The “Course Topics” series from Manage Train Learn and Slide Topics is a collection of over 4000 slides that will help you master a wide range of management and personal development skills. The 202 PowerPoints in this series offer you a complete and in-depth study of each topic. This presentation is on "Social Assertiveness".

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Social Assertiveness
Assertiveness
MTL Course Topics
ASSERTIVENESS
Social Assertiveness

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Social Assertiveness
Assertiveness
MTL Course Topics
The Course Topics series from Manage Train Learn is a large collection of topics that will help you as a learner
to quickly and easily master a range of skills in your everyday working life and life outside work. If you are a
trainer, they are perfect for adding to your classroom courses and online learning plans.
COURSE TOPICS FROM MTL
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Social Assertiveness
Assertiveness
MTL Course Topics
ARE YOU READY?
OK, LET’S START!

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Social Assertiveness
Assertiveness
MTL Course Topics
INTRODUCTION
Much of the misery we suffer in our personal and social
relationships comes from a non-assertive or competitive
attitude towards others. We compete with our neighbours
at both the local and national level; we fight with our
children over their behaviour, they fight with us over ours;
we fall out with friends who we believe misuse us and abuse
us; we fail to make contact with new acquaintances because
we lack the right skills. Social relationships are often a
merry-go-round of one-upmanship, blaming and all-round
unhappiness. Assertive and confident attitudes break
through this misery and offer us the chance to start again.

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Social Assertiveness
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MTL Course Topics
SOCIAL ASSERTIVENESS
Almost everyone in modern society is troubled by the lack
of personal contact. Few people have more than a handful
of close friends; many have none at all. Families often break
up through divorce and separation; many children leave
home as soon as they grow up. We increasingly place our
young and our elderly in the care of professional people. We
are not always good at relating to each other.
Social assertiveness is the application of assertive ways of
behaving in the context of personal relationships outside
the workplace. It means using the techniques of
Assertiveness to make contact with others, to build
relationships on a sound footing and to develop them to
mutual advantage.

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MTL Course Topics
ASSERTIVE OPENERS
In any new social situation, you have only three
conversation topics to talk about: the situation you are in;
the other person; or yourself. Equally, there are only three
ways to begin: by asking a question; giving an opinion; or
stating a fact.
Closed questions of the "It's a nice day" type lead nowhere.
Nor do openers about yourself. The only way to progress in
conversation with new people is to talk about them. You
might take the bull by the horns and ask a direct question,
such as "You look as if you could do with company". Or if
you know someone is in the same situation as yourself, you
could make a statement out into the air, such as "Goodness,
this train seems to get slower every day".
One of the most successful formats in making contact is the
statement-plus-question format: eg "You look lost. Can I
help you?" "I like your dress. Is it Asian?"

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CONVERSATIONAL OPENERS
If you want to be assertive in new social situations, possibly
where you have the opportunity to form new relationships,
you have to be a skilled user of questions.
Questions do two important things...
1. they allow you to control the direction of the
conversation
2. they are the route to finding out about others.
3. The best conversation openers are those which open up
a flow of information. They should not be too open that
people don't know how to reply: eg "How's things?";
nor too difficult for an easy reply: eg "What are you
hoping to gain from this course, then?“
Above all, opening questions should be sincere. Unlike the
gentleman who said to a young lady at a cocktail party:
"Well, enough of me. Let's talk about you. What do you
think of me so far?"

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MTL Course Topics
ACTIVE LISTENING
Active Listening is as important on the home and social front
as it is at work. It is the best way to show interest in others,
to learn about them and to pick up the all-important pieces
of free information which allow you to build up the
relationship.
There are three triggers that let you know when you should
listen actively:
1. when an important or emotionally-charged message is
coming from the other person
2. when someone is struggling to make themselves
understood
3. when you are not certain you understand what the
other person means.
"Active" listening consists of turning on and tuning in: a for
attention; c for concentration; t for total; i for interested; v
for valuing; e for empathic.

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MTL Course Topics
WE'RE NOT LISTENING
JIM: Boy, Dad, I've had it up to here with school.
DAD: Why's that?
JIM: Oh, it just seems a waste of time.
DAD: Well, we all feel like that sometimes. I did. Just give it
time.
JIM: I don't see why I can't be like Joe. He's got a job at the
garage and is making big money.
DAD: Well, you're not like Joe. Joe's missed out on the rest
of his education. You don't want to end up like Joe.
JIM: There's nothing wrong with Joe.
DAD: I didn't say there was. It's just that you're not going to
throw away a good education...after everything we've
sacrificed for you.
JIM: Well, I never asked you to...
DAD: Look, maybe if you spent a bit more time doing school
work instead of watching TV...
JIM: Look, Dad...It's no good...Oh...forget it. I don't want to
talk about it anyway.

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MTL Course Topics
EMPATHIC LISTENING
JIM: Boy, Dad, I've had it up to here with school!
DAD: You've had enough of school?
JIM: I sure have. It's just a waste of time.
DAD: So, you feel you're getting nowhere?
JIM: Well, yes. I mean, look at Joe. He's left school and is
earning big money at the garage. That's more like work.
DAD: You think paid work is more important than schooling?
JIM: Well, not exactly. It's just that sometimes I think I'd be
better off not at school.
DAD: Sometimes? Like when?
JIM: Well, today, I suppose. I got a pretty stupid mark in
Maths this morning.
DAD: I see. Do you think you should leave school for one
bad mark?
JIM: No, I suppose not. Maybe I'll stick in a bit longer. Hey,
Dad, thanks for listening.

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MTL Course Topics
IN CONVERSATION
Once you've managed to make contact in a new social
situation, you might assume that the hard part is over.
However, many people find that, having made the initial
moves, the conversation then dries up or peters out.
The secret to keeping a social conversation going is to
continue to focus on the other person and to use free
information, the little snippets of information people give
you about themselves.
One useful format is to make an opening statement; listen
for free information in the reply; comment on this; and then
ask a further open question.
You: It's nice to see I'm not the only one who gets their
news from the shelves.
Them: I'm so busy with charity work, I don't have the time
to read a paper at home.
You: Charity work can be time-consuming. Do you work for
a local or national charity?

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MTL Course Topics
DELIVERING FEEDBACK
One of the most characteristic features of assertive people
is their willingness to say something positive about others
without expecting something in return.
There are a number of benefits that come from giving
others positive feedback. First, the compliment acts as a
reward. So, the more you let others know what you like, the
more you'll get it in future. Secondly, when you express how
you feel, others are more likely to open up to you. Finally,
giving praise creates a climate in which people can learn
about themselves.
When your feedback to others is relentlessly negative, the
other person becomes cautious and self-conscious. They see
themselves as inadequate and retreat into their shell. On
the other hand, when you are predominantly positive, you
come across as sympathetic, understanding and likeable.

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COMPLIMENTS THAT MATTER
In "Business as a Game", Albert Carr relates the story of a
speech given by a chief executive. The man was not an
accomplished speaker and knew it.
Nevertheless, shortly after he had sat down, he was
approached by one of his department managers. "Mr
Rossen, that was a terrific speech. A great performance.
Churchill couldn't have done better!"
The chief replied amiably: "Thank you, Larry. Glad you liked
it.“
A few days later, another manager came up to the chief
during lunch and said: "Mr Rossen, I've been thinking about
what you said the other night. It's got me thinking about
some changes we could make in our department. Would
you mind if I sent you my thoughts?" "Not at all, Bill," said
the chief. "I'm glad the speech got you thinking.“
It's not difficult to work out which compliment mattered
most.

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FOLLOW UP FEEDBACK
Giving people feedback can often embarrass them and leave
them fumbling for words that don't sound arrogant or
submissive. One way round this is to follow up feedback
with a question. That way, the other person doesn't have to
struggle to reply to the praise but can answer the question
instead. This tactic works as well for negative feedback as
positive feedback.
For example...
1. instead of saying: "Congratulations on the driving test,
Bill", you could say: "Congratulations on the driving test,
Bill. What are you doing to celebrate?"
2. instead of saying: "I found holes in your socks, Tom,
when I went through the linen basket", you could say:
"Thanks for putting your socks in the linen basket, Tom.
Do you have any holes that need mending?"

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MTL Course Topics
SAFE DISCLOSURE
People don't reveal too much about themselves in new
social situations unless they feel it's safe to do so. The
process of safe self-disclosure is gradual.
There are two ways to do it...
1. the symmetry approach: this is a way of revealing
yourself at the same pace as someone else...
You: Hi! Are you new here?
Them: Yes. It's only my second time. I've just moved here.
You: I'm new here too. What brought you here?
Them: I've just started a new job as accountant at Green's.
You: That must be interesting. I'm on secondment at
Turner's...
2. the incremental approach: this approach starts by
revealing facts, then by revealing opinions, then finally by
revealing feelings.

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ASSERTIVE = ATTRACTIVE
Assertive people make themselves more attractive than
non-assertive people because they are open to what others
think and willing to change themselves.
They can also use a few tricks of self-disclosure...
1. be specific in how you describe yourself and you sound
more believable. Not: "I'm a technician" but: "I'm a
technician at Grantham hospital".
2. don't paint a picture of a perfect you. People find it hard
to relate to perfection. Add a few flaws.
3. in discussing controversial issues, put both sides of an
argument and hear what others have to say before you take
a stand.
4. when you describe how you feel, paint word pictures.
Not: "I was nervous" but: "My knees were knocking".
5. own your own statements, don't regard them as universal
truths that others must share.

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DEFENSIVE RESPONSES
Few of us are completely immune to hostile attacks. It is
natural to defend ourselves when we are criticised. This is
more likely to happen when we feel tired, hungry,
uncomfortable or alone.
The following four ways of responding to criticism are likely
to result in a souring of a relationship...
1. ignore it: this may provoke more anger in the other
person, even if you think it is a good tactical move.
2. deny it: if the other person wants to discuss matters,
this can be just as bad as ignoring it.
3. excuse it: making excuses for what you did is
tantamount to disagreeing with the other person and is
likely to lead to an argument.
4. attack it: fighting back when someone criticises us
sounds like the natural thing to do. But it is unassertive
because it rejects the other person's viewpoint and is
likely to turn into aggression.

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HOW TO RESPOND TO CRITICISM
The following seven responses to criticism offer the best
chance of win-win outcomes.
If someone complains: "You're so lazy!"...
1. ask for more details: "Why do you say that?"
2. agree with them without becoming defensive: "Yes, I like
to relax after work".
3. agree with the truth but disagree with the rest: "Yes, I like
to relax at weekends but I work hard during the week".
4. turn it into a positive: "Yes, I find I can work better after a
short period of relaxation".
5. disclose how you feel: "Yes, right now I feel like re-
charging my batteries ready for a long night's work".
6. agree with their right to an opinion: "Yes, I can see why
you think I must be lazy".
7. ask their opinion: "Yes, it certainly looks that way. When
do you think I should relax?"

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MTL Course Topics
THAT’S
IT!
WELL DONE!

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THANK YOU
This has been a Slide Topic from Manage Train Learn