1. 57Oct_2015
good ideas
Society pressures
56 Oct_2015
IMAGE:shutterstock
Life coach Zeta Yarwood takes a look at the pressures facing us
every day, from social media to advertising, and offers ways to help
society says so...
Societal pressure. The pressure to be
successful. To be the perfect mother or
father. To look a certain way or to drive
a fancy car, have a big home, live in the
right area or wear designer labels. The
seemingly continuous bombardment of
messages from the media, society, friends
and even family on who to be and how to
behave. While apparent all over the world,
many believe the pressure in the UAE
is far greater than most other countries.
For some, it’s the biggest source of stress
in their daily lives. So what pulls us to
respond to societal pressure? What impact
does succumbing to societal pressure have
on us? Where is the pressure really coming
from? And, most importantly, how do we
deal with it?
Why do we respond to societal
pressure?
Responding to these pressures and society’s
expectations are driven by one thing: the
fear of rejection. Rejection from social
groups, from home, friends, colleagues
and the opposite sex. It’s universal. There
is not a single person on this planet who
does not fear rejection on some level. So,
where does it come from? As with all of our
fears, it stems from our hunter-gathering
days, when fear was needed for survival.
In almost all cases, being ostracised from
your group or society back then meant
certain death. The fear of rejection made
us behave in a socially acceptable way,
allowing us to keep our place in the group.
And while humans have evolved to respond
to the changing physical environment,
our fears have not been so quick to adapt
to the rapidly developing socio-cultural
environment.
The impact of succumbing to
societal pressure
For many, succumbing to societal pressure
seems like the only option. And while
the intention is one of self-protection
(protection from rejection), the effects
are, more often than not, self-destructive.
When we succumb to societal pressure, we
end up constantly looking to the media,
friends, family, co-workers, even strangers
in the street to tell us who to be. In order
to be accepted, to be loved and respected.
We wait for them to tell us what to wear,
what career to have, where to live, who to
be friends with, what salary to earn, who to
marry, how to raise our kids – all in a bid to
simply avoid the pain of being rejected. We
stop listening to what we want, what we
need, what makes us tick, what motivates
us and inspires us, what we’re good at,
and what we love. We disconnect from
who we really are. And the consequences?
The loss of self-esteem, self-worth and
sense of identity. And without these, we
become stuck. Stuck in a job that has the
fancy title and enviable salary but sucks
the life out of us. Stuck in a cycle of yo-yo
dieting or eating disorders believing we
will only be loved if we have the ‘perfect
body’. Stuck in financial debt to keep up
the façade of living the high-life. Stuck in
a relationship or marriage to avoid other
people’s judgement for not being able to
make it work. Stuck in a business that’s not
profitable just because we don’t want to be
seen as a failure. We know subconsciously
it’s not right but we stay stuck. Paralysed by
the fear of potential shame, embarrassment
and rejection. Not knowing how to move
because we’ve lost sight of our value. Our
self-worth. We can’t move because we’ve
forgotten what WE want. What WE need.
We’ve forgotten who we really are.
So how do you deal with it?
As with all of life’s challenges, the way we
deal with societal pressure is by managing
our perception of it. Let me ask you this.
How real is that threat of rejection? How
many people actually come up to you on
a day-to-day basis, maybe outside your
house or in the mall and say, “If you’re not
a Director for a multinational company
by the age of 35, then you will be outcast
from society forever”? How many of your
friends say, “You’re not driving a Ferrari.
Wow. Please delete my number from your
phone and never call me again”? How many
billboards do you see say, “Wearing this
Rolex is the ONLY way in which you’ll ever
be accepted by your friends and family”?
Or photographs of bikini models with the
caption underneath saying “If you don’t have
this body, then you WILL die alone”? Not
many, right? So where is the pressure really
coming from? Out there – or in our minds?
Take a photo of a female model in a
magazine for example. Now, on face value,
it’s simply visual sensory data. Light of
varying wavelengths bouncing off a piece of
paper to create different colours and shapes
to form a picture of what we would identify
as a woman. On its own, it’s harmless.
It’s just an image. Throw in a misguided
interpretation however… “She has the
perfect body. She must have an amazing
life. Successful career. Men chasing after
her. Women wanting to be her. She must be
really popular. I bet she has everything she
wants. All because she has the perfect body.
Do I need to look that way if I want to have
friends and fit in? Is that the key to being
accepted and loved? But look at me. I’m a
whale in comparison to her. I’m disgusting.
Who would want to be seen with this body?
If I don’t get down to the gym and start
dieting like crazy I’ll never make it. I’ll be
cast out of society forever and die all alone!”
We’ve gone from what is nothing more than
About Zeta
A qualified NLP Career and Life
Coach, Zeta helps people of all
ages through empowerment
and education by successfully
combining her extensive coaching
and recruitment experience.
For more information, visit
zetayarwood.com.
an image of a woman to self-loathing and
serious pressure to have the perfect body
– all in less than five seconds. Not because
there was a written message on the picture.
But because of how we interpreted the
picture. The message WE inferred from the
picture – in our mind.
So, next time you feel under pressure
to conform, ask yourself – is that threat of
rejection real? Is ‘society’ going to be lining
up outside you door in the morning if you
don’t buy that Tom Ford suit to give you
your eviction notice? Or is that just what
you’re imagining what might happen?
What would life be like without this fear
of rejection? Who would you be then?
How differently would you behave in social
situations, at work, or with friends? How
much more confident would you be to
simply be yourself?
Believing that people will only want to
hang around with us because of what we’re
wearing, how much money we’re making or
how successful we are, completely devalues
who we are as human beings. The people in
your life, the ones worth having in your life,
love you for who you are – not for what you
have. They hang around with you because
you’re smart, kind, generous, funny, caring,
and good fun. Because being around you
makes them feel good.
And if you do face the real threat of
being ostracised from a social group simply
because you don’t have the latest iPhone,
remember that we’re not living in hunter-
gathering days anymore. Rejection doesn’t
mean going out into the wilderness to die
alone. There are plenty of other human
beings out there who will appreciate you
for who you are. So tell those ‘friends’ to go
put that iPhone somewhere where the sun
doesn’t shine and make a quick exit. For
every second you spend with them, you are
depriving the world of your awesomeness.
Boost your
self-esteem
Know your value
Start with this simple question:
if I asked your family, friends
or colleagues – anyone and
everyone past and present –
what they love about you, what
would they say? Then think
about your skills, talents, what
you’re good at and soon you’ll
see how many amazing things
you have to offer the world.
Focus on the people
who love you
We cannot please everyone.
People with high self-esteem
recognise that not everyone
will like them and they are
OK with that. Your value
doesn’t decrease because
of someone’s inability to
see your worth. Focus on
building and maintaining
relationships with those who
love you for who you are.
Get rid of the sources
If you find it hard to not
compare yourself to the
models in the magazines,
then stop reading them.
Wait until you are at a point
where you can appreciate
other people’s qualities while
being confident in your own
before you open yourself up to
potential sources of pressure.
Stay true to yourself
If someone says something
we disagree with, or asks us
to do something we’re not
comfortable with, sometimes
we want to say ‘yes’ because
we’re scared we’ll lose the
other person’s respect. This
is a killer of self-esteem. Stay
true to yourself and stand up
for what you believe in to build
self-respect and ward off any
threat of societal pressure.