Literacy Report

GilbertWalker Bridgeport High School Report page of 1 of22
Bridgeport High
School Report

DANIEL BRADFORD
Feedback for Daniel
Hi Daniel, you’ve made a good start here.
I can see you remembered the important
part of the story which is that Bruno and
Shmuel become loyal friends. Do you
remember where his Dad was in the end?
When you’re writing an essay like this,
it’s really important to start with an
introduction and finish with a conclusion.
You need to argue your point. Imagine
you are a lawyer in court. Your
introduction in this essay should be telling
me what theme you think is important. For
example, your introduction might be
something like this:
“The most important theme in John
Boyne’s book is friendship. This essay will
focus on the friendship between Bruno and
Shmuel.”
Your conclusion might be something like this:
“Clearly, the most important theme in this story is friendship, especially the loyal friendship between Bruno and
Shmuel.”
As you can see it doesn’t have to be too long at this stage. You can do it Daniel!
You’re missing some words in some of your sentences Daniel, can you tell what they should be? Write them in
the blanks below:
“It important because he know where his Dad is”
“He is a prisoner Nazis in a camp.”
Here are some words that you spelled incorrectly Daniel, could you please check the proper spelling
(if you get stuck, check the dictionary or you can google them)
Importint
Dont
Becaus
Whar
Priznar
Brunno
Bealin
Shmul
Friends
(This is a tricky one, “friends” is a word, but in this sentence, the word should be slightly different. Hint: think
about how many people you are talking about).
I particularly the bit in your essay where you said that Bruno was a prisoner too, even though he wasn’t in the
prison (Auschwitz). This is a really good point Daniel, I can see you were paying attention during that lesson.
Keep up your work Daniel, you can become a really good writer if you put your mind to it!

Annotations of the features of Daniel’s work sample:
Challenges that Daniel faces:
Comprehension and self-regulation, will be an ongoing challenge for Daniel because of
his ‘intellectual impairment’ and unsupportive home environment (“Student Summaries”, n.d
p. 4). However, these issues are further compounded by the fact that Daniel is not actually
able to read or write properly and is already far behind his classmates.
This is in line with educational research on special needs students such as Daniel which
suggests that ‘novels and nonfiction can create special problems for reluctant or less
successful readers because of their length’ (Board of Studies, 2012, p. 2-3). It is very likely
that Daniel has not read the novel, not only because he probably does not want to, but
because it is beyond his ability.
Refers to the theme of
friendship studied in class
Refers tomajor
plotpoint
Basic knowledgeof
historicalcontext
Singular and
collectivepronouns
Consistent
useof3rd
person
throughout
Simple present
tensethroughout
Actionverb
Preposition
Articles"the"
Connective
Conjunctions
Recognises thatBruno's
context makes him
powerlessalso
Broadlyidentifies
texttype
Some evidence of
editing forspelling,
and wordchoice
Attempt at
constructing a
complexsentence
Compoundsentence
Broadly identifies
plot and protagonists

It is important for teachers to recognise that students like Daniel have ‘different reading
needs’ (Winch, 2007, p. 54) than the majority in his class. Part of the issue is that Daniel’s
home environment probably does not encourage reading for meaning, which Wooley and
Hay identify as a crucial element in building a student’s reading and writing skills. They note
that students from working class homes often have ‘poor comprehension and [show] little
interest and motivation for reading’ (2007, p. 10-11). This makes writing an essay all the
more difficult because Daniel does not have a firm grasp of reading or writing, let alone
structuring a response in expository form.
Daniel’s writing, grammar and spelling are about stage 2 level. His response is mostly
made up of simple statements in present tense. It is lacking in depth and analysis, suggesting
that he is not familiar with the text. Daniel’s sentences sometimes lack articles and
prepositions and subject-verb agreement: ‘He is a prizner Nazis in a camp’, ‘It important
because’. While Daniel has corrected some incorrect spelling, this is clearly also an area
where he needs help: ‘prizner’, ‘importint’, ‘whar’, ‘Bealin’, etc.
In his response, Daniel refers to broad plot points of the novel rather than selecting a
theme to focus on. This could suggest that he hasn’t understood the question properly,
because he does not have the tools to decode what the task requires. Daniel’s response is also
very short compared to his classmates’indicating that he either a) struggled to compose a
response in the given time, b) didn’t know what else to write or c) was disengaged from the
task. It is possible that all three reasons were at play here.
Daniel needs to be given the opportunity to develop his reading and writing in a safe,
unpressured environment where the requirements of the task match his level of ability.

Recommendations for Strengthening Daniel’s Literacy
In particular, Daniel needs to be supported in his reading and writing skills, as Hanlen
(2010) suggests that low ability in these areas ‘form [a] basis for inequity’ (p. 3) in Australian
society. This notion is supported by O’Toole, Burke, & Absalom (2012) where they assert
that reading and writing fluency is ‘crucial in twenty-first century mainstream Australia’(p.
22).
It is recommended that Daniel’s existing reading skills are strengthened and developed
through one on one reading tutoring drawing on the Pause, Prompt, Praise procedure (see
page 7 below). This lesson structure will specifically be aimed at engaging Daniel, and
developing his reading skills, with a focus on problem solving and inferring meaning.
This is in line with research from the Department of Employment, Education, Training
and Youth Affairs (DEETYA) that notes that students like Daniel need to be engaged through
fun learning activities where they can ‘experience success easily’ (DEETYA, 1999, p. 16).
This means selecting activities that are challenging but achievable for Daniel, and frequently
providing encouragement and positive feedback. The NSW Board of Studies recommends
that students like Daniel who struggle with reading should be supported with books that are
interesting and engaging:
Books that are easy and enjoyable to read but which address the same demands and
interests as books for better readers…When students are given access to good writers,
their resistance to reading can be overcome and they can gain confidence that the books
others read are not beyond them. (2012, pp. 2-3)
Recommended stage 2 texts that might suit Daniel for this exercise include The Little
Refugee by Anh Do, or The Peasant Prince by Li Cunxin. These texts include lots of pictures
and could be a good starting point for engagement (Callow, 2010).

A reading tutor will help Daniel read these texts, and others, aided by the Pause,
Prompt, Praise technique. The focus will be on acquiring ‘accuracy and fluency’ (DEETYA,
1999, p. 14), as the first crucial steps in acquiring a new skill. Daniel will be encouraged with
praise for his efforts throughout this process, as this is recognised as a crucial step in
engaging special needs students who struggle with reading.
Furthermore, by helping Daniel to pause and decipher the meaning of words from their
context (also by drawing on the context of the pictures on the page), this exercise will help
establish inferential patterns that Daniel can use in much harder texts like The Boy in the
Striped Pyjamas. It is recommended that Daniel aim to read this text later on with his tutor
when he has developed his skills, since he already knows the basic plot and this contextual
knowledge will assist him in decoding words and their meaning.

(DEETYA, 1999, p. 30)

HUI CHING CHEN
Feedback for Hui Ching
You’ve made a good start here. Hui Ching
you have a very clear structure in your essay
which you should be proud of!
When you’re writing an essay like this, you
need to argue your point a bit more. Imagine
you are a trying to convince people who
disagree with you! Did you run out of time
for a conclusion?
Next time, you could write a conclusion like
this:
“Clearly, the most important theme in this
story is friendship, especially the loyal
friendship between Bruno and Shmuel.”
Once or twice you’ve used a word
incorrectly however, see below:
“This is not a normal friendship because the boys different lives”
Choose the correct word to fill in the blank: A) take B) lead C) desire
I’ve noticed you’ve used the word ‘different’ a lot in your essay Hui Ching, can you think of some other words
you might use? (Use the thesaurus if you have to). When we write essays it’s a good idea not to use exactly the
same words all the time, or else we run the risk of being too repetitive.
Hui Ching your spelling is excellent, I couldn’t find one misspelled word! Keep practicing your writing Hui
Ching, I know you’ll make a very good writer someday.

Annotations of the features of Hui Ching’s work sample:
Challenges that Hui Ching faces:
Hui Ching’s work sample demonstrates a fair attempt at answering the question, though
it appears she ran out of time to finish her response. The modality and structure of her essay
is quite good. She has written in a formal tone, with a short introduction and two body
paragraphs, however, the brevity and incomplete nature of her writing here suggests that she
struggled with this task.
Opening statement
and basicthesis
Events in sequence
Further Explanation,
Logicalsequence
Correctly identifies loyalty
as a key relational theme
Evidence of loyalty,
logical sequence/support
Evidence to reinforce argument
Identifiesmajor
plotpoint
Basic Knowledge
of different
historicalcontext
Topic sentence1:
Becomingfriends
Topic sentence 2: Loyalty
Singular and
pluralpronouns
Consistent
use of3rd
person
throughout
CollectivePronouns
Present continuoustense
Pasttense
Simple
presenttense
Actionverb
Prepositions
Articles"the"
Synonymous Adjectives
shows developing control
ofvocabulary Connective
Conjunctions
Complex,and
propernouns
Capitalisation of
words in text title
Broadlyidentifies
texttype
Present simple tense

Though Hui Ching’s spelling is perfect, she sometimes mistakes the meaning of words:
‘the boys are different lives’. It appears she has also taken ‘theme’ and ‘relationship’to be
interchangeable. The task required students to select a theme, but in her introduction Hui
Ching ignores that word altogether, instead stating that ‘the important relationship is between
Bruno and Shmuel’.
In the EAL/D advice section on ACARA’s website, it is noted that using words
correctly in writing is a typical challenge for EAL/D students, who ‘will have had limited
exposure to these words’(“Overview and Advice”, 2014, p. 17). The fact that Hui Ching’s
spelling is excellent while her content is quite minimal reflects research which suggests that
rather than using semantic-based prompts, parents from Asian and working class
backgrounds tended to have their children read every word correctly. They tended to
view reading as an exercise in precision with an emphasis on word accuracy, rather
than meaning. (Wooley & Hay, 2007, p. 10-11)
This means that it is challenging for students like Hui Ching to express themselves with depth
and variation. In her work sample she repeats herself a lot, drawing on very similar phrases to
get her point across: ‘they come from different worlds’ ‘the boys are very different lives’ ‘the
relationship between Bruno and Shmuel is very different’. Additionally, because EAL/D
students typically have a much smaller vocabulary, it is easy for them to miss subtle
differences in meaning, which can lead to disengagement and educational disillusionment.
It is also notable that Hui Ching often slips between present simple tense, present
continuous and past tense. Clearly she needs help with these language conventions. Thus it is
important that Hui Ching is supported in developing her knowledge and use the ‘specialist
language’ of English (O’Toole et al., 2012, p. 2).
According to Howard (2009), mastering verbal communication should be a priority for
Hui Ching, since ‘it has been found that students’English proficiency…is a strong predictor

of high school drop-out rates’ (p. 3) and ‘ESL students who can speak well are less likely to
repeat a grade or drop out of school and more likely to go on to post-secondary studies’(p.
4). Thus, while Hui Ching’s response does demonstrate that she is engaging with the task, she
needs assistance particularly in extending her English vocabulary and fluency.
Recommendations for Strengthening Hui Ching’s Literacy
Hui Ching needs support in extending her English vocabulary in particular. This
reflects literature which suggests that EAL/D students ‘need targeted instruction and
structured opportunities to develop language proficiency and literacy’ (Alberta & Curriculum
Branch, 2009, p. 1). It would be beneficial for Hui Ching to spend some time with the school
tutor doing the oral description activities described below.
It is important that Hui Ching’s family and culture are respected in this process. Hui
Ching does not need to be ‘fixed’and should not be framed in terms of her ‘deficits’
(Hinchman & Sheridan-Thomas, 2014, p. 81). Rather, the tutoring should be seen as an
opportunity that can give Hui Ching a stronger ‘sense of place in the wider
society’ (Atkinson, 2014, p. 13). The activities, taken from the Year 7 Programming and
Strategies Handbook are described below:

(DEETYA, 1999, p. 72)

Activity Notes:
For the 'Matching pairs' activity, it would be appropriate to theme the pictures around
The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas. For instance, there could be cards showing different scenes
from the story, with subtle differences. Hui Ching must then verbally describe these
differences to her tutor.
In the ‘Picture Completion’activity, themes that the children have been studying over
the semester could be incorporated. It would be helpful for Hui Ching to have to match
themes - Prejudice, Innocence, Courage, Loyalty, Betrayal, Friendship - with different scenes
in the story, and have a go at describing how these themes are present. In addition, this
exercise could be supplemented with literary device 'tags' which have been studied during the
term - Foreshadowing, Irony, Symbolism, Flashbacks. It could be helpful for Hui Ching to
match this specific KLA vocabulary with the different scenes, and describe how they are
present in the text.
In the ‘Communicative Crossword’activity, key concepts from the novel, including key
quotes could be hidden which Hui Ching must try to decipher and explain.
These exercises will give Hui Ching practice using new words and phrases and also
connecting the meaning of words and KLA terms to their contexts. It is hoped that this will
extend her vocabulary and improve her confidence and fluency in English so that her literacy
skills are strengthened.

TENNILLE WALKER
Feedback for Tennille
You’ve made a good start
here Tennille! I like how
you introduced the text
by referring to the author
John Boyne. Don’t forget
to tell me what points
you’re going to discuss in
your essay. For example,
if you’re focussing on the
theme of friendship, what
part of friendship are you
going to focus on? For
example you might
choose to focus on the
loyalty between Bruno
and Shmuel.
Did you run out of time
for a conclusion?
Next time, you could
write a conclusion like
this:
“Clearly, the most
important theme in this
story is friendship,
especially the loyal
friendship between Bruno
and Shmuel.”
You also need to structure your essay with body paragraphs one after the other. Each paragraph needs to start
with a topic sentence telling the reader what you’re going to talk about in the paragraph. Each paragraph then
needs to end with a clincher – remember that’s a link back to your thesis, your argument in your introduction.
I can see you’ve remembered some good detail from the story, particularly in the meeting between Bruno and
Shmuel. I like how you mentioned that Shmuel didn’t get much to eat or drink, and that Bruno would bring him
food even when it was raining. This is a good point! At the end of that paragraph you could say something like
“The kindness that Bruno showed to Shmuel demonstrates the strength of loyalty in friendship, a theme John
Boyne has taken care to highlight”
This would link your example back to your introduction in a really strong way.
Keep practicing your writing Tennille, I can tell you’ll make a very good writer if you put in the effort now!

Annotations of the features of Tennille’s work sample:
(The contrast has been adjusted for clarity)
Challenges that Tennille faces:
Tennille’s response demonstrates a decent attempt at the task, though it appears she had some
difficulty structuring her response, and also ran out of time.
Although English is not her strong subject and literacy is her primary school’s
‘weakness’(“Student Summaries”, n.d p. 5), Tennille correctly identifies friendship as an
influential theme in John Boyne’s novel. She has structured her essay with a formal
Openingstatement
andthesis
Series of events in
chronologicalsequence
Evidence to reinforce argument
Identifiesmajor
plotpoint
Topic sentence1:
How theymet
Topic sentence 2: Friendship
Consistentuse
of 3rd person
throughout
Singular and
pluralpronouns
Pasttense
Simple presenttense
Actionverb
Prepositions
Articles
Connective
Conjunctions
Simple, properand
complexnounsIdentifiesspecific
texttype
Correctly
identifiesauthor
Correctly identifies
friendship as a key
theme
Pastcontinuous
Complexsentence
Compoundsentence
Editing for spelling, style
and voice, word choice,
organisation and
sentence structure
Formally cites the text's
title usingapostrophes
Demonstrates form
specific knowledge
of objectivevoice
Supporting evidence2
-Logicalsequence
Showscontextual
knowledge
Topic specific
technicalnoun

introduction which demonstrates understanding of objective tone, and her response shows
good control of perspective and tense. She has demonstrated an ability to edit her own
spelling and phrasing, and she can clearly remember details from the novel: ‘a dot, which
became a blob, which became a figure’.
This said, Tennille has struggled to structure her response in a logical fashion, and as it
develops it becomes more like a recount than an argument. There is no conclusion and the
body of her essay has not been split into paragraphs. The topic sentences aren’t very
coherent, she doesn’t connect her ideas well with conjunctions and she doesn’t link examples
back to her thesis. It seems that Tennille would benefit from guidance on how to structure
and write essays under time pressure.
Tennille’s writing also reveals confusion between verbal and written phrases such as
‘they are that good of friends, they see each other everyday’. Although Tennille has probably
heard people say things just like this, she is unaware for instance, that ‘everyday’ should be
split into two words in this context.
This is a typical challenge for ATSI students, as the ways English is spoken and written
at home, may be quite different to what is taught at school. Researchers such as Eades (1993)
urge that ‘respecting, valuing and understanding Aboriginal ways of using English is a
significant step in respecting, valuing and understanding the identity and self-esteem of these
children’ (p. 6). This said, the teacher’s role in this situation is difficult to discern, as they
must respect Indigenous forms of English while ostensibly ‘correcting’ or at least ‘shaping’
students’literacy in an Australian society shaped by western values. This is a tension that has
not been fully addressed in the literature.
Nevertheless, it is clear that ATSI students like Tennille are often disengaged and
absent from school (Sikora & Biddle, 2015), perhaps in part due to the ‘cultural exclusivity of
western education contexts in their privileging of white and middle class ways of knowing

and being [and the marginalisation] of ‘other’ ways of knowing and being’ (Keddie, 2012, p.
267). This cultural tension has been documented by many researchers, not least MCEETA,
who claim that ‘cross-cultural respect, is the main way of achieving highly effective
schooling for Indigenous students’(MCEETA, 2008, p. 10).
This is linked to a typical challenge for ATSI students which is a lack of motivation for
what can become a very abstract educational environment. There is a growing recognition
that literacy instruction must be more purposeful, engaging, ‘relevant’ (Bailey, 2009, p. 210),
and ‘hands on’ (Hanlen, 2010) for students like Tennille. This means that teachers must give
ATSI students ‘real’ (Mullins, Lawson, & Mootz, n.d, p. 12) reasons to engage in tasks like
reading and writing essays and get creative in ‘selecting and modifying material for their
students’(Hibbert & Iannacci, 2005, p. 716).
It is important that Tennille is encouraged to develop and use her English literacy in creative
and personal ways that enrich her life and inspire her towards further learning.
Recommendations for Strengthening Tennille’s Literacy
Using By the Light of the Harvest Moon as a scaffold, Tennille’s teacher could scaffold a
creative writing lesson based around writing personal narrative with elaborative detail. While
the exercise was originally themed around Autumn, it would be easy to change the theme to
Auschwitz, to match the context of The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas. These exercises will
engage Tennille in a hands on, interesting and creative writing process. By scaffolding her
writing with activities that call for elaboration, Tennille can be taught the value of including
specific detail in her writing. By encouraging personal and creative responses, students
receive the message that creative literacies are just as valuable as analytical literacies.

Supporting Resources:
Getting Ready to Write, The Comprehensive Narrative Writing Guide, Easy Art
Activities that Spark Super Writing. These Empowering Writers Resources will
support and inform this lesson and will inspire similar lessons! See our online
store for details!
(continued…)
Teacher Background:
A lot of picture books fall into the personal experience genre. In this genre the
author describes a setting or an experience that the character has had. The
character is secondary, and the description of the scene is very vivid.
Summarizing these stories in terms of beginning, middle and end or identifying
what the author is describing helps students to begin to see the underlying
organizational structure of the genre. This understanding will later serve as the
foundation on which they will create entertaining narratives of their own. This
reading/writing connection is a powerful tool in scaffolding learning!
Literature Springboard:
By the Light of
the Harvest
Moon
Author: Harriet Ziefert
Illustrator: Mark Jones
Blue Apple
Books c.2009
ISBN 10: 1934706698
ISBN 13: 978-1934706695
Nothing is more satisfying than using a good
picture book as a vehicle for capturing the
imagination of your young students while
teaching some of the important pre-writing
concepts which serve as the foundation for
narrative writing!
Objective:
• Summarize a personal experience narrative
• Students will use their five senses to write describing sentences about fall

Procedure:
Using the following Personal Experience Framework as a guide (found on page 29 of
your
Comprehensive Narrative Writing Guide) have your children identify what the story is
describing.
This story gives a description about fall and a fall party.
Elaborative Detail:
For more information about Elaborative Detail see page 79-89 of your Comprehensive
Narrative Writing Guide or page 35 or your Getting Ready to Write book.
(Depending on the make-up of your class this could take several days.)
Using chart paper go through each sense (one at a time) and have the children tell
you what winter looks like, sounds like, feels like, smells like and tastes like.
These are examples from the story: (Students will come up with fabulous ones
as well! Example of student ideas are in italics.)See
moon shines
people working on the farm
men/boys carry bushel
baskets animals standing
still
staring at orange yellow ball
orange, yellow and crimson
leaves swirl and twirl and
dance
clouds of leaves
settle leaf people
emerge colorful
leaves falling
squirrels gathering
nuts early dark
nights
geese flying south
Hear
animals talk to
moon
low
moos
high-pitched
baas
wind speaks
Swish!
Swish!people
raking
leaf
blowers
Feel
gusty blasts of
air
cold
air
goose bumps on
arms
(continued
…)

Elaborative
Detail:
(continued
…)
Taste
feast on the sweetest
treats from the fall
harvest
sweet apple
cider
smooth pumpkin
pie
Smel
l
dry
leaves
fires
burning
apple pies
baking
turkeys
baking
After charting one sense have the children go back to their desks and
write one sentence describing autumn using that specific sense. After
you go through each sense the children will have 5 descriptive sentences
about autumn.
Example: As I looked aro und I saw people ra ki ng leaves .
Swwi tt… swwi tt… swwi tt… wen t th e ir rakes
aga inst th e d r y brow nish gra ss as th e ir leaf
piles bega n to get h igh er and h igh er. In th e
d ista nce I could smell th e scen t of f ires
bur ning . A wa rm sen sati onw ra pped aga inst my bod
ylike ahug asIth ought about th e wa rm f ire bu r nin
g in someo ne ’s liv ing ro om. M y
sto mach growl ed as I imagined th e yummy,
moist tu rkey tha t wa s roasti ng in th e oven.

nectCon
Art
ion:
Autumn
Tree
Material:
• White construction
paper
• Red, orange, yellow
and green ink pads
• Crayons
1) Have the children
draw a tree without
leaves.
2) Have children press
one finger on a
specific color stamp
pad and press it onto
the tree to add
leaves. Wash finger or
change finger and add
another color.
3) Attach the writing
to your picture.
Art
Connection
Procedure

Notes:
Tennille and other students can fill the ‘five senses’ lists with sights, sounds, feelings, tastes
and smells from John Boyne’s novel. Students could be prompted with the following
instructions:
1. Imagine you are a character in The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas.
Now imagine where you are standing in the story.
What are you doing?
Where are you? What does it looks like?
What sounds can you hear?
What does your environment smell like?
What does it feel like to touch or taste?
Using ideas that you have written down, write a short description from your character’s point
of view.

It could also be constructive to teach Tennille and the other students how to make their own
creative metaphors before they begin their narrative. Familiarising Tennille with the
Metalanguage of the English language in a fun context like creative writing is a good way to
make learning relevant and interesting.
Scaffold for a metaphor creating exercise:
1. Make a list under each heading:
A. Adjectives B. Concrete nouns C. Abstract nouns
(Dark, Lonely, etc.) (Dog, Table, etc.) (Sadness,
Apology, etc.)
2. Now creatively combine words from the 3 lists to form interesting metaphors or
descriptions:
(For example, if you take the first word from each list you get “The Dark Dog of
Sadness” which is cool)

References
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