networkers like Lauren keep a watchful eye on
what’s ‘hip and happening’. They Tweet their activities, Facebook their statuses, and
BBM their most private thoughts. “I want to think people care what I am doing, and care
what I think about things”, says Lauren. Social networking is the phenomenon of the 21st
century, and everyone it seems, wants to be part of it. “People want to be part of
something greater than themselves. Social networking allows them this opportunity –
even if they’re living in a sleepy town miles from anything exciting”, says Chambers.
This need to be ‘accepted’ and ‘connect’ can lead to stress. “I feel panicky if a potential
boyfriend doesn’t respond to a post or message”, says Lauren. We check up on friends,
ex-friends, ex-lovers, we interpret what they have said or done, we take their posts and
pictures personally. And we feel betrayed and rejected. “I think I base a lot of my
relationships on what’s happening in my Social Networking life.” Twenty percent of
divorce petitions in the US cited Facebook – “people get involved with explicit online
chats, flaunt indiscretions on social networking sites, as foster jealousy by searching
social networks for information about a partner’s behaviour”, says Chambers. The
question is who are we connecting with? Through Social Networks we can ‘be’ whoever
we want to be. We can create ourselves and our lives. Like many people, Lauren’s online

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life is more successful than her real one. “I can be charming, flirty, fun. But in person, on
a date, I freeze – and can only talk about how stressed I am! I also keep checking my
phone!”
While we all want to feel popular, but popularity in cyberspace isn’t real or accurate.
“We’ve forgotten who we are and many of us feel pressured to live up to who we say we
are.” But links in cyberspace are not the same as real-life connections. The more
‘connected’ we are on Social Networks, the less connected we are to the people who
share our lives, it seems. “I have 101 friends on Facebook who I have never met,
‘friends’ who I don’t know anything about except what they tell me, and ‘friends’ who
wouldn’t recognise me in a coffee bar”, says Lauren. Lack of meaningful human
relationships can result in loneliness, stress and depression. Venting online is not the
same as getting a hug, and being popular in cybersociety is no substitute for real-life
companionship.
Social Networking has created a transformation not seen since the Industrial Revolution.
New friends, up-to-the-minute social news, flirting, potential business contacts, being the
centre of your world - there is no doubt that mediums like Facebook, Twitter, Myspace
and YouTube are attractive and powerful. They can also be addictive and depressing.
Technology is wonderful - in moderation. We should use it, not the other way round. So
if you’re feeling stressed and pressurized to outperform your peers in cyberspace,
remember: nobody really has 1 625 friends.