Importance of Pre and Post Marital Therapy By Ms. Paulomi Pandit Upadhyay

1. IMPORTANCE OF
PRE AND POST
MARITAL
COUNSELLINGPaulomi Pandit Upadhyay
Psychologist |Trainer | HypnoBirthing Practitioner
www.paulomipandit.com

2. Pre marital:
happens before
marriage (may
or may not
include distress)
Post marital
means
counselling that
takes place after
marriage.
Marital counselling is
a type of Family
counselling used for
one or both
members of a couple
when there is
distress in their
relationship.

3. Passion
Realization
Rebellion
Cooperation
Reunion
Explosion
Completion
Sari Harrar and Rita M DeMaria

4. Tadka in Indian Marriages

5. Family set up Parenting styles Gender role
expectations
Arranged marriage Customs and rituals Lack of awareness and
faith on Mental health
and wellness

6. PRE MARITAL
COUNSELLING

7. Important factors
Finances
Career
Communication
Beliefs and values
Marriage roles
Affection, intimacy and sex
Children and parenting
Family relationships
Dealing with anger
Quality time spent together

8. WAYS IN WHICH
COUNSELLING
CAN BE DONE…

9. Face to face
Online
Workshops/seminars
Tests and questionnaires
Religious groups

10. BENEFITS

11. Better communication skills
Certain issues get avoided
Problems get a resolution sooner
Eliminate or reduce anxiety about
new life
Easier goal achievement (personal
and professional)
You will get a better framework on
your relationship
More insights about self
Time to work on yourself
You receive support and guidance to
better the relationship

12. Points to
remember
• There is no competition here
• Please do not cheat in any answers you give
• Avoid taunts or comments on any discussion (with
partner)
• Be ready for challenges
• Avoid discussions about the sessions
• Your efforts are of utmost importance!

13. Ask these questions to yourself!
• Expectations from partner (both ways)
• Views about children
• Will my parents and the partner get along?
• Would I choose such a partner for someone very similar to me and close to me.
• Can he/she be a good parent
• Would children learn good qualities from him/her?
• How much could I accept him/her with his/her traits and qualities?And vice versa
• Does he/she support my career? And vice versa
• How comfortable is my partner with my friends of the same as well as opposite gender? How comfortable am I
with the same?

14. ISSUES POST
MARRIAGE

15. Lack of
communication skills
Infidelity Spouse abuse
Substance abuse
Incompatibility in
sex life
Financial concerns
Unexplored Health
concerns
Unforeseen
difficulties
Unplanned
pregnancy
Lack of relationship
framework
Role expectations by
parents
Clash of belief
system

16. WHEN SHOULD
ONE SEEK
HELP?

17. When there are too many arguments with no resolution
One or both partners have had or are considering having an affair
Staying together for children
Staying together for societal/financial reasons
When there is too little or no communication
When the only solutions appears to be separation
Both or one partner feels disinterested

18. BENEFITS OF
MARITAL
COUNSELLING

19. • Rejuvenate the connection
• Bring back lost intimacy
• Better communication and understanding
• Better problem resolution
• Better balance of personal and professional areas

20. THINGS YOU
CAN DO

21.  Listen to your partner
 Don’t plan a child to resolve issues
 Observe your own behaviour
 Make a note of things you would like to change in
yourself*
 Avoid bringing past conflicts to current ones
 Respect differences and bridge the gap
 Avoid using children/parents as threats
 Have some couple time at least once in 10 days
 Equal participation in child rearing practises

22. HOW CAN A
THERAPIST
HELP

23. Help you with
venting
emotions
Give you
insights
Help you get
trained in skills
you need for a
better
relationship
Help you
achieve
desirable
mental states to
function
effectively

24. What to expect

25. Joint meeting
Goal discussion
Individual
sessions
Dealing with
unpleasant
emotions/feelings
Understanding
and
overcoming
undesired
beliefs
Home work
assignments

26. Please
remember
You are different even if you’re
attracted
Expect surprises
Don’t let others dictate terms
Understand and model a
couple of your choice
Analyse yourself
Commit that you'll do your best
to make it work!

27. Your role as
parents/other
family
members of a
couple
• Avoid participating in the arguments
• Avoid taking sides
• Understand the ground rules first
• Do not attach your complains
• Don’t judge their understanding as a couple
• Avoid blaming anyone
• Understand and respect the generation gap!
• Avoid gossip as a vent out mechanism

28. Things you
must do as
a
responsible
family
member
• Act on the ground rules!!!
• Give privacy
• Treat the partners like partners
• Treat your daughter in law the way you want your
daughter to be treated (ditto for son in law)
• Express concern in private and show support
• Be a positive influence
• Encourage them to seek help